Teenage Disco bans inappropriate outfits

Widdershins · 17-02-2017 12:59PM

To those with concerns about their teenage children having sex, what would your approach be; would you allow them to see a boyfriend or girlfriend but limit and supervise what they can get up to or would you outright forbid any dating?

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 17-02-2017 01:06PM

Widdershins wrote: »

To those with concerns about their teenage children having sex, what would your approach be; would you allow them to see a boyfriend or girlfriend but limit and supervise what they can get up to or would you outright forbid any dating?

Personally, when I get to that stage, I would hope I'd limit/supervise and talk to her/him in the least cringe way how to be safe. I would rather her have sex at 15 to someone who showed her respect and had feelings for her than make her think sex is bad/taboo/to be avoided. I don't want her going out into the world at 18 desperate to sleep with someone and having sex with someone who'd never speak to her again. I was 17 when I lost my virginity, first week away at college and I told him no but he did it anyway. I was almost 21 before I had sex again, and still to this day find it difficult to form relationships.
My best friend in school had a boyfriend at 12 and had sex with him at 14, they broke up when she was 17. Yeah, she was too young, but she was safe and she was respected.

Geuze · 17-02-2017 01:14PM

Widdershins wrote: »

To those with concerns about their teenage children having sex, what would your approach be; would you allow them to see a boyfriend or girlfriend but limit and supervise what they can get up to or would you outright forbid any dating?

In Ireland, the legal age of consent is 17 years-old for everyone.

I would strongly discourage anybody under 18 from having sex.

If you rear your children well, it shouldn't be an issue.

kunst nugget · 17-02-2017 01:19PM

Widdershins wrote: »

To those with concerns about their teenage children having sex, what would your approach be; would you allow them to see a boyfriend or girlfriend but limit and supervise what they can get up to or would you outright forbid any dating?

I'm concerned about my daughter being hit by a car but that doesn't mean I forbid her from going outside to stop that happening. We educate her on road safety and a common sense approach to crossing the road and put trust in her not to be a complete fecking eejit. You don't throw a kid out on the road and then say 'Don't get knocked down and if you do don't come crying to me!'

We've had age-appropriate conversations along the way (well, when I say we, I really mean the missus) and tried to educate our children about sex and sexuality and tried to be as open as we can be. I suppose we'll find out how well it's worked in a year or two as she's now on the cusp of being a teenager. I'll trust her to hopefully make the right decisions but she'll know we're there to help her with anything no matter what happens. Can't really do much more than that for her at the moment.

eviltwin · 17-02-2017 01:21PM

Geuze wrote: »

In Ireland, the legal age of consent is 17 years-old for everyone.

I would strongly discourage anybody under 18 from having sex.

If you rear your children well, it shouldn't be an issue.

I'd disagree. While its obviously better to wait until its legal I don't think its bad parenting to have a child who has sex before the age of consent. Its bad parenting to ignore the reality and not teach your kids about safety and boundries.

mdwexford · 17-02-2017 01:29PM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Personally, when I get to that stage, I would hope I'd limit/supervise and talk to her/him in the least cringe way how to be safe. I would rather her have sex at 15 to someone who showed her respect and had feelings for her than make her think sex is bad/taboo/to be avoided. I don't want her going out into the world at 18 desperate to sleep with someone and having sex with someone who'd never speak to her again. I was 17 when I lost my virginity, first week away at college and I told him no but he did it anyway. I was almost 21 before I had sex again, and still to this day find it difficult to form relationships.
My best friend in school had a boyfriend at 12 and had sex with him at 14, they broke up when she was 17. Yeah, she was too young, but she was safe and she was respected.

Sex is to be avoided at 15.

Safe and respected!! If she got pregnant at 14 her life is ruined.

eviltwin · 17-02-2017 01:33PM

mdwexford wrote: »

Sex is to be avoided at 15.

Safe and respected!! If she got pregnant at 14 her life is ruined.

Again, this simply isn't true. While having a baby at 14 is not ideal for anyone its a gross exaggeration to say it will ruin her life.

Geuze · 17-02-2017 01:35PM

eviltwin wrote: »

Its bad parenting to ignore the reality and not teach your kids about safety and boundries.

Indeed. I did not mean to suggest ignoring anything.

And if you do teach them these things well, "safety and boundaries", then there shouldn't be an issue.

eviltwin · 17-02-2017 01:38PM

Geuze wrote: »

Indeed. I did not mean to suggest ignoring anything.

And if you do teach them these things well, "safety and boundaries", then there shouldn't be an issue.

How do you know it won't be an issue? I've always had a very open attitude to sex with my own children, I've taught them about safety and sex from an early age but I know my eldest was still having sex at 16. Teaching them all the facts doesn't mean they will wait. They are going to do what they want to do regardless. All you can do as a parent is try to make sure they have enough education to make safe choices.

vicwatson · 17-02-2017 01:40PM

eviltwin wrote: »

How do you know it won't be an issue? I've always had a very open attitude to sex with my own children, I've taught them about safety and sex from an early age but I know my eldest was still having sex at 16. Teaching them all the facts doesn't mean they will wait. They are going to do what they want to do regardless. All you can do as a parent is try to make sure they have enough education to make safe choices.

And teach them what is legal

eviltwin · 17-02-2017 01:41PM

vicwatson wrote: »

And teach them what is legal

If you think a teenager is not going to do something because its not legal then you are very niave.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 17-02-2017 01:42PM

mdwexford wrote: »

Sex is to be avoided at 15.

Safe and respected!! If she got pregnant at 14 her life is ruined.

ideally she won't be having sex at 14 but hopefully she'll know how to avoid pregnancy instead of ignoring it, thinking it won't happen to your child, and not teaching her how to protect herself

mdwexford · 17-02-2017 01:42PM

eviltwin wrote: »

Again, this simply isn't true. While having a baby at 14 is not ideal for anyone its a gross exaggeration to say it will ruin her life.

The kid has their childhood taken away and instantly has to try and become an adult. If they want to continue their education presumably the parents have to raise the baby for a lot of years. It's all round bad for the whole family.

The amount of young girls that get pregnant then drop out of school and all of a sudden have 3 kids in a council house that they are trying to raise with no father in sight before they're 25 is crazy.

mdwexford · 17-02-2017 01:45PM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

idy she won't be having sex at 14 but hopefully she'll know how to avoid pregnancy instead of ignoring it, thinking it won't happen to your child, and not teaching her how to protect herself

Without a doubt burying your head in the sand isn't the way to go.

Keeping them informed is a positive thing, however I'd be stressing how much of an impact it will have on your life if you get pregnant or get a girl pregnant at a very young age.

Thoie · 17-02-2017 01:47PM

vicwatson wrote: »

And teach them what is legal

I think it's not just what is legal, but why that law is there to begin with, and compare it to other laws (such as not being able to get a mortgage when you're 15) and help them figure out the parallels. Similarly with drinking - we don't have a law setting the drinking age at 18 just because we're all big, boring meanies.

Roger Hassenforder · 17-02-2017 01:48PM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I read a comment upthread earlier about kids dressing like prostitutes therefore deserve to be treated like a prostitute. What a dispicable thing to say.

You're right, but I don't think that's what they were saying.

LexieOnRale wrote: »

If men can't help but feel sexual urges when he sees a pair of legs or a bit of cleavage, then I suggest he gets help rather than blaming a teenager for what she was wearing.

heterosexual males are biologically programmed to be sexually attracted to boobs, bums and and long legs
He doesn't need "help". it's simple biology. It's why we're here.

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/healthy-living/sexual-health/a2225/mens-sexual-response/

However, how he reacts on said attraction is the issue, and whether the female reciprocates, or is of appropriate sexual/emotional maturity, and lucid to make an informed decision. That's a different argument.

Out of curiosity, why do females display cleavage, and/or legs, if not to be appear attractive or actually attract?

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 17-02-2017 01:52PM

mdwexford wrote: »

Without a doubt burying your head in the sand isn't the way to go.

Keeping them informed is a positive thing, however I'd be stressing how much of an impact it will have on your life if you get pregnant or get a girl pregnant at a very young age.

Absolutely! There's so much to see and do and enjoy before settling down and having a child. These things happen, it won't be the end of the world if it does, but there's so much but fun in being carefree and having no responsibility and so much to do and see before settling down. I'd be horrified thinking a child couldn't come to me and tell me if they needed my help. I'd feel I failed more as a parent if I was unapproachable than if my child had sex below the legal age of consent

Roger Hassenforder · 17-02-2017 01:52PM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I was 17 when I lost my virginity, first week away at college and I told him no but he did it anyway. I was almost 21 before I had sex again, and still to this day find it difficult to form relationships.
My best friend in school had a boyfriend at 12 and had sex with him at 14, they broke up when she was 17. Yeah, she was too young, but she was safe and she was respected.

You don't need me to tell you, you are both raped, and you have my sympathies.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 17-02-2017 02:00PM

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

You're right, but I don't think that's what they were saying.

heterosexual males are biologically programmed to be sexually attracted to boobs, bums and and long legs
He doesn't need "help". it's simple biology. It's why we're here.

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/healthy-living/sexual-health/a2225/mens-sexual-response/

However, how he reacts on said attraction is the issue, and whether the female reciprocates, or is of appropriate sexual/emotional maturity, and lucid to make an informed decision. That's a different argument.

Out of curiosity, why do females display cleavage, and/or legs, if not to be appear attractive or actually attract?

I can only speak for myself of course but I don't display legs too much, I like more midi length dresses/skirts because I wouldn't be comfortable in something short I don't feel it would suit me.
I may wear low cut tops for different reasons. A) I've a decent rack b) certain accessories I might want to wear c) the occasion d) the complete style of the outfit. If I found something I really liked, colour, cut, design, fit and it was a bit booby,it wouldn't put me off.

I don't trawl though shops thinking oh I'll buy this because a man might like it. I'm far too selfish for that. I buy what I like, what makes me comfortable. I wear. Lot of high heels because I like being taller, I like how they make me stand straighter and improve my posture, they're more comfortable than being flat on my feet. I wear makeup and take care of myself because I enjoy the application and different looks, i love trying out new products, new looks, I like dramatic makeup, I love accentuating my eyes. As if I spend a fortune on makeup to try impress a man who couldn't tell the difference between Ruby woo and Russian red? Oh please.

One eyed Jack · 17-02-2017 02:18PM

Widdershins wrote: »

To those with concerns about their teenage children having sex, what would your approach be; would you allow them to see a boyfriend or girlfriend but limit and supervise what they can get up to or would you outright forbid any dating?

My approach to it was simply to tell him aaaaallll about how he came into the world...

It should put him off the idea for a long time :pac:

silverharp · 17-02-2017 02:31PM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I don't trawl though shops thinking oh I'll buy this because a man might like it. I'm far too selfish for that. I buy what I like, what makes me comfortable. I wear. Lot of high heels because I like being taller, I like how they make me stand straighter and improve my posture, they're more comfortable than being flat on my feet. I wear makeup and take care of myself because I enjoy the application and different looks, i love trying out new products, new looks, I like dramatic makeup, I love accentuating my eyes. As if I spend a fortune on makeup to try impress a man who couldn't tell the difference between Ruby woo and Russian red? Oh please.

for sure but the standards themselves are based on what is successful to "get a man" or to signal that you have a successful man perhaps. unless you are a feminist

you wont be partially shaving your head and wearing black lipstick. :pac:

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 17-02-2017 02:36PM

silverharp wrote: »

for sure but the standards themselves are based on what is successful to "get a man" or to signal that you have a successful man perhaps. unless you are a feminist you wont be partially shaving your head and wearing black lipstick. :pac:

I have a man, a man who insists he likes me better with bed hair and no makeup, who'll give me kisses when I have morning breath and panda eyes. He doesn't get to tell me what to wear or what to put on my face or how to wear my hair. None of that has any bearings on getting a man, it's done for myself.

And maybe those girls are wearing what's fashionable because the bloggers or celebs they admire are wearing the same on social media, they might wear the same style clothes and indeed swap clothes with their friends. I've been a young girl, and the last thing I'm sure they're thinking is wearing a short skirt to get the attention of a leery aul lad.

Bambi985 · 17-02-2017 03:23PM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

And maybe those girls are wearing what's fashionable because the bloggers or celebs they admire are wearing the same on social media, they might wear the same style clothes and indeed swap clothes with their friends. I've been a young girl, and the last thing I'm sure they're thinking is wearing a short skirt to get the attention of a leery aul lad.

yeah but it's about being mature and developed enough to understand what's appropriate and what will draw a seriously vamped up amount of the wrong attention.

someone mentioned earlier about working in public transport and seeing underaged teens dressing a certain way and being hit on by grown men on stag dos. That's where it gets scary to me. a 14 year old girl may appear to have a fully developed adult female body but she still has the mind of a child and doesn't have the maturity to know that dressing that way could put her at worst in danger or at best in a demeaning position with the worst type of person.

is it her fault? no. but that's the reality. dressing like a 20 year old prostitute comes with its own set of risks, i know that as a 30 yr old woman who has left the house wearing half nothing and been everything from catcalled to street harassed. you don't slip under the radar that way, you more often than not get treated like a piece of meat. as a 30 year old woman i can understand the consequences of appropriate and inappropriate dress, but that 14 year old who's pissed off her face on half a bottle of buckfast and just wants to fit in with all her mates can't.

silverharp · 17-02-2017 03:28PM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I have a man, a man who insists he likes me better with bed hair and no makeup, who'll give me kisses when I have morning breath and panda eyes. He doesn't get to tell me what to wear or what to put on my face or how to wear my hair. None of that has any bearings on getting a man, it's done for myself.

And maybe those girls are wearing what's fashionable because the bloggers or celebs they admire are wearing the same on social media, they might wear the same style clothes and indeed swap clothes with their friends. I've been a young girl, and the last thing I'm sure they're thinking is wearing a short skirt to get the attention of a leery aul lad.

ok I get that women don't normally dress to impress men on any particular day but it is still interesting to understand some of the motivation for why things are the way they are. its like certain fashions are inversely proportional to their practicality for instance long painted fingernails, cant make life easier but the signal is, don't have to work (or manual etc), have a cushy life and loads of time on my hands which in a lot of cases wont be actually be true. There are not many fashionable looks for women which suggest that you work a hard outdoors job whereas for male fashions they more easily can.

silverharp · 17-02-2017 03:36PM

Bambi985 wrote: »

yeah but it's about being mature and developed enough to understand what's appropriate and what will draw a seriously vamped up amount of the wrong attention.

someone mentioned earlier about working in public transport and seeing underaged teens dressing a certain way and being hit on by grown men on stag dos. That's where it gets scary to me. a 14 year old girl may appear to have a fully developed adult female body but she still has the mind of a child and doesn't have the maturity to know that dressing that way could put her at worst in danger or at best in a demeaning position with the worst type of person.

is it her fault? no. but that's the reality. dressing like a 20 year old prostitute comes with its own set of risks, i know that as a 30 yr old woman who has left the house wearing half nothing and been everything from catcalled to street harassed. you don't slip under the radar that way, you more often than not get treated like a piece of meat. as a 30 year old woman i can understand the consequences of appropriate and inappropriate dress, but that 14 year old who's pissed off her face on half a bottle of buckfast and just wants to fit in with all her mates can't.

its the short difference between 14 and 18 which is the enabler, if 18-22 is the gold standard for women then a 14 or 15 year old has a chance to mimic it or fake it, even if from an adult perspective they may look ridiculous

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 17-02-2017 03:57PM

Bambi985 wrote: »

yeah but it's about being mature and developed enough to understand what's appropriate and what will draw a seriously vamped up amount of the wrong attention.

someone mentioned earlier about working in public transport and seeing underaged teens dressing a certain way and being hit on by grown men on stag dos. That's where it gets scary to me. a 14 year old girl may appear to have a fully developed adult female body but she still has the mind of a child and doesn't have the maturity to know that dressing that way could put her at worst in danger or at best in a demeaning position with the worst type of person.

is it her fault? no. but that's the reality. dressing like a 20 year old prostitute comes with its own set of risks, i know that as a 30 yr old woman who has left the house wearing half nothing and been everything from catcalled to street harassed. you don't slip under the radar that way, you more often than not get treated like a piece of meat. as a 30 year old woman i can understand the consequences of appropriate and inappropriate dress, but that 14 year old who's pissed off her face on half a bottle of buckfast and just wants to fit in with all her mates can't.

I think it's wrong to put other people's opinions or reactions on a child as if it's their fault. Everybody is responsible for themselves

kunst nugget · 17-02-2017 04:21PM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I think it's wrong to put other people's opinions or reactions on a child as if it's their fault. Everybody is responsible for themselves

That's grand in theory but in reality, how we perceive people affects how we treat them. If I see a young one tottering around on 5 inch heels, wearing a belt for a skirt and a top slit to the the navel and taking selfies every two minutes, I'm going to dismiss them as a bit of an airhead and not really worth engaging in conversation with.

eisenberg1 · 17-02-2017 04:22PM

Geuze wrote: »

In Ireland, the legal age of consent is 17 years-old for everyone.

I would strongly discourage anybody under 18 from having sex.

If you rear your children well, it shouldn't be an issue.

Do you not think the level of maturity should come in to it?
Also what if you were seventeen and have been dating someone for two years?
Makes more sense tha an eighteen year old having sex with someone they met
Two hours ago.....

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 17-02-2017 04:30PM

kunst nugget wrote: »

That's grand in theory but in reality, how we perceive people affects how we treat them. If I see a young one tottering around on 5 inch heels, wearing a belt for a skirt and a top slit to the the navel and taking selfies every two minutes, I'm going to dismiss them as a bit of an airhead and not really worth engaging in conversation with.

I understand but that's on you, your opinion is none of her business. What would make you do soecual that she should dress differently so as you'd not dismiss her? They're kids, they're finding themselves. Leave them off to learn about the big bad world themselves, if wearing revealing clothes is the worst theybdo then the parents should count their lucky stars

kunst nugget · 17-02-2017 04:48PM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I understand but that's on you, your opinion is none of her business. What would make you do soecual that she should dress differently so as you'd not dismiss her?

Nothing makes me special and she doesn't have to care about my opinion if she doesn't want to. I'd just prefer my kids to be taken seriously and not dismissed as vapid.

LexieOnRale wrote: »

They're kids, they're finding themselves. Leave them off to learn about the big bad world themselves, if wearing revealing clothes is the worst theybdo then the parents should count their lucky stars

That's a weird one, you wouldn't take that approach with sex so why would you take it with other areas of life. I tried to teach them about sensible approaches to most areas of life - I'm not talking about sitting them down and saying they can't do this or that but having conversations about having respect for yourself.

Teenage Disco bans inappropriate outfits

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