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I don't like my girlfriends tattoos

24

Comments

  • #32
    con___manx1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,653 ✭✭✭con___manx1


    One of my exes had a tattoo of a dolphin on her belly button. I made a joke one time when she was eating ice cream that the dolphin would turn into a whale ; )
    I didn't like her tattoos either but I would never of said it to her in a million years. She got most of them in her late teens. If I was you op I wouldn't say anything either it's her body and if she like them then it's none of your buisness.


  • #33
    Hair of the Dog
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3 ✭Hair of the Dog


    "Disgustingly manly"

    Sorry I didn't realise the body art of tattooing was gender specific. I better tell all them woman in my office to stop wearing trouser suits as hair of the dog on the internet thinks woman doing things he thinks are manly makes them disgustingly masculine.

    Ive already given op my opinion I just needed to say my piece on this comment"

    What's the problem? Tattoos are masculine, they're associated with bikers, sailors, gang bangers etc. I find arm tattoos to be most masculine of all.

    Strange that a man not liking masculine features on a woman is upsetting for you. I don't like short hair on young women either because short hair is masculine.


  • #34
    lifeandtimes
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,021 ✭✭✭lifeandtimes


    Hair of the Dog wrote: »
    "Disgustingly manly"

    Sorry I didn't realise the body art of tattooing was gender specific. I better tell all them woman in my office to stop wearing trouser suits as hair of the dog on the internet thinks woman doing things he thinks are manly makes them disgustingly masculine.

    Ive already given op my opinion I just needed to say my piece on this comment"

    What's the problem? Tattoos are masculine, they're associated with bikers, sailors, gang bangers etc. I find arm tattoos to be most masculine of all.

    Strange that a man not liking masculine features on a woman is upsetting for you. I don't like short hair on young women either because short hair is masculine.

    Im going mod here and ill say i can't reply as we will be steering this off topic.

    Ok please refer to my previous post for my opinion and afvice


  • #35
    infogiver
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,505 ✭✭✭infogiver


    lifeandtimes wrote: »
    Some woman yes but just a quick Google search of unique tattoos on woman will invalidate that opinion

    And if I Google "unique tattoos" and print out some of the pictures of the designs and take them to my tattoo artist and ask him/her to copy them then their "uniqueness" has died a death.
    There's no such thing as a unique tattoo.
    I'm sure the first person to get "barbed wire" around their bicep thought that it was going to mark them out as an extra hard hard man who no one would ever mess with.
    They didn't realise that every imbecile from Sydney to Paris would do the same.
    I think that the OP more has a problem with the lack of maturity and total absence of any kind of independent thought that getting a tattoo demonstrates.
    His girlfriend quite literally went into the tattoo parlour because everyone else was going.
    I'm with the OP.


  • #36
    professore
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,857 ✭✭✭professore


    lifeandtimes wrote: »
    Ok but if he felt so strong about it then why did he say it was ok....twice? Being busy isn't an excusye, he was able to reply to say it's ok twice but then when she has them he isn't?
    Sounds to me like op is just looking for an excuse to end the relationship.

    She told him she was getting a tiny heart one on her wrist. She came home with a big anchor on her leg. Big difference.

    OP, you can like or dislike what you want. So can she. Only you can decide if this is a deal breaker. To me your gf sounds very immature and got the anchor tattoo solely as a two fingers to you .. as i cant imagine it has any deep significance to her as it's the most generic tattoo there is.


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  • #37
    lifeandtimes
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,021 ✭✭✭lifeandtimes


    infogiver wrote: »
    And if I Google "unique tattoos" and print out some of the pictures of the designs and take them to my tattoo artist and ask him/her to copy them then their "uniqueness" has died a death.
    There's no such thing as a unique tattoo.
    I'm sure the first person to get "barbed wire" around their bicep thought that it was going to mark them out as an extra hard hard man who no one would ever mess with.
    They didn't realise that every imbecile from Sydney to Paris would do the same.
    I think that the OP more has a problem with the lack of maturity and total absence of any kind of independent thought that getting a tattoo demonstrates.
    His girlfriend quite literally went into the tattoo parlour because everyone else was going.
    I'm with the OP.

    The aborigines and samoans have been tattooing themselves for 1000s of years, so by that logic no one should get a tattoo again because someone has got a tattoo before or because you ordered a burger i cant order one because it isnt original.
    Rubbish argument
    People design tattoos and get them done, if someone copies them there's feck all they can do but it will still always be original to them
    If op is upset he has no one to blame but himself for saying it was ok twice and the fact she got 2 implies she thought he was ok with the idea as he agreed to her getting them after being against them before or at least didn't put his argument across before she did.

    Op if you don't like them break up and find a partner with none and you gf can go find a man who doesn't care what's on her skin but what's on the inside


  • #38
    leggo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,061 ✭✭✭leggo


    professore wrote: »
    She told him she was getting a tiny heart one on her wrist. She came home with a big anchor on her leg. Big difference.

    OP, you can like or dislike what you want. So can she. Only you can decide if this is a deal breaker. To me your gf sounds very immature and got the anchor tattoo solely as a two fingers to you .. as i cant imagine it has any deep significance to her as it's the most generic tattoo there is.

    I don't see evidence that she did it as an eff you. I'd say it was more likely it was a fun thing the girls were doing at the time and she didn't think about what her bf would think because most people don't think they're at risk of being dumped over stuff like that.


  • #39
    54and56
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,860 ✭✭✭54and56


    leggo wrote: »
    .........and she didn't think about what her bf would think

    And that is exactly the problem. She knew the op hashed tattoos yet she prioritised a once off short term bit of fun with the girls over how that bit of fun would make her bf feel.

    Into it was a selfish, immature and stupid thing to do if she values the op as her bf.

    If i was in the op's shoes I'd see this as an early warning of what's to come should they get married etc (do more stupid selfish things) and if I wasn't prepared to live with such behavior I'd move on. Better to dodge a bad situation now than down the road when married with kids, a mortgage etc etc.


  • #40
    leggo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,061 ✭✭✭leggo


    Again that comes with the assumption that her priority should be what her partner wants her to do with herself over what she wants to do...


  • #41
    54and56
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,860 ✭✭✭54and56


    leggo wrote: »
    Again that comes with the assumption that her priority should be what her partner wants her to do with herself over what she wants to do...

    Nope, why do you try to make everything so mutually exclusive?

    Should she have at least taken his feelings on the matter (which he had previously expressed a clear opinion on) into consideration? IMHO yes she should. Did she? It appears not.

    The op is supposed to be her partner, not a stranger or work colleague with no interest in what she does with her body.


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  • #42
    leggo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,061 ✭✭✭leggo


    Again, you're going a passive-aggressive way about it. Like you said 'in my interest' earlier and meant 'do what I say'. If you think something, just say it like, you're anonymous on a web forum.

    Maybe she did take his feelings into consideration and decided that doing what she wanted was more important than something that didn't seem to bother him that much considering she consulted him and he gave her the okay.

    Do you think if you say you don't like something to your partner that they should absolutely take that as gospel and do what you say, even if they would rather do another thing? That they should respect your will over their own when it comes to their body? Don't dress it up, no flowery language, yes or no?


  • #43
    bee06
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,514 ✭✭✭bee06


    Je_suis_Jean wrote: »
    Should she have at least taken his feelings on the matter (which he had previously expressed a clear opinion on) into consideration? IMHO yes she should. Did she? It appears not.

    Was it really a clear opinion? He told he he didn't like tattoos but then when she said she was getting one he said fine.


  • #44
    lifeandtimes
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,021 ✭✭✭lifeandtimes


    Je_suis_Jean wrote: »

    Should she have at least taken his feelings on the matter (which he had previously expressed a clear opinion on) into consideration? IMHO yes she should. Did she? It appears not

    Ehm I'm sorry did you not read the part where op says she texted him...twice, saying it's what she was planning on doing and op say it was ok?


  • #45
    Bambi985
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,274 ✭✭✭Bambi985


    I don't think not liking tattoos and finding them off-putting is any more wrong than say not liking bigger ladies and finding it off-putting if your girlfriend gained weight. We like what we like, that is human nature and every one of us is entitled to those preferences.

    The question you need to ask yourself though is are they worth losing the relationship over? I'm not the biggest tattoo fan ever, I'd be raging if my fella went out and got two big tacky celtic symbols plastered all over his biceps, but it'd be too far a stretch for me to break up with him over that because I love him and he's not too easily replaceable in my mind. My love for him is stronger than something that superficial.

    I think if you're considering breaking up with her over this, that's your prerogative, but it means the relationship probably isn't strong enough anyway and something was going to come between ye eventually.


  • #46
    54and56
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,860 ✭✭✭54and56


    leggo wrote: »
    Again, you're going a passive-aggressive way about it. Like you said 'in my interest' earlier and meant 'do what I say'. If you think something, just say it like, you're anonymous on a web forum.
    Thanks, I was wondering about that :o
    leggo wrote: »
    Maybe she did take his feelings into consideration and decided that doing what she wanted was more important than something that didn't seem to bother him that much considering she consulted him and he gave her the okay.
    Maybe she did place more importance on having a bit of fun for a couple of hours with the girls which will indelibly mark her body forever in a way which the OP had previously told her he really didn't like. If so the OP should understand the unambiguous message she is sending him and act accordingly.
    leggo wrote: »
    Do you think if you say you don't like something to your partner that they should absolutely take that as gospel and do what you say
    How do you equate the OP expressing a negative opinion about
    tattoo's to his GF with him telling her what to do? I haven't seen a leap like that since the summer Olympic's. :rolleyes:
    leggo wrote: »
    Do you think if you say you don't like something to your partner that they should absolutely take that as gospel and do what you say take that into consideration, even if they would rather do another thing? That they should respect your will weigh up the hurt they are going to impose on you if they go ahead over their own having a bit of fun with the girls when it comes to their body? Don't dress it up, no flowery language, yes or no?
    My answer to the question which reflects the actual circumstances rather than your hyper dramatised and skewed version is "Yes" and if my partner didn't like ear rings or goatee beards on men I know I'd place our relationship above the temporary gratuitousness of personal vanity and not get an ear ring or wear a goatee even though "it's my body" :eek:

    That clear enough for you?


  • #47
    54and56
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,860 ✭✭✭54and56


    bee06 wrote: »
    Was it really a clear opinion? He told he he didn't like tattoos but then when she said she was getting one he said fine.

    Already answered - http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=103031766&postcount=23


  • #48
    54and56
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,860 ✭✭✭54and56


    lifeandtimes wrote: »
    Ehm I'm sorry did you not read the part where op says she texted him...twice, saying it's what she was planning on doing and op say it was ok?

    Already answered - http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=103031766&postcount=23


  • #49
    leggo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,061 ✭✭✭leggo


    I've worked with all women the vast majority of my professional life. As a result, I've heard every relationship issue there is during that time. I've heard all of the highs and lows, seen people build happy lives and go through awful, awful break-ups. And I've never once met a single female who's happy when a guy tells them what they want to look like, how they should wear their hair, how they should dress etc.

    That's not because I haven't heard women who've had guys who tried to suggest this. When they're with them, they're exasperated and trying to be the person their partner wants them to be, citing other positive qualities as almost excuses for this horribly unattractive, controlling behaviour. Usually you hear about them, though, after the break-up because people...and I'm going to drop a bomb on you here...like to be their own person! It's fun! It's worth giving up any relationship for! In fact, much of many people's self-esteem derives from being their own person and getting liberty over their own basic life decisions. And when they feel like they have to consult their partner on basic life decisions because they're desperately trying to be the person their partner wants them to be (the implication being that the person they want to be, if they have any 'notions' that contradicts that, isn't good enough)? That's suffocating. It typically erodes on their self-confidence until it breaks.

    And, another common thread I've found, women typically don't like being with men who dress and groom especially to their liking. It's needy and unattractive to do so, the implication being that you know the person you want to be - if, say, you grew a goatee - isn't good enough. They'd prefer someone who arrives as the finished package. Not someone they have to dress up and customise until they find them attractive.

    So while your circumstances may work for you now because you believe you share your current beliefs with your partner (and maybe you do for now), I wonder if she feels the same. And god help you if something comes up that she wants to do that you don't like, e.g. dying her hair a certain colour. Because, in every case of that I've ever seen, the man will win a couple of battles but won't win the war on that one and will either give in or be left staring at the lights wondering what went wrong with all of their notions about 'partnership' (i.e. do what I like) gone down the drain because nobody, not a single person on this planet, wants to give up their free will to customise themselves for your liking. You're just one man, at the end of the day, what you offer isn't worth that because that's asking too much of anyone. There'll always be someone better than you out there who will just accept your partner for who she is. And any belief you have that that isn't the case is just delusion mixed with ego.


  • #50
    54and56
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,860 ✭✭✭54and56


    leggo wrote: »
    I've worked with all women the vast majority of my professional life. As a result, I've heard every relationship issue there is during that time. I've heard all of the highs and lows, seen people build happy lives and go through awful, awful break-ups. And I've never once met a single female who's happy when a guy tells them what they want to look like, how they should wear their hair, how they should dress etc.
    Nor should they. No one should tell anyone what they have to look like or wear. Thankfully the OP didn't do that so whilst your little ramble there provides an interesting context for where your opinions are being formed it is, in this instance, irrelevant. (No doubt you will try to imply the OP was somehow passive aggressive telling her what she could and couldn't do by expressing his opinion on tattoo's.)
    leggo wrote: »
    That's not because I haven't heard women who've had guys who tried to suggest this. When they're with them, they're exasperated and trying to be the person their partner wants them to be, citing other positive qualities as almost excuses for this horribly unattractive, controlling behaviour.
    Again not relevant to the OP's situation but carry on, you seem to be hell bent on attributing this sort of behaviour to him.
    leggo wrote: »
    Usually you hear about them, though, after the break-up because people...and I'm going to drop a bomb on you here...like to be their own person! It's fun! It's worth giving up any relationship for!
    And that in a nutshell is exactly what she's doing. If you want to be your own person exclusively without taking your partners feelings into consideration then you're better off not being in a partnership at all which may well be how this ends up.
    leggo wrote: »
    when they feel like they have to consult their partner on basic life decisions
    Sure, having a bit of fun with the girls which results in the GF getting a permanent tattoo is a perfect example of a "basic life decision", it's right up there with what do I want to study, what sort of career do I want to have, would I like to have children, do I want to get married etc.
    leggo wrote: »
    And, another common thread I've found, women typically don't like being with men who dress and groom especially to their liking. It's needy and unattractive to do so, the implication being that you know the person you want to be - if, say, you grew a goatee - isn't good enough. They'd prefer someone who arrives as the finished package. Not someone they have to dress up and customise until they find them attractive.

    So while your circumstances may work for you now because you believe you share your current beliefs with your partner (and maybe you do for now), I wonder if she feels the same. And god help you if something comes up that she wants to do that you don't like, e.g. dying her hair a certain colour. Because, in every case of that I've ever seen, the man will win a couple of battles but won't win the war on that one and will either give in or be left staring at the lights wondering what went wrong with all of their notions about 'partnership' (i.e. do what I like) gone down the drain because nobody, not a single person on this planet, wants to give up their free will to customise themselves for your liking. You're just one man, at the end of the day, what you offer isn't worth that because that's asking too much of anyone. There'll always be someone better than you out there who will just accept your partner for who she is. And any belief you have that that isn't the case is just delusion mixed with ego.
    You're a hoot. You've managed to take the op not liking tattoo's and stretch it to him telling his GF how she has to customise herself for his gratification. Well done.

    I know I'm just a man and thank you for raising doubts about my own relationship. Like everyone we have ups and downs, there's give and take and in general it's good. It's been good for over 30 years so you might be right, she may be unhappy and just about to leave because I expressed (not long after I met her) how I preferred her to wear long rather than short hair which she has done (to varying degrees and via various colours and perm's) as long as we've been together and I don't think she's going to leave any time soon over it but then I don't have your infallible insight into how the human mind works.


  • #51
    lifeandtimes
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,021 ✭✭✭lifeandtimes


    Je_suis_Jean wrote: »
    because I expressed (not long after I met her) how I preferred her to wear long rather than short hair which she has done (to varying degrees and via various colours and perm's) as long as we've been together and I don't think she's going to leave any time soon over it

    Yes you told her what you preferred but it's her hair to do what she wish, what if she wanted to wear short hair or required it for some reason (maybe she's an actress and her role requires it) wpuld you then find it a deal breaker and break up with her?

    To be honest each to their own but from your posts you do seem very controlling of your partners appearance and want to glam it up as "this is what people.in relationships do) I'm in a relationship and wouldn't dream of telling my gf how I would prefer her to wear her hair, she may ask my opinion but ultimately I tell her she'll look amazing anyway she has it, same with tattoos if she got one she liked I'd be supportive of it regardless if I liked it or not


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  • #52
    SarahMollie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,841 ✭✭✭SarahMollie


    leggo wrote: »
    I've worked with all women the vast majority of my professional life. As a result, I've heard every relationship issue there is during that time. I've heard all of the highs and lows, seen people build happy lives and go through awful, awful break-ups. And I've never once met a single female who's happy when a guy tells them what they want to look like, how they should wear their hair, how they should dress etc.

    Women are not a hive mind and having worked with a few doesn't give you some sort of special insight.

    If it did, you might know that a lot of women cringe at being refereed to as "females" (theres a whole thread about it in the Ladies Lounge).

    I also think you're making a huge leap from a person not liking tattoos and therefore not wanting their previously untattooed partner to suddenly get one. And you're taking further leaps in calling Je_suis_Jean controlling. People want to look good for their partners, thats perfectly normal.

    I know that I sometimes wear clothes that my OP doesnt like because I think they're fashionable. For example I got a jacket last week that I think looks great but he told me I looked like a cushion - I just smile at him and continue to wear my cushion jacket because I like it. Also, its a jacket and can come off at the end of the day.

    That said, I do know the type of things he likes, so on certain occasions I will definitely dress with him in mind and leave my cushion jacket at home. Is that me pandering to him? Maybe, but sure who cares, its easy to do and i like when he complements me. I know he definitely prefers me with my hair down so for our wedding I'll be wearing it down for that precise reason. Its a reciprocal thing though, he asks my opinions and tends to go with things that I like. I don't see that as us controlling each other, rather that we value each others opinions and want to look good for each other.

    But back to the OP - no one seems to have raised the point that in all previous discussions between them on tattoos, the only prospect raised was the small heart tattoo on her wrist. When he said ok, he was probably thinking that this was all that she would do, and in hindsight this is not this tattoo that bothers him.

    I think its a bit nuts to go in for one tattoo and come out with two - it surely shouldn't be that much of a rushed decision. I'd say that its probably not worth breaking up over if the relationship is otherwise solid, but I'm not surprised that he's a bit disgruntled.


  • #53
    sbsquarepants
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,812 ✭✭✭✭sbsquarepants


    It's her body OP - you have zero rights over it.

    You have 2 choices - suck it up and get on with things or call it a day.

    Seriously - how hard can it be to just not stare at her damn ankle and sulk?
    They way you're going on you'd swear she'd just gone and got her ex's name in a love heart on her fandango.

    Cop yourself on, would you!


  • #54
    Eric Cartman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 26,280 ✭✭✭✭Eric Cartman


    I don't mind tattoos, have been with some women with some very nice pieces.

    What would concern me is the sheer unoriginality of it, those are possibly the two most u original tattoos of all time, if she got a piece that meant something to her or was original id get it, but she knew you didnt like tattoos and went and got two of the most "meh i just want a tattoo to say I have one" pieces, short of a butterfly tramp stamp.

    I'd have more respect if she had a giant swastika done accross her back, atleast it would be somewhat original or have meaning.

    I think its a worrying sign OP, peer pressure / fashion / herd mentality won over her partners known feelings about this, thats never a good sign.


  • #55
    leggo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,061 ✭✭✭leggo


    Can we just call the truth out for what it is. When the phrase 'taking your partner into consideration' is being used in this thread it's being used to mean 'doing what you want them to do'. You're just dressing the words up to mean something else and implying, passive-aggressively, that if they make any decision you don't like that they're being inconsiderate of your feelings. That's the problem, that's the rub here, that latent 'do what I want or else I won't be happy and convince you it's your duty to do so...' attitude.

    SarahMollie, I'm not sure why you're disagreeing with my post when you listed an example of you doing the exact thing that I said people should be free to do. I never contended that wearing or doing something nice for your partner is wrong, we all do that, it's when it becomes 'don't do this or you're inconsiderate and selfish' that it becomes a problem. So can you disagree with me on the points I've made and not the ones I haven't please? Thanks. Do you feel it's right that a partner should be thought of as inconsiderate or selfish for wearing something or doing something with their own body that their partner doesn't like? If not, then we agree! :)


  • #56
    lifeandtimes
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,021 ✭✭✭lifeandtimes


    leggo wrote: »
    Can we just call the truth out for what it is. When the phrase 'taking your partner into consideration' is being used in this thread it's being used to mean 'doing what you want them to do'. You're just dressing the words up to mean something else and implying, passive-aggressively, that if they make any decision you don't like that they're being inconsiderate of your feelings. That's the problem, that's the rub here, that latent 'do what I want or else I won't be happy and convince you it's your duty to do so...' attitude.

    SarahMollie, I'm not sure why you're disagreeing with my post when you listed an example of you doing the exact thing that I said people should be free to do. I never contended that wearing or doing something nice for your partner is wrong, it's when it becomes 'don't do this or your inconsiderate and selfish' that it becomes a problem. So can you disagree with me on the points I've made and not the ones I haven't please? Thanks. Do you feel it's right that a partner should be thought of as inconsiderate or selfish for wearing something or doing something with their own body that their partner doesn't like? If not, then we agree! :)

    Nail on the head here, it's passive aggressive way of control with emotional blackmail thrown in.

    Op my opinion is the same, if you love this girl you should see past this and move on and be happy, if you can't then break up and go be happy with someone elss


  • #57
    Bambi985
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,274 ✭✭✭Bambi985


    Eric Cartman wrote: »

    I'd have more respect if she had a giant swastika done accross her back, atleast it would be somewhat original or have meaning.

    Haha! Literally spat out my coffee at that :pac:


  • #58
    54and56
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,860 ✭✭✭54and56


    lifeandtimes wrote: »
    Yes you told her what you preferred but it's her hair to do what she wish, what if she wanted to wear short hair or required it for some reason (maybe she's an actress and her role requires it) wpuld you then find it a deal breaker and break up with her?
    No, if her job required it I'd be fine with it and TBH if she wanted to try a short hair style I'd be fine with it, I may not like it but if she did and it made her happy I wouldn't have a problem, it's not a big deal. I like longer hair, she likes looking good for me (as I do for her) so throughout our relationship she's worn her hair long.
    lifeandtimes wrote: »
    To be honest each to their own but from your posts you do seem very controlling of your partners appearance and want to glam it up as "this is what people.in relationships do)
    I honestly love how people go out of their way to make 2 + 2 = 6 and create a problem or bit of drama where there isn't one. I don't ever tell her what to do. She knows I like long hair, she wears it long. Are you seriously saying that means I'm "very controlling"? Really? I guess the fact she likes me to keep relatively fit and trim and to achieve that I go to the gym 3-4 times a week, watch what I eat etc means she's controlling me and I'm far more of a victim in my relationship than she is as I have to put a huge amount of physical effort in and work my schedule around working out (which I don't particularly enjoy and takes 4-5 hours per week) Vs all she has to do is grow her hair.

    You know what? I think you have a point. I'm being controlled by my wife and it's high time I told her that it's my body and if I want to sit at home stuffing my face with pizza and give up working out then that's what I'm going to do and it's none of her bloody business.

    I love this thread. I'm all of a sudden a victim but I'm going to take back control. Hooray for keyboard agony aunts everywhere :D
    lifeandtimes wrote: »
    I'm in a relationship and wouldn't dream of telling my gf how I would prefer her to wear her hair, she may ask my opinion but ultimately I tell her she'll look amazing anyway she has it
    More BS I'm afraid. Your intentions may be good but you're not being honest. My (then) gf asked me early in our relationship whether I liked X or Y hairstyle (IIRC she was using Susanna Hoffs of the Bangles as the topic of conversation) and I said I really liked her hair Vs Sinead O'Connor who at the time had short hair but not her now infamous skin head style (which conversely I do actually like) and that was it. If that qualifies as me being overly controlling I'll try not to answer simple questions honestly in future and try to do the whole Coming to America submissive thing.

    Q from the Prince to his proposed bride - "What kind of music do you like?"
    A from the proposed bride - "Whatever kind of music you like"

    Q from GF - "What kind of hairstyle do you like on women?"
    A from a non controlling bf - "Whatever kind of music you like" as anything else would be controlling - apparently and honesty doesn't enter the equation whatsoever!!
    lifeandtimes wrote: »
    same with tattoos if she got one she liked I'd be supportive of it regardless if I liked it or not
    Really? You're unconditional love for your gf would extend beyond her arriving home looking like this?

    dc2d29ded7e955f680bd07b101ae82561490616491.jpg

    It's easy to get all high and mighty with unconditional love and freedom for all hiding behind the keyboard isn't it? It's a different story in the real world where real partners in real relationships compromise with each other all the time. If the OP's gf had taken the time to have a proper conversation with him ref her desire to get two (pretty dopey IMO) tattoo's BEFORE she got them I'm sure they'd have worked something out but she didn't. She doorstepped him via text whilst he was busy at work and that sends a very clear and loud signal about her priorities and where the OP sits on that list.


  • #59
    SarahMollie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,841 ✭✭✭SarahMollie


    leggo wrote: »

    SarahMollie, I'm not sure why you're disagreeing with my post when you listed an example of you doing the exact thing that I said people should be free to do. I never contended that wearing or doing something nice for your partner is wrong, we all do that, it's when it becomes 'don't do this or you're inconsiderate and selfish' that it becomes a problem. So can you disagree with me on the points I've made and not the ones I haven't please? Thanks. Do you feel it's right that a partner should be thought of as inconsiderate or selfish for wearing something or doing something with their own body that their partner doesn't like? If not, then we agree! :)

    I only quoted part of your post. Firstly to say that just because you've worked with some women does not make you an expert and secondly your use of the word "felmale".....can we just not???

    But yeah, I do think you made serious leaps as to what constitutes controlling behavior and whats just being considerate. Obviously I wear what I like, but thats because clothes are not a permanent mark on my body. I wouldn't unilaterally get a tattoo, or cut my hair short or make any other more permanent changes to my body that I believe would upset my OH.


  • #60
    54and56
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,860 ✭✭✭54and56


    Eric Cartman wrote: »
    I think its a worrying sign OP, peer pressure / fashion / herd mentality won over her partners known feelings about this, thats never a good sign.

    Game. Set. Match.


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  • #61
    leggo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,061 ✭✭✭leggo


    @JSJ: You're still, perhaps willfully, missing the point. It's not that you're saying that if your partners asks what you prefer, it's unhealthy. It's that, to take SarahMollie's example from earlier, if you were together and she wore a jacket that you didn't like without consulting you'd consider her selfish, inconsiderate and question if that's the type of person she is to be with in all aspects of life. All because she did something without consulting you. You've danced around it but these are all things you've said.

    I like to keep trim and fit when I'm with someone too, for them. But if I was in a position where I couldn't do so to my liking, due to injury, work, family illness etc...I wouldn't ask for permission. I'd expect to be supported. And if that was a deal breaker for them, fine, I wouldn't want to be with someone like that anyway.

    @SarahMollie: I understand you dislike the word female, however it's a perfectly valid way to describe a woman (written to avoid repetition in a post) with no negative inference. So I'll use it if I like. Can we not hijack the OP's thread to account for your very specific and random personal pet peeves? Can we just...not?

    And that's good for you that you wouldn't do it. But you're also in a relationship, I presume, where you wouldn't be considered selfish, inconsiderate and have your entire being questioned if you did so, and I'm sure you enjoy having that liberty (such as wearing the jacket your partner doesn't like). That's the bone of contention here. Whether you like me or my use of the word female, I think we agree on that, and that's the one relevant point in this discussion.


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