Men of boards, what innocent behaviors have you changed out of fear?

MilesMorales1

(Before anyone says a word, yes I absolutely took this topic off reddit, read it here. https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/6fzzt1/men_of_reddit_what_innocent_behaviors_have_you/ )



Men of boards, what innocent behaviors have you changed out of fear you might be accused of wrong doing?

For me, I'm a big guy myself, at least 6ft 5, stocky. I've been told that if people didn't know me (I'm really a gentle bloke) I can come across as physically intimdating, specially around women. So I get ultra paranoid walking behind women on the street, in case they think I'm up to no good. And a man approaching children of any kind is seen as something to be worried about, not that I ever mix with children or people below my own age group much.

biko

It's fine if you wanna read reddit, we wont judge.
But do you have to bring that crap over here too?

What's next, buzzfeed lists?

Jim Bob Scratcher

The way things are going, It's not easy being a man in society today.

jcd5971

biko wrote:

It's fine if you wanna read reddit, we wont judge. But do you have to bring the crap over here too?

Well to be fair Reddit is just a far more successful version of what boards is, so why not try out a similar type of topic if he wants, for yourself you could always not post a sarcy comment on it, we won't judge you.

MilesMorales1

biko wrote: »

It's fine if you wanna read reddit, we wont judge.
But do you have to bring that crap over here too?

What's next, buzzfeed lists?

Well I was just mildly interested in an AH response, and figured if I didn't make the reddit reference clear someone would make a sarcy comment about how I'd taken it from reddit anyway ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Imallrightjack

Helping a kid you don't know that has fallen and hurt himself In the playground.jesus its awful i will do it but you think twice about doing it.just in case.its complete paranoia which i totally blame the media for.

osarusan

Genuinely can't think of anything. I've read of how people (especially men) would be hesitant to help/approach a child in trouble, for example, but I've never felt like that.

In a previous job (in a different country) I was instructed to always leave the door open if students were visiting my office, and a relative who is involved with schools here said that if she needs to take a child anywhere in her car (take them home if they are sick, for example), she needs to bring another 2, so that there are at least 2 in the car even on the way back.

That is more an institutional fear though.

I probably wouldn't give a lift to a group of lads though, but that's more fear (likely irrational fear) for my own safety.

MilesMorales1

osarusan wrote: »

Genuinely can't think of anything.

In a previous job (in a different country) I was instructed to always leave the door open if students were visiting my office, and a relative who is involved with schools here said that if she needs to take a child anywhere in her car (take them home if they are sick, for example), she needs to bring another 2, so that there are at least 2 in the car even on the way back.

That is more an institutional fear though.

It's entirely possible my fear in the OP is more how I imagine it then how I make women feel. But certainly, its not a nice feeling to have on either side.

me_right_one

I'm not homophobic. I dont hate gay people or treat them any differently. And I know plenty, who I get on with as well as anybody else.

But it is my opinion that homosexuality is a mental illness. Well, its either a mental illness, or a physical one. Having three arms would be seem as a physical illness. Not necessarily a bad one, but definitely not normal. Having a penis when your mind tells you you should have a vagina therefore, is also a physical illness.

Now, up until lately, there was no problem discussing and debating this. But about 5 years ago, anyone who "wasn't a bit gay themselves" suddenly became hitler. Now you cannot say anything, without first considering if it will hurt someone else's feelings on the matter, ESPECIALLY if you are an alpha male, stereotypical straight man.

So my changed behaviour is that I suss someone out first to see if they will be offended by everything re gayness, or if they're ok. If they're the offended type, I just don't discuss any controversial topics with them.

Its a sad reflection on society when people cant just "talk".

Afroshack

me_right_one wrote: »

I'm not homophobic. I dont hate gay people or treat them any differently.

But it is my opinion that homosexuality is a mental illness



Yeah thats treating them differently

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me_right_one

Afroshack wrote: »

Yeah thats treating them differently

No its not. I dont treat anyone with depression any differently. I dont *not* serve them in shops, call them names, or cross the street to avoid them. THATS treating people differently.

zig

me_right_one wrote: »

I'm not homophobic. I dont hate gay people or treat them any differently. And I know plenty, who I get on with as well as anybody else.

But it is my opinion that homosexuality is a mental illness. Well, its either a mental illness, or a physical one. Having three arms would be seem as a physical illness. Not necessarily a bad one, but definitely not normal. Having a penis when your mind tells you you should have a vagina therefore, is also a physical illness.

Now, up until lately, there was no problem discussing and debating this. But about 5 years ago, anyone who "wasn't a bit gay themselves" suddenly became hitler. Now you cannot say anything, without first considering if it will hurt someone else's feelings on the matter, ESPECIALLY if you are an alpha male, stereotypical straight man.

So my changed behaviour is that I suss someone out first to see if they will be offended by everything re gayness, or if they're ok. If they're the offended type, I just don't discuss any controversial topics with them.

Its a sad reflection on society when people cant just "talk".

I think you've made the right decision to stay quiet about your opinions alright. The reason those things aren't called "illnesses" is because they are not something to be cured or treated. Unless you're into that whole gay conversion treatment or something. But I don't think you really understand the term mental illness , not to mention the connotations of the word.

me_right_one

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Its all non-straight activity. The common word for that is "gay".

silverharp

mostly confined to work but I find I would tend to sanatise my sense of humor at work,I remember a boss saying to way back that he never had a closed door meeting with a woman so I tend to follow that.

bnt

Similar to the OP. If I find myself walking behind a woman who's by herself, I'll cross the road just in case she thinks I'm following her. If I'm by myself I won't walk near kids' playgrounds.

Achasanai

I worked at a fairly high profile Dublin event, lots of drunk adults wandering around, so you'd get a fair amount of lost kids, some of them needing to go to the toilet. The consensus was that if you were a guy you would need to get one of your female co-workers and get them to go to the toilet with the kid.

I was actually fine with this, as I couldn't think of anything I'd less like to do than help an (unrelated) kid go to the toilet. Kind of felt sorry for my female colleagues.

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me_right_one

zig wrote: »

I think you've made the right decision to stay quiet about your opinions alright. The reason those things aren't called "illnesses" is because they are not something to be cured or treated. Unless you're into that whole gay conversion treatment or something. But I don't think you really understand the term mental illness , not to mention the connotations of the word.

Alright then, disorder, condition, whatever. But dont you agree, not being able to discuss it is a bad thing?

me_right_one

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You've just proven my point. It is not me who is displaying the ignorance and intolerance here.

Achasanai

me_right_one wrote: »

Now, up until lately, there was no problem discussing and debating this. But about 5 years ago, anyone who "wasn't a bit gay themselves" suddenly became hitler.

That was never a thing.

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Valmont

I always hold doors open for women but I wonder whether I'm being offensive now, I really can't tell half the time. It's just a habit at this stage. I currently work in a children's mental health service and before I got the job I had an interview that had the sole purpose of trying to tell if I was a pedo. It was weird as hell, one of them was acting on the assumption I had made my fiancee up. Granted an actual predator could easily fake their way through. It's a crazy world we live in.

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NegativeCreep

Valmont wrote: »

I always hold doors open for women but I wonder whether I'm being offensive now, I really can't tell half the time. It's just a habit at this stage.

Hold the door for everyone and then you'll be grand. That's what I do.

zig

me_right_one wrote: »

Alright then, disorder, condition, whatever. But dont you agree, not being able to discuss it is a bad thing?

I agree that not being able to discuss it is a bad thing but if you're gonna start telling people they have a condition , disorder , illness when they don't then you're just offending them. Gayness isn't the same as depression.

You can't be offended either if people respond to you badly because what you're saying demonstrates a lack of understanding.

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jcd5971

zig wrote:

I think you've made the right decision to stay quiet about your opinions alright. The reason those things aren't called "illnesses" is because they are not something to be cured or treated. Unless you're into that whole gay conversion treatment or something. But I don't think you really understand the term mental illness , not to mention the connotations of the word.

Right whilst the poster has his own view on the subject, as long as he isn't insulting demeaning, or acting any different towards them than he would act towards "normal" people, you sent that all we can ask really.

I mean I hate cyclists as a group but I'm not going to run. Them over or attack them, and that's all the expected of me to do.

A tad simplistic but what do you think?

me_right_one

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Gayness in general.

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At the mere mention of it, you got offended. Therefore, I curtail my discussion of it, to help people like you.

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There you go. You have accused me of being offensive already. This is because, YOU, are offended. Therefore, to alleviate your sensitivities, I cannot discuss a topical issue in any sort of detail.

suicide_circus

I've had to stop driving round in my van offering lifts to kids.

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Are Am Eye

You cant help out some poor unfortunate kid who has no sweets, anymore, even though you might have a big bag of sweets in the passenger seat of the van. You just have to be careful of misunderstandings

zig

jcd5971 wrote: »

Right whilst the poster has his own view on the subject, as long as he isn't insulting demeaning, or acting any different towards them than he would act towards "normal" people, you sent that all we can ask really.

I mean I hate cyclists as a group but I'm not going to run. Them over or attack them, and that's all the expected of me to do.

A tad simplistic but what do you think?

No , the poster is clearly making claims about something he knows nothing about.

He is putting depression , anxiety and other disorders like schizophrenia in with gayness , transgenderism.

He clearly knows nothing about both subjects. It would be different if he had a point. Then I'd say yea maybe it's worth discussing but if you're going to make claims like that then back them up if you're worried about offending people.

zig

me_right_one wrote: »

Gayness in general.



At the mere mention of it, you got offended. Therefore, I curtail my discussion of it, to help people like you.


There you go. You have accused me of being offensive already. This is because, YOU, are offended. Therefore, to alleviate your sensitivities, I cannot discuss a topical issue in any sort of detail.

Maybe stop flippantly throwing out BS claims without giving them research and understanding and people might be happy to discuss them with you.

You don't go to a psychological to cure gayness.

Loon E. Tick

If men are engaging in any type of avoidance behaviour then they've reached a point where they're actively contributing to perpetrating the myths and stereotypes about themselves. For sure there are creeps and weirdos out there but there's no need to mould yourself into one unnecessarily which is what will happen if you start changing the dynamics of ordinary everyday social interactions by overthinking everything.

silverharp

bnt wrote: »

Similar to the OP. If I find myself walking behind a woman who's by herself, I'll cross the road just in case she thinks I'm following her. If I'm by myself I won't walk near kids' playgrounds.

your second one seems very odd?

Jim Bob Scratcher

Valmont wrote: »

I always hold doors open for women but I wonder whether I'm being offensive now, I really can't tell half the time. It's just a habit at this stage. I currently work in a children's mental health service and before I got the job I had an interview that had the sole purpose of trying to tell if I was a pedo. It was weird as hell, one of them was acting on the assumption I had made my fiancee up. Granted an actual predator could easily fake their way through. It's a crazy world we live in.

FFS :mad:

Had I been in your position I would have felt like tossing the ****wit out the window.

Just wondering was it a woman who was interviewing you ?

Mongfinder General

jcd5971 wrote: »

Right whilst the poster has his own view on the subject, as long as he isn't insulting demeaning, or acting any different towards them than he would act towards "normal" people, you sent that all we can ask really.

I mean I hate cyclists as a group but I'm not going to run. Them over or attack them, and that's all the expected of me to do.

A tad simplistic but what do you think?

Yeah but do you hate gay or transgender cyclists more than straight cyclists?

me_right_one

zig wrote: »

but if you're gonna start telling people they have a condition , disorder , illness when they don't then you're just offending them. Gayness isn't the same as depression.

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Neither are the same as dyslexia. Both they are all forms of mental illness / disorder / condition. Not saying thats a bad thing whatsoever. But as this thread had demonstrated, the mere questioning of such things brings out accusations of ignorance / narrowmindedness / nonsense / homophobia etc. I have been namecalled these things in the previous posts - yes go back and look - yet I have not insulted anybody once. But somehow, I'm still the bad guy.

Either way, these views are merely my OPINION. You have your OPINION, which happens to be different. Neither of us are psychologists, so why should your OPINION be any more valid than mine? My opinion could be changed if the right arguments were presented to me in a freely debatable way. But as long as you keep shouting my opinions down and throwing insults, you will continue to stifle debate, and therefore, undermine your own point of view.

ToddyDoody

I like the countryside and find, oddly enough, that Trabolgan is a great scenic location to walk some country grounds. I've stopped making the odd trip however as it was seen as a bit suspicious to be a grown man wandering alone around the grounds of a children's play resort.

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eviltwin

me_right_one wrote: »

Neither are the same as dyslexia. Both they are all forms of mental illness / disorder / condition. Not saying thats a bad thing whatsoever. But as this thread had demonstrated, the mere questioning of such things brings out accusations of ignorance / narrowmindedness / nonsense / homophobia etc. I have been namecalled these things in the previous posts - yes go back and look - yet I have not insulted anybody once. But somehow, I'm still the bad guy.

Either way, these views are merely my OPINION. You have your OPINION, which happens to be different. Neither of us are psychologists, so why should your OPINION be any more valid than mine? My opinion could be changed if the right arguments were presented to me in a freely debatable way. But as long as you keep shouting my opinions down and throwing insults, you will continue to stifle debate, and therefore, undermine your own point of view.

What's bisexuality then ?

jcd5971

Mongfinder General wrote:

Yeah but do you hate gay or transgender cyclists more than straight cyclists?

Of course not, I don't agree with the op at all for what its worth.

I'm just saying isn't he entitled to his opinion even a wrong one, as long as he is not doing anything actually discriminating ?

jcd5971

Mongfinder General wrote:

Yeah but do you hate gay or transgender cyclists more than straight cyclists?

Of course not, I don't agree with the op at all for what its worth.

I'm just saying isn't he entitled to his opinion even a wrong one, as long as he is not doing anything actually discriminating ?

Avatar MIA

Innocent?

Right, let's go with that.

Avatar MIA

My work overlooks the schoolyard my kids go to school. At lunchtime you could look out and see them play from a stairwell window.

Other staff and the public could walk past. I felt really awkward, and felt like I should mention my kids were down there.

I didn't look out as often as I'd have liked.

strandroad

jcd5971 wrote: »

Of course not, I don't agree with the op at all for what its worth.

I'm just saying isn't he entitled to his opinion even a wrong one, as long as he is not doing anything actually discriminating ?

He is entitled to his (ignorant) opinion of course but if the society makes him keep it to himself surely it's a good thing?
Otherwise he'll be out there telling people that they are mentally ill just because he doesn't understand anything not straight.

TerrorFirmer

In fairness, me_right_one has a completely valid point and it's a pointed I've raised previously.

People should be allowed to express an opinion without fear of being shouted and screamed down. I hate the way boards has gone with regards these types of topics - you can't say this, can't say that, it's stifling and it's not right.

By all means listen to what he has to say and then point out why he's wrong. He's as entitled to his opinion as you are to tell him he's wrong. It seems these days that holding non-politically correct opinion is instantly equated with hatefulness, biogtry, homophobia, etc.

There was another guy recently expressed his belief that transgender people were mentally ill and he was instantly banned. I think that's wrong. He should be entitled to hold his opinion once it's clear that it's a genuinely held opinion and not mindless trolling (I see nothing to suggest that me_right_one is engaging in same.)

For what it's worth while I see where me_right_one is coming from, I don't personally share his beliefs - but I do believed he's entitled to his beliefs and should be allowed air them as part of reasonable, logical debate.

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LLMMLL

me_right_one wrote: »

yet I have not insulted anybody once.

You don't think it's insulting to a person to be called mentally ill?

Say you go to a party and have a great time then the next day hear that everyone at the party thought you were "mentally ill". You would be fine with that? Mentally ill is a neutral term to you? Come on.

bnt

silverharp wrote: »

your second one seems very odd?

Then you're fortunate to be ignorant of how men are viewed these days.