Immigration of step children

Op where are the two teenage kids going to live if they move over? In the one bedroom apartment with you, your husband and two small children? If you are barely getting by as it is financially adding two teenagers almost adults to the mix is a recipe for disaster especially if your husband is not contributing as it is.

notjustsweet wrote: »

This isn't true. If op owned the home before they married the most he's entitled to is any contribution he has made.

I'm not a lawyer so I could be wrong. I think the OP should check this out with the solicitor. She is in a very vulnerable position.

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/birth_family_relationships/separation_and_divorce/family_home.html

notjustsweet wrote: »

Neither am I but my ex was in the same situation as ops husband (in terms of being married to someone after they had bought a house) and wasn't entitled to anything after they split up.
It's in the second paragraph of this link-


http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/birth_family_relationships/problems_in_marriages_and_other_relationships/property_rights_and_the_breakdown_of_a_cohabiting_relationship.html

Edit- the link you quoted is about homes bought by both spouses together which isn't the situation.

I'm glad for the OP's sake but it doesn't change the fact that her husband is ignoring her feelings and is forcing her to accommodate two teenagers in a space that is already overcrowded. There's also the question of who will be supporting them all financially.

MissShihTzu wrote: »

What a ridiculous assertion. Exactly how did you come to this conclusion? You forget something - the father works. He doesn't hand up much money (which is wrong) but he works. The children will be coming over for school. He has to pay for that. The only welfare the kids might be entitled to at the moment is Child Benefit.

The OP is doing the right thing. She needs to see the Immigration solicitor to find out where she stands and to cover herself and her kids.

Fair enough the children's father works. However:

1) He keeps 60% of the money for himself and his wife owns the apartment they live in.
2) He also lets her spend all her disability allowance on their household expenses and she has to buy secondhand clothes for her two children.
3) Despite keeping 60% of his earnings for himself he has to get a loan from his family in Africa to pay for the cost of sending his two older children over to Ireland. So how is he spending the money he keeps for himself while his wife struggles from month to month on her disability allowance and has to buy secondhand clothes for the two younger children?
4) Even though he is working he is not contributing fairly to the upkeep of his older or younger children and is keeping the majority of his earnings for himself.
5) He also seems to be happy for his wife and children to live in cramped stressful conditions inconsistent with the European lifestyle he wants for his two older children.

Following this pattern he may be happy for his two older children to claim social welfare, hand some of it up to him and supplement the money he isn't spending on supporting his family.

I think the two older children would be better off finishing their secondary education in Africa. I don't know what opportunities they would have in Ireland if they were to cut off their education and come over a few months before they were supposed to take their final exams. The benefits of life in Europe might be outweighed by them having to cut short their education if they come over now.

One more thing I've thought of OP: Doesn't the father have to show proof to Immigration that he has the means to support all the children? That might mean accommodation as well. I'd ask the solicitor when you see him. There's more than one way to skin a cat if you follow me...

Meanwhile, I'd tell him this idea of bringing his older kids over to live in already cramped accommodation isn't even a starter for 10 as things stand. Instead of borrowing money he's going to struggle to pay back, he might like to think about getting a better-paid or second job and finding somewhere more suitable to live. That MIGHT put a stop to his gallop!

shel64 wrote: »

i have read this all through, and to me the question is ,,, if the children arent allowed to enter, will this marriage survive after all this, will OP still be happy with her lot? will her husband be happy that his kids arent here? will all be resentful? and then theres the little ones in the middle of this turmoil, this sounds like the straw that broke the camels back ,,,,sadly

I would be concerned that, in the event that the children do come here, the OP will be left having to look after all the children. Given his lack of any responsibility, he could feck off at any time.

The whole thing is a mess and I sympathise with you OP.
While I can understand a parent wanting to see their children your husband is simply being selfish.

He is selfish by wanting to pull his children out of their education to bring them to a foreign country where they will have limited opportunities due to their lack of education. It will be impossible for his children to pick up the Irish curriculum at their age. There`s also the fact they may not be able to work under the conditions of their visa.

He is also being selfish with his money as 40% of his wage is simply not good enough to support a 2 children family.

I'm afraid you need to be stern here. Lay your cards on the table. Tell him you understand his desire to have his children near him but he needs to be realistic.
He must think of his 2 children here already. Their lives are going to be severely impacted by 6 people living in a one bed flat.

beanbag68 wrote: »

I feel bullied into accepting a situation I don't want to be part of in order to save my marriage.

Completely the wrong way to view it OP. If your marriage ends as a result of his stubbornness the blame is firmly at his feet.
You need to think of you and your children.
Tell him for that reason you will not be allowing any more people to live in your home and there is no negation about it.
Its his move then.

Sorry, I should've picked that up.

Anyway point remains they will not have done Leaving Cert syllabus. Hence how will they quality for CAO or pay overseas university fees. Probably wouldn't qualify for habitual residency for social welfare. Plus the two little ones probably don't know them. Plus the housing situation and if I'm frank the relationship situation.

It is a hard one.

Just when they are almost adults he decides he cannot live without them? Sounds like a
Last ditch easy visa ride for them,
Whoever they are. to be awfully honest it seems like you have been his cash cow. He has had two 'wives' already, abandoned two different women and two different sets of children & come
For his easy ride with you . Now he is utterly disregarding you & your childrens needs & is going his own way again - regardless of the cost to you. Do
You even know where this
Money he has been sending has actually
Gone, or who these 17 & 18 y olds are? Have they medical problems? hIV? Do
You speak the same language - and properly? Are they men? Will they expect you to wash & clean & put food on the table For Them too? Will you be expected to buy a bigger car tomdrive them around in? Who will buy the beds and matresses? Where will these beds go - will you shove them up against the walls during the day? Will you like yhese strangers? When they tefuse to go back next year what will you do - let them live with you forever, or until they are 24, or 28 - or until they get pregnant? What if they have other half siblings or God forbid Children? And hiw will all this mess affect your children. Don't they have any rights in all this mess too?
I would change bank account and put all
Your money into an account he cannot reach immediately and start thinking of the long run. And most of all I would write registered letters to immigration stating you are being forced aginst your will to bring two almost adult strangers here against your will, that you do not agree to it, have no means of supporting or providing for them and are disabled and in a vulnerable position. That should position things clearly . If You have his fill name/names and passport number / new citizen GNIB card details include them too. It sounds like a horrendous situation to be forced against your will into and emotional blackmail over these strangers is no excuse. They are strangers to him too - he abandoned them years ago - two wives and two sets of children. Was he ever married or cluld these even be his sisters children? For all you know they are. Or he is taking payment to bring them over - another common practice. If the expextation is that the taxpayer will
Foot the bill for them and their education and the rest of their adult lives ( lets face it, they will hardly be going back) you might consider this too - this is also not fair on the irish taxpayer.

You might also find iy of use to
Get in contact with womens aid - tell them exactly what you said here - you are vulnerable and possibly being exploited, he is leaning on you financially already - you have children and do not want to be finamcially or itherwise reaponsible for these near adults who he has abandoned over 7 or more years ago for the rest of your life. And ask them to help you stop it. You have rights in this too even if you are eztremely subdued in insisting on them. what an awful situation to be in.

If I were honest the words golddigger would spring to mind - normally I would only use it for certain women - in this case it also sadly would seem to strongly apply Perhaps a proposed separation might focus his attention.

Definately empty your joint bank account of all YOUR savings ( leave his) & remove them from his control. I think this will not end happily for you or your children unless to take strong steps now and most of all a tegistered letter to GNIB and immigration.

culture clash wrote: »

That was a strong post with a lot of good advice but the above jumped out at me. HIV? Common practice to pay for transportation of children that may actually be extended relatives?

Wow! Would you say the same if the children were from south America or Asia? Or is HIV only a consideration for African children? You do realise there are many people without the disease who happen to be in the majority? Just like in the rest of the world.vFurthermore this is her husband and she's lived in his country. She can easily find out if the children are his it's not like the entire continent doesn't have internet or indeed registries of birth where one phone call will sort it out. OR his own relatives or the Irish embassy for information.

The husband sounds like a piece of work and it's best to probably leave him and focus on her children but introducing fears that are based on extremely negative stereotypes based on his being African is wrong. Can't even believe HIV is getting mentioned. Because I doubt it would otherwise if the husband was from anywhere else.

Epidemic amongst children (& adults many of whom die of its consequences & leave the children orphaned) on the continent of Africa so yes a valid question and concern - particularly if she is going to be responsible for their health, costs & medical bills or welfare for the rest of her life.

JustAThought wrote: »

Epidemic amongst children (& adults many of whom die of its consequences & leave the children orphaned) on the continent of Africa so yes a valid question and concern - particularly if she is going to be responsible for their health, costs & medical bills or welfare for the rest of her life.

It's also a serious epidemic in Russia, India and SE Asia. Yet I doubt anyone would be specifying HIV testing for children from there! Why not just write medical conditions? Because even diabetes can be just as stressful to manage. Or any other chronic illness.

You are so wrong for even bringing it up. Stigma is a real issue for positive patients and you're combining that with stereotyping Africans. This lady has known her husband years before marriage and lived in his country. I'm sure she'd know what the situation on the ground is. Anyone bringing in children from any country would sensibly have medical checks. Since I doubt the children will be coming here to live with her it's a moot point anyway.

Your post is full of negative stereotyping based on nothing more than his place of origin.

culture clash wrote: »

It's also a serious epidemic in Russia, India and SE Asia. Yet I doubt anyone would be specifying HIV testing for children from there! Why not just write medical conditions? Because even diabetes can be just as stressful to manage. Or any other chronic illness.

You are so wrong for even bringing it up. Stigma is a real issue for positive patients and you're combining that with stereotyping Africans. This lady has known her husband years before marriage and lived in his country. I'm sure she'd know what the situation on the ground is. Anyone bringing in children from any country would sensibly have medical checks. Since I doubt the children will be coming here to live with her it's a moot point anyway.

Your post is full of negative stereotyping based on nothing more than his place of origin.

If the OP's husband wasn't from Africa but the situation was exactly the same would you still accuse people of negative stereotyping? Whatever about the children's health and no matter where this man comes from he seems to be exploiting the OP. If he grew up next door to her I'd be giving her exactly the same advice.