Men of boards, what innocent behaviors have you changed out of fear?

MilesMorales1 · 18-06-2017 10:33AM #1

(Before anyone says a word, yes I absolutely took this topic off reddit, read it here. https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/6fzzt1/men_of_reddit_what_innocent_behaviors_have_you/ )

Men of boards, what innocent behaviors have you changed out of fear you might be accused of wrong doing?

For me, I'm a big guy myself, at least 6ft 5, stocky. I've been told that if people didn't know me (I'm really a gentle bloke) I can come across as physically intimdating, specially around women. So I get ultra paranoid walking behind women on the street, in case they think I'm up to no good. And a man approaching children of any kind is seen as something to be worried about, not that I ever mix with children or people below my own age group much.

biko · 18-06-2017 10:35AM

It's fine if you wanna read reddit, we wont judge.
But do you have to bring that crap over here too?

What's next, buzzfeed lists?

Jim Bob Scratcher · 18-06-2017 10:35AM

The way things are going, It's not easy being a man in society today.

jcd5971 · 18-06-2017 10:38AM

biko wrote:

It's fine if you wanna read reddit, we wont judge. But do you have to bring the crap over here too?

Well to be fair Reddit is just a far more successful version of what boards is, so why not try out a similar type of topic if he wants, for yourself you could always not post a sarcy comment on it, we won't judge you.

MilesMorales1 · 18-06-2017 10:39AM

biko wrote: »

It's fine if you wanna read reddit, we wont judge.
But do you have to bring that crap over here too?

What's next, buzzfeed lists?

Well I was just mildly interested in an AH response, and figured if I didn't make the reddit reference clear someone would make a sarcy comment about how I'd taken it from reddit anyway ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Imallrightjack · 18-06-2017 10:42AM

Helping a kid you don't know that has fallen and hurt himself In the playground.jesus its awful i will do it but you think twice about doing it.just in case.its complete paranoia which i totally blame the media for.

osarusan · 18-06-2017 10:45AM

Genuinely can't think of anything. I've read of how people (especially men) would be hesitant to help/approach a child in trouble, for example, but I've never felt like that.

In a previous job (in a different country) I was instructed to always leave the door open if students were visiting my office, and a relative who is involved with schools here said that if she needs to take a child anywhere in her car (take them home if they are sick, for example), she needs to bring another 2, so that there are at least 2 in the car even on the way back.

That is more an institutional fear though.

I probably wouldn't give a lift to a group of lads though, but that's more fear (likely irrational fear) for my own safety.

MilesMorales1 · 18-06-2017 10:47AM

osarusan wrote: »

Genuinely can't think of anything.

In a previous job (in a different country) I was instructed to always leave the door open if students were visiting my office, and a relative who is involved with schools here said that if she needs to take a child anywhere in her car (take them home if they are sick, for example), she needs to bring another 2, so that there are at least 2 in the car even on the way back.

That is more an institutional fear though.

It's entirely possible my fear in the OP is more how I imagine it then how I make women feel. But certainly, its not a nice feeling to have on either side.

me_right_one · 18-06-2017 10:48AM

I'm not homophobic. I dont hate gay people or treat them any differently. And I know plenty, who I get on with as well as anybody else.

But it is my opinion that homosexuality is a mental illness. Well, its either a mental illness, or a physical one. Having three arms would be seem as a physical illness. Not necessarily a bad one, but definitely not normal. Having a penis when your mind tells you you should have a vagina therefore, is also a physical illness.

Now, up until lately, there was no problem discussing and debating this. But about 5 years ago, anyone who "wasn't a bit gay themselves" suddenly became hitler. Now you cannot say anything, without first considering if it will hurt someone else's feelings on the matter, ESPECIALLY if you are an alpha male, stereotypical straight man.

So my changed behaviour is that I suss someone out first to see if they will be offended by everything re gayness, or if they're ok. If they're the offended type, I just don't discuss any controversial topics with them.

Its a sad reflection on society when people cant just "talk".

Afroshack · 18-06-2017 10:52AM

me_right_one wrote: »

I'm not homophobic. I dont hate gay people or treat them any differently.

But it is my opinion that homosexuality is a mental illness

Yeah thats treating them differently

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me_right_one · 18-06-2017 11:00AM

Afroshack wrote: »

Yeah thats treating them differently

No its not. I dont treat anyone with depression any differently. I dont *not* serve them in shops, call them names, or cross the street to avoid them. THATS treating people differently.

zig · 18-06-2017 11:01AM

me_right_one wrote: »

I'm not homophobic. I dont hate gay people or treat them any differently. And I know plenty, who I get on with as well as anybody else.

But it is my opinion that homosexuality is a mental illness. Well, its either a mental illness, or a physical one. Having three arms would be seem as a physical illness. Not necessarily a bad one, but definitely not normal. Having a penis when your mind tells you you should have a vagina therefore, is also a physical illness.

Now, up until lately, there was no problem discussing and debating this. But about 5 years ago, anyone who "wasn't a bit gay themselves" suddenly became hitler. Now you cannot say anything, without first considering if it will hurt someone else's feelings on the matter, ESPECIALLY if you are an alpha male, stereotypical straight man.

So my changed behaviour is that I suss someone out first to see if they will be offended by everything re gayness, or if they're ok. If they're the offended type, I just don't discuss any controversial topics with them.

Its a sad reflection on society when people cant just "talk".

I think you've made the right decision to stay quiet about your opinions alright. The reason those things aren't called "illnesses" is because they are not something to be cured or treated. Unless you're into that whole gay conversion treatment or something. But I don't think you really understand the term mental illness , not to mention the connotations of the word.

me_right_one · 18-06-2017 11:01AM

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Its all non-straight activity. The common word for that is "gay".

silverharp · 18-06-2017 11:02AM

mostly confined to work but I find I would tend to sanatise my sense of humor at work,I remember a boss saying to way back that he never had a closed door meeting with a woman so I tend to follow that.

bnt · 18-06-2017 11:02AM

Similar to the OP. If I find myself walking behind a woman who's by herself, I'll cross the road just in case she thinks I'm following her. If I'm by myself I won't walk near kids' playgrounds.

Achasanai · 18-06-2017 11:03AM

I worked at a fairly high profile Dublin event, lots of drunk adults wandering around, so you'd get a fair amount of lost kids, some of them needing to go to the toilet. The consensus was that if you were a guy you would need to get one of your female co-workers and get them to go to the toilet with the kid.

I was actually fine with this, as I couldn't think of anything I'd less like to do than help an (unrelated) kid go to the toilet. Kind of felt sorry for my female colleagues.

....... · 18-06-2017 11:03AM

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me_right_one · 18-06-2017 11:03AM

zig wrote: »

I think you've made the right decision to stay quiet about your opinions alright. The reason those things aren't called "illnesses" is because they are not something to be cured or treated. Unless you're into that whole gay conversion treatment or something. But I don't think you really understand the term mental illness , not to mention the connotations of the word.

Alright then, disorder, condition, whatever. But dont you agree, not being able to discuss it is a bad thing?

me_right_one · 18-06-2017 11:04AM

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You've just proven my point. It is not me who is displaying the ignorance and intolerance here.

Achasanai · 18-06-2017 11:04AM

me_right_one wrote: »

Now, up until lately, there was no problem discussing and debating this. But about 5 years ago, anyone who "wasn't a bit gay themselves" suddenly became hitler.

That was never a thing.

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Valmont · 18-06-2017 11:05AM

I always hold doors open for women but I wonder whether I'm being offensive now, I really can't tell half the time. It's just a habit at this stage. I currently work in a children's mental health service and before I got the job I had an interview that had the sole purpose of trying to tell if I was a pedo. It was weird as hell, one of them was acting on the assumption I had made my fiancee up. Granted an actual predator could easily fake their way through. It's a crazy world we live in.

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NegativeCreep · 18-06-2017 11:07AM

Valmont wrote: »

I always hold doors open for women but I wonder whether I'm being offensive now, I really can't tell half the time. It's just a habit at this stage.

Hold the door for everyone and then you'll be grand. That's what I do.

zig · 18-06-2017 11:07AM

me_right_one wrote: »

Alright then, disorder, condition, whatever. But dont you agree, not being able to discuss it is a bad thing?

I agree that not being able to discuss it is a bad thing but if you're gonna start telling people they have a condition , disorder , illness when they don't then you're just offending them. Gayness isn't the same as depression.

You can't be offended either if people respond to you badly because what you're saying demonstrates a lack of understanding.

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jcd5971 · 18-06-2017 11:08AM

zig wrote:

I think you've made the right decision to stay quiet about your opinions alright. The reason those things aren't called "illnesses" is because they are not something to be cured or treated. Unless you're into that whole gay conversion treatment or something. But I don't think you really understand the term mental illness , not to mention the connotations of the word.

Right whilst the poster has his own view on the subject, as long as he isn't insulting demeaning, or acting any different towards them than he would act towards "normal" people, you sent that all we can ask really.

I mean I hate cyclists as a group but I'm not going to run. Them over or attack them, and that's all the expected of me to do.

A tad simplistic but what do you think?

me_right_one · 18-06-2017 11:08AM

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Gayness in general.

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At the mere mention of it, you got offended. Therefore, I curtail my discussion of it, to help people like you.

....... wrote: »

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There you go. You have accused me of being offensive already. This is because, YOU, are offended. Therefore, to alleviate your sensitivities, I cannot discuss a topical issue in any sort of detail.

suicide_circus · 18-06-2017 11:11AM

I've had to stop driving round in my van offering lifts to kids.

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Men of boards, what innocent behaviors have you changed out of fear?

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