Bullying and Nastiness on Facebook and Twitter

BuilderPlumber · 17-07-2017 11:48PM #1

I closed down accounts on Facebook and Twitter long ago due to the amount of bullying and nastiness that goes on. I was meeting a friend earlier who is still on them and the amount of abuse that goes on there is still bad.

Psychological bullying is aided and abetted by social media. For example, a so-called 'friend' can deliberately ignore a person when online or can deliberately not like or share a post for the sole purpose of making the other person feel bad. This sort of thing actually can hurt one more than the nasty comment type of online bullying.

Sadly, this subtle stuff cannot be picked up and dealt with as easily as a racist, sectarian or putdown comment. Sadly, the online bullies are clever and know how to bully within the rules.

Atlantic Dawn · 17-07-2017 11:50PM

In general the internet is not for everyone, you have to realise if you publish content publically there will be loopers making comments be them friends or not. Never put anything online you can't handle abuse or comment from.

Jim Bob Scratcher · 17-07-2017 11:50PM

Congratulations you have just liberated yourself from the biggest waste of time on the internet.

17-07-2017 11:52PM

"Psychological bullying is aided and abetted by social media. For example, a so-called 'friend' can deliberately ignore a person when online or can deliberately not like or share a post for the sole purpose of making the other person feel bad. "

This sounds like a huge stretch of the term 'bullying' imo.

It's true that social media isn't for everyone. Can I ask how your social life is outside of it?

Junkyard Tom · 17-07-2017 11:57PM

BuilderPlumber wrote: »

For example, a so-called 'friend' can deliberately ignore a person when online or can deliberately not like or share a post for the sole purpose of making the other person feel bad.

Hahahahaaa! Wait... are you serious? You shouldn't confuse disinterest with 'bullying'.

KKkitty · 17-07-2017 11:58PM

Would all these bullies be as brave if it was face to face instead of Facebook to Facebook? Simple answer is no. It's easier for online bullies to act all hard when there's a keyboard there. The majority of the time you'll never meet the bully in person either.

Me_Grapes · 17-07-2017 11:59PM

BuilderPlumber wrote: »

Psychological bullying is aided and abetted by social media. For example, a so-called 'friend' can deliberately ignore a person when online or can deliberately not like or share a post for the sole purpose of making the other person feel bad. This sort of thing actually can hurt one more than the nasty comment type of online bullying.

Not awknowledging or replying to every inane post my friends on Facebook make does not mean I am psychologically bullying. Or maybe I'm just lucky that none of my friends are that needy and require instantaneous gratification 24/7.

ThisRegard · 18-07-2017 12:02AM

Many of the problems associated with Facebook is not really Facebook's problem, it's the user.

Keep your 'friends' list as a list of people you'd be friends with, not a competition to see how many virtual associates you can have.

Although it's easier said than done when it comes to a kid, but I don't this thread relates to kids.

18-07-2017 12:03AM

Why would someone still be friends with a bully? You have the control, simple as that

A few people who bullied me at school sent me friend requests a few years later, did I accept them? **** no I didn't, why on earth would I give a **** about those guys who turned out to be achieve nothing losers?

Robsweezie · 18-07-2017 12:15AM

KKkitty wrote: »

Would all these bullies be as brave if it was face to face instead of Facebook to Facebook? Simple answer is no. It's easier for online bullies to act all hard when there's a keyboard there. The majority of the time you'll never meet the bully in person either.

and if you did, chances are they would be incapable of even maintaining eye contact let alone explain themselves. its a cloak of anonymity that they take for granted. its just too easy to act the cuunt online with little or no real consequences. a cowards paradise.

id imagine theres a great deal of unhappiness that goes with spewing such hate. dysfunctional background etc.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ASg8x9b2o0M

sadly the woman featured utimately did end her own life

Yourself isit · 18-07-2017 12:19AM

Robsweezie wrote: »

and if you did, chances are they would be incapable of even maintaining eye contact let alone explain themselves. its a cloak of anonymity that they take for granted. its just too easy to act the cuunt online with little or no real consequences. a cowards paradise.

id imagine theres a great deal of unhappiness that goes with spewing such hate. dysfunctional background etc.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ASg8x9b2o0M

sadly the woman featured utimately did end her own life

Except Facebook isn't anonymous for the most part. Twitter can be but most people give their own names.

The ops definition of bullying is absurd

BuilderPlumber · 18-07-2017 05:36AM

Junkyard Tom wrote: »

Hahahahaaa! Wait... are you serious? You shouldn't confuse disinterest with 'bullying'.

I am not confusing genuine disinterest with a deliberate form of bullying by deliberately not liking 'friends' pages, posts, etc. or by talking nonstop to them one day and deliberately ignoring them the next. Facebook and Twitter are full of people who play mindgames I know exactly what I am talking about. I once was friends with a person on Facebook who was very like what I described. When I met this person in the flesh, this person was a bully and very controlling too.

BuilderPlumber · 18-07-2017 05:40AM

riffmongous wrote: »

Why would someone still be friends with a bully? You have the control, simple as that

A few people who bullied me at school sent me friend requests a few years later, did I accept them? **** no I didn't, why on earth would I give a **** about those guys who turned out to be achieve nothing losers?

You can be sure of that. Anyone who turns out to be a bully, I get rid of. Some people are always bullies but others become bullies and once were nicer people. Social media is full of psychological bullies akin to that Lucy Mallon character from Fair City. Love to play mindgames, gain one's trust and friendship and then try to control and mentally crush one. I met the real life Lucy on Facebook and then in person. That's when I said it was time to quit Facebook and the even worse Twitter.

BuilderPlumber · 18-07-2017 05:48AM

Deleted User wrote: »

"Psychological bullying is aided and abetted by social media. For example, a so-called 'friend' can deliberately ignore a person when online or can deliberately not like or share a post for the sole purpose of making the other person feel bad. "

This sounds like a huge stretch of the term 'bullying' imo.

It's true that social media isn't for everyone. Can I ask how your social life is outside of it?

My social life outside of social media is perfect. Have good friends and family. Anyone I ended up meeting with via social media were strange and I see the same thing with my friend yesterday as I experienced 3 years ago.

Bullying is not just about violence and name calling. It also takes more subtle forms. WRT someone not liking a post or a page online, the person involved in the act tells us if it is a genuine disinterest or unawareness or a targeted move to hurt a person. Usually, the psychological bully will be all liking your things and chatting one day and then ignoring one totally the next. Usually, as I know with one person I had dealings with, this is done by the bully because they got that treatment themselves and want someone else to feel bad. All bullies tend to be unhappy and jealous people who don't want to see others happy.

BuilderPlumber · 18-07-2017 05:58AM

Me_Grapes wrote: »

Not awknowledging or replying to every inane post my friends on Facebook make does not mean I am psychologically bullying. Or maybe I'm just lucky that none of my friends are that needy and require instantaneous gratification 24/7.

I don't mean that at all. Believe me, one will KNOW when they are dealing with a psychological bully because the deliberate ignoring of things will be accompanied by a lot of other things too such as abusive messages, they trying to make others fall out with one, they saying things others said about one that are not true, etc. Also, in some cases, they can if they have your phone number, bombard you with abusive texts. As said, one will know it when they are dealing with a psychological bully and their attitude on social media will be just one thing, one string to their bow. Such people will pose as friends, be nice to one at the start and then will show their true colours and set out to make one's life a misery if you let them. Don't be fooled by them saying they are sorry when they keep doing the same things over and over. I had dealings with one such person online, on phone and meeting them. I closed down my social media accounts because all my real friends are those I meet in person and who too have lost interest in social media.

BuilderPlumber · 18-07-2017 06:25AM

Yourself isit wrote: »

Except Facebook isn't anonymous for the most part. Twitter can be but most people give their own names.

The ops definition of bullying is absurd

I know what I am talking about and have been the victim of an online bully who also was a bully in person. This person was and is not violent but plays very deliberate and hurtful mindgames. Pages and posts not getting liked by friends on Facebook and the like happen all the time and not deliberately to hurt one. Most often, it is because people do not see them. I used the word DELIBERATELY ignored for a reason and this deliberate ignoring would be preceded by the opposite of the said person liking all one's posts and pages. This person also bombarded me with abusive messages both online and on phone, tried to ruin other friendships I had and also tried to blacken other people in my eyes. I am not the only person who had problems with this person and this person has upset so many.

freshpopcorn · 18-07-2017 06:47AM

I use Facebook and Twitter. I first started with Bebo back in 2005.(I was around 12/13)
I never really saw bad bullying on social media.
I am friends with family/friends/business/clubs/etc
I like people's posts the odd time if they seem to being doing something special or if a post seems important. I don't stress about it tough and don't always do it.
I haven't shared a friends post in years. If somebody had a serious issue such as a missing family member(I'd share it) however I'm not going to share ever picture/post that says share if you care/share to cure cancer/etc.
Just because I'm online doesn't mean. I'm available for a long chat or that I'm reading everything in my news feed.
None of the above things I'm doing is bullying in my opinion. I used social media a lot in the past and used write up posts/etc. I never once sat over the computer saying XXXX is bullying me because they didn't like or share my picture.
I am all for getting bullying out of schools and the workplace but sometimes people need to stop being overly sensitive.

via4 · 18-07-2017 07:02AM

It can cause problems with nastiness no question. A friend got engaged two years ago & kept it off social media she is a private person & when she told people as she saw them in person the first thing they would say ( before & without saying ) was "I didn't see that did you put it on fb" the world has become a place where nothing is in real time very weird people are at the point where everything has to be shared on the internet.

18-07-2017 08:28AM

BuilderPlumber wrote: »

This person also bombarded me with abusive messages both online and on phone, tried to ruin other friendships I had and also tried to blacken other people in my eyes. I am not the only person who had problems with this person and this person has upset so many.

Um, tell the person to go fxxx themselves, unfriend them, tell your friends that that person is a pxxxx, and welcome to the world of being an adult.

Sheesh, you'd swear people on Facebook can't control exactly who posts and who doesn't post. You don't have to just sit there and accept it if you feel you're being bullied.

Yourself isit · 18-07-2017 09:14AM

BuilderPlumber wrote: »

I know what I am talking about and have been the victim of an online bully who also was a bully in person. This person was and is not violent but plays very deliberate and hurtful mindgames. Pages and posts not getting liked by friends on Facebook and the like happen all the time and not deliberately to hurt one. Most often, it is because people do not see them. I used the word DELIBERATELY ignored for a reason and this deliberate ignoring would be preceded by the opposite of the said person liking all one's posts and pages. This person also bombarded me with abusive messages both online and on phone, tried to ruin other friendships I had and also tried to blacken other people in my eyes. I am not the only person who had problems with this person and this person has upset so many.

Not a lot of this makes sense. You can block abusive posters. You moved onto abusive posts late in the thread from originally complaining about being ignored but surely the former would be your main complaint.

And you seem to have wanted the person to like your posts throughout the abuse. Then you still met the person in person and offline at some stage despite all this.

I don't use FB but it's up to adults to police their own lists and use the tools to block or ban posters and report.

It is harder for teenagers who have their "friends" on FB but that too can be reported.

Me_Grapes · 18-07-2017 09:16AM

BuilderPlumber wrote: »

I don't mean that at all. Believe me, one will KNOW when they are dealing with a psychological bully because the deliberate ignoring of things will be accompanied by a lot of other things too such as abusive messages, they trying to make others fall out with one, they saying things others said about one that are not true, etc. Also, in some cases, they can if they have your phone number, bombard you with abusive texts. As said, one will know it when they are dealing with a psychological bully and their attitude on social media will be just one thing, one string to their bow. Such people will pose as friends, be nice to one at the start and then will show their true colours and set out to make one's life a misery if you let them. Don't be fooled by them saying they are sorry when they keep doing the same things over and over. I had dealings with one such person online, on phone and meeting them. I closed down my social media accounts because all my real friends are those I meet in person and who too have lost interest in social media.

Yes I agree with what you're eloberated post, a person you've described in this post most definitely fits the criteria of a bully and helps me understand your point of view a lot clearer than your OP.

I do genuinely hope things are working out for you, and that you've been able to rid yourself of bullies in your life :-)

valoren · 18-07-2017 09:53AM

I think this is an example what the OP is referring to.

I remember when our cousin completed a marathon, his first, and posted a picture of his medal naturally delighted.
The post was practically liked by everyone. With a notable exception. He wasn't speaking to a close friend of his after a falling out around the same time, I didn't know the in's and out's, I wouldn't see him that often but they weren't on speaking terms that much I knew.

This friend about an hour after he posted it shared an article about Alex O'Shea (a fireman who ran the race in full Fireman gear for charity). Made some comments about what an amazing achievement it was. He also liked some seperate marathon articles from RTE and 96fm.

Obviously he has seen my cousins photo and completely stonewalled him. They hadn't blocked each other but it's that kind of pointed dig that I'm sure happens a lot on Facebook.

El Weirdo · 18-07-2017 10:20AM

Wait, wait, wait... so you're telling me that NOT reacting to someone's Facebook post is now bullying?

Some of you idiots need to get a fucking grip.

Aglomerado · 18-07-2017 10:53AM

El Weirdo wrote: »

Wait, wait, wait... so you're telling me that NOT reacting to someone's Facebook post is now bullying?

Some of you idiots need to get a fucking grip.

Just a few days ago, a friend deleted me on Facebook because I was ignoring his posts.
He's 43.
:rolleyes::rolleyes:

BuilderPlumber · 19-07-2017 11:21PM

El Weirdo wrote: »

Wait, wait, wait... so you're telling me that NOT reacting to someone's Facebook post is now bullying?

Some of you idiots need to get a fucking grip.

Not in itself it is not bullying but is when it is part of a DELIBERATE mindgame that will also be accompanied by a very wide range of confidence destroying actions such as telling lies about other friends, abusive or putdown messages online or via phone, etc. There is a HUGE DIFFERENCE between deliberate mindgames and not reacting to someone's post. One will know when they are dealing with what I'm talking about and a psychological bully will usually blow hot and then cold and will try and enter many aspects of one's life.

freshpopcorn · 19-07-2017 11:23PM

It also happens here on Boards!

BuilderPlumber · 19-07-2017 11:29PM

valoren wrote: »

I think this is an example what the OP is referring to.

I remember when our cousin completed a marathon, his first, and posted a picture of his medal naturally delighted.
The post was practically liked by everyone. With a notable exception. He wasn't speaking to a close friend of his after a falling out around the same time, I didn't know the in's and out's, I wouldn't see him that often but they weren't on speaking terms that much I knew.

This friend about an hour after he posted it shared an article about Alex O'Shea (a fireman who ran the race in full Fireman gear for charity). Made some comments about what an amazing achievement it was. He also liked some seperate marathon articles from RTE and 96fm.

Obviously he has seen my cousins photo and completely stonewalled him. They hadn't blocked each other but it's that kind of pointed dig that I'm sure happens a lot on Facebook.

That's exactly an example. One KNOWS and can see what is behind what the person is doing. A psychological bully can be jealous or envious of someone else's achievement, have fallen out with someone and wants to belittle their achievement, may have got the same treatment from someone else, may resent the fact that a person is more popular than them, may be sectarian or racist, the list goes on and on.

Usually though the bully will aim at someone who cares for them and their bad behaviour really upsets the person who receives it and who forgives them because the receiver of the poor treatment believes in their 'friend' despite everything. This is where things really can get hurtful and it is what I had to deal with in the past and what my friend is dealing with now. Sadly, a clever psychological bully can be at first very charming and make a person like or indeed love them. When they have someone they know loves them or cares for them deeply, they will then start belittling them and playing mindgames. Main advice is that when a 'friend' cannot be happy for you, it is time to move on.

mdwexford · 19-07-2017 11:34PM

What a load of tripe.

I'm presuming you're about 13 or 14 OP, if you are an adult you need to toughen up, a lot, fast.

freshpopcorn · 19-07-2017 11:35PM

Just a question to the OP. Why do your friends spend all their time checking Facebook likes and comments on their posts? and more importantly why do they care?

andekwarhola · 19-07-2017 11:39PM

freshpopcorn wrote: »

It also happens here on Boards!

I didn't give this post a like.

There were some other fantastic posts that I did like though.

BuilderPlumber · 19-07-2017 11:40PM

Aglomerado wrote: »

Just a few days ago, a friend deleted me on Facebook because I was ignoring his posts.
He's 43.
:rolleyes::rolleyes:

Had this experience too. That is another form of the psychological bully. Such types would deliberately ignore one's posts as part of their sick mindgames that would also involve abusive messages and hurtful lies. They would also interpret others' actions (where harm was not ever intended) based on their own behaviour.

Plus they also do the same in the offline world. For example, the person I dealt with was a member of an organisation and totally misinterpreted a member of that organisation as not being welcoming to that person and then said that I was not welcome there either. I didn't see any evidence of this whatsoever.

Bullying and Nastiness on Facebook and Twitter

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