Why do some women have such an issue with their partners having nights out with the l

Shinbin223 · 29-12-2016 02:41PM #1

So this is something I've noticed among my friends over the last few weeks. I'm female by the way myself but I have noticed that some of my friends and family have basically ordered/told their boyfriends and husbands that they are not going out with their guy friends over Christmas.
I have one friend who told her boyfriend that the wedding they have on New Year's Eve is enough of a night out for him and he is not to go out with his friend another night because they get too drunk and he is hungover the next day.

I would have thought in this situation that he is an adult and if he chooses to get drunk on a night out that the hangover is his to deal with the next day and it's not her problem.

Another friend told her boyfriend he could go out but she was collecting him at 12:30 because he would have had too much to drink and he would again be hungover the next day. She told him if he was drunk when she collected he would be on the couch for the next few nights.

A member of my family was sick over Christmas, no seriously sick just a chest infection and expected her partner to cancel a night out with his friends that had been planned since last August as some have kids etc and it's hard to get everyone together. She wouldn't talk to him for a couple of days after he went out.

I'm single myself at the moment but hearing these stories has left me seriously wondering. Are most women afraid of how drunk their partners will get at Christmas or what is this all about? I have been shocked at some of the stories I've heard and seen. Girls ringing their boyfriends at 1:00 or 2:00 10 or 11 times to check where they are and when they will be home. I would have thought Christmas is a time to meet up with friends, have a few drinks and if you end up a bit under the weather once or twice over it, as long as it's not a regular occurrence then so be it. Am I alone in thinking this or what?!!

Dr Crayfish · 29-12-2016 02:43PM

Men can have issue with women going out too, relationships can be pretty f*cked up

s4uv3 · 29-12-2016 02:43PM

Good on those girls, they're letting their men know they care.

dissed doc · 29-12-2016 02:49PM

Shinbin223 wrote: »

So this is something I've noticed among my friends over the last few weeks. I'm female by the way myself but I have noticed that some of my friends and family have basically ordered/told their boyfriends and husbands that they are not going out with their guy friends over Christmas.
I have one friend who told her boyfriend that the wedding they have on New Year's Eve is enough of a night out for him and he is not to go out with his friend another night because they get too drunk and he is hungover the next day.

I would have thought in this situation that he is an adult and if he chooses to get drunk on a night out that the hangover is his to deal with the next day and it's not her problem.

Another friend told her boyfriend he could go out but she was collecting him at 12:30 because he would have had too much to drink and he would again be hungover the next day. She told him if he was drunk when she collected he would be on the couch for the next few nights.

A member of my family was sick over Christmas, no seriously sick just a chest infection and expected her partner to cancel a night out with his friends that had been planned since last August as some have kids etc and it's hard to get everyone together. She wouldn't talk to him for a couple of days after he went out.

I'm single myself at the moment but hearing these stories has left me seriously wondering. Are most women afraid of how drunk their partners will get at Christmas or what is this all about? I have been shocked at some of the stories I've heard and seen. Girls ringing their boyfriends at 1:00 or 2:00 10 or 11 times to check where they are and when they will be home. I would have thought Christmas is a time to meet up with friends, have a few drinks and if you end up a bit under the weather once or twice over it, as long as it's not a regular occurrence then so be it. Am I alone in thinking this or what?!!

It's usually when the female partner has created a mother-son relationship with her adult partner, who rexiprocates by acting like an irresponsible child (going out to just get drunk as opposed to catcging up with friends, etc).

A woman calling her boyfriend 11 times on a night out screams of insecurities, on one or both parties. Tbey should grow up, before continuing their neediness.

ED E · 29-12-2016 02:49PM

To be frank OP it sounds like your friends/family are a bunch of geezers. Change your social circles up.

beertons · 29-12-2016 02:51PM

Award for longest thread title?

osarusan · 29-12-2016 02:52PM

Not wanting their partners going out at all is unreasonable.

Not wanting their partners so hungover and tired that they won't do anything all day is quite a different thing. Especially if there are kids that need to be looked after.

PucaMama · 29-12-2016 02:54PM

Some men like to pretend the wife or gf doesn't want them going out rather than say no themselves.

Dr Crayfish · 29-12-2016 03:04PM

PucaMama wrote: »

Some men like to pretend the wife or gf doesn't want them going out rather than say no themselves.

Yes and also some men seem to enjoy the whole "she won't bleedin' let me!" charade

whatdoicare · 29-12-2016 03:12PM

I don't mind at all if my hubby goes out but he flippin won't go out. His own stag night all he wanted to do was sit with his brother and buddy and watch sci fi movies, have a few pints and play game boards. He was in bed by midnight. But that's just who he is.

I do have some friends whose husbands take the mick though, they go out and get absolutely blind drunk and come home, piss all over the place - one even took a drunken dump into his kids toy box - so I could understand some ladies that have this situation going on maybe not wanting to be dealing with that nonsense.

It just depends on the situation, maybe the woman is very insecure, maybe they dont have the money and hubby tends to throw money around when hes had a few, maybe hubby gets rotten drunk - who knows, Id say its between the couple and what theyre willing to put up with from each other.

harr · 29-12-2016 03:17PM

I know men and women who's partners are the same and I never understood it..if my missus wants to go out who am I to stop her...same if I want to go out never has been a problem...then again I know lads who go out with the lads Saturday night and all day Sunday nearly every weekend and they wonder why the girlfriend has a problem with that... then there is the lads/girls who get messy drunk and the partner has to end up looking after them when they get home and the next day especially if kids are involved...I know people who are a complete disaster with a few drinks on board..
Should not be a problem if it's a few social drinks and it doesn't cause problems at home ...

RobertKK · 29-12-2016 03:22PM

I am glad I am single after reading all of this...

maudgonner · 29-12-2016 03:24PM

RobertKK wrote: »

I am glad I am single after reading all of this...

Me too.

But also slightly annoyed that I am, when I'm waaayyyy more normal than these folks*.

*Most of the time.

29-12-2016 03:24PM

This is immediate grounds for dismissal of a partner IMO...

Who am I to dictate to my missus when she could or could not go out with her friends on a night out?

She would never try stop me going out for a lads night, from a random "we are going to pub" night to a planned night out...

_Jamie_ · 29-12-2016 03:24PM

No idea, OP, it's most odd. Controlling too on the part of the women. Or indeed, men who do the same to their partners. Sometimes, people use their partners as an excuse though because they don't want to go themselves.

endagibson · 29-12-2016 03:28PM

From one extreme:

whatdoicare wrote: »

His own stag night all he wanted to do was sit with his brother and buddy and watch sci fi movies, have a few pints and play game boards. He was in bed by midnight.

To the other:

whatdoicare wrote: »

get absolutely blind drunk and come home, piss all over the place - one even took a drunken dump into his kids toy box

:pac:

sashafierce · 29-12-2016 03:29PM

This post has been deleted.

Jimoslimos · 29-12-2016 03:31PM

Shinbin223 wrote: »

So this is something I've noticed among my friends over the last few weeks. I'm female by the way...

A female what?

Richard Hillman · 29-12-2016 03:32PM

Men need to start getting called out on this whole "the missus won't let me" or "I'll have to run it by the war office". It's bull**** and it's insulting to both friends and partner. Nobody falls for it anymore.

29-12-2016 03:34PM

Because they're missing the M, N, O, & P.

CaptainR · 29-12-2016 03:40PM

Richard Hillman wrote: »

Men need to start getting called out on this whole "the missus won't let me" or "I'll have to run it by the war office". It's bull**** and it's insulting to both friends and partner. Nobody falls for it anymore.

"Run it by the war office"

That's hilarious, I like it

Shinbin223 · 29-12-2016 03:41PM

In answer to some of the replies, none of these couples I'm speaking of have kids. The women have all had 1 or 2 nights out over Christmas, some got merry and were hungover the next day, some wouldn't be big drinkers.
On the men's side some of them hadn't been out since November so it's not a weekly occurrence where they go out every Saturday and get messy drunk, and spend Sunday unable to do anything. I can get why a girl wouldn't put up with that kind of behaviour and there are probably lots of girls out there that don't want their partners going out for this reason.
But these lads I know generally don't get very messy drunk, they don't go out much at all and when they do it's the harmless few pints in the old mans pubs that they prefer. I was just shocked to hear and see this going on with so many couples I know. I'm not sure if it happens all year round or just Christmas as people have more of a tendency to want to go out. Personally I find it weird and controlling but I guess others have their own views on it too.

Mister Vain · 29-12-2016 03:44PM

whatdoicare wrote: »

I do have some friends whose husbands take the mick though, they go out and get absolutely blind drunk and come home, piss all over the place - one even took a drunken dump into his kids toy box

One of the funniest things I've read on boards in ages. :pac:

sashafierce · 29-12-2016 03:49PM

This post has been deleted.

KERSPLAT! · 29-12-2016 03:53PM

sashafierce wrote: »

But you don't know the ins and outs of that couple. There is without a doubt more to it that you see. Obviously something happened that has in this case the women feeling uncomfortable about their partners going out. Men in my experience are messy drunks, they aren't great at checking in back home if they are asked to either. Women worry more than men also. My BF would never think to himself "oh I haven't heard from Sashafierce in ages I hope she didn't stumble and fall into the liffey." As an over thinker these are things I think of..

Is he allowed cross the road on his own?

I understand someone being worried but you can't check up on someone constantly every time they go for a few drinks.

I wouldn't be into checking up on someone. A text to say they're home would be nice but not expected.

FTA69 · 29-12-2016 03:54PM

My missus doesn't necessarily mind me going out but hates excessive drinking (from a totally different culture) and gets wound up when I do it. She pulls the old angry hoovering routine when I'm dying, charging into the room with the f*cking thing banging it around the bedroom floor and lambasting me for being an Irish drunk. In fairness, I get the worst hangovers ever and me gawking all over the jacks at 4pm probably isn't the most pleasant thing in the world.

That having been said, I rarely drink at all, I am Irish after all and I think I'm entitled to go on the lash occasionally without getting whinged at.

sashafierce · 29-12-2016 03:56PM

This post has been deleted.

Dr Crayfish · 29-12-2016 03:59PM

FTA69 wrote: »

My missus doesn't necessarily mind me going out but hates excessive drinking (from a totally different culture) and gets wound up when I do it. She pulls the old angry hoovering routine when I'm dying, charging into the room with the f*cking thing banging it around the bedroom floor and lambasting me for being an Irish drunk. In fairness, I get the worst hangovers ever and me gawking all over the jacks at 4pm probably isn't the most pleasant thing in the world.

That having been said, I rarely drink at all, I am Irish after all and I think I'm entitled to go on the lash occasionally without getting whinged at.

Jesus, sorry but what a bitch!

Mister Vain · 29-12-2016 04:00PM

FTA69 wrote: »

My missus doesn't necessarily mind me going out but hates excessive drinking (from a totally different culture) and gets wound up when I do it. She pulls the old angry hoovering routine when I'm dying, charging into the room with the f*cking thing banging it around the bedroom floor and lambasting me for being an Irish drunk. In fairness, I get the worst hangovers ever and me gawking all over the jacks at 4pm probably isn't the most pleasant thing in the world.

That having been said, I rarely drink at all, I am Irish after all and I think I'm entitled to go on the lash occasionally without getting whinged at.

Do you have an Eastern European las?

MuffinTop86 · 29-12-2016 04:01PM

sashafierce wrote: »

I have no problem with my BF going anywhere but he is a horrible drunk and from past experience has scared me so im entitled to worry.

Exactly this. My bf isn't a horrible drunk, but he hasn't got a voice in his head that tells him that's enough. He has improved a bit though since the guards picked him up stumbling home once and put him in the cells for safety. I would never stop him going out but I won't sleep out of worry.

Mister Vain · 29-12-2016 04:03PM

My mates girlfriend is always ringing him when he's out. We were having dinner with a few people from work and when she called him she could hear a woman's voice in the background and was convinced he was cheating. They always seem to be arguing.

Why do some women have such an issue with their partners having nights out with the l

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