How much cash to give as a wedding gift?

SarahMollie · 23-01-2017 02:36PM

lawred2 wrote: »

Very few meals cost more than 100 per head

Very few.... the average would be half that. 100 a head is well into profit territory.

Unless you think that guests should be paying for the band, the DJ, the dress, the limo, the honeymoon, the bridal suite etc

I'm at that age where everyone around me is getting married (myself included). None of my friends are going to options that are anywhere close to €50 per head. I suppose it depends on what you're going for but €100+ (one in particular is €140 per head) is very much the norm between my friends and I who either got married last year or are getting married this year. On that basis, I think its pretty clear that none of us expect to break even or come anywhere close to it. I for one know we won't be anywhere near break even and I couldn't give a fiddlers!

Also, no one in my group is taking out loans or depending on gift money to pay for their weddings. I guess one thing about people marrying later in life than in previous generations is that we have the money to pay for things ourselves and have them exactly as we'd like.

ted1 · 23-01-2017 02:41PM

SarahMollie wrote: »

I'm at that age where everyone around me is getting married (myself included). None of my friends are going to options that are anywhere close to €50 per head. I suppose it depends on what you're going for but €100+ (one in particular is €140 per head) is very much the norm between my friends and I who either got married last year or are getting married this year. On that basis, I think its pretty clear that none of us expect to break even or come anywhere close to it. I for one know we won't be anywhere near break even and I couldn't give a fiddlers!

Also, no one is taking out loans or depending on gift money to pay for their weddings. I guess one thing about people marrying later in life than in previous generations is that we have the money to pay for things ourselves and have them exactly as we'd like.

In my experience the younger ones give the most , in our group by the time the last few got married other couples all had a few kids and gone from dual incomes couples to single incomes families and had less cash to give.

baby and crumble · 23-01-2017 02:44PM

Walter H Price wrote: »

Back yard DIY BBQ probably bring a bottle of quality Gin and €50 in a card , 5 course meal in a top hotel or restaurant with entertainment and the rest definitely €200-€300 quid , because its what you pay for it if it wasn't a wedding if you know what i mean.

That honestly sounds so stingy I actually can't cope. Like someone else said, would you not think that someone who is having a DIY style shindig might actually be trying to keep costs down, and therefore could actually do with a wedding gift equivalent to what you think is appropriate for a 5* number?

When did the wedding present evolve from being a way to help out a new couple to set up in their lives together to being a way to pay for someone elses choices?

To each their own, but man.

23-01-2017 02:46PM

SarahMollie wrote: »

But then its a zero sum game.... so whats the point in being extravagant?

If you give €x and get €x, no one is better or worse off - its just like passing money around, rather than giving a gift.

To a certain degree it is but isn't it the same with all occasions. Christmas presents people often set a figure to spend so everyone spends the same, when all my friends were turning 21 we all have 21 euro to each other, when we all were turning 30 everyone have 30 euro in the card to everyone else. When people get married they give around the 200 euro mark to each other (varies more of course as some give more and some might give less).

ted1 wrote: »

No that would've far from standard

Well from my experience (which is fairly extensive having been to close to 20 weddings in the last 2 years it is standard. I haven't given less than 200 at any wedding (as a couple).

meeeeh · 23-01-2017 02:53PM

baby and crumble wrote: »

Ah lads, basing your gift on the cost of the meal/ package is just so odd. So if someone has a DIY BBQ where all the family make/bake something means they get less of a present? If I give a present for a wedding it's to help with MARRIED life, not a wedding day.

City/ Dublin wedding packages are often pricier- does that mean I deserve a bigger present than my brother who got married in Dingle?

This is so weird.

It's very vulgar in Celtic Tiger sort of a way if what people put on show is more important than who they are, how close they are to us and so on. In Ireland we would normally give 200 Euro, a bit more for some closer to us. Couple of times we bought gifts for around 150, 200 Euro because we knew money wouldn't be appreciated.

Robineen · 23-01-2017 02:53PM

Elsa Sparse Yokel wrote: »

when all my friends were turning 21 we all have 21 euro to each other, when we all were turning 30 everyone have 30 euro in the card to everyone else.

Huh? People have 30th birthday parties where their friends give them sizeable presents? Jays, after the 21st, I can't imagine that happening and even for the 21st, presents aren't that big a thing, they are more just about getting everyone together for a big mucky party! I think the biggest friend gift I got for my 21st birthday was a €15 voucher. We were all skint students at the time. Once the 21st birthday passes, I think most adults make much less of their birthdays, even the "big" ones, the decade birthdays. For my 30th, I went out for dinner with a few friends. They gave me some token gifts, little things, but it was more about just having a night out with friends and I paid for my own dinner because I as the one who organised it.

SarahMollie · 23-01-2017 02:53PM

baby and crumble wrote: »

That honestly sounds so stingy I actually can't cope. Like someone else said, would you not think that someone who is having a DIY style shindig might actually be trying to keep costs down, and therefore could actually do with a wedding gift equivalent to what you think is appropriate for a 5* number?

When did the wedding present evolve from being a way to help out a new couple to set up in their lives together to being a way to pay for someone elses choices?

To each their own, but man.

I agree... imagine if some of your friends realized they were worth €100 whilst other friends were worth €200.

All my friends will get the same, regardless of how they choose to celebrate their day.

Also I don't know if you realise that a BBQ wedding can actually be extremely expensive if you consider things like bringing in caterers, public liability insurance, venue decoration, seat hire and many other costs besides. Hotels are often very much cheaper as they're set up to host events all the time and thus don't incur lots one one off costs that apply when people go for a one non traditional venue. What looks DIY can often be quite costly.

Also if you just want to pay for things by their RRP (as determined by yourself) when why bother going to weddings, why not just go to hotels and restaurants and pay the price on the menu.

SarahMollie · 23-01-2017 02:58PM

Elsa Sparse Yokel wrote: »

To a certain degree it is but isn't it the same with all occasions. Christmas presents people often set a figure to spend so everyone spends the same, when all my friends were turning 21 we all have 21 euro to each other, when we all were turning 30 everyone have 30 euro in the card to everyone else. When people get married they give around the 200 euro mark to each other (varies more of course as some give more and some might give less).

Yeah I know people often set an amount for christmas, but thats typically to spend towards a gift that you'd put thought into, not just cash or a voucher to whatever the set amount is.

I'd agree with you that €200 per couple would be normal enough in my friendship group. What I can't understand is giving €500, on the loose expectation that they'll give €500 back to you in the future. Why not just stick to €200 (ie the standard amount) and then let them give you the standard amount when the time comes. Upping it, when ultimately you really expect that money back is just a bit pointless IMO.

charlietheminxx · 23-01-2017 03:07PM

Me and my OH always give €150 as a couple. We went with my sister to one wedding and gave €250 between the 3 of us.

If we had lots of money then maybe we would look at it differently but we are in our twenties and saving for a mortgage deposit. The cost of attending a wedding usually sets us back about €400-600 depending on location, including a gift, which for us is sizeable. I would hate to think any of my friends/cousins who's weddings we have attended in the last couple of years think we are stingey but at the end of the day we give what we can. I don't get why this is such a thing...

Surely a gift is a gift and it shouldn't be even looked at in connection with costs per head?

meeeeh · 23-01-2017 03:12PM

charlietheminxx wrote: »

Me and my OH always give €150 as a couple. We went with my sister to one wedding and gave €250 between the 3 of us.

If we had lots of money then maybe we would look at it differently but we are in our twenties and saving for a mortgage deposit. The cost of attending a wedding usually sets us back about €400-600 depending on location, including a gift, which for us is sizeable. I would hate to think any of my friends/cousins who's weddings we have attended in the last couple of years think we are stingey but at the end of the day we give what we can. I don't get why this is such a thing... Surely a gift is a gift and it shouldn't be even looked at in connection with costs per head?

I actually liked what would be often done among my friends. There is group of us with significantly different incomes and we might pool the different amounts of money together and all sign one card. Nobody would tell bride and groom how much who paid.

c6ysaphjvqw41k · 23-01-2017 03:15PM

This post has been deleted.

readytosnap · 23-01-2017 03:25PM

180 people attended my daughters wedding (the whole day) probably 60-80 extra at the night, the cost for the meal was €89 per head, prosecco and canapes on arrival at the hotel, 4 course meal,wine, tea,coffee, cheese, evening hot food and sandwiches, tea & coffee. B&G and their parents got their room included in the venue price, everyone else got a discounted rate. The 4* venue was closed to the public on the day / night of the wedding.
the gifts (cash) received came to just under 38k
The total cost of the wedding (all in) was 42k + 6k for the honeymoon.
I know at least 6 people who gave €1000 as a gift (they were all immediate family) I know 2 people did not give any gift or even a card. The average based on guests at the full day was €211 / €422 per couple (€158pp average inc the evening guests)
So the cost was almost fully recovered, the B&G were surprised that they got so much.
More important for them was that they and everyone else had a great day and nothing went wrong

23-01-2017 03:26PM

Robineen wrote: »

Huh? People have 30th birthday parties where their friends give them sizeable presents? Jays, after the 21st, I can't imagine that happening and even for the 21st, presents aren't that big a thing, they are more just about getting everyone together for a big mucky party! I think the biggest friend gift I got for my 21st birthday was a €15 voucher. We were all skint students at the time. Once the 21st birthday passes, I think most adults make much less of their birthdays, even the "big" ones, the decade birthdays. For my 30th, I went out for dinner with a few friends. They gave me some token gifts, little things, but it was more about just having a night out with friends and I paid for my own dinner because I as the one who organised it.

Yeah 30th's were a big thing in my group of friends also, not quite as big as 21st where most of us would have booked a function room in a local hotel or taken over a full bar for the party where as with the 30th it was booking out an area in a bar and just having some finger food. But yeah everyone have everyone else 21 euro in the card at the 21st and the 30th have just finished up now really in my group of friends and it was 30 euro in cards for everyone (and I got 30 euro of everyone also for mine).

Walter H Price · 23-01-2017 03:27PM

ted1 wrote: »

Ours was less, but it included a 12 course meal in a michilin star restraurant, free bar, canapés on arrival, and more good later in the day.
Do you think that we should have left a bill on the table sivth guests know how much to pay, sorry gift.

100 a couple is plenty, don't forget guests already went to a stag/ hen and got a new outfit and hair and make up and most likely have to pay for accommodation. And if it's a weekday they are taking one or two days off work.

If you think a guest should cover their meal , you need to change the venue to one where you can afford to pay.

Absolutely 100% not , as i said before expecting or anticipating your guests will pay to cover the cost of your wedding is ridiculous and shows virtually no class what so ever , just that you are spending beyond your means. we wont be looking at who gave us what etc after the wedding. It will all be paid for , Mini Moon , Honeymoon and all well in advance of the big day. all i was saying was that when attending other weddings and deciding what to give we base it basically on what we would pay for the day if it were not a wedding.

baby and crumble wrote: »

That honestly sounds so stingy I actually can't cope. Like someone else said, would you not think that someone who is having a DIY style shindig might actually be trying to keep costs down, and therefore could actually do with a wedding gift equivalent to what you think is appropriate for a 5* number?

When did the wedding present evolve from being a way to help out a new couple to set up in their lives together to being a way to pay for someone elses choices?

To each their own, but man.

I dont see how its stingy to be honest like it proportionate would be the more correct term , if you were going to a BBQ in a mates over the summer youd bring drink and and chuck some money in the pot twords them getting in the food n all same applies , now if theyve gone all out with a marqueee and caterers and stuff thats a diffrent ball game. Likewise if your going to a 5* for Dinner an overnight and a show that will easily cost €300 ish so that would be appropriate for a wedding in a similar venue.

To your second point , probably when new couples evolved tbh , when my folks got married they need stuff for a new house all that craic , My grandparents needed a deposit to rent a room and some second hand furniture , by the time we get married in November we will have lived together for 5 years we own 90% of the furniture in our place , we have the money for a deposit saved and unlike my parents (when they married) and grandparents we're both professionals with good jobs and salerys , the wedding presents wont be a helping start just fun money for us where as that was really important for my folks and grandparents.

SarahMollie wrote: »

I agree... imagine if some of your friends realized they were worth €100 whilst other friends were worth €200.

All my friends will get the same, regardless of how they choose to celebrate their day.

Also I don't know if you realise that a BBQ wedding can actually be extremely expensive if you consider things like bringing in caterers, public liability insurance, venue decoration, seat hire and many other costs besides. Hotels are often very much cheaper as they're set up to host events all the time and thus don't incur lots one one off costs that apply when people go for a one non traditional venue. What looks DIY can often be quite costly.

Also if you just want to pay for things by their RRP (as determined by yourself) when why bother going to weddings, why not just go to hotels and restaurants and pay the price on the menu.

I definitely think paying based on the day is a much better plan then treating friends or family like charity cases as was sugged by others, like how would you feel if you thought your friends etc were giving you more because in their view you needed it because you were less well off , i'd be absolutely mortified by that. To your second point you would still go to weddings because you were invited i suppose , isn't that why anyone "bothers" going in the first instance

joeysoap · 23-01-2017 03:29PM

In the old days you were only invited to weddings of close friends and relatives, even at around marriage 'age' when you and your best friends were getting married you would be unlikely to get more than 1 - 2 invites a year and some years none. I was at a wedding last month and was giving a lift to a young person who said she had 7 weddings in 2016 and expected about the same this year. So I asked my son how many weddings he was invited to last year and it was 6, with 2 invites already this year. It must be what's done now. I would have said a minimum of €200, maybe €300. I hear post office workers refer to invites as summonses.

Robineen · 23-01-2017 03:32PM

meeeeh wrote: »

I actually liked what would be often done among my friends. There is group of us with significantly different incomes and we might pool the different amounts of money together and all sign one card. Nobody would tell bride and groom how much who paid.

This is a great idea. I think anonymous gifting would be a great tradition to start for weddings. It would take so much pressure off people.

Polo_Mint · 23-01-2017 03:34PM

I remember you used to get "Invited" to a wedding.

Going by this thread..... Most of you seem to pay to attend weddings.

Did any of ye get to have an input on the venue or meals for your 300 euros?

Toots · 23-01-2017 03:35PM

Guys this has gone way off topic. Please keep replies relevant to the OP.

Walter H Price · 23-01-2017 03:39PM

Polo_Mint wrote: »

I remember you used to get "Invited" to a wedding.

Going by this thread..... Most you you seem to pay to attend weddings.

Did any of ye get to have an input on the venue or meals for your 300 euros?

So 20 years ago or whatever you didn't bring Presents or give cash as gifts, just showed up ... given my granny still has some of the China she got as a wedding present in the 50's if find that hard to believe.

This thread is not about formal rules more so just social etiquette , the consensus of which seems to be give cash roughly equivalent to what you cost per head.

Its still great to get wedding invites , weddings are great events it's a real shame that there seems to be so much bitterness around it on here, so many people hung up on costs etc... go along eat drink have a laugh get a new outfit drop a few quid if you can afford it if you cant don't what harm

sillysmiles · 23-01-2017 04:11PM

Walter H Price wrote: »

I dont see how its stingy to be honest like it proportionate would be the more correct term , if you were going to a BBQ in a mates over the summer youd bring drink and and chuck some money in the pot twords them getting in the food n all same applies , now if theyve gone all out with a marqueee and caterers and stuff thats a diffrent ball game. Likewise if your going to a 5* for Dinner an overnight and a show that will easily cost €300 ish so that would be appropriate for a wedding in a similar venue.

I disagree, regardless of whether the wedding is in a barn in Leitrim or a 5* hotel in Dalkey, the gift is a token for the couple to start their new life together, not an appraisal of the quality and expense of the day out.

Walter H Price · 23-01-2017 04:21PM

sillysmiles wrote: »

I disagree, regardless of whether the wedding is in a barn in Leitrim or a 5* hotel in Dalkey, the gift is a token for the couple to start their new life together, not an appraisal of the quality and expense of the day out.

Just different ways of looking at i guess., like i said there's no hard and fast rules around this stuff.In my group of mates the general view would be roughly cover your cost if going with a cash gift . I think the majority of weddings ive gone to in the last 2 or 3 years the couple already have a life together , i.e are living together , maybe own their own place 1 or two already had kids , nothing is starting new it really is just a big party tbh, maybe that's why the nature of gift giving has changed.

ultra violet 5 · 23-01-2017 04:23PM

1 million dollars

ted1 · 23-01-2017 04:31PM

sillysmiles wrote: »

I disagree, regardless of whether the wedding is in a barn in Leitrim or a 5* hotel in Dalkey, the gift is a token for the couple to start their new life together, not an appraisal of the quality and expense of the day out.

There's no hotel in Dalkey

Emma1980 · 23-01-2017 04:57PM

What amount would you suggest if only invited to the afters of a wedding?
Bear in mind, the taxi fare there and back will cost approx 100euro!!

freshpopcorn · 23-01-2017 05:00PM

Emma1980 wrote: »

What amount would you suggest if only invited to the afters of a wedding?
Bear in mind, the taxi fare there and back will cost approx 100euro!!

Could you drive?
€50-€100 or you could give a gift!

Walter H Price · 23-01-2017 05:01PM

Emma1980 wrote: »

What amount would you suggest if only invited to the afters of a wedding?
Bear in mind, the taxi fare there and back will cost approx 100euro!!

if its only an afters thing a €50 - €100 is loads to be honest , depending how well you know the couple.

Robineen · 23-01-2017 05:02PM

Emma1980 wrote: »

What amount would you suggest if only invited to the afters of a wedding?
Bear in mind, the taxi fare there and back will cost approx 100euro!!

My advice would be not to go. :P

Emma1980 · 23-01-2017 05:02PM

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Could you drive?

Could do but then it's not going to be as enjoyable sitting there drinking lemonade!

Walter H Price wrote: »

if its only an afters thing a €50 - €100 is loads to be honest , depending how well you know the couple.

Haven't seen them in many years but nice to be invited!

freshpopcorn · 23-01-2017 05:05PM

Emma1980 wrote: »

Could do but then it's not going to be as enjoyable sitting there drinking lemonade!

Any wedding I've been at I've being able to enjoy it without alcohol. If I knew my enjoyment of the event would cost €100 I really have to ask myself why am I going to this!

Emma1980 · 23-01-2017 05:09PM

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Any wedding I've been at I've being able to enjoy it without alcohol. If I knew my enjoyment of the event would cost €100 I really have to ask myself why am I going to this!

Oh i completely agree and i've not decided if i am going to go to be honest!

I don't go out to often tbh so wouldn't want to sit there on the soft drinks

How much cash to give as a wedding gift?

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