"Why I did not report my rapist"

Help!!!! wrote: »

Its great to see that there are still some women in the world that are not looking to play the victim

It's a select few that do tbh. Most women I know would hate to be viewed as some sort of helpless victim, just like most men I know too.

LightlyGo wrote: »

What?
So are you saying that women have no responsibility at all for what happens to their body? What sort of message is that? By that logic none of us are safe, we're just sitting ducks waiting for rapists to whisper sweet nothings in our ear because we are incapable of resisting.

That ad you saw was made by someone who needed a dictionary.
Coercion by dictionary and legal definition is the action or practice of persuading someone to do something by using force or threats...FORCE OR THREAT.
Wearing down resolve is persausion by enticement, an entirely different and entirely legal act. We are on the receiving end of it all day from sales people to tv ads to well meaning mammy's offering us cups of tea. It's completely different. If women are not capable of resisting temptation that's on them.

The idea that are so weak minded that we would need to be protected even from temptation is so insulting to our entire sex is absolutely anthethical of what feminism should be.

Is this view point that the poster is taking not very patriarchal in and of itself? I was under the impression that to see women as weaker because of their sex is a misogynistic/patriarchal view?

I didn't read her blog until it was posted here. To me the whole thing seemed very black and white, no means no.
But having followed RMC for a while, I have seen that she contradicts herself on a regular basis and her beliefs on things can change with the wind. I would even suggest that she possible didn't feel at the time that it was rape, but decided 15 years on that it is and now this guy is being considered as some sort of sex pest. I was in NUIG at the same time she was and had at least one friend in common, it's making me wonder do I inadvertently know this Dirty Monster.

As regards attention seeking she is up there with the best of them. She reposted an article on twitter in the middle of a trashy gossip awards thing and waited at home poised on twitter for people to talk about her. She made a cringey video flirting with her ex about how theiy're great pals (would love to see her current bf do the same, I doubt it would be acceptable.)
She had brief concerns about H&M being child labour exploiters and how she wants to buy investment clothes, then snapchatted clothes she wanted in H&M.

I think her sense of intelligent superiority is holding her back in so many ways (in her words,smug face). Getting an Arts degree doesn't make you more intelligent than the bloggers with the looks. It can enable you to have strong beliefs and viewpoints which is great, but for gods sake stick to them.

cantdecide wrote: »

Men and boys grow up being surrounded with this narrative that they're everything bad and must accept blame for everything and everything (eyeballs suicide stats) and that they already have all the privileges so deserve no help . The feminist establishment has been eroding ordinary maleness for decades not helped by social media.

I'm very heartened by so many women calling this kind of thing out for what it is.

The dangers to society on a whole when we allow the above narrative unchallenged is huge as we breed a generation of disenchanted males.

That has proven to be a bad thing in the past and I would see it escalating societal problems .

daheff wrote: »

From my reading of what happened in the end it boiled down to Her choice of
A Having an awkward conversation with the guy or
B Having sex with him

She decided it was easier to have sex with him than have that conversation.


So she was too immature to deal with the situation. She continued allowing herself to be undressed and to have sex with him because she didn't want to have an awkward conversation.

If she thinks this is rape she's sadly mistaken. I only hope the person she's making the allegations about can't be identified from the piece as his life will be destroyed because of her inability to have awkward conversations.

The irony then of talking down to people from her high horse, levelling accusations at half the population. :rolleyes:

She and people of her ilk have some chip on their shoulder.

MuffinTop86 wrote: »

I didn't read her blog until it was posted here. To me the whole thing seemed very black and white, no means no.
But having followed RMC for a while, I have seen that she contradicts herself on a regular basis and her beliefs on things can change with the wind. I would even suggest that she possible didn't feel at the time that it was rape, but decided 15 years on that it is and now this guy is being considered as some sort of sex pest. I was in NUIG at the same time she was and had at least one friend in common, it's making me wonder do I inadvertently know this Dirty Monster.

As regards attention seeking she is up there with the best of them. She reposted an article on twitter in the middle of a trashy gossip awards thing and waited at home poised on twitter for people to talk about her. She made a cringey video flirting with her ex about how theiy're great pals (would love to see her current bf do the same, I doubt it would be acceptable.)
She had brief concerns about H&M being child labour exploiters and how she wants to buy investment clothes, then snapchatted clothes she wanted in H&M.

I think her sense of intelligent superiority is holding her back in so many ways (in her words,smug face). Getting an Arts degree doesn't make you more intelligent than the bloggers with the looks. It can enable you to have strong beliefs and viewpoints which is great, but for gods sake stick to them.

Your assumption that she's a walking contradiction is spot on IMO. A few days ago she tweeted about worrying for the "positive vibes only" generation who cannot deal with negativity and criticism. Quote: " I really worry sometimes for the next generation; how will they navigate this insane "positive vibes only" universe?". Today on Twitter she's openly admitting to hiding comments on her Facebook that don't agree with her because she "doesn't want them to incite others to give her sh!t". Lol.

cantdecide wrote: »

Men and boys grow up being surrounded with this narrative that they're everything bad and must accept blame for everything and everything (eyeballs suicide stats) and that they already have all the privileges so deserve no help . The feminist establishment has been eroding ordinary maleness for decades not helped by social media.

No they haven't, and I've rarely experienced men with that mentality. You can eyeball the suicide stats all you want but they won't help your argument as the highest increase in rates of suicide and self-harm is among women in the 16 - 25 age bracket.

If anything I've heard from "the feminist establishment".. I don't believe there is one tbh, because a culture of individualism nowadays means anyone can put forward whatever ideas they like and call themselves a feminist. The ideology has lost all meaning IMO as there are many contradictory and conflicting ideas where everyone has their own ideas of what feminism is or isn't and who qualifies as a feminist and who doesn't, etc. Suffice to say that modern mainstream feminism claims to want to help men, when they don't even appear to be able to help themselves. I for one don't want, nor need their idea of help. I'm grand, seriously.

However, that being said, have you any idea just how difficult it is to get men to help themselves? That's one thing women do appear to be better at than men - they may not always agree among themselves, but they know how to organise and mobilise themselves when necessary. Men, in my experience at least, simply don't care about each others welfare in the same way that women care about their own welfare.

I don't know what you mean by "ordinary maleness", but I've never experienced the erosion of anything by a woman, nor women, let alone any "feminist establishment". I don't agree at all that they have been eroding anything about men as they've simply never had that power. For decades women mobilised and campaigned for their welfare and their rights and I'll never deny them that as it's never been any skin off my nose.

If I were to be perfectly blunt about it, social media has given rise to polarised political posturing and virtue signalling that ordinary people of either gender simply cannot relate to in their daily lives, and you can either allow yourself to get sucked into that vacuum, or simply like many people I know choose to do - avoid it altogether.

That's why I wasn't familiar with this particular blogger before now, and I'll likely never read her blog again (I'd sooner stab my other eye out with a fork tbh), but none of that takes away from the fact that whether whatever she says did or didn't happen, she is proof that our judgements, as Calhoun pointed out earlier, are often informed by our biases. I wouldn't let her speak for me, as I think she's just a piss poor representation of anything I represent, but undoubtedly there are those people whom her story does resonate with, and if it gives those people the courage to speak out, if only even to say her experiences are not representative of their experiences, then I can't honestly say that's a bad thing. Her idea was good, her execution was poor.

Truth be told, I'm still not sure what her idea in publishing that article was in the first place if I'm honest, I'd give her the benefit of the doubt and suggest naivety, but having delved into her rather shìtty musings to get a better context, I begin to question the veracity of her account and wonder is it simply an elaborate fantasy to make a point to further her political ideology among her cohort on social media, and it quite simply got out of hand, out of her control.

She must on some level, have known it was a possibility. For what it's worth though, I think while she might have unseated LON for this weeks wind up merchant award, someone else will undoubtedly be along next week vying for the social media queen crown, and we'll all be back again next week to duke it out and all.

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I think we need a campaign similar to #illstandwithyou to help protect the decent men we know from unhinged women with a warped sense of what's rape and what's buyers remorse

That & not naming the man until he's found guilty

Help!!!! wrote: »

To all the women reading this thread & have wondered where all the good men are....they are all hiding because of women like Rosemary. Too scared to go up to speak to you because they are constantly being told that the are " the problem " that they are rapists. There is nothing like the " thrill of the chase " between a man & a woman unfortunately that too is going extinct because of the world we are living in now

Not only that but I can see the death of the fling, the one night stand. The fear of being falsely accused of a horrendous crime will drive men away from women.

Penny Tration wrote: »

Ah c'mon now.


I hugely disagree with a lot of the crap RMC posts, but to say men are afraid to approach women because of that kind of crap is simply untrue.

Many men are confident and happy enough to approach women, because they're intelligent enough to realise that the majority of us women aren't new wave, attention seeking feminists. And let's face it, they tend to have a very distinct appearance, so they're easy to avoid.

Yeah not all but there will be some nice young guys out there afraid to approach women because of the crap being forced upon them in school/uni. The older guys will hopefully see through it all

sara1 wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

Well done for being open to changing your mind. In a world of echo chambers and hysterical gender politics this is too often painted as weakness or betrayal by the idealogues who make up the bloggosphere. Let's be open to the shades of grey as well as the black and white. Allow our opinion to change and take things on a case by case basis.

anna080 wrote:

Your assumption that she's a walking contradiction is spot on IMO. A few days ago she tweeted about worrying for the "positive vibes only" generation who cannot deal with negativity and criticism. Quote: " I really worry sometimes for the next generation; how will they navigate this insane "positive vibes only" universe?". Today on Twitter she's openly admitting to hiding comments on her Facebook that don't agree with her because she "doesn't want them to incite others to give her sh!t". Lol.

I get the hypocrisy, but it is a specially emotive topic for her and a lot of others, so I also get the need to block out the negativity, however naive.