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In search of queer friendly housing in Dublin

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Comments

  • #62
    Annasopra
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 41,228 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    cursai wrote: »
    Yeh okay good point. It just seems childish and attention seeking to me. Very insular and backward thinking as well. Who cares anymore really?

    Are you actually taking on board what people have said here or are you just going to name call? If you're just here to namecall then no that isnt in anyway helpful to the OP.

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



  • #63
    wakka12
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,786 ✭✭✭wakka12


    cursai wrote: »
    If I was to openly seek help looking for accommodation that is straight only or straight friendly I'd be condemned.
    I'm not being funny but is this not the reverse of it? How is this allowed? Sorry if I'm not being 'helpful'???

    Im not condoning this but some gay people feel anxious about staying around straight people possibly due prior abuse or harassment over their sexuality and may want to avoid this occurring again in the future. Which is justified imo, especially in other countries where the atmosphere towards gay people is not good. This is something a straight person never has experienced or ever will, its why these are not the same thing, not the reverse of one another. But again, Im not really condoning this in a place as open minded as Dublin.


  • #64
    wakka12
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,786 ✭✭✭wakka12


    cursai wrote: »
    Yeh okay good point. It just seems childish and attention seeking to me. Very insular and backward thinking as well. Who cares anymore really?

    Lots of people still care..even in a very liberal place youll still find plenty of homophobia . Just the other day a taxi man, driving on the road (at least 10m away from us) rolled down his window and started shouting and making incoherent hand gestures and putting up his middle finger and making angry faces at my boyfriend and I who were holding hands.

    We didnt mind at all..hes a ****ing moron..but this just does not happen to straight people. And I can understand why some other gay people might have been upset by that situation if in my position.

    So to say nobody cares anymore is just ignorant really, end of discussion.


  • #65
    m5ex9oqjawdg2i
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,220 ✭✭✭✭m5ex9oqjawdg2i


    Hey OP, curious as to why you think your safety is at risk by living with a straight man. I would be more concerned about the persons personality than their sexuality.

    Ireland was the first country to legalize same sex marriage (not civil partnership) by popular vote. You can safely assume that Ireland as a whole, is very gay friendly. Even those who voted no are not anti gay, just anti same sex marriage.

    It's illegal to discriminate against ones sexuality here, so it will be difficult to find a house advertised as exclusively gay.

    Best of luck in your search and I hope you really enjoy your visit to Ireland :)


  • #66
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    The fact that gay people on this thread are being made explain, over and over, why someone might want to live somewhere with other LGBTQ folks is a prime example of just how much we have to explain and justify our actions.

    Sometimes we just want to have some peace and quiet without being berated for wanting to live with people who are like us and not have to worry about saying the wrong pronoun or whether you'll get laughed at or worse. Because that happens, trust me. I've lived in houseshares where the other (straight) girls assumed I was going to burst in on them just to see their boobs. Seriously, one of the girls (that I didn't know) said to my friend that she wasn't comfortable with sharing a bathroom with me. Because I'm a lesbian.

    Lots of people want to live with people like them-

    Students generally want to live with other students
    Lots of sports fans would pick other sports fans to live with
    Lots of guys want to live in a guys house share
    Lots of girls want to live in a girls only house share
    It's unlikely someone who hates dogs would want to be forced to live with a person who has 3 dogs
    An awful lot of Irish people who go to live in the likes of London, Australia, America decide to live and work with other Irish people, because you have an automatic connection. Nobody says boo about that. Yet when a gay person says they want to live with another gay person it's discriminatory?

    Why is it any skin off anyones nose if the OP wants to live with other LGBTQ folks?

    Why does it matter to YOU who she wants to spend her free time with?


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  • #67
    testaccount123
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,023 ✭✭✭testaccount123


    baby and crumble wrote: »
    Why does it matter to YOU who she wants to spend her free time with?

    Hold on, OP doesn't casually say she'd prefer to live with gay people, she says she doesn't want to live with straight people, specifically straight men, cites 'safety reasons' and says she finds a potential straight female housemate having a partner stay over would make her feel very uncomfortable.

    If a straight person posted that about potential gay roommates they would be lambasted - and rightly so.


  • #68
    cursai
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,915 ✭✭✭cursai


    baby and crumble wrote: »
    A lot of people care.

    Ireland may have marriage equality now, and we have come a long way since I first came out nearly 20 years ago but myself and my friends routinely get yelled at, discriminated against and sometimes physically assaulted simply because we are gay.

    Exactly which is the childish and backwards thinking attitude? Wanting to stay safe in their own home?

    It's childish and backward to want to live in a 'special' house which has special requirements which is not representative of the real world.


  • #69
    cursai
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,915 ✭✭✭cursai


    baby and crumble wrote: »
    The fact that gay people on this thread are being made explain, over and over, why someone might want to live somewhere with other LGBTQ folks is a prime example of just how much we have to explain and justify our actions.

    Sometimes we just want to have some peace and quiet without being berated for wanting to live with people who are like us and not have to worry about saying the wrong pronoun or whether you'll get laughed at or worse. Because that happens, trust me. I've lived in houseshares where the other (straight) girls assumed I was going to burst in on them just to see their boobs. Seriously, one of the girls (that I didn't know) said to my friend that she wasn't comfortable with sharing a bathroom with me. Because I'm a lesbian.

    Lots of people want to live with people like them-

    Students generally want to live with other students
    Lots of sports fans would pick other sports fans to live with
    Lots of guys want to live in a guys house share
    Lots of girls want to live in a girls only house share
    It's unlikely someone who hates dogs would want to be forced to live with a person who has 3 dogs
    An awful lot of Irish people who go to live in the likes of London, Australia, America decide to live and work with other Irish people, because you have an automatic connection. Nobody says boo about that. Yet when a gay person says they want to live with another gay person it's discriminatory?

    Why is it any skin off anyones nose if the OP wants to live with other LGBTQ folks?

    Why does it matter to YOU who she wants to spend her free time with?

    It's sexist and offensive.


  • #70
    eviltwin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    If Ireland had a chronic issue with gay people being at risk in house share situations it would be understandable to be wary but we have a very high tolerance to homosexuality here.

    Granted the OP isn't Irish so she may not be aware of that but we should be trying to reassure her and encourage her to integrate. Straight people are not going to care much either way and Irish men are not likely to cause harm to her. Ireland isn't perfect but it's generally a very safe country with decent people.


  • #71
    Jurgen Klopp
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,807 ✭✭✭Jurgen Klopp


    baby and crumble wrote: »
    The fact that gay people on this thread are being made explain, over and over, why someone might want to live somewhere with other LGBTQ folks is a prime example of just how much we have to explain and justify our actions.

    Sometimes we just want to have some peace and quiet without being berated for wanting to live with people who are like us and not have to worry about saying the wrong pronoun or whether you'll get laughed at or worse. Because that happens, trust me. I've lived in houseshares where the other (straight) girls assumed I was going to burst in on them just to see their boobs. Seriously, one of the girls (that I didn't know) said to my friend that she wasn't comfortable with sharing a bathroom with me. Because I'm a lesbian.

    Lots of people want to live with people like them-

    Students generally want to live with other students
    Lots of sports fans would pick other sports fans to live with
    Lots of guys want to live in a guys house share
    Lots of girls want to live in a girls only house share
    It's unlikely someone who hates dogs would want to be forced to live with a person who has 3 dogs
    An awful lot of Irish people who go to live in the likes of London, Australia, America decide to live and work with other Irish people, because you have an automatic connection. Nobody says boo about that. Yet when a gay person says they want to live with another gay person it's discriminatory?

    Why is it any skin off anyones nose if the OP wants to live with other LGBTQ folks?

    Why does it matter to YOU who she wants to spend her free time with?

    I can understand that.

    Whats disgusting is also wanting to stop any flatmates from having straight males over.

    It's the same as a bunch of straight men or women saying to their flatmates no gay men or women are allowed around lads/girls

    Thankfully any of the gay people I know would rip the OP to shreds if she tried forcing such a thing in a house share given they have load of straight male friends and brothers or male cousins who would often stay a night or two so they could socialise in the town or city.

    Frankly if the OP does find a houseshare she'll be getting a phone call from the landlord or agents saying the housemates want her gone sharpish.


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  • #72
    Neyite
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,948 ✭✭✭✭Neyite


    cursai wrote: »
    It's childish and backward to want to live in a 'special' house which has special requirements which is not representative of the real world.

    Not necessarily. I don't want to live with a 20-something student who has the energy to party until 3am with the stereo blaring when I have to get up for work at 6am. I don't want to live with someone who lets any randomer from the pub crash on the sofa for the night. I don't want to live with a tightarse who is incapable of buying toilet paper or milk yet is happy to use the last of mine. Some people might not want to live with my toddler, preferring a child-free house instead.

    Every single house share has their special requirements. Look at all the adverts specifying no couples, girls/guys only, no rent allowance, professionals only, students only. Its because its more harmonious for like-minded people to share a place together.

    To give you another example: We have a group of nuns in our neighbourhood house sharing a semi-detached house (as they sold their convent due to dwindling numbers). If they advertised for celibate female flatmates with no male guests allowed overnight in the local paper, nobody would raise an eyebrow.


  • #73
    Neyite
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,948 ✭✭✭✭Neyite


    Jurgen Klopp wrote: »
    Thankfully any of the gay people I know would rip the OP to shreds if she tried forcing such a thing in a house share given they have load of straight male friends and brothers or male cousins who would often stay a night or two so they could socialise in the town or city.

    That's a good point actually - I was thinking about romantic partners. I think I would not live in a house share where my brother was not allowed to stay over on a rare occasion.


  • #74
    Annasopra
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 41,228 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    I have repeatedly asked for helpful advice and non judgemental posts.

    Cursai, testaccount123, jurgenklopp do not post in this thread again

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



  • #75
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    cursai wrote: »
    It's childish and backward to want to live in a 'special' house which has special requirements which is not representative of the real world.

    It's a personal choice. They may seem "childish" to you but they are important to her.
    eviltwin wrote: »
    If Ireland had a chronic issue with gay people being at risk in house share situations it would be understandable to be wary but we have a very high tolerance to homosexuality here.

    Granted the OP isn't Irish so she may not be aware of that but we should be trying to reassure her and encourage her to integrate. Straight people are not going to care much either way and Irish men are not likely to cause harm to her. Ireland isn't perfect but it's generally a very safe country with decent people.

    i do find it strange that despite multiple people telling you that in fact, discrimination, verbal abuse and physical threats are alive and well against the LGBT community in Ireland you persist in dismissing them. Why is that? The fact is all of these things are not rare for people in the LGBT community, and research bears this out:
    75% have been verbally abused due to being LGBTI (30% of these in the past year)
    . 1 in 3 have been threatened with physical violence due to being LGBTI
    . 1 in 3 have had someone threaten to ‘out’ them against their will
    . 1 in 5 have had hurtful things written about their LGBTI identity on social media
    . 1 in 5 have been punched, hit or physically attacked in public due to being LGBTI
    . 1 in 6 LGBTI people have experienced sexual violence
    . Younger LGBTI people were more likely to have been threatened with being outed and more likely to say they felt unsafe or very unsafe going to or leaving an LGBTI venue.

    Those stats are from the latest LGBTIreland research report. Tell me again that there's no reason for the LGBTQ person to be t least a little concerned about where they live.
    cursai wrote: »
    I'm going to rent my house and advertise 'Heterosexuals only' and see how it goes? Sure there all doing it. Its no different than saying non smokers. Its cool.

    That's different, if you ask me. The OP wasn't asking to find a place that already had a mix of people and then proceed to kick them out. She was simply asking where she could find the kind of home share she wanted. It is her preference, not asking to make all house shares in the world queer.


  • #76
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    OK, this all got a bit heated (myself included).

    Probably best to shut the thread as the OP hasn't been back in a while and it was straying too far from the OP.


This discussion has been closed.
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