Is it hard to make friends in Ireland?

jeanjolie · 11-07-2017 06:18AM #1

We say we're welcoming and have a better social support structure than the US in terms of mental health and all of that but otoh, I hear many immigrants who say that it's impossible to make friends with white Irish people. Even some non-Irish and European whites (South Africans)

Is this true for all you naturalised Irish and native Irish boardsies? I'm relatively young, so I don't think I could give an accurate answer as I haven't been in the workplace for a significant amount of time

Anass Rhammer · 11-07-2017 07:55AM

People tend to mock me for some reason as soon as I introduce myself

wtlltw · 11-07-2017 08:03AM

Sent you a friend request

_Brian · 11-07-2017 08:13AM

Friends are best made through similar people enjoying similar interests together.

Anyone, regardless of race creed and colour who gets involved in something they genuinely enjoy will meet like minded people and make friendships based on the shared interest.

People who do things they have no particular interest in just to meet people will come across as strange and creepy as it will quickly become obvious that they have no actual interest in the activity.

Best advice to anyone looking to make friends is find a club/organisation/group you genuinely are interested in and join.

leggo · 11-07-2017 08:13AM

Do you just happen to walk past the same conversation repeatedly or are these people confiding in you because they have, in fact, made a friend?

_Brian · 11-07-2017 08:19AM

sugarman wrote: »

It's harder to make friends the older you get in general, no matter what part of the world you're in.. but the biggest downfall in Ireland, is almost everything revolves around drinking. So if you're not into that, yes it is a bit harder.

Indeed, but it is possible just find the right settings.

I do work with men's sheds and they are a great example. Men from different ages and backgrounds, varying educational levels, all get together for a mug of tea and to learn a wee bit of woodwork, painting or whatever project is at hand.
Once there is a common interest you see friendships forming quickly.

Shenshen · 11-07-2017 08:24AM

I think it's never easy making friends in a new place. And despite having been here for well over a decade, the people I'm closest with are other immigrants.
But I have made a few Irish friends, too. As another poster said, mainstream Ireland seems to be all about the drinking and sports for the blokes, and the drinking and fashion.make-up and family for the ladies. I'm not really into any of that much, so that made it that bit harder.

The best way I found of meeting new people was getting active - I work with an animal charity locally, my husband made a few friends through an informal motorcycle club, etc.

Dravokivich · 11-07-2017 08:26AM

I think on general you worry too much op.

Fr_Dougal · 11-07-2017 08:32AM

If you have enough mala you can make anything.

Samaris · 11-07-2017 08:35AM

I've heard from first-generation immigrants that it is rather difficult to get past a certain barrier that Irish people appear to have that includes people that have been born in the same area for generations and excludes "outsiders", especially non-Irish. It's apparently pretty difficult to get past the "outsider" status, although people might be courteous and friendly to you.

It's also a thing that Irish people, particularly the older generations and particularly women, have certain ways of talking three ways around a topic (think of the Irish Mammy). Other Irish people can translate it, but if you're coming from a more literal country where you don't expect to/have to translate three layers of meaning to get to what they're actually talking about, it creates social pitfalls all over the place. I'd hazard Scandinavian countries, German-speaking countries and probably England as examples, although the lattermost are kinda used to us by now.

jeanjolie · 11-07-2017 03:25PM

Samaris wrote: »

It's also a thing that Irish people, particularly the older generations and particularly women, have certain ways of talking three ways around a topic (think of the Irish Mammy). Other Irish people can translate it, but if you're coming from a more literal country where you don't expect to/have to translate three layers of meaning to get to what they're actually talking about, it creates social pitfalls all over the place.

Example please? I think I have a good idea what you're talking about but....

DaniilKharms · 11-07-2017 03:29PM

Yes and no.

Ireland is small and most people have a close knit group of friends coming out of school, and then stay friends with some of those folks their whole lives... breaking into a circle of friends that have known each other since junior infants isn't easy.

But, no, if you're willing to do what people your age in Ireland do... which is probably some version of hanging out at the pub, going to the match, or playing some sport.

It's much more welcoming than many other places in Europe, I can tell you that.

FTR I'm a US-expat, in Ireland for a decade, and in Europe for 15 years. I have travelled around Europe a lot for work/pleasure and find the Irish to generally be pretty friendly...

BrokenArrows · 11-07-2017 03:36PM

Samaris wrote: »

It's also a thing that Irish people, particularly the older generations and particularly women, have certain ways of talking three ways around a topic (think of the Irish Mammy). Other Irish people can translate it, but if you're coming from a more literal country where you don't expect to/have to translate three layers of meaning to get to what they're actually talking about, it creates social pitfalls all over the place. I'd hazard Scandinavian countries, German-speaking countries and probably England as examples, although the lattermost are kinda used to us by now.

I agree with this. My wife isnt a native English speaker but she has very very good English. But when my parents start telling a story which goes off on ten different tangents before finally getting to the point i can see her getting a bit lost.

Im not sure if its an Irish thing or just an older generation thing.

chrissb8 · 11-07-2017 04:22PM

Not hard but you just have to get involved with people in activities that like minded people like. You like playing football go play for a team there's a mighty social aspect about that in itself. People in Ireland are very friendly and open but to actually penetrate their social circles is another thing altogether. People tend to have friends for years and years and stick by them which is actually really nice thinking about it. But in general you have to go out and start basic and that is by doing something you like and have in common with others......and viola a friendship will blossom.

DEFTLEFTHAND · 11-07-2017 04:34PM

Some people would say that it's tough to break in with some of the immigrant communities, especially the eastern Europeans. In my experience they tend to keep to themselves and not involve themselves in the town.

I only got friendly with them because I went to sec school with their children (mostly Polish). They're great people once you get in with them and the likes of Poland is one the friendliest and most beautiful countries that I've ever had the pleasure to visit.

Dr Crayfish · 11-07-2017 04:54PM

It's no different to any other English speaking country I've lived in. In Australia, NZ, Canada, USA, UK, social life mainly seems to revolve around booze too, which I think is great, but not to everyone's taste.

Barthhedf1 · 11-07-2017 05:01PM

jeanjolie wrote: »

We say we're welcoming and have a better social support structure than the US in terms of mental health and all of that but otoh, I hear many immigrants who say that it's impossible to make friends with white Irish people. Even some non-Irish and European whites (South Africans)

Is this true for all you naturalised Irish and native Irish boardsies? I'm relatively young, so I don't think I could give an accurate answer as I haven't been in the workplace for a significant amount of time

I guess it depends on how good looking you are.

ToddyDoody · 11-07-2017 05:24PM

jeanjolie wrote: »

I hear many immigrants who say that it's impossible to make friends with white Irish people.

Just tell them how great they all are.

LadyMacBeth_ · 11-07-2017 07:35PM

My OH is German and most of her friends are immigrants, though she does have some Irish friends and she gets on great with most of my Irish friends too. I think people that move country tend to make friends with other people who have moved too because they don't have their childhood friends and have an interest in making new friends.

Though I think there can be a cultural aspect too, as Samaris said, my OH at first didn't get this layered Irish meaning thing because she is quite blunt, and so it would lead to confusion. Irish people can be confused by what she means too sometimes or her abruptness or honesty. For the most part she understands Irish people very well, though she is still very much herself, whether that confuses them or not! Sometimes phrases or slang are still lost on her though. I think she's great, quirky, different and I have foreign friends who I enjoy spending time with, at least I know exactly where I stand with them and there are no mind games or worrying about social etiquette which I think is quite complicated in Irish society.

For example in Ireland having to ask someone if they want a drink three times before they will relent and accept the drink, in Germany you will be asked once and that's it. Something I learned the hard way. At least I know if I ask a German person if they want a cup of tea then I will get an honest answer and I won't have to interrogate it out of them like Mrs Doyle

AnGaelach · 11-07-2017 07:37PM

jeanjolie wrote: »

We say we're welcoming and have a better social support structure than the US in terms of mental health and all of that but otoh, I hear many immigrants who say that it's impossible to make friends with white Irish people. Even some non-Irish and European whites (South Africans)

Is this true for all you naturalised Irish and native Irish boardsies? I'm relatively young, so I don't think I could give an accurate answer as I haven't been in the workplace for a significant amount of time

Most people already have a circle of friends from childhood, school or university. They've no real incentive to make new friends, you hear the same complaint replicated in most countries.

11-07-2017 07:52PM

I used to live in France, and quickly arrived at the following conclusion.

When you first meet an Irish person, they are suddenly your best friend, but with very little depth.
When you first meet a French person, they tend to be very aloof, but once you are friends, are incredibly loyal.

My experience with French people has been echoed by acquaintances who have lived in Germany.

All anecdotal I'm afraid, and there are many exceptions, but in general I've found this to be the case. I know in my own case, I'd be quick to chat the night away with some tourist in the local pub, but if they subsequently added me on Facebook, or asked me to drinks, I'd possibly decline or ignore.

Mrs OBumble · 11-07-2017 08:08PM

Shenshen wrote: »

And despite having been here for well over a decade, the people I'm closest with are other immigrants.
But I have made a few Irish friends, too.

Pretty much the same here.

I know lots of people through shared interests activities. But I know few of them well - it's almost impossible to get past the reserve, and that's with me being they type of foreigner who people forget is foreign. The mere fact of coming from not-around-hear means I'll never have the layers of friends from wayyy back that most Irish people do. I've experienced similar elsewhere, but the clannish-ness is stronger here IMHO.

The small size of the island contributes to it too. It's easy to travel, so most people go home to visit Mammy pretty frequently. Between that and weddings / baptisms / communiions / anniversary Masses, many Irish people are away most weekends, so simply aren't free to do things with new friends from where they currently live.

mzungu · 11-07-2017 08:16PM

The younger you are the easier it is. You have time for all sorts of hobbies and are able to socialise 7 nights a week if you wish. But once you get past 30 then you are going to face an uphill battle, mostly because people are busy and won't have time to be making friends or socialising. That would be pretty much the same in every country I would imagine.

Dr Crayfish · 11-07-2017 08:17PM

Anytime I lived abroad most of my friends were also fordiners too. That's just how it is when living abroad, you relate to each other a lot more and the natives are already too balls deep in their own lives to be hanging out with blow ins.
In saying that, i'm 36 now, and have made friends in the last couple of years that I hang out with more than anyone, and they are Irish. So I don't think we're any different from anywhere else.

NickNickleby · 11-07-2017 08:18PM

jeanjolie wrote: »

Example please? I think I have a good idea what you're talking about but....

Let me give you an example of my own.

Was attending a funeral abroad. Approached the bereaved , I asked "How are you doing?" THe response was the typically literal response one would expect from this nationality - "how do you think I'm doing, my ******** is dead". Given that he was married to an Irish person, and was well used to our foibles, I was slightly taken aback, but managed to recover the situation.

Of course, I should have adjusted for the gulf in communication, so the fault was all mine.

Korat · 11-07-2017 08:34PM

The easiest way to make new Irish friends is to ride one.

Widdershins · 11-07-2017 08:40PM

jeanjolie wrote: »

We say we're welcoming and have a better social support structure than the US in terms of mental health and all of that but otoh, I hear many immigrants who say that it's impossible to make friends with white Irish people. Even some non-Irish and European whites (South Africans)

Is this true for all you naturalised Irish and native Irish boardsies? I'm relatively young, so I don't think I could give an accurate answer as I haven't been in the workplace for a significant amount of time

I've never heard that from immigrants myself. I've a good few immigrant friends, they're all friendly and would make friends with a rock. I think they'd say the same about us, the Irish.

Beanntraigheach · 11-07-2017 08:51PM

Korat wrote: »

The easiest way to make new Irish friends is to ride one.

dd972 · 11-07-2017 08:56PM

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

I used to live in France, and quickly arrived at the following conclusion.

When you first meet an Irish person, they are suddenly your best friend, but with very little depth.
When you first meet a French person, they tend to be very aloof, but once you are friends, are incredibly loyal.

My experience with French people has been echoed by acquaintances who have lived in Germany.

All anecdotal I'm afraid, and there are many exceptions, but in general I've found this to be the case. I know in my own case, I'd be quick to chat the night away with some tourist in the local pub, but if they subsequently added me on Facebook, or asked me to drinks, I'd possibly decline or ignore.

Spot on, I actually don't like the frothy gush and superficiality of many Irish people, I prefer it the other way around like your example.

HughWotMVIII · 11-07-2017 09:08PM

I lived in Ireland for about 2 and a half years and made some really wonderful Irish friends in that time, some of whom are now among my closest friends. So no, I don't think it's hard to make friends in Ireland.

Ireland is forever in my heart because of the all the kind, wonderful people I met. It was my first time living in a majority white country and I was a little anxious before I moved there but when my visa expired, it was hard for me to leave because I had had such a wonderful time.

batistuta9 · 11-07-2017 09:36PM

The Irish are xenophobic enough, no surprise really

Is it hard to make friends in Ireland?

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