Staying over the night

ricardo1 · 03-01-2017 12:23AM #1

I'm seeing a girl on and off about 2-3 months and occasionally I sleep over the night in her apartment. Maybe once or max twice a week some weeks.
I'm working long hours and I really can only stay over about once a week as my workplace is an hour from her place and then the following day at work I'm exhausted.
If I'm off the following day it's not a problem.
If I'm working I just can't.
She can't stay over in my house as getting back to her apartment is very difficult taxi fare and location.

So now the problem is she get's upset if I say I can't stay over whatever night.

This is when we break up (she breaks up with me) and probably we'll be back again talking next week.

It's wrecking my head.

I really like her but her little tantrums do my head in when I say I can't stay over.
She thinks I'm getting tired of her. Tried explaining but no good.

Help please?

Froshtbit · 03-01-2017 12:30AM

All you can do is reassure that you want her but you're not able to handle the commute from hers. It's not that you dont want to a sleeping with her i always preferable to sleeping alone.

Surely you dont work everyday. Why not arrange to stay when you're off?

On another note, immature women are exhausting.

woodchuck · 03-01-2017 12:38AM

I wouldn't have thought an hour commute to work was very long or unusual tbh. If it's an issue though, could you just make sure to get to bed at a more reasonable hour the night before when you stay over with her?

Although her attitude towards it all is more worrying than the issue of staying over itself. Do you really want to stay in a relationship with someone can't talk through the issue in a mature manner to come to a resolution?

silverharp · 03-01-2017 12:42AM

Run, she sounds mental. Can you imagine having to make any serious decisions in the future?

JeffKenna · 03-01-2017 12:44AM

An hour of a commute doesn't sound that unreasonable unless it's shift work starting at 6/7am....

Ursus Horribilis · 03-01-2017 01:22AM

What age is your girlfriend? Has she ever had a boyfriend before? Because the way she's behaving, she is coming across with the maturity of a national school kid. This really shouldn't be an issue at all. An inconvenience, yes. A disappointment at times, yes that too. But a reason to throw tantrums and break up???

This is exactly the sort of issue that any functioning couple would find a work-around for. Would you be OK with staying over in her place if certain things changed? Like going to bed earlier or taking steps to ensure you get enough sleep?

Really though, if she's throwing her toys out of the pram over something like this, then how do you think she'll cope in the future with the very many other issues that life throws at your average couple? You can learn a lot from a person from how they behave when things don't go their way.

ricardo1 · 03-01-2017 01:24AM

JeffKenna wrote: »

An hour of a commute doesn't sound that unreasonable unless it's shift work starting at 6/7am....

It's not the hour of a commute. It's that I normally get about 5 hours sleep in her place coupled with an hour back to my place on top of getting ready for work.

I work 55 hours a week.

There's the problem.

cruais · 03-01-2017 01:31AM

ricardo1 wrote: »

It's not the hour of a commute. It's that I normally get about 5 hours sleep in her place coupled with an hour back to my place on top of getting ready for work.

I work 55 hours a week.

There's the problem.

Have you said the above to her word for word

njs030 · 03-01-2017 01:32AM

ricardo1 wrote: »

It's not the hour of a commute. It's that I normally get about 5 hours sleep in her place coupled with an hour back to my place on top of getting ready for work.

I work 55 hours a week.

There's the problem.

Well cutting out going back to your place before work would help perhaps? Unless you have a pet that needs feeding or some pressing need to do that it seems unnecessary.

It does sound like you both need to find a compromise. Either go to bed earlier and go straight to work or don't see each other during the week.
I agree with the others that she does need to grow up and throwing a tantrum and breaking up over minor things like this is quite worrying!

JeffKenna · 03-01-2017 01:34AM

ricardo1 wrote: »

It's not the hour of a commute. It's that I normally get about 5 hours sleep in her place coupled with an hour back to my place on top of getting ready for work.

I work 55 hours a week.

There's the problem.

5 hours sleep is too little alright. Just tell her you need more sleep and go to bed earlier. Surely it's not that difficult?

ricardo1 · 03-01-2017 01:37AM

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

What age is your girlfriend? Has she ever had a boyfriend before? Because the way she's behaving, she is coming across with the maturity of a national school kid.

She's 27 and divorced.

This is exactly the sort of issue that any functioning couple would find a work-around for. Would you be OK with staying over in her place if certain things changed? Like going to bed earlier or taking steps to ensure you get enough sleep?

Very difficult when I'm with her as we see each other only once a week at the moment and I'm very very fond of her.

Really though, if she's throwing her toys out of the pram over something like this, then how do you think she'll cope in the future with the very many other issues that life throws at your average couple? You can learn a lot from a person from how they behave when things don't go their way.

I agree but everything else is perfect with her. Just the staying over part.

nhunter100 · 03-01-2017 01:48AM

One word 'run'.

ricardo1 · 03-01-2017 02:08AM

nhunter100 wrote: »

One word 'run'.

Thanks for that one but not easy when you're very fond of someone.

Ursus Horribilis · 03-01-2017 02:36AM

If you can only see her once a week or so and you're working such long hours, maybe things aren't as perfect as you think they are? I think you're glossing over something that could prove to be a very serious issue long term. Neediness, tantrums, maybe even manipulation.

carolmon · 03-01-2017 07:37AM

ricardo1 wrote: »

Very difficult when I'm with her as we see each other only once a week at the moment and I'm very very fond of her.

what do you do the one night a week you see each other? Do you go out? Do you have sex and then leave?

If so I can kind of understand why she is annoyed about it...........she might be feeling a bit used

neonsofa · 03-01-2017 08:53AM

Does she work? If you offered to go halves on her taxi fare would she stay at yours?

ricardo1 · 03-01-2017 09:42AM

carolmon wrote: »

what do you do the one night a week you see each other? Do you go out? Do you have sex and then leave?

If so I can kind of understand why she is annoyed about it...........she might be feeling a bit used

No we don't spend just one night having sex. Or me leaving after sex. We go out all day Saturday or Sunday. Go places, eat out and have great fun.

It's just spending the nights I can't that she wants me and it drives her nuts!

Ursus Horribilis · 03-01-2017 09:50AM

Why did her marriage end?

Sound Bite · 03-01-2017 09:58AM

You are seeing each other max 3 months and she's already breaking up with you within that time and having temper tantrums?

Surely life is too short to put up with such childish nonsense?

Run......reg flags everywhere!

Tigger99 · 03-01-2017 10:01AM

Normally I'd suggest compromise in terms of you staying at hers and vice versa but not here. When you can't stay during the week not only does she act like a child but she breaks up with you? Repeatedly?

You can be very fond of her but where's your self respect? I wouldn't go back to someone who kept breaking up with me especially for such a stupid reason. How do you both deal with conflict?

jon1981 · 03-01-2017 10:01AM

Sounds needy ... run for the hills.

Big Bag of Chips · 03-01-2017 10:42AM

ricardo1 wrote: »

.....not easy when you're very fond of someone.

Fair enough, but she doesn't seem all that fond of you if she can break up with you so easily and so often. Or is it because she knows you're a soft touch who'll keep going back to her?

Someone who uses breaking up with you as a tool when she doesn't get her own way is a nightmare. This is over something particularly small and insignificant.what happens when she comes up against a real problem? She gets divorced?? Did she get married and divorced in Ireland? If so she'd have to be separated 5 years to get divorced. So does that mean she was married and separated all by the age of 22? She seems quite impulsive. Married, divorced, break up with you every couple of weeks. Act first, think about it later. Of course some people can make mistakes when they are young and learn from them and grow up. She seems to just be repeating the pattern. The more you keep allowing her to treat you like that, the more she will treat you like that.

Your choice, but I know what I'd be doing.

ArKl0w · 03-01-2017 11:14AM

If you like her
Go halves on her taxi fare
Sorted

Tigger99 · 03-01-2017 11:33AM

ArKl0w wrote: »

If you like her
Go halves on her taxi fare
Sorted

He said that the taxi fare was expensive and hard to get. Tbh the staying over is a side issue, her response to the situation is a huge red flag.

ricardo1 · 03-01-2017 09:40PM

Thanks for the advice folks. Thought I was losing my marbles and see now she's obviously very needy and has issues. Probably lonely and affected by the divorce.

Think I'll move on

The End.

nuckeythompson · 03-01-2017 10:38PM

Eject button, serious issues there

Airyfairy12 · 03-01-2017 11:55PM

She sounds really immature, needy and inconsiderate to her partners needs, that will never change. Breaking up with you because you wont completely inconvenience yourself to suit her demands is immature, manipulative and seems extremely bratty.
Shes not used to people saying no to her is she? or shes a warped view of relationships and for some reason thinks she should be your top priority. Has she offered to go visit you during the week?

LegacyUser · 04-01-2017 01:03AM

From what you have told us about her she sounds like someone who thinks the world should revolve around her and her needs. She is 27 and already divorced. Perhaps she rushed into her marriage, wanted the big day out and wanted a family. When day to day life kicked in she may have found this to hard to cope with.

The reality is your and her are a couple a short period of time. Why is she braking up with you because you can't spend a few nights a week with her? Does she have friends? Does she have a social life? What does she do the evening and nights you not around?

I would taking the advice of other people here and calling it a day with her. The reality is that if she is like this now how will she cope if anything bad was to happen.

At this stage I would say to her that you want to end things and be honest about the reason why. I would say to her x I had some good times with you but I can't deal with your needness. In fact x I would advise you to get help with this. She won't be happy to hear this but unless she works on this things will remain the same for her.

DukeOfTheSharp · 04-01-2017 05:23AM

Kinda sounds like an early-stage abuser, and given the fact that she's 27 and already divorced, she's not exactly looking like stable woman. Get out OP, you're not losing your mind, this just isn't ok. It's unhinged behavior.

Xterminator · 06-01-2017 01:26PM

Sorry but i think OP is being a drama queen.

Really you couldnt plan in advance and go to work from hers. you need to go home 1st? Honestly if the relationship isn't for you that fine. but to lose a woman that might be your life partner because you want to get to bed a little earlier, once a week ?

My mind boggles.

I suspect OP isnt overly enamoured with current relationship and this situation is a symptom not a cause.

neonsofa · 06-01-2017 01:53PM

Xterminator wrote: »

Sorry but i think OP is being a drama queen.

Really you couldnt plan in advance and go to work from hers. you need to go home 1st? Honestly if the relationship isn't for you that fine. but to lose a woman that might be your life partner because you want to get to bed a little earlier, once a week ?

My mind boggles.

I suspect OP isnt overly enamoured with current relationship and this situation is a symptom not a cause.

Or the girlfriend could plan in advance and have a taxi booked specifically for the location and time she needs and that takes the difficulty out of getting a taxi for her. They can take turns to pay for the taxi or go halves seeing as they both benefit from it (by seeing each other).

Staying over the night

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