Breadwinners

jamesbere · 05-02-2017 03:27PM

I won 2 loaves of Pat the Baker before

Robineen · 05-02-2017 03:49PM

Rackstar wrote: »

Thinly veiled, I earn loadsa mula.....

Not necessarily. The OP and his wife might have realised that a big chunk of the second income would go on childcare and that her being home with the kids was more important that the small amount of extra income coming into the household from the second job.

Autonomous Cowherd · 05-02-2017 04:13PM

I stayed at home with the children, I had not intended to, but when I tried them in creche we were all unhappy and I missed them hugely. I only wanted to be with them. It is better for some to continue working but for me it was not. Whatever people need to be happy is best. It meant we were significantly poorer as I am the better educated. It meant a good slap in the face to all of my high-flying career 'prospects'' as 15 years at home leaves one decidedly out of the loop. I always did small sideline businesses, to give us a bit extra, but I do not prioritise property. Second hand clothes and a banger of a car is fine by me. In the end there are several things I have learned... Careers are not the be all and end all of a good life on this earth, a lot of people spend a lot of hours feeling a lot of stress doing a lot of stuff that makes me really wonder. I have got to do a lot of things I would never have had time for if I had had a busy career, including teach small people, cook, grow food and flowers and trees, and make art. I am branching out in new areas of work and adventure now that they have grown and I don't feel as if anything has been wasted. I have not felt the need to be identified by what I ''do'' in the sense that most people mean it ..ie what is your job. And my children, now all grown and flown, regularly tell me that they had an awesome childhood, and I often hear ... Thanks Mam.
Worth it.

neonsofa · 05-02-2017 04:28PM

Autonomous Cowherd wrote: »

I stayed at home with the children, I had not intended to, but when I tried them in creche we were all unhappy and I missed them hugely. I only wanted to be with them. It is better for some to continue working but for me it was not. Whatever people need to be happy is best. It meant we were significantly poorer as I am the better educated. It meant a good slap in the face to all of my high-flying career 'prospects'' as 15 years at home leaves one decidedly out of the loop. I always did small sideline businesses, to give us a bit extra, but I do not prioritise property. Second hand clothes and a banger of a car is fine by me. In the end there are several things I have learned... Careers are not the be all and end all of a good life on this earth, a lot of people spend a lot of hours feeling a lot of stress doing a lot of stuff that makes me really wonder. I have got to do a lot of things I would never have had time for if I had had a busy career, including teach small people, cook, grow food and flowers and trees, and make art. I am branching out in new areas of work and adventure now that they have grown and I don't feel as if anything has been wasted. I have not felt the need to be identified by what I ''do'' in the sense that most people mean it ..ie what is your job. And my children, now all grown and flown, regularly tell me that they had an awesome childhood, and I often hear ... Thanks Mam.
Worth it.

This is lovely

However a lot of working parents are not doing so to have a high flying career and fancy cars, and an identity in what they "do", some are working all the hours they can purely just to cover the basics, in alot of cases working extra just to cover the childcare so that they can cover the basics.

Autonomous Cowherd · 05-02-2017 04:34PM

neonsofa wrote: »

This is lovely

However a lot of working parents are not doing so to have a high flying career and fancy cars, and an identity in what they "do", some are working all the hours they can purely just to cover the basics, in alot of cases working extra just to cover the childcare so that they can cover the basics.

I agree. This is so. I think it is something wrong with the system, or rather essentially money. Money does not have the purchasing power it had in the past, and being on a hamster wheel of constant work and striving is the reality of most people's lives. We should ask why this is. Who/what is organising it so that life is that way now. It is not a humane system. Even if both parents work they should in the natural scheme of things have adequate restful hours to spend with the people they love every day. Otherwise why are we here at all?

jester77 · 05-02-2017 05:04PM

Not sure what people have against childcare, I find them to be amazing. The amount of things they learn is amazing and the facilities are awesome. My son is only 3 and he is able to bake stuff, something I can't even do. Plus I'm jealous that he gets to use a sauna more often than I do.

05-02-2017 06:23PM

There is the third option which hasn't been mentioned (and is the common one in my experience) that's both working and grandparents minding the children meaning high can work and not be robbed in childcare costs or leave their kids with strangers all day. Not an option for everyone but personally I'd be very slow to have a child without living close to family, even just for handy babysitting for a night away or night in the pub without being robbed paying a babysitter.

I was looked after by my grandparents during the day from the end of my mothers maternity leave till I started school and looking back it's some of my best childhood memories which I doubt I'd be saying if I was in a crèche rather than on a farm everyday. This was over 30 years ago too so both parents working is hardly that new a thing.

jester77 wrote: »

Not sure what people have against childcare, I find them to be amazing. The amount of things they learn is amazing and the facilities are awesome. My son is only 3 and he is able to bake stuff, something I can't even do. Plus I'm jealous that he gets to use a sauna more often than I do.

Aside from other reasons I wouldn't like to put a child in childcare the cost is a massive reason. The cost some people are paying for childcare is eye watering I couldnt so it, that money could be going to so much more beneficial places (like savings or investments).

05-02-2017 06:29PM

Bambi985 wrote: »

it's less common today than it was 30 years ago because most people these days need two very good incomes to be able to afford the cost of raising kids property.

fyp.

05-02-2017 06:39PM

I think society has gone wrong, and I think so entirely because unlike 40 years ago when people had a choice, for most of us it is not a choice of working outside the home or not: in the vast majority of relationships, especially in Dublin, it is essential for both people to work outside in order to pay for the cost of property.

I'm not quite sure how two incomes being essential in 2017 to buy a house which one income could have bought in 1970/this lack of choice can be considered an advance.

pickarooney · 05-02-2017 06:44PM

jester77 wrote: »

Not sure what people have against childcare, I find them to be amazing. The amount of things they learn is amazing and the facilities are awesome. My son is only 3 and he is able to bake stuff, something I can't even do. Plus I'm jealous that he gets to use a sauna more often than I do.

So he's essentially the breadwinner in your house.

Shannon757 · 05-02-2017 06:48PM

I read The Breadwinner. Good book

FizzleSticks · 05-02-2017 06:51PM

This post has been deleted.

Avatar MIA · 05-02-2017 07:59PM

Merrick Defeated Technology wrote: »

Aside from other reasons I wouldn't like to put a child in childcare the cost is a massive reason. The cost some people are paying for childcare is eye watering I couldnt so it, that money could be going to so much more beneficial places (like savings or investments).

Frankly that's moronic - you're basically saying you'd not have kids if your grandparents weren't around to help.

Relatively few people have grandparents willing to be taken advantage of.

Robineen · 05-02-2017 08:05PM

Avatar MIA wrote: »

Frankly that's moronic - you're basically saying you'd not have kids if your grandparents weren't around to help.

Relatively few people have grandparents willing to be taken advantage of.

I think that poster means his own parents, not his grandparents.

Some grandparents of one's children might be happy to do it, but it seems like an awful lot of pressure to put them to me. It's tiring and a big responsibility. It ties them to their home five days a week too at a time when they have earned more freedom for themselves, having retired. I can also envisage a scenario where grandparents are guilted into doing child-minding.

If I had kids, my parents would take them once or maybe twice a week. No more. That's plenty of grandparent-grandchildren quality time. As my mother happily told me a while back - "My child-rearing days are over!"

Avatar MIA · 05-02-2017 08:09PM

Robineen wrote: »

I think that poster means his own parents, not his grandparents.

Yeah, that's what I meant.

As you say, Grandparents have coped on to the free ride - they've been there, done that. They'd be happy to help out once in a while, but a cheap/free alternative to a creche? It's hardly a universal model to espouse.

Dr Crayfish · 05-02-2017 08:13PM

Canis Lupus wrote: »

For some reason most women think they should be able to have children AND a career. It's mad like.

Well maybe it is mad. Maybe one parent should stay at home until the kids are a bit older. This 2 income thing has been imposed upon us due to what's expected of us nowadays.

05-02-2017 08:21PM

Avatar MIA wrote: »

Frankly that's moronic - you're basically saying you'd not have kids if your grandparents weren't around to help.

Relatively few people have grandparents willing to be taken advantage of.

It's far from "relatively few" in my experience. Myself, siblings and all the 1st cousins were minded full time by one or both sets of grandparents.

My friends have stared to have kids now and so far of the 2 of 3 that have had a kid all are minded full time by grandparents. My gfs nephew is minded full time by his grandparents. That's just a few examples, most babies I know are actually minded by grandparents while both parents work full time.

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

It angers me that couples have to both work to maintain a decent standard of living because you cant get the time back

It's not just about the money aspect, many women can't wait to go back to work and would go mad being stuck at home full time being a home maker and relying on their husbands wage.

SEPT 23 1989 · 05-02-2017 08:21PM

I have been the breadwinner since my early 20s its not something you think about you just do it having watched your own father and grandfather doing the same thing

There is no bigger job than raising children and its such a small window in time

It angers me that couples have to both work to maintain a decent standard of living because you cant get the time back

Avatar MIA · 05-02-2017 08:24PM

Merrick Defeated Technology wrote: »

It's far from "relatively few" in my experience. Myself, siblings and all the 1st cousins were minded full time by one or both sets of grandparents.

My friends have stared to have kids now and so far of the 2 of 3 that have had a kid all are minded full time by grandparents. My gfs nephew is minded full time by his grandparents. That's just a few examples, most babies I know are actually minded by grandparents while both parents work full time.

And I know no one that has their parents mind their kids for creche hours. Maybe it's a country thing.

05-02-2017 08:27PM

Avatar MIA wrote: »

And I know no one that has their parents mind their kids for creche hours. Maybe it's a country thing.

Possibly as it's all mostly country people who I would be talking about. I think maybe county people can't stand the thought of their children having to waste so much money on childcare when they could be spending it on other things or saving it.

Avatar MIA · 05-02-2017 08:29PM

Merrick Defeated Technology wrote: »

I think maybe county people can't stand the thought of their children having to waste so much money on childcare when they could be spending it on other things or saving it.

I don't think country people have a monopoly on empathy, perhaps more free time.

zmgakt7uw2dvfs · 05-02-2017 08:32PM

I'm also the sole earner as my wife quit her job to raise our baby.
I think society has gone wrong. You shouldn't need two incomes to afford good childcare / education. It is surely one of several factors that has led to Europe's demographic death spiral.

I carry a lot of stress in earning the money especially with recent firings at work. But there's no doubt that my wife has the tougher job. She'll look for a new job in a few months and we'll hire a nanny.

Robineen · 05-02-2017 08:40PM

Merrick Defeated Technology wrote: »

Possibly as it's all mostly country people who I would be talking about. I think maybe county people can't stand the thought of their children having to waste so much money on childcare when they could be spending it on other things or saving it.

I'm from a rural background and I only know one person whose mother-in-law minds her kids full-time and her husband is notoriously stingy so that's a big reason why.

My rural parents would not be keen on full-time childminding at all and I'm totally with them on that. It's exhausting, responsible and time-consuming.

05-02-2017 08:42PM

Another aspect is weather people are happy to get by or if they want to have a higher income into the home so that they have a higher standard of living and don't have to make sacraficies, not have good saving, less money for their children's education, older cars etc etc.

Some people might be happy to just pay the bills on one income while others might aspire to more than just getting by and need two incomes for that.

hynesie08 · 05-02-2017 08:43PM

I can't fathom the idea of expecting your parents to mind your kids after they've already raised you and your siblings.

05-02-2017 09:36PM

Ush1 wrote: »

Any body else here the sole breadwinner of their family?

I am myself and find it increasingly rare to find other people in the same boat, most families these days seem to have dual incomes.

My wife stays at home and looks after my son. We made that decision based on preferring not to have him in a creche. Has our society gone wrong somewhere that dual incomes and children in creches is the norm?

Do you mean our son by any chance

neonsofa · 05-02-2017 09:41PM

mariaalice wrote: »

Do you mean our son by any chance

I thought you were ops wife for a second :pac:

mzungu · 05-02-2017 09:54PM

neonsofa wrote: »

I thought you were ops wife for a second :pac:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fN6us6016MA

Cartouche · 05-02-2017 10:18PM

Ush1 wrote: »

Has our society gone wrong somewhere that dual incomes and children in creches is the norm?

Well, we are facing a crisis certainly. its no longer possible for many working people to make enough to live on. Take away both direct and indirect taxation, and the cost of living.....theres not a lot left.

Taxes are only going to increase here too. We have a hugely expensive public sector, along with massive social welfare bills to pay. Dont know whats going to happen if there is another economic slowdown......

John_Rambo · 05-02-2017 10:33PM

In our family grandparents enjoy and spoil the grandkids. They don't rear them so it's childcare for us. It's expensive, but worth it. Grandkids meeting up with grandparents is a treat, not a chore.

Breadwinners

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