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  • #32
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Your with this Venezuelan woman for less than 12 months. She is pushing you to get married so she can get a better visa and so you can sort out her money issues. Sorry their is no other way of putting this. The truth is you have offered to help her pay for college and to move in with her where you will pay 2/3 of the rent and most of the bills also.

    I know some non national woman who can spot a nice guy and can find out very quickly what they have to offer ie good job, savings, a nice house ect. They then tell the man what he wants to hear and keep him happy in bed. Their eye is on the main prize of getting married/pregnant to stay here long term.

    At this stage there are so many red flags here with her I would think of ending things with her. It not your job to pay for her college along with her rent and bills. The truth is you have offered her a great deal here for now but she is still on about getting married. Your right in not rushing into getting married as it is a big step. You want to marry someone who loves you and not someone who sees you as a meal ticket.

    If you told your parents or some close friends what she wanted I know they would tell you to end things with her.

    If you give her the €2,000 for her fees you need to be aware she won't give you this money back.
    Also if you move in with her and pay 2/3 of the rent and bills your not going to be able to save much money so long term you end up putting your own plans on hold due to a lack of cash.

    At this stage I would tell her that you have though about moving in with her but you have decided your not going to do this. Tell her I don't want to hear about getting married the whole time and you don't want to get her hopes up in regards to a marriage as your still paying off the loans you took out for college.
    Tell her that you can't afford to get married for a few years.

    My feeling is that she is just using you and once she hears the above she will end things.
    If she does this just be thankful and be glad you got away from her before you end up losing money or end up in an unhappy marriage.


  • #33
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I know this Irish man who had a few relationships with non national woman. He would not be regarded as a good looking man and he is a few stone overweight. However he owns his own home, has a good job and savings. In other words all box's were ticked off for his girlfriends.
    One thing all these ladies had in common was a least one of the following: kid/kids/partner or husband living abroad, a lack of money, here on student visa or had issues with visa's, family that needed money abroad and living in a place with cheaper rent which were normally horrible or in a bad areas.

    He became single for a while and one night him and a friend of mine hooked up. She is Irish and a lovely woman with no baggage and no kids. Him and her were friends for a few years before this happened. He told her he did not want a relationship with her but they stayed friends after this and became **** buddies for a while. My friend give him some advice back then and he refused to listen to her.

    He then went on to meet another non national woman and blocked my friend on fb. She then heard that he had a new girlfriend. Within 14 months this woman was living in his house and had a baby with him. This baby may or may not be his.
    His girlfriend would not mention his weight to him even though she knows he is very overweight and has health issues.

    My friend saw him recently and said that he has put on more weight, has got very old looking and she figures it is only a matter of time before he has a heart attack. My friend said it is sad that he is with someone who just see him as a meal ticket and she is waiting for him to die to get her hands on his house and money.


  • #34
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    solJ21 wrote: »
    From the sounds of things OP is pushing above his weight looks wise otherwise there wouldn't be a reference 'unsure of finding someone this good looking again'. There is always 'a compensation' in these type of relationships. It amazes me when men expect their SO to be visually pleasing yet fail to acknowledge their lack of good looks. There will always be a trade off, in your case she is after finances & immigration status by what I gathered. There is no such thing as a free meal.

    Sorry to be so blunt but this is life. Of course there might be exceptions, but it's rare and your case doesn't sound like one.

    Hi.

    I'll have to respectfully disagree on some of this :)

    This is not a situation of me being some ugly guy who is minted or anything. It's hard to assess one's own looks. but I'd like to think I'm definitely not bad. Put it this way, if you saw us together, you wouldn't think "that lad is punching well above his weight". She is probably better looking to be fair, and has the whole exotic thing going on, but we would be an even...ish match in that department.

    When I read that line 'unsure of finding someone this good looking again', it's actually cringeworthy to be honest. And not a healthy outlook. It was a silly thing for me to say.

    Anyway, the latest update is that (although this has happened many times before), I think that's it. We're finished. She is not bowing down on the marriage front, and neither am I.

    Very sad :(


  • #35
    s15r330
    Closed Accounts Posts: 944 ✭✭✭s15r330


    alec12345 wrote: »
    Hi.

    I'll have to respectfully disagree on some of this :)

    This is not a situation of me being some ugly guy who is minted or anything. It's hard to assess one's own looks. but I'd like to think I'm definitely not bad. Put it this way, if you saw us together, you wouldn't think "that lad is punching well above his weight". She is probably better looking to be fair, and has the whole exotic thing going on, but we would be an even...ish match in that department.

    When I read that line 'unsure of finding someone this good looking again', it's actually cringeworthy to be honest. And not a healthy outlook. It was a silly thing for me to say.

    Anyway, the latest update is that (although this has happened many times before), I think that's it. We're finished. She is not bowing down on the marriage front, and neither am I.

    Very sad :(

    You are going to look back on this and think yourself lucky.
    Consider it a bullet dodged.


  • #36
    solJ21
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7 ✭solJ21


    alec12345 wrote: »
    Hi.

    I'll have to respectfully disagree on some of this :)

    This is not a situation of me being some ugly guy who is minted or anything. It's hard to assess one's own looks. but I'd like to think I'm definitely not bad. Put it this way, if you saw us together, you wouldn't think "that lad is punching well above his weight". She is probably better looking to be fair, and has the whole exotic thing going on, but we would be an even...ish match in that department.

    When I read that line 'unsure of finding someone this good looking again', it's actually cringeworthy to be honest. And not a healthy outlook. It was a silly thing for me to say.

    Anyway, the latest update is that (although this has happened many times before), I think that's it. We're finished. She is not bowing down on the marriage front, and neither am I.

    Very sad :(

    Hi OP,

    I apologise for the post I made yesterday. I actually deleted it, but you somehow managed to copy & reply.
    Anyway, there is always light at the end of tunnel even if it doesn't look like it now:) You made the right choice. God bless:)


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  • #37
    Bambi985
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,274 ✭✭✭Bambi985


    Better for it to end now than in a few years when you're married / have kids / own a place together and it's a lot more complicated.

    You're very young OP and sound like a catch so you have nothing to worry about. Let yourself wallow for a while and feel the way you feel abs you'll come out the other side with the perspective you need on the relationship


  • #38
    leggo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,061 ✭✭✭leggo


    OP look at it as proof of what you've been told here. You didn't potentially offer her a marriage and visa anymore, so she ran. Maybe she's doing it as a temporary measure to try pressure you into going back on your word, but stay strong, she's telling you who she is and how she saw your relationship and accept you deserve better than that. It is sad to think that ultimately she saw a visa as part of the deal with you, but all failed relationships are lessons for the future. You'll get past this and be happy with the outcome in time, believe me.


  • #39
    Yellow pack crisps
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 564 ✭✭✭Yellow pack crisps


    alec12345 wrote: »
    solJ21 wrote: »
    From the sounds of things OP is pushing above his weight looks wise otherwise there wouldn't be a reference 'unsure of finding someone this good looking again'. There is always 'a compensation' in these type of relationships. It amazes me when men expect their SO to be visually pleasing yet fail to acknowledge their lack of good looks. There will always be a trade off, in your case she is after finances & immigration status by what I gathered. There is no such thing as a free meal.

    Sorry to be so blunt but this is life. Of course there might be exceptions, but it's rare and your case doesn't sound like one.

    Hi.

    I'll have to respectfully disagree on some of this :)

    This is not a situation of me being some ugly guy who is minted or anything. It's hard to assess one's own looks. but I'd like to think I'm definitely not bad. Put it this way, if you saw us together, you wouldn't think "that lad is punching well above his weight". She is probably better looking to be fair, and has the whole exotic thing going on, but we would be an even...ish match in that department.

    When I read that line 'unsure of finding someone this good looking again', it's actually cringeworthy to be honest. And not a healthy outlook. It was a silly thing for me to say.

    Anyway, the latest update is that (although this has happened many times before), I think that's it. We're finished. She is not bowing down on the marriage front, and neither am I.

    Very sad :(

    Not to be too tough OP, but it ain't sad! You're lucky! Anyone who does those things doesn't deserve an honest person as a SO. Think of it like this, she called your bluff eg. Lied about buying a ticket to force your hand. If you did go on to have kids etc that devious nature does not change and would have led to an awful lot of heartache for you. You had a lucky escape whether she was South American or Irish! Find someone who appreciates you and works as a team and not a dictator.


  • #40
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi s15r330,

    She saw you as a meal ticket, a man to marry so she could get a visa to stay here long term and you would end up footing all the bills.
    Be thankful you saw what she was like now before you got married or had children with her.

    Every bad relationship teaches us something to be aware of the next time we meet someone.
    I have seen people learn from past mistakes and other people who keep going towards the same type of bad or wrong person the whole time. Then with a x period of time they wonder way they are in another mess, a broken relationship or going though difficulties.

    I believe that everything happens for a reason and sometimes you don't see or know this but in time you find out something or hear something. It then becomes clear why things did not work out the way you wanted and the fact your better off as a result.


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