Ex Girlfriend

Rolf12 · 05-04-2017 4:45pm #1

My Ex gf and I are broken up 4 months.

We were together a year and a half and towards the end of the relationship I became controlling. When we first began dating we had couple of tiffs based on her contact with an ex boyfriend, not that I had an issue with it, but any time I asked her about their contact she said they had none, before admitting after on numerous occasions they had. This made me wary and slightly insecure.. Admittedly at the start of us seeing was other I was reluctant to commit as these instances made me feel uncomfortable. Also I am 28 in my career and she is 22 in college and we didn't know would it work.

We had a good year and a half before she felt the control I took was too much, we saw each other a lot, ad smothered each other. I realise that now. She lost contact with friends which became obvious to people - she wasnt as close to friends. The extent of this came to the fore when we broke up 4 months ago, as she opened up to her family that it was too much despite being in love with me.

I accepted her decision though we were both disraught. The first week was horrendous with us contacting each other very upset, and her stating she needed her space and loved me greatly still. I respected this and after the opening 2 months we had contact every 3/4 days, her initiaiting it stating she was afraid I'd move on, to wait for her till she was happy again. She went out a few nights and didn't drink because she was bordering tears.We have both received help and advice also in this period.

After not seeing each other for 5 weeks I was losing hope. She agreed to meet me and we talked about things, both getting upset saying we missed each other etc.

Fast forward to recently, it's been 4 months now and I am barely able to function. I have established after meeting her a few times since, each time she has cried with the upset of us not being together, that her family are stopping her getting back with me. We have both stayed loyal to each other n the 4 months despite breaking up. We are mad about each other. I have asked her to sit down with her mother, who is open to us getting back together sometime, despite her saying yes she has not. An older sister is telling her no way to get back with me..she told me she'd be back otherwise and is worried about the tension it could create in the family..

Four/Five times I have stated I can't keep hanging around because it is affecting my work, my life, some mornings I can;t eat and I am not sleeping properly. I'm constantly thinking about the situation and missing her. I don't know what to do anymore..I can see this going on for months...

I want to be with her, and her with me..she keeps stating she "hopes" we are back together...meanwhile she is is great form now, hanging with friends etc..where I am moping around and feeling down... Some days I turn off my phone for 2 days..It's pain free then there is contact and it's a temporary high for a permanent seemingly low..I have deleted social media from my phone as I find it difficult to deal with... I have tried no contact and told her we cant keepin doing this, and end up contacting again, or mostly she contacts again devastated and I comfort her. The situation is going around in circles but I don't have the strength to break away.. When I'm with my friends or training it's a great distraction but I ruminate a lot in my free time...

Do I cut all contact (Try) or wait...she always says "time is a healer".... (this is with reference to her family... she text her sister 3 weeks ago saying she wanted to give me a second chance, and received a long message back biting her head off.

LegacyUser · 05-04-2017 5:08pm

OK you might not like to hear this but coming from a female, it sounds like she doesn't have much intention of getting back with you. If she really and truly wanted to. She would. And her comment about time being a healer? Is that in reference to her getting happy again? Nothing really in your post gives me the impression that you two will reconcile. I had a similar situation with my ex. He just gave me the run around for about a year and I can see now that he never had any intention of getting back together. Took me a while but I saw through him in the end.

Suppose all you can do is tell her you can't wait around anymore. Whatever about her family getting involved, she's an adult she can make her own choices. See how she reacts when you ask her straight out to tell you does she ever see yous getting back with each other.

Tokyo · 05-04-2017 5:20pm

There's an old saying that goes 'you can't miss someone if they never go away', and sometimes the smartest thing you can do is to walk away. In a lot of ways it sounds like a vicious circle here, as neither of you are willing to be the one who makes the final call in terms of cutting ties and moving on. She's at best, sending very mixed signals in terms of giving you hope but not acting on it, and you are clinging to whatever lifeline you can find (in a somewhat overbearing way if I may say so).

Hard as this might be, I'd strongly recommend cutting the knot on this one and moving on.

Rolf12 · 05-04-2017 7:24pm

Time being a healer in regards to her family, esp her sister accepting us back together.

Thanks for the advice, I have a good circle of friends/family and they would be of the opinion if its meant to be it's meant to be... I don't want to move on and not wait in case to upset her but yes it is over and perhaps I am just clinging onto something..

When I've asked about us getting back she has said "she honestly hopes we'll be back together" again hinting once she gets around her family..

I'm afraid she's waiting till she's fully ready to move on herself.
She has met me twice a week the last 3 weeks. And has been very upset when talking about getting back. Where as at the start she refused to meet me...

Maybe I should just move on..I take everything to heart which doesn't help..

Big Bag of Chips · 05-04-2017 8:01pm

Her sister doesn't have any emotional connection or loyalty to you, whatsoever. If she never saw you again it wouldn't bother her one way or another. She's certainly not putting as much thought into you two being together as your ex is giving her credit for. Your ex sounds young and immature and very dependent on her family. That's ok because she IS young, and immature and dependent on her family!!

If you're waiting for 'time to be healer' you could be waiting a long time. Or if you're waiting for your gf to feel mature and independent enough to stand up to her family then you could also be waiting a long time. And there's the possibility that no matter how long you wait neither will ever happen.

I think you need to step away. You know that yourself. You need to not only step away, but you need to block your ex on whatever means she has of contacting you. You're still there as her cushion. If she truly wanted to be with you, her sister wouldn't have a say. She likes having you around, but she likes the comfort of not committing to a relationship with you and having all the problems that that brought with it the first time round. This is actually probably quite a nice feeling for her. She has all your attention and affection and reassurances of how much you love her, but not of the jealousy and control that was there during your relationship.

This won't work out. Probably not in the next 5-6 years anyway. Move on, move away from her. It didn't work.

Sephiroth_dude · 05-04-2017 8:36pm

I agree with the others, step away, it will be painful and not easy too do. Talk too someone and figure out why you controlling and insecure, otherwise it will just happen again.

banoffe2 · 05-04-2017 10:10pm

Mind yourself OP it appears very clear that the present situation is unhealthy for you despite the fact that you still have contact. They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Breaking up is hard to do, and the fear of letting go can be crippling if we allow it.

You don't know what is around the corner for you, life is too precious to put in on hold for anyone, take one day at a time, you might have to feel a bit of rain before you see the rainbow. Best of luck to you

Rolf12 · 05-04-2017 10:15pm

Thanks again, it is a tough decision like anything similar, but I know myself I've tried this 2/3 times and I start from scratch everytime we have contact again.
Social media plays a big part in her life so I will have to block her on it.

What I have done recently is deleted apps off my phone facebook etc...as a result I feel like I'm avoiding the problem..easier said than done..

I feel like it's one big game...I find it hard not to believe what she says to me.. but I am going around in circles and my life in general is suffering, I even find it hard to spend a couple hours by myself at one time, I'm constantly trying to keep busy.

banoffe2 · 05-04-2017 10:38pm

Mind your mental health Rolf12.
Relationships are meant to be life enhancing, some couples are just unhealthy for each other despite their desire to be together, and trying desperately to hang on to what might have been, we can confuse love with dependency.

Nothing worse than all this head wrecking stuff, it can be so destructive and all consuming unless we make a decision to change our behaviour and make healthy choices.

Would you consider taking some space to heal and grow and reach out for professional help , also to invest some of that energy in a hobby or an interest that would be good to refocus you thought and feelings and also to release endorphins.

You can do this if you believe in yourself. Every journey begins with one single step, even with baby steps you can and will move forward, you are doing well to be talking about it, keep reaching out.

Rolf12 · 05-04-2017 10:46pm

I am fortunate enough to be training a team twice a week, gym twice a week and play 5 aside soccer. They are a great release and distraction.

I have been receiving professional help for the issues of control but never for the break up as I suppose we still had contact and I was of the idea we'd be getting back together sometime.. I have what I would call a bad habit developed to ringing a family member everyday going through the same situations about my situation..she said this what do you think? IS there a chance...the following evening the same conversation..I acknowledge I'm doing this..and feel low as I think if someone else did the same I'd be saying "snap out of it"... There is also the desire to make amends that has me believing everything she says also..

I was very independent before and condfident, the last couple of months these have ebbed away.. I know I can be like that again, I've to be brave enough to follow through with this.

Rolf12 · 05-04-2017 10:56pm

Additionally, the contact she's had with me is unbeknownst to her family.
Her family do not know we have met up or conversed in the past few months.
Her sister was at pains to state that she doesnt meet me etc...
My ex uses this when I question are we wasting our time by saying "I've broken all the rules for you, I've met with you"..

Now I'm beginning to think it maybe a comfort thing she is meeting me before..and winning me over with the whole "I'm breaking all the rules" for you idea....

Big Bag of Chips · 06-04-2017 12:55am

Breaking what rules?? She's 22! Legally an adult. She's not a 15 year old Junior Cert student who's been grounded. She is letting her family dictate her life. If she's telling the truth that is.

Do you really want a gf who has to ask permission (from her sister!) to be allowed out on a Saturday night?

It's not working. And for as long as she sees herself as a rebellious teen, it's not going to work. She either doesn't really want a relationship with you and she's using her family as the excuse, or she genuinely lets her family tell her what she can or can't do. I understand if there were problems in your relationship before her sister mightn't be keen, but she's her own person who should make, and take responsibility for her own decisions. You're approaching 30. You should be setting your sights on a relationship with somebody a little more grown up, I think.

Rolf12 · 06-04-2017 8:22pm

.......rwm...... wrote: »

OK you might not like to hear this but coming from a female, it sounds like she doesn't have much intention of getting back with you. If she really and truly wanted to. She would. And her comment about time being a healer? Is that in reference to her getting happy again? Nothing really in your post gives me the impression that you two will reconcile. I had a similar situation with my ex. He just gave me the run around for about a year and I can see now that he never had any intention of getting back together. Took me a while but I saw through him in the end.

Suppose all you can do is tell her you can't wait around anymore. Whatever about her family getting involved, she's an adult she can make her own choices. See how she reacts when you ask her straight out to tell you does she ever see yous getting back with each other.

After declining to meet me as she said was sick I text her today, telling her how difficult things have been and wished her the best of luck with everything and stated that there would be no more contact as there was no progress.. She replied simply stating she didn't know what to say, that she wasnt expecting that message and that she loved me...

I am no going to delete/block off social media and try to move on...Thanks for all the support here... It has greatly helped my predicament..I can't thank ye enough...

Taltos · 06-04-2017 9:49pm

Make sure you follow through on the blocking. Once she thinks you're serious maybe in a day or two or even a few weeks down the line she might well try again to reel you back in - even if someone else contacts you on her behalf don't fall for it. Fair dues on taking in what was probably the advice you were hoping not to get here.

leggo · 06-04-2017 9:50pm

For what it's worth OP, reading your message I just got a gut feeling that she likes getting attention off exes. There was lying about the contact with her ex when she was with you, then this, that's the beginning of a pattern developing. You're also at slightly different stages of life. I dated a 22-year old when I was 28 too: she was a bit mad for the dramatics of being in a relationship and having scandal for the girls in work with the ups and downs, I was looking for something serious and settled and the highs and lows killed me because I was putting a lot more stock into the relationship than she was. She was young, trying things out and getting stuff wrong (which is what being young is for in fairness), I was looking for a partner. It sounds a bit like that to me here too tbh.

Also what has her family got to do with it? Whether her mam thinks you should get back together and her sister doesn't, it has nothing to do with them, whether the outcome favours you or not. I'd be seriously put off by that.

Give it time OP. Stick to what you said, it sounds like you did the right thing and, in time, will see it that way too when this is just a memory.

Rolf12 · 13-04-2017 12:06pm

Further to this she contacted me on both Monday and Tuesday checking in.on Wednesday I asked why she did this and received a reply that she was just being nice

I queried as to what was really going on and she stated she didn't want to meet. That we needed a clean break. That is what we needed at the start. She feels we were too dependent, and in constant contact during the relationship. It would have been easier if she did this month's ago but I feel foolish for being there comforting her

She says she still loves me, and hopes in the future we can be together that the guy she fell for wasn't dependent, was chilled, care free, not in constant contact etc

So we said goodbye on goodterms yesterday and I've her blocked from my social media

I can't deny I'm finding it extremely difficult as I feel 4 months later I'm not starting my grieving now. Where as she is prepared for it. And more than likely has been preparing. The idea she was to talk to her family - she decided herself not to. It seems the issue in her eyes was that the constant contact etc was too much

Day 1 of no contact and the healing beings please God!

LegacyUser · 13-04-2017 1:20pm

Regardless of whether you will or you won't or you might or you maybe get back together.

You are NOT together now and she has no right to ask you to wait, basically providing a safety net for her during the breakup period so that she can get over you and her decision to not be with you with the comfort of knowing she can change her mind at any moment.

You my friend; no such luck - so of course she's happy hanging out with her friends and moving on - she never lost you.

You meanwhile are left moping about with blame being placed on third parties - bla bla bla

I'm exceptionally close with my family and at 23 when my sister and mum told me not to get back with an ex who wasn't good for me - do you think I listened to them?

She's scapegoating her parents and using you to help herself move on from the situation. You can't go back in time but had you blocked all contact on day 1 the outcome might have been different however I think she sounds a little selfish and manipulative to me, you've already discredited her honesty re the ex.

Move on, keep her blocked and don't look back

Rolf12 · 16-04-2017 12:13pm

Day 4 of no contact

The mornings are rough and the first couple of days were tough. Yesterday I spent the day with 3 separate friends from 3 till 12 o clock. . It was such a distraction watching two matches, and just chatting in general, even planning some travelling during the summer.

Yesterday morning I received a short message from her. I had changed my profile photo on whatapp and she text saying "cute picture, sorry had to contact you to tell you x " which I didn't reply to. I have no inclination to text her after our last interaction.

I get a bit sad when I think of why I didn't do the no contact earlier, especially when we were both upset. And sad when I think she may have forgotten about me/moved on. .

Anyway, day 4 is on now and it's better than day 1 anyway!

leggo · 16-04-2017 12:41pm

Block her from all media. She's trying to get into your head now with messages like that so it's fully justifiable.

Big Bag of Chips · 16-04-2017 1:37pm

She's trying to ease her guilt by forcing a friends situation. By sending these silly little messages she can tell herself that it's actually ok, and you're ok with being friends.

Funny how her complaint was too much contact and too dependent on each other, and now that you are not contacting her she continues to try contact you.

You're right not to reply. And you can block a contact on WhatsApp too.

tara73 · 16-04-2017 4:50pm

Rolf12 wrote: »

Yesterday morning I received a short message from her. I had changed my profile photo on whatapp and she text saying "cute picture, sorry had to contact you to tell you x "

she's an absolute headwreck. first telling you the contact you had were too much for not being together and what's she doing? contacting you with this silly texts, complimenting you. It's so lame and predictable. she's trying to manipulate you big time.

be so, so glad you sticked to your guns and didn't react to her texts. please stay strong and don't react to anything she writes you. the only reason she's doing this is to still have some power over you. and be clear, she doesn't love you.

keep busy and meet a lot of friends or new people. not to find a new partner but to keep you distracted and to forget about her.

and please delete her on all social media, including whatsapp.

all the best!!

Jurgen Klopp · 16-04-2017 4:54pm

Far from easing guilt, I think shes a grade A messer.

She's loving the thought of having someone to give her attention and pining after her to boost her ego.

That we need a clean break but then texts you to say she just HAD to tell you what a cute WhatsApp picture you put up says it all.

Believe me, your getting messages now but if she meets someone else you won't get a reply off her.

Sorry man, but it says all you need to know about her character, i would 100% say to myself no getting together with her in future.

kerrylad1 · 16-04-2017 5:13pm

Rolf12 wrote: »

Day 4 of no contact

The mornings are rough and the first couple of days were tough. Yesterday I spent the day with 3 separate friends from 3 till 12 o clock. . It was such a distraction watching two matches, and just chatting in general, even planning some travelling during the summer.

Yesterday morning I received a short message from her. I had changed my profile photo on whatapp and she text saying "cute picture, sorry had to contact you to tell you x " which I didn't reply to. I have no inclination to text her after our last interaction.

I get a bit sad when I think of why I didn't do the no contact earlier, especially when we were both upset. And sad when I think she may have forgotten about me/moved on. .

Anyway, day 4 is on now and it's better than day 1 anyway!

Are you 8 or 28,cop on,she's making a fool out of you.She is only 22,she is 100% messing around with other blokes.Wise up and move.

batmanrobin · 16-04-2017 7:40pm

OP, on whatsapp go to settings - account - privacy - blocked - add new.

That's how you block someone on whatsapp. Why have you not blocked her on every single method of potential communication?

If she keeps sending you head messing texts like the "cute photo" crap, you're never gonna move past her. It'll pull you back in again and again.

Seriously, just block her on everything.

irishdude11 · 17-04-2017 2:14am

Rolf12 wrote: »

Day 4 of no contact

The mornings are rough and the first couple of days were tough. Yesterday I spent the day with 3 separate friends from 3 till 12 o clock. . It was such a distraction watching two matches, and just chatting in general, even planning some travelling during the summer.

Yesterday morning I received a short message from her. I had changed my profile photo on whatapp and she text saying "cute picture, sorry had to contact you to tell you x " which I didn't reply to. I have no inclination to text her after our last interaction.

I get a bit sad when I think of why I didn't do the no contact earlier, especially when we were both upset. And sad when I think she may have forgotten about me/moved on. .

Anyway, day 4 is on now and it's better than day 1 anyway!

I'm afraid to say you sound totally clueless as to your situation. She no longer has any attraction or respect for you. This stuff about her family not letting her meet you is pure nonsense. That shouldn't even need to be stated. Your just an ego boost.

And your behaviour in this situation couldn't be worse. The most off putting thing for women in general is a guy who is needy and overly emotional. I can't state that strongly enough. And having it all on her terms, hoping in vain that one day she will magically decide to 'take you back'..both men and women find this type of pitiful behaviour a complete turn-off in a partner.

Think of it from her point of view. Think of some girl you are not interested in and imagine if she was practically begging you to be in a relationship with her..no matter how much she moped around and told you she couldn't function without you do you think you'd want to go out with her? No, in fact you'd be even more certain that you were right not to go out with her.

Your ex is a 22 year old girl, she will have guys hitting on her non-stop, guys who are self-assured, 'chilled and care free'..why would she want to get back with a clingy guy who has clearly demonstrated that he needs her much more than she needs him? What exactly are you bringing to the table?

The best thing you could do now is to learn about some of the social dynamics at play here, your situation is a classic case of someone not understanding real-world relationships. Go read some stuff on the red pill or something, realise she is gone forever as your post-breakup behaviour completely killed any slight remaining interest she may have had in you, and start afresh with a promise not to make the same mistakes you made here. When you look back on this situation in a few years with more experience you will see it much differently than you do at the moment.

Rolf12 · 19-04-2017 1:12pm

Day 7

In a heap today very upset. Didn't sleep a wink last night. I'm still in love with her that's why it's so hard.

I went out Sunday night with my friends, again a great distraction when I hang with them, and received 3 short messages after 2am. My ex found out I was out and said have a good night, miss you madly, and she cried her eyes out earlier. I didn't respond. And blocked her off whatapp. This is the longest period I've gone without contacting her. An achievement but I feel awful.

Yesterday evening a very close friend of informed me, (not that I wanted to know) that she had uploaded photos with friends on a night out and she looks a stone heavier at least. My ex was very emotional during the last few months, and did tell me she's comforts eats when she's emotional. Her tears, which I've seen in person, is beyond me still.

Why is she upset so much yet not getting back. . . Is she genuine? Her mentality from our last contact a week ago seemed very intelligent and thought out, yet the replies were composed within seconds of my texts. - us keeping in contact wasn't working. She hoped it would. I agreed it wasn't working. That we need to stop being dependant and in constant touch. It made sense. She talks a good game, it makes sense, and I agree with her opinions. Any time we met I wasn't myself with her because I felt uncomfortable with the situation, had asked her many times were we close to getting back and being pushy, something that would deter her, and she had complained about being under pressure before yet I fell into the trap. Having no contact now eradicates the chance of me doing that anymore.

I know many will dismiss this, but I am very tempted to reach out. I know I won't for fear it sets me back to square one. A big part of me belives she's genuine with regards us getting back together after a clean break. Our contact for 3 months after the break up was the worst thing we did. . It made us both be needy and then get distant, a vicious circle. I am afraid she'll forget me, move on etc. . .

I won't be reaching out to her unless there is substance somewhere, I'm just upset that my day 7 is as bad as day 1. . .I suppose it's all part of it. . .

Thanks for the support, it's great to get things off my chest here.

ellie1 · 19-04-2017 1:39pm

Rolf12 wrote: »

Day 7

In a heap today very upset. Didn't sleep a wink last night. I'm still in love with her that's why it's so hard.

I went out Sunday night with my friends, again a great distraction when I hang with them, and received 3 short messages after 2am. My ex found out I was out and said have a good night, miss you madly, and she cried her eyes out earlier. I didn't respond. And blocked her off whatapp. This is the longest period I've gone without contacting her. An achievement but I feel awful.

Yesterday evening a very close friend of informed me, (not that I wanted to know) that she had uploaded photos with friends on a night out and she looks a stone heavier at least. My ex was very emotional during the last few months, and did tell me she's comforts eats when she's emotional. Her tears, which I've seen in person, is beyond me still.

Why is she upset so much yet not getting back. . . Is she genuine? Her mentality from our last contact a week ago seemed very intelligent and thought out, yet the replies were composed within seconds of my texts. - us keeping in contact wasn't working. She hoped it would. I agreed it wasn't working. That we need to stop being dependant and in constant touch. It made sense. She talks a good game, it makes sense, and I agree with her opinions. Any time we met I wasn't myself with her because I felt uncomfortable with the situation, had asked her many times were we close to getting back and being pushy, something that would deter her, and she had complained about being under pressure before yet I fell into the trap. Having no contact now eradicates the chance of me doing that anymore.

I know many will dismiss this, but I am very tempted to reach out. I know I won't for fear it sets me back to square one. A big part of me belives she's genuine with regards us getting back together after a clean break. Our contact for 3 months after the break up was the worst thing we did. . It made us both be needy and then get distant, a vicious circle. I am afraid she'll forget me, move on etc. . .

I won't be reaching out to her unless there is substance somewhere, I'm just upset that my day 7 is as bad as day 1. . .I suppose it's all part of it. . .

Thanks for the support, it's great to get things off my chest here.

She found out you were out and she texts. Seems like some form of emotional blackmail... She cried her eyes out! She misses you.

Seems like she wants you to keep waiting around as some kind of back up plan... When you push for an answer , she calls you needy and wants a care free guy.

Don not answer her. She is not interested in getting back with you but wants you there in case she changes her mind.

Get to the gym, jogging, football. Make an agreement with yourself that you will put yourself first. I suggest giving yourself a three to six month break from you responding or making contact. This will give you time to clear your head and see things more logically, gives you time to heal as well and hopefully you will come to realise that if she really wanted to be with you, she would be. No excuses.

Big Bag of Chips · 19-04-2017 1:46pm

If she wanted to be with you she's be with you now.

She's playing games with you. And the more you resist the more she'll play. Its only been a week. You're not over her. You're in love with her. But she's not in love with you. That's all you need to know. Regardless of what she says in quick texts her actions show that she doesn't want to be with you. She misses the habit of having you. That's all.

Continue as you are. It will get easier, but it will take longer than a week. And longer still if she still has lines of communication to you.

eviltwin · 19-04-2017 1:55pm

Its going to take a lot longer than a week to feel better after the end of a long term relationship. And you're going to feel awful for a while yet. But you will get stronger and come out the other side if you stay away from her both in person, on the phone and via the internet. There is no point trying to work out what her mindset is or was, you'll never know and all its doing is keeping you mind latched onto her. You need to keep doing what your doing, seeing friends, getting out and staying busy. I'd also stop referring to things like "day x with no contact", you need to stop framing your days in relation to her, as long as she's at the forefront of your thoughts she's still in your life and holding you back.

cristali · 19-04-2017 2:39pm

Rolf12 wrote: »

Day 7

In a heap today very upset. Didn't sleep a wink last night. I'm still in love with her that's why it's so hard.

I went out Sunday night with my friends, again a great distraction when I hang with them, and received 3 short messages after 2am. My ex found out I was out and said have a good night, miss you madly, and she cried her eyes out earlier. I didn't respond. And blocked her off whatapp. This is the longest period I've gone without contacting her. An achievement but I feel awful.

Yesterday evening a very close friend of informed me, (not that I wanted to know) that she had uploaded photos with friends on a night out and she looks a stone heavier at least. My ex was very emotional during the last few months, and did tell me she's comforts eats when she's emotional. Her tears, which I've seen in person, is beyond me still.

Why is she upset so much yet not getting back. . . Is she genuine? Her mentality from our last contact a week ago seemed very intelligent and thought out, yet the replies were composed within seconds of my texts. - us keeping in contact wasn't working. She hoped it would. I agreed it wasn't working. That we need to stop being dependant and in constant touch. It made sense. She talks a good game, it makes sense, and I agree with her opinions. Any time we met I wasn't myself with her because I felt uncomfortable with the situation, had asked her many times were we close to getting back and being pushy, something that would deter her, and she had complained about being under pressure before yet I fell into the trap. Having no contact now eradicates the chance of me doing that anymore.

I know many will dismiss this, but I am very tempted to reach out. I know I won't for fear it sets me back to square one. A big part of me belives she's genuine with regards us getting back together after a clean break. Our contact for 3 months after the break up was the worst thing we did. . It made us both be needy and then get distant, a vicious circle. I am afraid she'll forget me, move on etc. . .

I won't be reaching out to her unless there is substance somewhere, I'm just upset that my day 7 is as bad as day 1. . .I suppose it's all part of it. . .

Thanks for the support, it's great to get things off my chest here.

I recommend you start reading 'Women who love too much ' by Robin Norwood, it's a great book for men and women and I'm sure you're gonna find yourself, or your situation, in a lot of the situations described in the book.
Don't give in, no matter how hard it is, if was meant to be was gonna happen by now, your ex isn't mature enough to take responsibility at all. She wants you as a back up plan and shes making sure you'll still be hanging there. Cutting contact is the best thing you could do, like I said before, no matter how hard it seems now, you'll feel a lot better when all of this is over and you'll look back with a clearer perspective of things.

batmanrobin · 19-04-2017 4:32pm

You're expecting too much of yourself, OP. It's only been one week! You don't fall out of love with someone in a week. It's going to take some time and some days are going to be worse and some days are going to be better.

Tell your friends and family you don't want to hear about whatever she's putting up on Facebook. You don't need to know.

Her texting you saying she was crying etc., Christ she's good! Nothing like emotional blackmail, eh. She knows how to play you. She's being cruel, OP. She is being deliberately cruel by texting you stuff like that knowing how it will affect you.

Keep her blocked and try to stay the course. It will stop hurting and it will get better. Once the full force of the hurt passes you'll see things a bit more logically, and I think you'll see just how selfish and self-indulgent she was being.

Also, as eviltwin said, stop counting days in relation to her. It can make things a bit worse, I think.

Rolf12 · 04-05-2017 3:18pm

Hi guys,

I'd like to update ye on the going ons and again thank ye for yer help the last few weeks

It's been over 3 weeks since my ex and I had agreed to stop contact. After her breadcrumbs, we had contact to organise to get some things back off each other. With that contact last week she altered from the I love you miss you girl but we need space and time to telling me she now gets angry over some of the things we argued over and blames me finally stating she didn't want to see me anytime soon. Since then we've had no more contact. - part of me belives her reaction is from me not responding to her breadcrumbs at the start. But we mutually agreed no contact and hopefully we'd find each other again

The few weeks have been a mix! Rough start, I am hanging out with my friends a lot now, and it's enjoyable! I find the mornings I can be down, very much still. Throughout the day I improve. I'm not thinking about her as much.

I went out with my friends last week and met a nice girl and we exchanged numbers, we met since for a drink. I have some contact with her but am cagey not to have too much as I don't want to think I'm replacing my ex.

I find it hard to be by myself at the moment which worries me. I'm constantly calling to differnt friends or family. I'm far more happier now than the guy who first wrote in this forum. I didn't like the feedback here because in a way I didn't want it, I wanted to trust my ex for the 3 months we kept contact. I do belive we needed the no contact immediately but I suppose that's done now.

The only worry I have now is the not wanting to be alone feeling. I feel lonely sometimes but I have to keep tellin myself it's only a few weeks since the break up really began due to our contact and meet ups since the original break up almost 4 months ago. I've moved apartment since, not by choice, but I did associate my old house with my ex as she stayed there a lot. I'm also planning, almost confirmed to go touring Asia for a month in august.

Ex Girlfriend

Comments