Do you think kids need parents of opposite sex?

One eyed Jack · 18-06-2017 04:33PM

sup_dude wrote: »

Maybe a role model but that doesn't have to be a parent. As people have said, as long as the parent(s) are caring, who cares. Has anyone saying that you need a parent of both gender ever actually seen a child come out worse for wear due to the lack of a particular gendered parent?

It's a tricky one that, as I've met many parents who feel that their child has 'missed out' or is lacking the influence of a parent of either their own or the opposite gender.

For example one of my friends who is bringing up her child on her own has said this to me, and her half-sister and the half-sisters girlfriend often foist their child upon her because they know she loves children, and they can't handle the child being unable to say any more words than 'dada' all day. It's a bit of an awkward situation for all concerned really, but I don't think my friend's half-sister should have any right to take advantage of my friends caring nature.

eviltwin · 18-06-2017 04:36PM

MadDog76 wrote: »

The lack of a Father, or Mother, can (and in the majority of cases, will) have long-term negative impacts on a child ......... there are, of course, exceptions to the rule but in general a child benefits greatly from the ideal scenario of a loving caring Mother and Father ......... again, in my opinion.

I live in a working class estate with a lot of lone parents. I see a lot of kids with issues but I don't think it's simply because they have only one parent. I think lack of money, young and uneducated parents with few prospects are the main issue. I say this because I know other children being raised by single parents who have none of those problems because their parents are from a different socio economic background. That said I think it's a tragedy for a child who has a parent who has no part in their life. The rejection must be awful. But better to have one good parent than have two in your life with no interest in you.

Ave Sodalis · 18-06-2017 04:36PM

One eyed Jack wrote:

For example one of my friends who is bringing up her child on her own has said this to me, and her half-sister and the half-sisters girlfriend often foist their child upon her because they know she loves children, and they can't handle the child being unable to say any more words than 'dada' all day. It's a bit of an awkward situation for all concerned really, but I don't think my friend's half-sister should have any right to take advantage of my friends caring nature.

I'm really struggling to see how that example is in any way relevant... so two women take advantage of another woman... how does that have anything to do with both gendered parents?

MadDog76 · 18-06-2017 04:39PM

eviltwin wrote: »

But better to have one good parent than have two in your life with no interest in you.

Even better to have two good Parents than just one ..........

jeanjolie · 18-06-2017 04:41PM

LordSutch wrote: »

I wouldn't say they "need" one of each, but I would say that its preferable.

Why?

Well from my perspective a Mother and a Father bring different things to the table. Ideally the male & female parents will complement each other, therefore the Mum will naturally be better with some aspects of parenting, while the Dad will excel at others.

Ehh...I think people overomantisize the complementary differences in personality/parenting styles between male and female.

Sure they do from a reproductive perspective, but in many bad cases that I've seen the father can rule with an iron fist, the mother feels trapped or worse, delusionally obeys her husband in their 'complementary' relationship and kids are often not doing to well.

I understand those may not represent relationships with a mother and father but I'm very hesitant to agree with people like this. There's an argument made by social psychologist that minority kids are usually troubled because they lack a male role-model to discipline them. I'm not sure that the degeneracy of single parents has more to do with general dysfunctional relationships, lack of jobs, broken community, lack of self-discipline found in poorer communities or with males just not being there.

Burial. · 18-06-2017 04:42PM

I think every child needs a male and a female authority figure/guardian whether biological or not. I know a few people who were raised by one of mother/father and had grandfather/grandmother actively filling the role of the missed parent and they said it stood to them. Obviously not a possibility in some situations.

Grayson · 18-06-2017 04:43PM

I can't be bothered looking it up again but there have been studies that have shown that it makes no difference. There is one type of parent that is bad and that's a single parent. Now before anyone goes nuts at me it's not the fact that they're single that is bad. It's the lack of a second wage in the household.

The one factor that can affect a child's upbringing is money. A kid with two parents (Regardless of the parents gender) is given more options because of two wages. If a single parent is wealthy then there's absolutely no difference between single parents, straight couples and gay parents.

So rather than arguing about whether we "feel" or "think" it makes a difference/no difference we should look at evidence and start trying to level the playing field. Social/economic inequality is a far more pressing issue.

One eyed Jack · 18-06-2017 04:46PM

sup_dude wrote: »

I'm really struggling to see how that example is in any way relevant... so two women take advantage of another woman... how does that have anything to do with both gendered parents?

No, this thread is about parenting, and you asked the question -

sup_dude wrote: »

Has anyone saying that you need a parent of both gender ever actually seen a child come out worse for wear due to the lack of a particular gendered parent?

My friend feels that her own child is missing out due to having no father figure in their life. Her half-sister and her girlfriend are in a same sex relationship and they have a child which they don't want to be parents to right now because the childs only word is 'dada', a word which they perceive to be a parent of the opposite gender - therefore rather than deal with the issue themselves as parents, they ask her sister to take care of the child. Effectively her sister is not just a parent to her own child now, but to her sisters child also.

The three parents feel that their children are missing someone of the opposite gender.

me_right_one · 18-06-2017 04:47PM

RayM wrote: »

"unnatural"

"Gays are mentally ill"

Yeah, you're definitely not a homophobe...

Thats right, I'm not. I hold different opinions to you, yet I do not hate people who are gay. Yet YOU come on here with your accusations and your intolerance, shouting down anyone who disagrees. Remind me again what the definition of bigotry is?

Grayson · 18-06-2017 04:48PM

One eyed Jack wrote: »

No, this thread is about parenting, and you asked the question -

My friend feels that her own child is missing out due to having no father figure in their life. Her half-sister and her girlfriend are in a same sex relationship and they have a child which they don't want to be parents to right now because the childs only word is 'dada', a word which they perceive to be a parent of the opposite gender - therefore rather than deal with the issue themselves as parents, they ask her sister to take care of the child. Effectively her sister is not just a parent to her own child now, but to her sisters child also.

The three parents feel that their children are missing someone of the opposite gender.

You know some weird people. They make for interesting anecdotes but not for good evidence.

B0jangles · 18-06-2017 04:48PM

Apparently the scientific consensus is that kids do just as well with parents who are a same-sex couple as they do with an opposite-sex couple - 75/79 studies came to that conclusion:

http://whatweknow.law.columbia.edu/topics/lgbt-equality/what-does-the-scholarly-research-say-about-the-wellbeing-of-children-with-gay-or-lesbian-parents/

And on single-parent families; if I remember correctly it has been established that most of the time it is family income that has the biggest efffect of the well-being of the children, nothing to do with the lack of a role-model of one gender or the other. It is simply much harder for a single parent to earn as much as a 2-parent family.

Grayson · 18-06-2017 04:49PM

B0jangles wrote: »

Apparently the scientific consensus is that kids do just as well with parents who are a same-sex couple as they do with an opposite-sex couple - 75/79 studies came to that conclusion:

http://whatweknow.law.columbia.edu/topics/lgbt-equality/what-does-the-scholarly-research-say-about-the-wellbeing-of-children-with-gay-or-lesbian-parents/

And on single-parent families; if I remember correctly it has been established that most of the time it is family income that has the biggest efffect of the well-being of the children, nothing to do with the lack of a role-model of one gender or the other. It is simply much harder for as single parent to earn as much as a 2-parent family.

Thanks for bothering to google what I couldn't be bothered googling.

eviltwin · 18-06-2017 04:51PM

MadDog76 wrote: »

Even better to have two good Parents than just one ..........

Absolutely in an ideal world every child would be wanted and every parent would have the skills to raise a happy, well adjusted child but that's sadly not the case.

RayM · 18-06-2017 04:51PM

me_right_one wrote: »

Thats right, I'm not. I hold different opinions to you, yet I do not hate people who are gay. Yet YOU come on here with your accusations and your intolerance, shouting down anyone who disagrees. Remind me again what the definition of bigotry is?

You're not fooling anyone.

B0jangles · 18-06-2017 04:51PM

Oh yeah, and apparently kids raised by lesbian couples do the best of all!

The authors found that children raised by lesbian mothers — whether the mother was partnered or single — scored very similarly to children raised by heterosexual parents on measures of development and social behavior. These findings were expected, the authors said; however, they were surprised to discover that children in lesbian homes scored higher than kids in straight families on some psychological measures of self-esteem and confidence, did better academically and were less likely to have behavioral problems, such as rule-breaking and aggression.

http://content.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1994480,00.html

Irish Guitarist · 18-06-2017 04:54PM

My parents had me in their early forties. My father always seemed like an old fogey to me. He wasn't a bad father or anything but he never played with me or really taught me anything.

I got a bike when I was about eight and I was just expected to go out and learn to cycle. It never occurred to my father to teach me or to drive me somewhere quiet where I could learn how to cycle it. I would go to the car park around the corner and try to teach myself. It wasn't really suitable for learning to cycle as there were too many people around. I ended up giving up. My fathers solution to this was to tell me he was selling my bike. I think this was his way of trying to get me to use the bike again. It never even entered his head to actually encourage or help me.

I also couldn't talk to him about anything. He made it clear he had no time for talking to children.

He was my father and I loved him but him being male didn't make it any easier for me to relate to him.

18-06-2017 04:55PM

GerryDerpy wrote: »

Every fatherless child I know has turned out damaged.

maybe you need to get out more.....
meet some more people....

me_right_one · 18-06-2017 04:56PM

RayM wrote: »

You're not fooling anyone.

Good, because I'm not trying to. If you cant listen to other peoples point of view without resorting to name-calling and bigotry, then you're only fooling yourself.

DontThankMe · 18-06-2017 04:59PM

Yes just like every child should have Jesus in their lives by being baptised doing their communion and conformation.

18-06-2017 05:01PM

MadDog76 wrote: »

The lack of a Father, or Mother, can (and in the majority of cases, will) have long-term negative impacts on a child ......... there are, of course, exceptions to the rule but in general a child benefits greatly from the ideal scenario of a loving caring Mother and Father ......... again, in my opinion.

you can't just make sweeping statements like you did above and then say 'In my opinion'
why would you think exactly that the lack of a parent will have negative long term impact on a child. Actual reasons, not just because you think it

WinnyThePoo · 18-06-2017 05:01PM

me_right_one wrote: »

Thats right, I'm not. I hold different opinions to you, yet I do not hate people who are gay. Yet YOU come on here with your accusations and your intolerance, shouting down anyone who disagrees. Remind me again what the definition of bigotry is?

I'm not sure what defence you have here. You believe all gay people are mentally ill. Your opinion is crass, unlogical and blatantly false.

Grayson · 18-06-2017 05:01PM

DontThankMe wrote: »

Yes just like every child should have Jesus in their lives by being baptised doing their communion and conformation.

I've had that discussion with family members. They're not religious but think the kid will be dysfunctional if they don't have the same upbringing they did. And that includes being baptised and raised catholic.

Maybe that's why some people think that a child needs two hetro parents. Thy did, a lot of their friends did, therefore it's weird and possibly bad if a child doesn't.

_Kaiser_ · 18-06-2017 05:02PM

In my view yes, I think it's better to have a mother and father who are loving and supportive of the child - as mentioned by others, a man and woman bring different things to parenting, and each is better at different aspects than the other, which ultimately is beneficial.

That doesn't make me homophobic or anything of the sort (before the virtue signalling types jump in again), it's simply an acknowledgement of reality outside of the Internet.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 18-06-2017 05:04PM

A parent/parents who put the child's needs before their own, someone who won't use their child as a pawn in a nasty bitter game, someone who will love and care for and teach right from wrong, making sure the child feels loved safe secure and is fed and clothed. It doesn't matter if they're male/female/both/neither/gay/straight

One eyed Jack · 18-06-2017 05:06PM

Grayson wrote: »

You know some weird people. They make for interesting anecdotes but not for good evidence.

They're not weird Grayson, they're just people, parents. I wasn't presenting them as evidence of anything either way, but it was a direct reply to sup_dudes question.

Now I know BOjangles has already posted a link but I have read many studies on this and it was suggested that it was the children of women in lesbian relationships who had better overall outcomes. I was never inclined to test the veracity of that claim because well, quite frankly I couldn't care less.

(EDIT: BOjangles second link could be the one I was referring to when I made the above comment)

As for this comment -

Grayson wrote: »

There is one type of parent that is bad and that's a single parent. Now before anyone goes nuts at me it's not the fact that they're single that is bad. It's the lack of a second wage in the household.

The one factor that can affect a child's upbringing is money. A kid with two parents (Regardless of the parents gender) is given more options because of two wages. If a single parent is wealthy then there's absolutely no difference between single parents, straight couples and gay parents.

So rather than arguing about whether we "feel" or "think" it makes a difference/no difference we should look at evidence and start trying to level the playing field. Social/economic inequality is a far more pressing issue.

That's not really a comment on their parenting though, is it? It's a comment on their socioeconomic status, because it's their socioeconomic status, and not just money, will influence the outcomes for their children.

Again I'm not presenting this as evidence, but more of a point raised by your comment above about two parents = two wages = more options. I would suggest it's far more dependent on the parenting being shared, is a more influential factor on outcomes rather than the household income - division of parenting responsibilities rather than the joining of income.

Considering the fact that my wife and I have raised our child on one income, and I suspect that we would not be unusual in that regard, then it's not really money is the major socioeconomic factor at all, but rather education is what affords people social mobility.

18-06-2017 05:07PM

Every child needs a mother and father figure, but that could be a same sex couple or a lone parent and a gran parent.

eviltwin · 18-06-2017 05:10PM

Grayson wrote: »

I've had that discussion with family members. They're not religious but think the kid will be dysfunctional if they don't have the same upbringing they did. And that includes being baptised and raised catholic.

Maybe that's why some people think that a child needs two hetro parents. Thy did, a lot of their friends did, therefore it's weird and possibly bad if a child doesn't.

I think it's also because of the stereotype that single mothers are all Vicky Pollard types and gay parents are overly sexualized that bothers some people too. They can't see beyond the cliche.

18-06-2017 05:11PM

MadDog76 wrote: »

Even better to have two good Parents than just one ..........

of any sex.

Sleeper12 · 18-06-2017 05:14PM

Children should have male and females in their lives. Not necessarily parents but they do need a wide mixture of influences. Also as wide as possible age groups. For example grandparents are very important.

Ave Sodalis · 18-06-2017 05:14PM

One eyed Jack wrote:

The three parents feel that their children are missing someone of the opposite gender.

But the example you gave doesn't actually prove that at all. Maybe they feel they do but I don't see how fostering the child makes that point.

mariaalice wrote:

Every child needs a mother and father figure, but that could be a same sex couple or a lone parent and a gran parent.

Or a coach, or a friend of the family

Do you think kids need parents of opposite sex?

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