Embarrassing things that have happened to you

KKkitty · 28-04-2017 11:16PM #1

Many years ago I was at Good Friday mass. I had some tuna for lunch being the good Catholic I was and all during the mass I felt queasy. I made my way outside after mass and proceeded to vomit right outside the church door in front of everyone. In school during P.E. I sat up on a window sill breaking the window in such a way that it left an imprint of my butt. Didn't live that down for a while. So what has happened to ye?

Hector Bellend · 28-04-2017 11:24PM

I crapped the bed in my parents house after a session recently.

I mean a real bowel emptier.

You would think that would be a lesson but I did something similar this week

28-04-2017 11:27PM

When i was about 18 I Worked in a hotel and was staying in one of the guestrooms as I was on early breakfast. Went out that night and was fairly well cut when I got back.
Went to bed but the couple next door were at it for ages...really loud. ...so I decided to go down to the residents bar for a while..

I was that drunk I forgot to put clothes on....walked into bar in boxers in front to of about 20 older ladies who were on a golfing weekend.

Prime Irish Beef · 28-04-2017 11:30PM

I was terrified of wearing tampons up until a few years ago. I went on holidays with my siblings. They wanted to go to a water park and I was on the blob. Obviously wearing a pad, I couldn't get into the water. They begged me to go on this one slide saying it would be fine.

It wasn't fine.

I went on the slide, got out of the pool of water.....blood started leaking down my leg. I nearly died of embarrassment. Of course my sister thought it was hilarious. Went to the bathroom to fix myself and decided to wring out the pad as it was saturated. Bad idea. It exploded everywhere in the cubicle. All over the walls. I can't even.

One of the most embarrassing things that has ever happened to me.

greencap · 28-04-2017 11:44PM

Tried to silently squeeze one out while talking to a co worker in a new job. Was desperate.
Thought I'd get away with a daring 'in plain sight' raid.
I mean nobody dares a fart mid conversation, she'd doubt her own perception.

I'd be like the impostor who steals the suitcase by telling the secretary he's been sent over from corporate. The guy who the teacher doesn't recognize but just says he transferred even though his names not there its ok.

Failed.

She already had me down as a bit of a weirdo, and me tilting to one side and letting out a stinker mid conversation just confirmed it.

Summer wind · 28-04-2017 11:45PM

I walked into a glass door at McDonald's and a huge red lump appeared on my forehead. Then I had to go up to the counter and order food while everyone sitting down eating stared. So mortifying.

Jack the Stripper · 28-04-2017 11:47PM

Hector Bellend wrote: »

I crapped the bed in my parents house after a session recently.

I mean a real bowel emptier.

You would think that would be a lesson but I did something similar this week

You need to invest in adult nappies.

RayM · 28-04-2017 11:51PM

I remember this one time, back in the days before the internet... I was furiously knocking one out, with a magazine in front of me, and then I suddenly heard a voice: "Are you gonna buy that magazine or what?" Absolutely mortified.

Four Phucs Ache · 29-04-2017 12:22AM

2002.Lads holiday in Crete.We rented our own apartment off the main strip and spent all day by the pool, went out about 8 every night for a meal and then the rest was usually a blur.

About a week into the 2 we were there Neil was still hoping to get lucky with anything that moved.It eventually happened and that was that.He said he was heading back to the apt to have fun etc.

Hours later about 5am I'm heading back wrecked with a kebab face and I spot Neil and the girl in the corner of the pool doing what Neil desperately wanted to do.

As I was walking past It was evident that he was near the end of his efforts and thanking god his mood was going to be better for the following week I said out loud "took you fooking long enough" .

It wasn't Neil.

In a Scottish accent I was asked how fooking long was I watching them for.He starts to wade over to me all mad eyed, me trying to explain I didn't mean that it took him long enough to finish the job and I thought he was my friend Neil etc etc

He laughs like a madman and says he has to go to "finish the job" and floated away.

When I got to the apt Neil was leaving with his girl to drop her back to her place on a moped.

I didn't even look at him

:pac:

Lorelli! · 29-04-2017 12:27AM

The pool story reminds me of when I was on holiday. I think i was 17. I got out of the pool and was about to use the outdoor shower and some annoying little kid put their hand up like they were in school and shouted over at me "em em excuse me?Your bikini top is down"

:pac:

I also remember something similar happening my friend. She was mess fighting with her brother in the pool and her bikini top fell down! He was like "ah Jesus ffs"

oneilla · 29-04-2017 01:11AM

Fell between the gap on the Dart platform at Tara St once. It was busy and I was instantly shocked and embarrassed, I pulled my leg out and shuffled on the train. Got a text from a friend which just read "HAHAHAHA"

misstearheus · 29-04-2017 03:18AM

Have just remembered one time standing behind a Off-licence I puked out into big queue of Customers. Wasn't even sick or alcohol-related. Just a total random un-expected thing. Like big jet-spiralling full-flow puke into a big line of Customers faces. That'll be £12.99 please. Oh no sorry we have a special offer today of a bitta puke in your face.

:eek::o:o

Canis Lupus · 29-04-2017 03:44AM

Hector Bellend wrote: »

I crapped the bed in my parents house after a session recently.

I mean a real bowel emptier.

You would think that would be a lesson but I did something similar this week

That's not embarrassing, it's worrying.

Riddle101 · 29-04-2017 03:45AM

On holidays years ago. Went to Florida and decided to go to Busch Gardens. Well as we were queuing up to go on one of the Roller coasters, I started feeling sickish, but I hoped I could hold on until I got my turn on the ride. I had just got to the front of the line, and just as I got on the roller coaster I got sick all over myself in front of everyone. I had to get off the roller coaster and wasn't allowed my turn. Anyway I went back to the hotel after that and it turns out I got sunstroke.

DEFTLEFTHAND · 29-04-2017 04:59AM

Had my pants pulled down while standing at a bar on a lads trip to Milan in 2010.

We used to do these RyanAir City breaks. Once ever couple of months or so we'd book a weekend and go and drink.

The guy who pulled my pants also caught the underwear and stripped me bollox naked from the waist down as I was trying to order a drink in front of the local Milanese people.

I got so thick, but I couldn't respond until I got my drawers in place. I was red faced and angry as hell.

Prime Irish Beef · 29-04-2017 08:12PM

Hector Bellend wrote: »

I crapped the bed in my parents house after a session recently.

I mean a real bowel emptier.

You would think that would be a lesson but I did something similar this week

You tell a lot of sh*t stories.

oneilla · 30-04-2017 01:35AM

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

Had my pants pulled down while standing at a bar on a lads trip to Milan in 2010.

We used to do these RyanAir City breaks. Once ever couple of months or so we'd book a weekend and go and drink.

The guy who pulled my pants also caught the underwear and stripped me bollox naked from the waist down as I was trying to order a drink in front of the local Milanese people.

I got so thick, but I couldn't respond until I got my drawers in place. I was red faced and angry as hell.

Pheweey! :eek:

hank scorpio89 · 30-04-2017 01:55AM

A few months back i was walking to get my lift to work.atane to santry good 40 minute walk.its 7.15 in the morning so nowhere is open i get as far as beaumont and my stomach suddenly starts doing cartwheels..and i can feel it right down in the bowels.so panick strikes and i think **** do i go home or keep going.if i miss my lift im screwed so i soldier on and im literally walking throught a housing estate thinking can i run down someones drive and go.obviously the thought of someone finding me ****ting in there garden at half 7 in the morning probably wouldent be the best way to start a monday of all days.so anyway i get as far as the santry fly over and im literally in sweats and everything.i realise my mates shop would be open a few minutes down the road.salvation !i ran the rest of the way to the shop and literally ran in going wheres the jax man quick.i made it into the jax at bursting point i unbuckle my belt start to pull my trousers down and to my horror ...the belt gets stuck on the top buckle and i literally shat myself on the toilet..full on chicken curry ****...had to finish up take my jox off throw them in my bag with my lunch.clean up the seat and.basically run out saying oh im gonna be late c ya later.threw my **** filled bag including lunch into someones green bin ðŸ˜•.had to go to work in a pair of snickers with no jox.had a serious case of nappy rash by the end of the day.its true what they say **** happens.

PandaPoo · 30-04-2017 02:30AM

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

I was in a nightclub once, dancefloor was empty but the bar was full and people were leaning on it looking out at the room.

I look across the dancefloor and see my friend, give her a wave and go to run over and hug her, drunk girl style.

I got within 2 foot of her and realised it was my reflection in a mirror. There was one bloke laughing so much he had tears rolling down his face, he was bent over holding his stomach and was screaming laughing. Everyone else was laughing or feeling sorry for me.

That was just a horrible feeling. 30 people saw me do it. The guy who found it the funniest came over after and said he could see me waving at my own reflection and knew it couldn't end well

So that's one of them

Another one was my boyfriend introducing me to his friend.
Me 'hi I'm Emma
Him: Emmet?
Me: Emma
Him: Emmet.
Me: No Emma.
Him: No, Emmet?
Me: yeah ok...nice to meet You.

I said to my boyfriend after Jesus he was so weird, he kept thinking my name was emmet. And my boyfriend was like no, he knew you were Emma but he was just trying to tell you his name was Emmet. MORTO.

When I married said boyfriend, we had only known each other less than a year, so I had never met his family. Anyway, long story short we had a lovely day, complete with someone sh*tting all over our hotel. All. Over. It.
Literally everywhere. Even the bridal suite, best man's room, bridesmaid room, corridors, stairs, reception...
So the next day when we went down to breakfast as husband and wife I had to apologise to a dozen old people (and the rest of our guests) about the sh*t everywhere while they welcomed me into the family

oneilla · 30-04-2017 03:01AM

Jesus! What is with all the poo!? A sex accident I can understand but wow, I thought accidents like that only happened in Trainspotting

hank scorpio89 · 30-04-2017 03:05AM

oneilla wrote: »

Jesus! What is with all the poo!? A sex accident I can understand but wow, I thought accidents like that only happened in Trainspotting

Its suprisingly more common than one would imagine.i no several people who its happened to.get a depth charger in a pub and you'll no all about it.

razorblunt · 30-04-2017 03:22PM

Yes the wedding poo story is back! That's my favourite Boards story!

Mine is similar, out golfing, felt a bit uneasy on the first tee but battled on, worryingly I knew all the first 9 holes go away from the Clubhouse. Got caught on the 4th, jumped into the woods, lost my golf towel. Told the lads, I had to had back as I was definitely unwell, caught short twice more on the way back, lost both my socks.

Had to ring the gf, now wife, to pick me up, all the while sat in trap 2 planning the route home to pass as many pubs as possible so I could duck in.

Turns out I caught food poisoning.

Prime Irish Beef · 30-04-2017 03:28PM

I have just downloaded Trainspotting.

On the poo note, I sharted when I was 12. It wasn't that embarrassing because only my little brother knew I did it and I was beside the apartment. Cleaned myself up and carried on with life. That was the last time I tried to force out a fart.

pablo128 · 30-04-2017 09:04PM

I just fell off my parents roof. Like less than an hour ago. We spotted a leak in the ceiling so I waited till it stopped raining and got out of the skylight in the upstairs bathroom to investigate and immediately done a Gerrard. The part I actually fell off is where it goes down to single storey so while I slid from almost the top of the house, I only dropped about 8 foot into the garden. I semi landed on my feet into dogsh1te naturally.

So at the moment my jacket and jeans are in the washing machine and my runners are out the back yard, I have a thick lip, one of the lenses of my glasses are scratched, and I'm wearing a pair of my mothers tracksuit bottoms I found upstairs. And my 8 year old daughter thinks the whole thing is hilarious.

Gael23 · 30-04-2017 09:31PM

oneilla wrote: »

Fell between the gap on the Dart platform at Tara St once. It was busy and I was instantly shocked and embarrassed, I pulled my leg out and shuffled on the train. Got a text from a friend which just read "HAHAHAHA"

That happened to an elderly relative of mine a few years back. Certainly not funny, particularly as her leg was broken. Thankfully it was the last stop so the train wasn't going to be moving off.

oneilla · 01-05-2017 03:50AM

Gael23 wrote: »

That happened to an elderly relative of mine a few years back. Certainly not funny, particularly as her leg was broken. Thankfully it was the last stop so the train wasn't going to be moving off.

I only suffered a graze. Thankfully it was only one leg and the platform was busy and I had time to collect myself. Not funny but my "friend" found it hilarious

Hotblack Desiato · 01-05-2017 04:10AM

KKkitty wrote: »

Many years ago I was at Good Friday mass.

No such thing exists.

Thread fail

razorblunt wrote: »

Mine is similar, out golfing, felt a bit uneasy on the first tee but battled on, worryingly I knew all the first 9 holes go away from the Clubhouse. Got caught on the 4th, jumped into the woods

There were 18 holes you could have used. Just get your caddy to lift the flag out first

Or take the oul' Adolf approach and use a bunker https://youtu.be/mYglDJUtGBE?t=228

2Mad2BeMad · 01-05-2017 04:49AM

Decided to get fit again after a few years of drink and smokes,
So I thought i'd get a personal trainer for a few 1on1 sessions to help me get started and work out a routine
Found a guy in sandyford, focused a lot on strength training so went with himself, was expensive enough but I thought it be worth it.

Paid 500 quid for a months worth of personal training (16 1hour sessions)

Anyhow first day in to meet him and for him to work out a plan, my stomach was uneasy, just about to start the warm ups when I told him I had to use the toilet first.
Ran in but only half made it their and shat myself. Was like a bloody Indian curry running down my leg.

Long story short I didn't return to him and didn't look for a refund, was the most expansive **** I've ever done. He never text me or rang me asking me where I was, so I took it that he knew what happened and thought I was just some nut job who took a **** pretty much on his toilet floor and jacks. I cleaned it up best I could but their was no getting away from that smell.

Haven't had a curry since.

JaMarcusHustle · 01-05-2017 05:09AM

It's nothing major, but we were recently in Amsterdam and I was walking into our hotel lobby one evening (the front of it is a cafe with loads of people inside) and just as I was walking through the open door, for no real reason and completely out of nowhere I suddenly (and falsely) thought I was going to walk into a closed glass screen door. I flinched like a little girl - threw both arms up in front of my face, raised one leg (like girls do when they kiss someone in a movie) and twisted my body away from the phantom door.

Load of Dutch people looking at me like I was a weirdo, several of them laughing at what they just saw. I went as red as a tomato from embarrassment.

ProudDUB · 01-05-2017 12:32PM

I work near a Marks and Spencer. I often pop in to get some grub on the way home. As I get off work just before they close, they usually have loads of those half price, yellow stickered items, that expire that day. There is no one place in the shop where they have them, it can vary from day to day. There are some great deals to be had, especially in the pastas and desserts.

So there I was, rooting around in a trolly that was parked at the end of a row, that was piled high with quite a few yellow stickered sale items. Eegit that I am, I just presumed it was that days sale items, all collected together to get rid of them quicker, as opposed to being in their own separate sections, as they sometimes are.

Nope. A stern "ahem" woke me up to the fact that I was rooting around in someone elses shopping trolly, while they were off getting something in another aisle. The 2 Debenhams bags sitting at the other end of the shopping trolly, should have given the game away, if I was paying attention.

Mumbled a quick "sorry, I thought it was the discounted items trolly" and slunk away.....Morto so I was ! They probably thought I was after their shopping. Every time I've been back since, I cast a nervous eye towards the security guard....:o

sjb25 · 01-05-2017 12:49PM

Was coming out of tesco lashing rain jumped into the car started giving out that I was soaked I sorry I was held up but I'd met aunty Mary and she was taking ****e as normal but I got everything person said that's grand............wrong car.........****e

Embarrassing things that have happened to you

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