Did You succeed on your own

AllForIt · 27-05-2017 04:57AM #1

I was thinking about transferable wealth and how much that transferable wealth has assisted people to succeed in life, meaning that assets/wealth from the family you come from has been critical to the job/success in life you have.

Okay my question might seem vague so I'll ask a few questions which should clarify where I'm coming from.

1. When you went to university/college did you have any support? Did you either live at home which meant you didn't have to pay rent or did your parents pay for your accommodation while you studied?

2. In the case of non-academic work, did you get that job easily, did someone for example recommend you for the job based on some recommendation based on the fact that your related to someone who works in the same area, or something similar.

3. If you are married, could you survive by yourself, if you weren't married.

4. If your married did you attain some wealth/security because you married. I.E, you married someone that had some assets, be it a inheritance or something similar.

5. Have you inherited anything from your family particularly before they died... for example a farm ..or a small business...that stands to you that supports your individual sense of security that has hugely assisted you in your success in life.

6. Is anyone in the position that they haven't gained any assistance at all from the family one comes from, but you survived all by yourself, and how did that work out for you.

7. Have your family members benefited more than you from the assets/wealth your family has. I.E, you lost out because the wealth/assets weren't distributed evenly.

8. Do you have a nice car, a nice house, a mortgage, a house with a nice garden, and did you do it all by yourself, without any assistance whatsoever from either your family or friends or anyone at all.

dodderangler · 27-05-2017 04:59AM

Too long to read at 5 am. Looks like you've been doing some serious thinking though.

AllForIt · 27-05-2017 05:06AM

dodderangler wrote: »

Too long to read at 5 am. Looks like you've been doing some serious thinking though.

The internet doesn't go to sleep.

Realt Dearg Sec · 27-05-2017 05:10AM

The answer is no. For me the answer is no, for you the answer is no, and for every "pulled myself up by my bootstraps not like these spongers" bull****ter who comes on here claiming otherwise, the answer is no.

DEFTLEFTHAND · 27-05-2017 05:35AM

No, I was lucky enough to be born into a vibrant family business.

The only hardship I incurred was when transitioning from college into the business. I got no special treatment at all, my Dad made sure of that. Had to pay my dues.

ash23 · 27-05-2017 07:21AM

Zero financial help from my family.
Didn't finish college.

Am now living in a nice little house (long term rental) with my little family. Working and earning a decent wage for the area I live.

Had some state assistance through the years though so couldn't have managed without that.

_Brian · 27-05-2017 07:43AM

No assistance here.
Left home at 17 to go to college, worked to support myself there.

Have worked since leaving college.

Inherited nor married into anything and we have a decent standard of living but not luxurious by any standards.

riverrocked · 27-05-2017 07:48AM

Yes I did. (Though it depends on what you define as sucess). I had to leave home at 17, no college, found myself a job and first a bedsit in a really dodgy building. Slowly worked my way up to manager and house.
I think it was easier to get a bottom of the rung job in the ninties though.

Pinch Flat · 27-05-2017 08:00AM

Got zero help in life. For college, was lucky enough to get "the grant" as we hadn't a bean. All my jobs I've gotten by just applying and doing an interview. Now work in a managers job in a consultancy firm - doing ok.

Always had some sort of part time job / earner in college for money. Headed to Germany for summer work after each year. Did an Erasmus year where i got by on money saved from previous year and getting tax back.

I emigrated to the uk in 1995 from being on on the dole with literally pounds in my pocket. Managed to scrape by - was lucky enough to have a relation put me up for a few weeks until I got established. My first house share I had no bed clothes until I got paid. Struggled to get the deposit / months rent in advance.

Bought my house when I came back in 2000 - saved the desposit and borrowed modestly.

I see friends and relations who've had leg ups through their life - college paid, allowances, money for house deposit / furnishings / car etc from their parents. I do wonder about their resourcefulness when they've got to sort something out themselves.

Wompa1 · 27-05-2017 08:00AM

Got the grant in my final year of college. Payment came through about halfway through the year. So, I got some help but at the tail end of college. Still, better than nothing. My parents didn't help and couldn't. In my second year of college one day the college closed for their open day. I stayed in bed all day trying to not burn energy so I wouldn't have to eat. I was living off 89 euro a week for everything..that's how much I earned at the time.

My sister sent me a picture of myself and my brother from around that time. I looked awful. Malnourished, skin and bone. I went through a bad patch with women then too and now I can see why. I didn't have any more luck until I had more disposable income in my third year of college, ate a bit more, drank and had a bit of life and put on some pounds. I didn't know many actual poor students during my time in college (during the boom year 2003-2007) but I guess I was one!

There's no inheritance for me. My parents haven't a pot to p1ss let alone a window to throw it out.

My wife's family are not wealthy. They offer support in the way of minding our son but I also pay them for that.

My parents "borrowed" about 10k off me the year I left college due to trying to pay off debts. 10k I didn't have to give. I had to go to the bank and get a loan.

Don't own a house. Rent. I own a car. I bought and paid for every car I've ever had. Always paid my own rent. Moved out of home at 18. Only moved back for a couple of weeks when between places and my dad tried to charge me rent.

My first non-academic job was for my uncle from when I was 12 to 21. Then I got a job through my sister at the place she worked for a year and then got jobs after that based on my degree. At the time most people I graduated with were going on to do a masters or going traveling. It being 2007, I got in just before things turned to crap and many I graduated with missed the boat by the time they decided to try to join the workforce. I guess that's one good thing that came out of not having the financial security to do those things.

One good thing to come from all of it is that I developed a thick skin, a great work ethic and sound financial management skills which have made me pretty successful in work and life. I'll be pretty old by the time I buy a house BUT I'll hopefully pay cash and never have a mortgage (knock on wood). After that I'll be much happier and secure in myself. Until then, I'll keep killing myself trying. Keep "wasting" money on rent in order to not take the same risks many took before me. I have never lived beyond my means, I hope not to start.

Sky King · 27-05-2017 08:07AM

Lets hear your answers first OP

Wesser · 27-05-2017 08:14AM

You can't just quantify support in terms if financial support. Your questions are too black and white.

Look at wompa 1 for exa mple whose wife's family babysit / childcare and many grannies who do this . This is not financial support directly but it support in a way that saved them money...

peckerhead · 27-05-2017 08:52AM

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

No, I was lucky enough to be born into a vibrant family business.

The only hardship I incurred was when transitioning from college into the business. I got no special treatment at all, my Dad made sure of that. Had to pay my dues.

Cheesy as it sounds, that last bit is the most valuable part of what he gave you.

My old man wasn't rich but he was comfortably off, and I had the luxury of living at home and my fees paid through 3 years of college (this was in the days before the fees waiver) — but pretty much nothing else. I'm far more grateful that he taught me to work for what I wanted than for the handouts at the time.

He also never, to my knowledge, used connections or 'pull' to help me get a job. In fact I remember him once explaining to me precisely why he would never do this, and why it disgusted him when he looked around him and saw the extent of the nepotism/'old boys' thing going on in business and in so many other aspects of life. I think we're particularly bad for it in Ireland.

Anyway, I told him he could fook off if he thought I was going to work in insurance.

Minderbinder · 27-05-2017 08:57AM

I live above a bowling alley and below another bowling alley.

WHIP IT! · 27-05-2017 09:09AM

Realt Dearg Sec wrote: »

The answer is no. For me the answer is no, for you the answer is no, and for every "pulled myself up by my bootstraps not like these spongers" bull****ter who comes on here claiming otherwise, the answer is no.

I love this post.

My father worked hard his whole life and was lucky enough in work and in business to ensure all five of his kids got a great headstart in life. It's allowed me, personally, to live in relative comfort and I dearly hope I can succeed enough in life to allow my kid(s) a similar leg up.

I would consider my dad a "pulled himself up from the bootstraps" type, but even he loved to tell the story of how his own father (bus driver) gave him his life savings to start his own business which, in the late 70s, was £1100.

I've had loads of help in life and plenty of bits of luck along the way - I'm grateful for all of it, and hopeful for more of it!

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1 · 27-05-2017 09:27AM

A big NO. My father was a carpenter initially and then a labourer. We had little or nothing - no car, phone, holidays, or even an inside toilet. I worked my way through education as far as a doctorate, with no assistance from state or family connections. Had to stay away from home for all of it, as transport didn't allow for easy access to commuting in those days.
Got work through qualification and, I hope, ability. My father worked all hours to just feed and clothe his family and died at 53 years of age.

As for inheritance, the family home was small and by the time our mother died, we children had probably put more in to it and spent more making our mother comfortable in her latter years than the house realised.

I am now very comfortably off and my kids got every opportunity to achieve their goals in life. They are now nurses, a midwife, teachers, and social workers. But, apart from covering their education costs they have made their own ways in life.

27-05-2017 01:03PM

No I honestly didn't. My parents have supported me financially. My dad continues to help me out if I'm stuck. I'm very lucky and don't take a bit of it for granted.

Edited to add that my response is in terms of financial help. I found my job based on my qualifications and experience, achieved those qualifications due to my own hard work. I've also done and continue to do a lot of personal work which is all down to me.

donegaLroad · 27-05-2017 01:07PM

thinly veiled Dept of Revenue thread

Junkyard Tom · 27-05-2017 01:12PM

Realt Dearg Sec wrote: »

The answer is no. For me the answer is no, for you the answer is no, and for every "pulled myself up by my bootstraps not like these spongers" bull****ter who comes on here claiming otherwise, the answer is no.

Joe Duffy might have a thing-or-two to say about that.

greencap · 27-05-2017 01:19PM

Nobody makes its on their own.

Every living person had a bottle or a breast.

And had their ass wiped for them.

And spoons put to their mouth.

And in modern terms had footpaths laid for them, lights so they could travel at night and cross the road, police keeping them safe, a hospital waiting in case they hurt themselves, the list goes on.

Bill Gate had access to a university computer lab during his teens.
Buffet had a public library.

Life decides 90% of what happens.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1 · 27-05-2017 01:20PM

donegaLroad wrote: »

thinly veiled Dept of Revenue thread

How so?

Oranage2 · 27-05-2017 01:30PM

No help from my parents financially as I grew up quite poor.
Lots of government grants throughout college and I had a part time job so I was rolling in the cash compared to other students.

After college I was never on welfare thankfully.

Right now, im 30, no wife or serious girlfriend, I don't have a lot of savings (though probably enough to put a deposit on a cheap house) I rent an apartment by myself and work full time.
But I think I've done it mostly by myself except for a lot of government grants early on.

MilesMorales1 · 27-05-2017 01:32PM

AllForIt wrote: »

I was thinking about transferable wealth and how much that transferable wealth has assisted people to succeed in life, meaning that assets/wealth from the family you come from has been critical to the job/success in life you have.

Okay my question might seem vague so I'll ask a few questions which should clarify where I'm coming from.

1. When you went to university/college did you have any support? Did you either live at home which meant you didn't have to pay rent or did your parents pay for your accommodation while you studied?

2. In the case of non-academic work, did you get that job easily, did someone for example recommend you for the job based on some recommendation based on the fact that your related to someone who works in the same area, or something similar.

3. If you are married, could you survive by yourself, if you weren't married.

4. If your married did you attain some wealth/security because you married. I.E, you married someone that had some assets, be it a inheritance or something similar.

5. Have you inherited anything from your family particularly before they died... for example a farm ..or a small business...that stands to you that supports your individual sense of security that has hugely assisted you in your success in life.

6. Is anyone in the position that they haven't gained any assistance at all from the family one comes from, but you survived all by yourself, and how did that work out for you.

7. Have your family members benefited more than you from the assets/wealth your family has. I.E, you lost out because the wealth/assets weren't distributed evenly.

8. Do you have a nice car, a nice house, a mortgage, a house with a nice garden, and did you do it all by yourself, without any assistance whatsoever from either your family or friends or anyone at all.

1. Nope, we're too skint for that.
2. Nope.
3. Not married. Can barely support myself.
4. See above.
5. All my family are stupid poor. Thats what living in the North of England and refusing to leave does for you I guess.
6. I'm doing ok. Better than my comparable family members did at my age anyway. No huge debts, no kids.
7. Nope.
8. Nope.

Granted, I'm only 24 and I haven't been to university yet, but we don't have the money for any sort of financial assistance.

Widdershins · 27-05-2017 01:33PM

6).

And Yes to 8) but by my own definition of ''good enough'', not everyone's.

myshirt · 27-05-2017 01:40PM

You've hit some excellent points op, but hopefully not right after you hit a bong.

This is a huge issue in Ireland that hasn't been debated enough. No doubt.

When our parents told us to stop crying or they'll give us something to cry about, little did we know they meant they would destroy the housing market, multiply the debt, up their pensions, and so on, all on the back of debt that the youth of Ireland pay for now. Currently there is a charade going on between senior civil servants and unions in 'pay talks', where they pretend they are talking about sensible financial decisions, but the reality is they are talking about how best to keep the party going on the back of the young worker.

Serious inequality of opportunity that has emerged in this country emerged from direct intervention in fiscal policy, bad in the private sector, way way way f#cking worse in the public, but still everyone seems to think their position in life has 100% been through their own effort and self efficacy.

Someone who is better than me on the psychology of it might come along here and weigh in, but the crux of it is essentially people of lower ability, but of family means, develop an internal illusion where they mistakenly assess their cognitive ability as greater than it is. This illusionary superiority is some sort of metacognitive inability of low-ability persons to recognize their own ineptitude and the real drivers of the position they hold in life. Without such self-awareness and a basic level of financial and economic literacy, they cannot objectively evaluate their actual competence or incompetence as relates to their position in life.

The short and small of it is we can't just pull assets from people, but what we can do is lower Capital Acquisition Tax thresholds and raise Capital Acquisition Tax rates so that no wealth is passed on to perpetuate the issue and what happened the youth in this county by the baby boomers and early gen'x'ers.

It is disgusting for example that up to 7 out of 10 FTB'S are getting part or all of a deposit off their parents. Completely dysfunctional. This is money that needs to be heavily taxed, along with inheritances post death.

donegaLroad · 27-05-2017 01:42PM

Shawn Bitter Radiotherapy wrote: »

How so?

I dunno.... inheritance tax maybe... tongue in cheek remark

Achasanai · 27-05-2017 01:44PM

Pinch Flat wrote: »

Got zero help in life. For college, was lucky enough to get "the grant" ...
I emigrated to the uk in 1995 from being on on the dole with literally pounds in my pocket ... was lucky enough to have a relation put me up for a few weeks until I got established. My first house share I had no bed clothes until I got paid. Struggled to get the deposit / months rent in advance.

Getting a grant, the dole, and help from relations wouldn't be what I call 'zero help', tbh.

I'm pretty sure everybody's had help at some point in their lives, given how the state operates, as well as family and friends - the latter definitely help, but not necessarily financially.

eeguy · 27-05-2017 01:53PM

Achasanai wrote: »

Getting a grant, the dole, and help from relations wouldn't be what I call 'zero help', tbh.

I'm pretty sure everybody's had help at some point in their lives, given how the state operates, as well as family and friends - the latter definitely help, but not necessarily financially.

Everyone had some help in their lives. It's not like you grew up on the streets of Bangladesh struggling to survive.

I had plenty of help.
Parents fed, clothed and housed me from age zero to 17.
Most importantly they made sure I went to school, did my homework and got good results (There's plenty of parents who don't bother)
I worked over the Summers for disposable income and saved a bit for college.

Got €100 a week from them to pay for digs and €50 of my own for busses and food.
Did that for three years, then graduated into the recession. Worked min. wage jobs but still lived at home, so no bills or rent to speak of.

Went back to college for another two years, again no bills or rent.

I can honestly say I wouldn't be where I am without the kindness and generosity of my parents. They were always on my side and never let me down .

Malari · 27-05-2017 01:54PM

AllForIt wrote: »

1. When you went to university/college did you have any support? Did you either live at home which meant you didn't have to pay rent or did your parents pay for your accommodation while you studied?
I stayed at home for my undergrad. My parents moved to the area with the uni close by with this in mind, long before we were college age. They knew they'd struggle or not be able to afford us living away from home during college. I won an academic grant for my post-grads and I got a loan, which I paid back myself.

2. In the case of non-academic work, did you get that job easily, did someone for example recommend you for the job based on some recommendation based on the fact that your related to someone who works in the same area, or something similar.
I got a recommendation but not from someone I was related to. More of a professional reference. And that was after a time of waitressing, etc.

3. If you are married, could you survive by yourself, if you weren't married.
Yes, and did for a long time before I was married!

4. If your married did you attain some wealth/security because you married. I.E, you married someone that had some assets, be it a inheritance or something similar.
Nope. Probably other way round!

5. Have you inherited anything from your family particularly before they died... for example a farm ..or a small business...that stands to you that supports your individual sense of security that has hugely assisted you in your success in life.
No. I don't think there'll be much to inherit by the time my parents die. I want them to enjoy the rest of their lives and leave very little.

6. Is anyone in the position that they haven't gained any assistance at all from the family one comes from, but you survived all by yourself, and how did that work out for you.
Emotional support was always there. And financial I guess until I was about 18-20...I worked part time.

7. Have your family members benefited more than you from the assets/wealth your family has. I.E, you lost out because the wealth/assets weren't distributed evenly.
No.

8. Do you have a nice car, a nice house, a mortgage, a house with a nice garden, and did you do it all by yourself, without any assistance whatsoever from either your family or friends or anyone at all.
Yes, all of the above. I saved hard from the minute I started earning, paid back loans, saved before I knew I was saving for a house or car. I didn't get any financial assistance. In fact I've been able to help my parents and other family member out financially when they needed it.

.

doolox · 27-05-2017 02:12PM

In my own personal case I started work in my fathers business at age 19 but got a job in a completely unrelated industry by age 21. All my three sisters got jobs through family and friends of my father and ended up in jobs or training through personal connections. All three ended up leaving work early in life or working part time through various life situations, two with disabilities brought on by work and the 3rd through marrying a man rich enough to support all his family ( 3 boys) and his mother as well.

I married into a household already bought and paid for so I was able to keep the money saved on not having a big mortgage which was just as well because my job was lost due to burnout and redundancy at an age which is very difficult to get re employed in a conventional manner. I am now self employed in a precarious manner which would preclude applying for a mortgage or any other kind of credit but I have received a legacy from my parents so that will cover most future expenses. While the money I now earn is good it is not guaranteed and there is no pension, sick pay or anything to cover future ill health. Basically I will have to work until at least 70 like my Dad, also self employed, had to.

I could say that I would not be able to live independently without my wife being in a good job and we having our house bought and paid for, all her work and effort, and we deciding, wisely in hindsight, not to move to a bigger house and incur more debt. I would say that my life has been 50 50 support from other significant family members and some effort on my own part. In my jobs I found it a struggle at times but it was my own position, obtained by my own efforts and without family assistance in any major way. Things I got from other family members I do not consider as valuable to my self esteem as getting those 2 jobs by my own efforts.

The more I live and see what goes on in Ireland the more annoyed I become at how much influence, pull and family ties dictate how well paid people are in this country. I have a lot less respect for people in jobs acquired through inheritance than I would have for people who have pulled themselves up totally by their own efforts. The very few self made people I have met or worked with can , however, be difficult and demanding to work for. The 2nd or 3rd generation employer in a family business can be more forgiving and flexible to deal with and can be less demanding but you will never advance far if in competition with closer family members for senior jobs.

I would estimate that totally self made people are very rare in life especially in Ireland but the some level of help and monetary assistance was needed by most people. A

Wesser · 27-05-2017 02:23PM

No man.is an.island.
Everyone e gets help from others and gives help to others.

Did You succeed on your own

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