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Real rape.

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Comments

  • #32
    Zedsmeds
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15 ✭Zedsmeds


    pilly wrote: »
    How do you mean when you said "the problem" her tone changed? What did you tell her the problem was?

    I mean it was kind of like she said "oh that's what happened" but without saying it.
    I told her that I arranged to meet someone and didn't want to go through with it but I did anyways. And I told her my age and she asked their age and I told her.
    I was worries beforehand that they wouldn't deal with it but she just kind of sounded disgusted with me and I felt like she was expecting worse from how upset I was.
    I mean I could've been misreading it all. I probably shouldn't have rang.


  • #33
    Zedsmeds
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15 ✭Zedsmeds


    bee06 wrote: »
    The same mother and the same sibling who told a 13 year old girl she was frigid and bullied her into feeling like she had to have sex with grown men? These people are not objective people. I don't know why anyone would tell someone who told your story it was their fault but I do believe they were wrong.

    I also believe that any man can tell the difference between a woman who is consenting to sex to one who has completely shut down and stopped speaking etc. And that is leaving aside your age.

    I was just young and stupid. I need to be able to take responsibility for what I've done. No one else made me do that. It's my fault I went there. I didn't stop them. I didn't say no. I drank the alcohol, I did what they told me to. Its my fault.


  • #34
    eviltwin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    Zedsmeds wrote: »
    I was just young and stupid. I need to be able to take responsibility for what I've done. No one else made me do that. It's my fault I went there. I didn't stop them. I didn't say no. I drank the alcohol, I did what they told me to. Its my fault.

    It's so sad to read your posts and how you feel about yourself and what happened to you. But I understand because for a long time I felt the same way about my abuse.

    I believed I had given some signal that made me a target, maybe I'd said something inappropriate or looked at him the wrong way. I didn't get counselling for a long time and was very resistant to it but it was the best thing I did and I only wish I'd done it sooner.

    I'm now living a happy, normal life and not letting him control me anymore because that's what you're doing when you don't get help, you're allowing that person to stay in control. All your fears about what people will say, how they might blame you....that's his words. You deserve to live a happy life and you deserve to be at peace. I know it's scary but it's the best gift you could give yourself.


  • #35
    Taltos
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    Zedsmeds wrote: »
    I was just young and stupid. I need to be able to take responsibility for what I've done. No one else made me do that. It's my fault I went there. I didn't stop them. I didn't say no. I drank the alcohol, I did what they told me to. Its my fault.

    Zeds - this post alone is one of the most upsetting I've read here in a long long time.
    NONE of this was or is your fault.

    You were a child. Below the age of consent which is there for a reason.
    Its not just because our bodies aren't fully prepared for the consequences of sex but its also because mentally and emotionally the professionals and courts have deemed that we are NOT fully capable of making an informed decision. So you chooosing to do what you did does not mean you are in any way responsible here.

    The responsible parties are your parents who by all of your accounts here have severely let you down in the biggest way possible.

    I know we trot this line out again and again but you really do need to talk to someone about this. Either the rape crisis line or a counsellor.
    You need help coming to terms with the abuse you've suffered and you have to learn to accept you had no role in any responsibility there. None. At the very very worst you're a survivor. Please cut yourself some slack and talk to someone asap.


  • #36
    njs030
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,030 ✭✭✭njs030


    Op a 13 year old is a child and makes mistakes and does silly things all the time. It's up to the parents of that child to protect and care for her and make sure her mistakes aren't life altering or stupid enough that they have lasting consequences.

    You've been hugely, hugely let down by adults who took advantage of your innocence and by your mother who should have been looking out for you, none of this is your fault.
    None of it.

    Please talk to a counsellor and try to see things with an open mind, stop thinking anyone is judging you. At worst any change in their tone of voice is sympathy and wanting to help you


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  • #37
    Zedsmeds
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15 ✭Zedsmeds


    My boyfriend was the first person to tell me it was rape and it took me a long time to come around and believe him. But I did and I thought I was actually getting better.
    My boyfriend is the only person I have ever been properly intimate with.
    But his opinion on it changed and he said he only thought it was rape so he could deal with it, deal with me being so disgusting and that it wasn't rape and I wanted it to happen and that I only regret it now.
    I don't understand why he thinks like that, he is autistic as well and he used to be so helpful and comforting. Now he just deals with me. I want to think it was rape and I want him to see the way he used to but I don't see how.


  • #38
    Taltos
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    OP you can't control others, nor how they think about things.
    All you can do is try to control yourself, and most of us fail there at the first attempt and even the second, but where we keep failing thats where we need to ask for help.

    Talk to someone. They'll give you the tools you need to deal with how you've been let down, both in the past by your parents and now by your current partner. Maybe with these tools you can help him understand how you're feeling and change how he looks at things but if you are counting on him being supportive again then thats unfortunately the wrong thing to be aiming for. Your BF might be supportive, but he's not qualified to help and possibly feels inadequate and instead of supporting you is lashing out in a way to hurt you instead.

    Call the rape crisis centre please.


  • #39
    Minera
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 179 ✭✭Minera


    Op you were raped. You need to talk to someone who is able to listen to you objectively. That person will not be a person who knows you well or is involved in your life at this moment. Go to your local women's centre and request a councillor it may be helpful to tell them you have autism.


  • #40
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Zedsmeds wrote: »
    I mean it was kind of like she said "oh that's what happened" but without saying it.
    I told her that I arranged to meet someone and didn't want to go through with it but I did anyways. And I told her my age and she asked their age and I told her.
    I was worries beforehand that they wouldn't deal with it but she just kind of sounded disgusted with me and I felt like she was expecting worse from how upset I was.
    I mean I could've been misreading it all. I probably shouldn't have rang.

    I am 100% certain that anyone taking calls at the RCC would not react like you think they did, the RCC simply would not tolerate it. I am equally certain that you have misunderstood her reaction and tone and projected your own feelings onto that call. That's natural, but it has resulted in you having a totally false understanding of the call taker's reaction. That person did not judge you and the RCC are there to help you if you let them.


  • #41
    pilly
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9,005 ✭✭✭pilly


    Guessed wrote: »
    I am 100% certain that anyone taking calls at the RCC would not react like you think they did, the RCC simply would not tolerate it. I am equally certain that you have misunderstood her reaction and tone and projected your own feelings onto that call. That's natural, but it has resulted in you having a totally false understanding of the call taker's reaction. That person did not judge you and the RCC are there to help you if you let them.

    Totally agree, these people are trained especially OP. I think it was probably because of your own low self esteem that you imagined a change in tone.


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  • #42
    Zedsmeds
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15 ✭Zedsmeds


    I'm sorry, I didn't mean to misread her. It happens a lot with people. I just don't think I understand how other people and emotions work yet.
    Sorry.


  • #43
    pilly
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9,005 ✭✭✭pilly


    Zedsmeds wrote: »
    I'm sorry, I didn't mean to misread her. It happens a lot with people. I just don't think I understand how other people and emotions work yet.
    Sorry.

    Don't be sorry, it's probably to do with your autism. Just bear this in mind in your interactions with people and don't always assume the worst.


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