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In search of queer friendly housing in Dublin

2

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  • #32
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    Unless it's financially not possible for you, OP, I would echo the other posters who have recommended a single occupancy let when you arrive. I do understand the kind of community you come from but Ireland i's a little too small for those kinds of households to really exist. In addition, it wouldn't really be possible (or at least remotely easy) for you to find a housemate who will never have men over- whether that be brothers, Dad, friends etc. Many friend groups in Ireland- I'd nearly say the majority- are mixed gender so that demand will be nearly impossible to fulfil. I think perhaps a place of your own and immediate immersion into the scene (via groups of Meetup.com etc) would be probably be the most positive for your mental health too. That way you have full control over who does and doesn't enter your home.

    Best of luck with it.


  • #33
    pilly
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9,005 ✭✭✭pilly


    weelilbit wrote: »
    I live with bipolar II disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. I'm moving across an ocean to a country I've only ever visited and in which I'll know three people: my aunt, uncle, and 26-year-old cousin. I need to build a community for myself. And whereas I'd love to be able to peruse ads like I'm used to in Boston or NYC in which roommates post 3-4 sentences about themselves and 3-4 sentences about what they're looking for in a roommate, this doesn't seem to be the case here. Going for queer helps cut some of the unnecessary weeding out.
    Also, it's a personal safety preference. I don't want to live with straight cismen and don't want to be in the position of telling a straight female roommate that their straight cismale significant other staying the night makes me uncomfortable. Perhaps not something you'd like to hear, but phobias are what they are.
    cgcsb, I so appreciate the nuance and careful consideration which you applied to your response. Clearly when seeking accommodations which make one comfortable, one is also seeking to never leave one's home or immediate vicinity and to only ever socialize with one's roommates. Clearly. My horizons are plenty freaking broad, thanks very much, but my personal safety and mental state is of the utmost importance to me and so I'll be living with queer people. As someone about to move cross-Atlantic to a country with basically no network whatsoever, I'd prefer for home to not be a place in which my queerness and other identities are not tolerated or aren't merely free from judgment, but which are celebrated and enthused over as a shared state. It's like not wanting to live with someone who's a major partier when I'm more of a homebody and board game geek, it's all to do with sharing. But again, thanks for the care.

    What is a cisman or cismale? This is a genuine question, I have no idea?


  • #34
    robyntmorton
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,263 ✭✭✭robyntmorton


    pilly wrote: »
    What is a cisman or cismale? This is a genuine question, I have no idea?

    Essentially, someone who was born male, is happy with being male, and has no intention of changing.


  • #35
    pilly
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9,005 ✭✭✭pilly


    robyntmorton wrote: »
    Essentially, someone who was born male, is happy with being male, and has no intention of changing.

    Okay so. Don't know why anyone would be uncomfortable with that then. Don't know if I'm missing something here?

    Anyway, as others have suggested OP I think you should go for a place on your own. I've never come across a totally gay household advertising for gay housemates.


  • #36
    MB Lacey
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,280 ✭✭✭MB Lacey


    Over the years I have lived in 3 queer house shares in Dublin, they certainly do exist but because Dublin is massively smaller than NYC and Boston, such households aren't as numerous.

    Dublin is a very gay friendly city and though most people will not usually advertise their house as 'gay friendly' that only happens because it's not an issue.
    I have also lived in house shares with straight girls and that was completely fine too.
    I do understand your preference for a queer house, it's just easier - and more fun.

    However I think it will be difficult for you to find an all queer house advertised on daft, usually you hear of spare rooms coming up through friends, so as a previous poster has suggested, you would really only find out about these rooms whilst already living here.

    I haven't house shared in a long while (thankfully), but house sharing is a lottery no matter who you share with, straight or gay.

    Is there a possibility of staying with your aunt/uncle/ cousin for a few weeks and looking for accommodation whilst staying with them?
    It's also highly preferable to physically look at a house and meet the other housemates before giving over a deposit and a month's rent in advance.

    Best of luck


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  • #37
    Annasopra
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 41,228 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    Joeytheparrot wrote: »
    Can we all stick to giving helpful advice instead of judging the OP in future posts please

    Hey all a reminder of this moderation.

    Telling the op to stay at home and that they are blatantly discriminatory is not helpful advice. Future posting like this will be yellow carded.

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



  • #38
    cgcsb
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,017 ✭✭✭✭cgcsb


    weelilbit wrote: »
    I live with bipolar II disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. I'm moving across an ocean to a country I've only ever visited and in which I'll know three people: my aunt, uncle, and 26-year-old cousin. I need to build a community for myself. And whereas I'd love to be able to peruse ads like I'm used to in Boston or NYC in which roommates post 3-4 sentences about themselves and 3-4 sentences about what they're looking for in a roommate, this doesn't seem to be the case here. Going for queer helps cut some of the unnecessary weeding out.
    Also, it's a personal safety preference. I don't want to live with straight cismen and don't want to be in the position of telling a straight female roommate that their straight cismale significant other staying the night makes me uncomfortable. Perhaps not something you'd like to hear, but phobias are what they are.
    cgcsb, I so appreciate the nuance and careful consideration which you applied to your response. Clearly when seeking accommodations which make one comfortable, one is also seeking to never leave one's home or immediate vicinity and to only ever socialize with one's roommates. Clearly. My horizons are plenty freaking broad, thanks very much, but my personal safety and mental state is of the utmost importance to me and so I'll be living with queer people. As someone about to move cross-Atlantic to a country with basically no network whatsoever, I'd prefer for home to not be a place in which my queerness and other identities are not tolerated or aren't merely free from judgment, but which are celebrated and enthused over as a shared state. It's like not wanting to live with someone who's a major partier when I'm more of a homebody and board game geek, it's all to do with sharing. But again, thanks for the care.

    I wasn't trying to be rude rather I was trying to manage your expectations. It will not be like the US. You may get a bit of a shock if you approach it with that attitude.

    I think it's a bit contradictory to say that your horizons are 'pretty freaking broad' and then say that not only will you not share accommodation with straight men but you also will not tolerate your room mates having one over. It's pretty offensive and hurtful to a straight man in fairness. I don't know why you'd single out straight men and not straight women but sure that's your own business.

    Let's say you find what you're looking for, a house share with all gay persons/ straight women (for some reason). I can guarantee you that your room mates will invariably have a straight male friend or family member over at some point, given that they make up 49% of the population and all. I can also pretty much guarantee that your house full of other gays most certainly will not 'celebrate' you sexual orientation.


  • #39
    Mongfinder General
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,992 ✭✭✭Mongfinder General


    weelilbit wrote: »
    I live with bipolar II disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. I'm moving across an ocean to a country I've only ever visited and in which I'll know three people: my aunt, uncle, and 26-year-old cousin. I need to build a community for myself. And whereas I'd love to be able to peruse ads like I'm used to in Boston or NYC in which roommates post 3-4 sentences about themselves and 3-4 sentences about what they're looking for in a roommate, this doesn't seem to be the case here. Going for queer helps cut some of the unnecessary weeding out.
    Also, it's a personal safety preference. I don't want to live with straight cismen and don't want to be in the position of telling a straight female roommate that their straight cismale significant other staying the night makes me uncomfortable. Perhaps not something you'd like to hear, but phobias are what they are.
    cgcsb, I so appreciate the nuance and careful consideration which you applied to your response. Clearly when seeking accommodations which make one comfortable, one is also seeking to never leave one's home or immediate vicinity and to only ever socialize with one's roommates. Clearly. My horizons are plenty freaking broad, thanks very much, but my personal safety and mental state is of the utmost importance to me and so I'll be living with queer people. As someone about to move cross-Atlantic to a country with basically no network whatsoever, I'd prefer for home to not be a place in which my queerness and other identities are not tolerated or aren't merely free from judgment, but which are celebrated and enthused over as a shared state. It's like not wanting to live with someone who's a major partier when I'm more of a homebody and board game geek, it's all to do with sharing. But again, thanks for the care.

    Fcuk me, you've got no chance over here with an attitude like that. You come across as self centered. Any rational gay person would not live with you.


  • #40
    wakka12
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,786 ✭✭✭wakka12


    Also Op, I think youll need to learn about the differences in lgbt culture between Ireland and in your home. Here, most gay people are happy to live with straight roommates and most don't feel the need to surround themselves with only other gay people. And as such, accommodation such as the one you desire isn't that common or popular here.


  • #41
    ongarboy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,201 ✭✭✭ongarboy


    wakka12 wrote: »
    Also Op, I think youll need to learn about the differences in lgbt culture between Ireland and in your home. Here, most gay people are happy to live with straight roommates and most don't feel the need to surround themselves with only other gay people. And as such, accommodation such as the one you desire isn't that common or popular here.

    Agreed! I've quite a few American gay friends and they don't seek out gay ghettos where they live so I'm unsure about how normal that is in the USA in 2017. Most live and mix with gay and straight guys and girls.


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  • #42
    donkeykong5
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,259 ✭✭✭donkeykong5


    weelilbit wrote: »
    Thanks for the replies. When I was living in Boston it was easy to find homes that entirely consisted of queer people and queer activists. It was an explicitly and intentionally queer space. As I'll be moving from the US by myself, I'd like a soft a landing as possible because it's gonna be hard no matter what.

    Am looking to only live with LGBTQ people for safety of body and mind and for building a community for myself.
    This country is very pc now. Is it ok ti even use the word "queer " these days ?


  • #43
    donkeykong5
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,259 ✭✭✭donkeykong5


    robyntmorton wrote: »
    pilly wrote: »
    What is a cisman or cismale? This is a genuine question, I have no idea?

    Essentially, someone who was born male, is happy with being male, and has no intention of changing.
    So in other words a man .


  • #44
    Jack the Stripper
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,203 ✭✭✭Jack the Stripper


    Spring is here, drive on.


  • #45
    Peregrinus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 27,491 ✭✭✭✭Peregrinus


    donkeykong5 wrote: »
    This country is very pc now. Is it ok ti even use the word "queer " these days ?
    Yes, but only of oneself, or of someone who themselves identifies as queer.

    If you use it of someone who doesn't identify as queer, that's offensive, and quite seriously so.


  • #46
    donkeykong5
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,259 ✭✭✭donkeykong5


    Peregrinus wrote: »
    donkeykong5 wrote: »
    This country is very pc now. Is it ok ti even use the word "queer " these days ?
    Yes, but only of oneself, or of someone who themselves identifies as queer.

    If you use it of someone who doesn't identify as queer, that's offensive, and quite seriously so.
    Yeah I thought so. It's ok for the poster to use it. But not ok for me to use it. Hard to keep up these days in pc ireland.


  • #47
    Peregrinus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 27,491 ✭✭✭✭Peregrinus


    donkeykong5 wrote: »
    Yeah I thought so. It's ok for the poster to use it. But not ok for me to use it. Hard to keep up these days in pc ireland.
    It's OK for the poster to use it of herself, but not of you (unless she knows you welcome it). It's OK for you to use it of yourself, but not of her (unless you know she welcomes it). Same rule for both of you.

    It's not that hard, really. It just requires a not very high degree of emotional intelligence and a basic degree of respect for people.


  • #48
    donkeykong5
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,259 ✭✭✭donkeykong5


    Peregrinus wrote: »
    donkeykong5 wrote: »
    Yeah I thought so. It's ok for the poster to use it. But not ok for me to use it. Hard to keep up these days in pc ireland.
    It's OK for the poster to use it of herself, but not of you (unless she knows you welcome it). It's OK for you to use it of yourself, but not of her (unless you know she welcomes it). Same rule for both of you.

    It's not that hard, really. It just requires a not very high degree of emotional intelligence and a basic degree of respect for people.
    Sorry just find it very hard to keep up with all the pc brigade rules these days. Was out of the country for a while and hadn't realised it was so so pc. Hard having to think before you speak over here. Thank god uk is still ok.


  • #49
    Peregrinus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 27,491 ✭✭✭✭Peregrinus


    I think you'll find that conventions about when to use "queer" are pretty much the same in the UK as they are in Ireland.


  • #50
    donkeykong5
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,259 ✭✭✭donkeykong5


    Peregrinus wrote: »
    I think you'll find that conventions about when to use "queer" are pretty much the same in the UK as they are in Ireland.
    Certainly not. Over the last year.or so this has become the most pc country in the world.


  • #51
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    I have handed out a number of infractions because people are STILL ignoring mod advice. Either stick to the topic in the OP (how to find the accomodation that she is seeking) or do not post.

    This is not the place to moan about Ireland being "PC".

    The next folks to ignore this warning will get a weeks holiday from the forum.


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  • #52
    SteoL
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,545 ✭✭✭SteoL


    I still think the classified ads in GCN is the best place to find housing with like minded folks. Email them if classifieds aren't obvious in the online version (I couldn't find them). They definitely appear in printed form.


  • #53
    Annasopra
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 41,228 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    wakka12 wrote: »
    Also Op, I think youll need to learn about the differences in lgbt culture between Ireland and in your home. Here, most gay people are happy to live with straight roommates and most don't feel the need to surround themselves with only other gay people. And as such, accommodation such as the one you desire isn't that common or popular here.

    Its not common but it doesnt mean they dont exist.

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



  • #54
    Neyite
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,948 ✭✭✭✭Neyite


    There is a bit of a housing crisis in Ireland at the moment OP, and a very competitive market of renters so you might find it quite difficult to find a place that suits your criteria initially. Rental places are in very short supply unfortunately.

    I would suggest too that you stay with relatives if you could initially. Then as you get to know people and make friends and then put feelers out amongst them for the kind of home you'd love here. You might find that a friend of a friend has a room going or a few of you could band together and rent a house yourselves, which would be much nicer than sharing with people you never met before and who might have their own established house norms and rules.


  • #55
    cursai
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,915 ✭✭✭cursai


    If I was to openly seek help looking for accommodation that is straight only or straight friendly I'd be condemned.
    I'm not being funny but is this not the reverse of it? How is this allowed? Sorry if I'm not being 'helpful'???


  • #56
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    cursai wrote: »
    If I was to openly seek help looking for accommodation that is straight only or straight friendly I'd be condemned.
    I'm not being funny but is this not the reverse of it? How is this allowed? Sorry if I'm not being 'helpful'???

    For most straight people it's unlikely that a gay person whose home you move into will have a problem with you being straight. Some might, and that's crap, but the majority will be like "grand". But the opposite isn't always true. And if you have had bad experiences whilst coming out, or been the subject of homophobic abuse and been shouted at in the street, you're going to be wary of that happening again.

    The simple fact is, gay people are often bullied in house shares, simply because they are gay. I don't know about you but my house is my sanctuary. It's where I can totally be myself. I don't want to have to deal with people judging me for having a female partner.

    There's a lot of folks who stipulate that they want to live with guys or girls, only, or specifically a mix.Likewise you get folks who specifically want to live in a house that cool with houseparties every weekend- I'd go completely mental in a house like that, and loads others would be bored out of their tree in my house. I don't see a problem with that either. I don't have a problem with someone who doesn't want to live with gay people, for whatever reason. It's totally your right to have preferences to who you live with.

    Edit to include the fact that the default everywhere is straight or straight-friendly!


  • #57
    cursai
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,915 ✭✭✭cursai


    baby and crumble wrote: »
    For most straight people it's unlikely that a gay person whose home you move into will have a problem with you being straight. Some might, and that's crap, but the majority will be like "grand". But the opposite isn't always true. And if you have had bad experiences whilst coming out, or been the subject of homophobic abuse and been shouted at in the street, you're going to be wary of that happening again.

    The simple fact is, gay people are often bullied in house shares, simply because they are gay. I don't know about you but my house is my sanctuary. It's where I can totally be myself. I don't want to have to deal with people judging me for having a female partner.

    There's a lot of folks who stipulate that they want to live with guys or girls, only, or specifically a mix.Likewise you get folks who specifically want to live in a house that cool with houseparties every weekend- I'd go completely mental in a house like that, and loads others would be bored out of their tree in my house. I don't see a problem with that either. I don't have a problem with someone who doesn't want to live with gay people, for whatever reason. It's totally your right to have preferences to who you live with.

    Edit to include the fact that the default everywhere is straight or straight-friendly!

    Yeh okay good point. It just seems childish and attention seeking to me. Very insular and backward thinking as well. Who cares anymore really?


  • #58
    robyntmorton
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,263 ✭✭✭robyntmorton


    If this was a topic in accommodation and property I'd say you have a point.

    However, the OP is a member of the LGBT community in the USA, is unsure of the community here, and posted in the LGBT forum for advice. They essentially were told that there is nothing to worry about.

    I agree with baby and crumble that where you live is the number one place for you to feel entirely secure, agree with the posters that say 99% of people in house shares don't care about orientations, but disagree with those who seem to be playing the reverse discrimination card (IMHO) just for the sake of stirring things a little.

    There was a thread in Feedback on this topic that got shut down quite quickly too.


  • #59
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    cursai wrote: »
    Yeh okay good point. It just seems childish and attention seeking to me. Very insular and backward thinking as well. Who cares anymore really?

    A lot of people care.

    Ireland may have marriage equality now, and we have come a long way since I first came out nearly 20 years ago but myself and my friends routinely get yelled at, discriminated against and sometimes physically assaulted simply because we are gay.

    Exactly which is the childish and backwards thinking attitude? Wanting to stay safe in their own home?


  • #60
    testaccount123
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,023 ✭✭✭testaccount123


    baby and crumble wrote: »
    Edit to include the fact that the default everywhere is straight or straight-friendly!

    The OP doesnt seem very straight-friendly to me


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  • #61
    eviltwin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    baby and crumble wrote: »
    A lot of people care.

    Ireland may have marriage equality now, and we have come a long way since I first came out nearly 20 years ago but myself and my friends routinely get yelled at, discriminated against and sometimes physically assaulted simply because we are gay.

    Exactly which is the childish and backwards thinking attitude? Wanting to stay safe in their own home?

    Would she not be safe living with us straight folk?

    I understand her preference and who knows what experiences she's had in the past so I will give her the benefit of the doubt but speaking in general terms I think it's unrealistic and unwise. We all have to find a way to live together. If my daughter, who is gay, said she would only consider living with other gay people I'd tell her to cop on. Most straight people don't care what your sexual orientation is and that will be easy to find out at the initial enquiry stage.


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