bf totally uninterested in sex

LegacyUser · 10-01-2017 11:34AM #1

So I met this guy through a friend at work on a work night out back in november. He's 30 I'm 33. We hit it off and between one thing and another we went of a date the following week and have been seeing eachother for dates since and have become quite close. He's a lovely guy, funny, good looking, really sound and as it stands we are bf/gf. Its all good and we have great conversation and loads in common. He is affectionate too which I love. We hold hands and hug when meeting and parting.
I have a house rented in another city where I work and I have invited him up a couple of times now wherein we go out for a bite to eat, few drinks and back to the house for the night. We've never had sex yet and this is beginning to bother me. All he ever wants to do is cuddle up. In the mornings then he's all hopping about and messing and cuddling which is great fun but it never gets sexual. I'd have been doing this stuff with my brothers when i was small. The last night when we snuggled up i said "so is this all I'm getting" and he just said he was tired. Then I felt like a total bitch for asking and felt then like I was pressuring.
Whats going on here? Now I think he doesn't want a sexual relationship and just wants a sort of teddy bear to cuddle or something.

LegacyUser · 10-01-2017 07:45PM

Just ask him.
In a-calm manner, outside of the bedroom setting.
He could be taking it slowly, he couls be insecure about himself, he could be intimidated by you, he could have a medical issue, he could have an STD, he could be gay, he could be worried you'll fall pregnant ....there's 10 million possible reasons.

LegacyUser · 10-01-2017 08:21PM

frazmotic01 wrote: »

So I met this guy through a friend at work on a work night out back in november. He's 30 I'm 33. We hit it off and between one thing and another we went of a date the following week and have been seeing eachother for dates since and have become quite close. He's a lovely guy, funny, good looking, really sound and as it stands we are bf/gf. Its all good and we have great conversation and loads in common. He is affectionate too which I love. We hold hands and hug when meeting and parting.
I have a house rented in another city where I work and I have invited him up a couple of times now wherein we go out for a bite to eat, few drinks and back to the house for the night. We've never had sex yet and this is beginning to bother me. All he ever wants to do is cuddle up. In the mornings then he's all hopping about and messing and cuddling which is great fun but it never gets sexual. I'd have been doing this stuff with my brothers when i was small. The last night when we snuggled up i said "so is this all I'm getting" and he just said he was tired. Then I felt like a total bitch for asking and felt then like I was pressuring.
Whats going on here? Now I think he doesn't want a sexual relationship and just wants a sort of teddy bear to cuddle or something.

That used to be me OP - as in i was your boyfriend.

Things went a little further with my still girlfriend. I was in my mid 30s. Very inexperienced and used to get all nervous not knowing how to take charge. For months it was just heavy petting and she was patient and made me feel comfortable and we are still together.

If you like him be patient, talk to him, maybe try to push things gently and hopefully it all works out

Tigger99 · 10-01-2017 10:19PM

The way you brought it up was quite passive aggressive and unpleasant. Have you physicaly ttried to initiate sex with him? Touching him or does he touch you sexually at all?

Rekop dog · 11-01-2017 01:19AM

Tiredness is a weak excuse. You should be doing it morning day and night in early stages. I don't think I know a woman who'd wouldn't be completely turned off by how unassertive and wimpy he's being...

Tilikum · 11-01-2017 01:24AM

Sounds like he's inexperienced.

sReq | uTeK · 11-01-2017 01:25AM

Rekop dog wrote: »

Tiredness is a weak excuse. You should be doing it morning day and night in early stages. I don't think I know a woman who'd wouldn't be completely turned off by how unassertive and wimpy he's being...

You read the responses right? Did you see the one poster called used to be me?

Thankfully not all girls are as shallow as you seem to think and there are some that are patient.

Only advice I can give is ask the man.

Rekop dog · 11-01-2017 01:39AM

sReq | uTeK wrote: »

You read the responses right? Did you see the one poster called used to be me?

Thankfully not all girls are as shallow as you seem to think and there are some that are patient.

Only advice I can give is ask the man.

It's nothing to do with shallowness. That level of faint heartedness is a distinctly unattractive quality to women. Nowhere in nature does a meek male attract a female, and for good reason.
He sounds like he'd make a good long term friend to you op, but will never fulfil your needs even if you do start sleeping together.

Airyfairy12 · 11-01-2017 10:09AM

Ask him??

redfox123 · 11-01-2017 12:48PM

probably some sort of performance anxiety or very common these days is ED. I would say talk to him, very reassuringly and sensitively and preempt any awkwardness he may feel about telling you he's nervous by saying it's ok if you're a little nervous we've all the time in the world..that will give him a chance to say whether that is he reason or not.
Looks like you're going to have to take it veeeery slowly with this guy. If you're ok with that then you're just going to have to be patient and possibly be the instigator for the foreseeable anyway.

gsi300024v · 11-01-2017 06:19PM

Yeah have a chat, tell him all them ways you like him, and just ask about sex, as non hey why aren't you ...........me as possible. HAve you kisses passionately?

kylith · 11-01-2017 07:14PM

It could be nerves, ED, not wanting to rush things, or even just not being interested in intercourse. The only way to know is to talk to him. Is he willing to do other stuff?

Dr Crayfish · 11-01-2017 08:17PM

Whoever said that was passive aggressive, harsh judgement ffs. I would have thought it was a nice way of dropping a hint.

Tigger99 · 11-01-2017 10:52PM

I think saying that to someone who potentially could have ED or is a bit anxious about having sex could make them feel way worse and certainly isn't going to encourage them to open up about why sex isn't happening. It also sounds pretty entitled. If someone said that to me in a new relationship I'd think twice about continuing it.

gsi300024v · 12-01-2017 04:19PM

Yep, a man saying to a woman, is that all I get, might be judged more harshly? I'd not use those words. But not end of the world, can see how op would be a bit frustrated.

Stroke Politics · 12-01-2017 10:00PM

Might be a religion thing, check this with him.....

bf totally uninterested in sex

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