Men of boards, what innocent behaviors have you changed out of fear?

zig · 18-06-2017 11:50AM

me_right_one wrote: »

Neither are the same as dyslexia. Both they are all forms of mental illness / disorder / condition. Not saying thats a bad thing whatsoever. But as this thread had demonstrated, the mere questioning of such things brings out accusations of ignorance / narrowmindedness / nonsense / homophobia etc. I have been namecalled these things in the previous posts - yes go back and look - yet I have not insulted anybody once. But somehow, I'm still the bad guy.

Either way, these views are merely my OPINION. You have your OPINION, which happens to be different. Neither of us are psychologists, so why should your OPINION be any more valid than mine? My opinion could be changed if the right arguments were presented to me in a freely debatable way. But as long as you keep shouting my opinions down and throwing insults, you will continue to stifle debate, and therefore, undermine your own point of view.

I am happy to discuss it but it seems to be offending you when I disagree with your main point that gay people have a mental illness. and when I point out you lack understanding of the subjects you also get offended. That's the problem these days , you can't just discuss something without offending people eh

bee06 · 18-06-2017 11:50AM

....... wrote: »

Really? I can't say I've ever heard of that or thought it odd myself.

Same. Unless they were passing repeatedly in a short space of time.

py2006 · 18-06-2017 11:52AM

Can't say I have completely changed but I would certainly be more wary of being in a room alone with a female colleague. And I would certainly be careful about what I say or how I say it.

For the most part its unnecessary but you just never know who you are dealing with what you could be accused of. If they are a regular reader of some modern day feminist bloggers (Una Mullally, Louise O'Neil) they may be skewed in their attitudes towards men.

py2006 · 18-06-2017 11:54AM

Pac1Man wrote: »

Avoiding walking near a playground is ridiculous though. Stopping and staring is a different matter.

It should not be wrong to stop for a moment and watching kids running around playing and having a good time. Brings a smile to your face and reminds you of when life was like that for you.

zig · 18-06-2017 11:54AM

zig wrote: »

I am happy to discuss it but it seems to be offending you when I disagree with your main point that gay people have a mental illness. and when I point out you lack understanding of the subjects you also get offended. That's the problem these days , you can't just discuss something without offending people eh

I'm starting to wonder is this a case that when you bring it up people disagree with you and you then proceed to get upset and claim you're being called homophobic. I don't think you're homophobic for what it's worth. I just think you're talking about things you don't know anything about. That's not offending as much as it is annoying. But unfortunately it does make it worse when the subject is things that CAN offend both people with mental illness and gay people.

18-06-2017 11:54AM

Bit of a sausagefest going on in here

Murrisk · 18-06-2017 12:14PM

Valmont wrote: »

I always hold doors open for women but I wonder whether I'm being offensive now, I really can't tell half the time.

There's need to hold the door open for women but you're not being offensive. I don't expect this from men at all but if a guy did it, I'd be thinking "Oh right" and I'd say thanks. I wouldn't fight it by why bother kicking up a fuss? He has done a nice thing, even if I don't think it was necessary. I know you could say I'm perpetuating double standards by not questioning it but I avoid making a scene anywhere in public if at all possible.

Re: door-holding, I do it myself for men and women if it makes sense for me to hold the door ie. if I meet someone in a doorway and the door pulls towards me.

bee06 · 18-06-2017 12:17PM

py2006 wrote: »

Can't say I have completely changed but I would certainly be more wary of being in a room alone with a female colleague. And I would certainly be careful about what I say or how I say it.

I find this so depressing. I have a male manager and his manager is male as well. I'm often in a room alone with either of them and find it so sad that they would be worried about this. Current society is a bit sh*t if men and women can't interact with each other one on one without fear of something happening or allegations of something happening when it didn't being made.

....... · 18-06-2017 12:23PM

This post has been deleted.

Pac1Man · 18-06-2017 12:33PM

What does the open door do?

....... · 18-06-2017 12:41PM

This post has been deleted.

Arghus · 18-06-2017 12:49PM

Nothing.

pickarooney · 18-06-2017 12:49PM

Would you not want the door closed if you were being fired or given an official warning?

....... · 18-06-2017 12:53PM

This post has been deleted.

Taylor365 · 18-06-2017 01:01PM

When I'm walking home at night and happened to be behind a woman, i tend to speed up and grunt loudly. :pac:

Come on ffs, if someone else is scared, that's their insecurities.

Like every jogger running up behind you is going to automatically murder you

Stigura · 18-06-2017 01:03PM

Kids are scary as all hell!

One time, I'm lurking ~ completely innocently ~ below a country cross roads. Broad daylight. I look up to see a little girl walking up the road, away from me. I locked on and watched her intently. What if someone snatched her?! I'd be the only witness.

Then, a motor drew up! The door opened and she climbed in. I probably hadn't seen the school bus drop her off. Here was her parent, to collect her.

And there's me, lurking in a gateway. Staring intently at their little girl.

Oh jesus. What Has this f**king world come to?!

take everything · 18-06-2017 01:15PM

Avatar MIA wrote: »

My work overlooks the schoolyard my kids go to school. At lunchtime you could look out and see them play from a stairwell window.

Other staff and the public could walk past. I felt really awkward, and felt like I should mention my kids were down there.

I didn't look out as often as I'd have liked.

Wow that's insane.
Society is deeply screwed when a guy can't look at and enjoy his own kids playing.
I don't care how much bull**** is in other people's (usually women's) minds.

take everything · 18-06-2017 01:21PM

Arghus wrote: »

Nothing.

I salute you sir.

RayM · 18-06-2017 01:27PM

me_right_one wrote: »

But about 5 years ago, anyone who "wasn't a bit gay themselves" suddenly became hitler.

Das ist nicht passiert.

wakka12 · 18-06-2017 01:33PM

me_right_one wrote: »

I'm not homophobic. I dont hate gay people or treat them any differently. And I know plenty, who I get on with as well as anybody else.

But it is my opinion that homosexuality is a mental illness. Well, its either a mental illness, or a physical one. Having three arms would be seem as a physical illness. Not necessarily a bad one, but definitely not normal. Having a penis when your mind tells you you should have a vagina therefore, is also a physical illness.

Now, up until lately, there was no problem discussing and debating this. But about 5 years ago, anyone who "wasn't a bit gay themselves" suddenly became hitler. Now you cannot say anything, without first considering if it will hurt someone else's feelings on the matter, ESPECIALLY if you are an alpha male, stereotypical straight man.

So my changed behaviour is that I suss someone out first to see if they will be offended by everything re gayness, or if they're ok. If they're the offended type, I just don't discuss any controversial topics with them.

Its a sad reflection on society when people cant just "talk".

I get that you might not be trying to offend, but mental illness was used as grounds to imprison and torture gay people for centuries so I dont see how you're surprised if it touches a few nerves when you still refer to it as a mental illness

Like I can appreciate you're not homophobic, but your choice if wording will offend at least a decent number of gay people, I cant believe you that cant understand that!

One eyed Jack · 18-06-2017 01:35PM

eviltwin wrote: »

What's bisexuality then ?

The worst of both worlds?

Aaaanyway, thread topic -

I thought about starting a thread wishing all the fathers a happy fathers day, but then I thought about the kind of mess it would descend into given the influence of identity politics with being told that I haven't acknowledged mothers, not all men are fathers, what about men who can't have children, I'm an insensitive prick because I'm not interested in "fathers rights"... so I just said fcuk it, can't be arsed, not worth the hassle with the likelihood of a thread that was intended to be a happy thread, turn out to be yet another miseryfest.

Shame really

retro:electro · 18-06-2017 01:35PM

My boyfriend was telling me about a time he was outside working on his car and the neighbours two 6 year old nieces came over. They were asking him questions and asking could they sit in his car and would he bring them to the shop.
He said he felt like a creep for even talking to them and as a male, society has made you feel so paranoid about even speaking to children alone. He said he'd have loved nothing more than to have gone inside and gotten the two girls an ice pop and had a laugh with them but he just felt odd and told them they should probably go home and he felt ashamed about that.

jcd5971 · 18-06-2017 01:48PM

TerrorFirmer wrote:

For what it's worth while I see where me_right_one is coming from, I don't personally share his beliefs - but I do believed he's entitled to his beliefs and should be allowed air them as part of reasonable, logical debate.

Exact point is trying to make. well put

BlinkingLights · 18-06-2017 01:54PM

wakka12 wrote: »

I get that you might not be trying to offend, but mental illness was used as grounds to imprison and torture gay people for centuries so I dont see how you're surprised if it touches a few nerves when you still refer to it as a mental illness

Like I can appreciate you're not homophobic, but your choice if wording will offend at least a decent number of gay people, I cant believe you that cant understand that!

I think you're being a bit too polite there.
Of course the poster understands it.

It's this post Trump - " Rarrr! I can say anything I want and nobody is allowed to be annoyed with me" argument that doesn't understand that freedom of speech comes with freedom of other people to yell back and tell you that you're 100% wrong!

They've largely confused freedom of speech with "being always right".

Of course they can discuss homosexuality but if they start stating deeply offensive things and calling it an illness, when this is scientifically, legally and very conclusively accepted not to be the case, they're going to provoke an angry reaction.

eviltwin · 18-06-2017 02:27PM

One eyed Jack wrote: »

The worst of both worlds?

Aaaanyway, thread topic -

I thought about starting a thread wishing all the fathers a happy fathers day, but then I thought about the kind of mess it would descend into given the influence of identity politics with being told that I haven't acknowledged mothers, not all men are fathers, what about men who can't have children, I'm an insensitive prick because I'm not interested in "fathers rights"... so I just said fcuk it, can't be arsed, not worth the hassle with the likelihood of a thread that was intended to be a happy thread, turn out to be yet another miseryfest.

Shame really

Happy Fathers Day to you -and all the Boards dads - hope you are getting spoiled.

strandroad · 18-06-2017 02:30PM

TerrorFirmer wrote: »

For what it's worth while I see where me_right_one is coming from, I don't personally share his beliefs - but I do believed he's entitled to his beliefs and should be allowed air them as part of reasonable, logical debate.

Define reasonable and logical though.
If he says gay/transgender people are in the minority, is it reasonable and logical?
If he says gay/transgender people are mentally ill, is it reasonable and logical?
If he says gay/transgender people are witches, is it reasonable and logical?

Why would it be fair to allow branding innocent people with his "mentally ill" label, if it's not coming from the place of reason and logic at all?

jmayo · 18-06-2017 02:36PM

osarusan wrote: »

Genuinely can't think of anything. I've read of how people (especially men) would be hesitant to help/approach a child in trouble, for example, but I've never felt like that.

In a previous job (in a different country) I was instructed to always leave the door open if students were visiting my office, and a relative who is involved with schools here said that if she needs to take a child anywhere in her car (take them home if they are sick, for example), she needs to bring another 2, so that there are at least 2 in the car even on the way back.

That is more an institutional fear though.

It is not just schools, it is also hugely important if you are coaching kids in sports.
No way would I take a kid home on my own, you bring a couple with you.
It is to cover your ass in case anyone makes an allegation.

I guess it is the fallout from so much abuse down through the years in sports.

It has even gotten to the stage where if a kid is hurt one has to be careful if you are just checking their ankle or shin to see if it is ok.

I have even seen an under 10 accuse another kid of racism even though neither kid was what one would term a different race.
Hell no one even knew that the kid had a parent from a different country in the EU.

My question was where the hell did the kid learn to start shouting racist at people.

RockSalto · 18-06-2017 02:41PM

biko wrote: »

It's fine if you wanna read reddit, we wont judge.
But do you have to bring that crap over here too?

What's next, buzzfeed lists?

Sad act.

jcd5971 wrote: »

Well to be fair Reddit is just a far more successful version of what boards is, so why not try out a similar type of topic if he wants, for yourself you could always not post a sarcy comment on it, we won't judge you.

Reddit > Boards. No arbitrary half-baked rules on what you can talk about either.

Most I'd spend on boards is 5-10mins at a time. Could spend an hour on Reddit easily. Just so much useful (and useless but entertaining) content.

Nothing comes close to the quality of posts when you're looking for information.

correction · 18-06-2017 02:45PM

take everything wrote: »

Wow that's insane.
Society is deeply screwed when a guy can't look at and enjoy his own kids playing.
I don't care how much bull**** is in other people's (usually women's) minds.

Find it weird to call society screwed in this case. If this guy feels like he can't watch because of what other people may think then that's his mountain to climb.

WinnyThePoo · 18-06-2017 03:01PM

mhge wrote: »

Define reasonable and logical though.
If he says gay/transgender people are in the minority, is it reasonable and logical?
If he says gay/transgender people are mentally ill, is it reasonable and logical?
If he says gay/transgender people are witches, is it reasonable and logical?

Why would it be fair to allow branding innocent people with his "mentally ill" label, if it's not coming from the place of reason and logic at all?

+100

Saying your not homophobic. Then labelling every single gay person mentally ill doesn't stand up.

Men of boards, what innocent behaviors have you changed out of fear?

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