Can/Have you ever stayed friends with an ex after breaking up?

wakka12 · 25-12-2016 05:55PM #1

I know people always say oh we'll stay in touch after breaking up but clearly it doesn't work that way for most and both just go their separate ways. I don't know why i started thinking about this today but it just got me a bit down, thinking about how much Id hate if my current partner wasnt in my life anymore even if we went through a bad breakup. So id like to remain friends with them after if it was possible because I care a lot about them no matter what we would ever go through in future.
Has that ever happened for any of you?

eeguy · 25-12-2016 05:58PM

It only works if you were friends before the relationship.

Can't imagine being friends with exes. It would be weird chatting about new relationships and all the fun they were having with someone else.
I'd also be wary if my gf was spending time with one of her exes.

Train Dragon · 25-12-2016 06:02PM

There's one ex I cant be friends with as I loved her too much, even though I was the one who finished it.

It's almost a compliment to an ex if you cant be just friends with them in my humble opinion.

rawn · 25-12-2016 06:02PM

Yes, but it wasn't easy, for me anyways. In fact it was hell for about 2 years, but it slowly got easier and we're pretty good friends now. In fact, it's at the stage now that I forget that he is my ex. Madness, considering how much the breakup destroyed me at the time.

catbear · 25-12-2016 06:11PM

Only time it ever worked was when we realised we really didn't have as much in common as we thought. Didn't see each other for a few weeks, met for a coffee, both looked at eachother and knew it was over. We actually had a good laugh. It was a long term relationship but we hadn't moved in together but I'd say it that would have been a harder break up if we had.

Dr Crayfish · 25-12-2016 06:12PM

Never really saw the point, or never wanted to. Break ups can be hard enough already so I've always needed to cut them out completely. After you've moved on why would you want to get back in touch? Friendships and love can be fleeting. Then again I don't have many female friends anyway.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 25-12-2016 06:13PM

I think if you loved them it's impossible to stay friends

Saipanne · 25-12-2016 06:14PM

My most recent ex is mad to be friends. I've been giving it a go, but I'm not into it. I prefer to leave the past in the past.

Dr Crayfish · 25-12-2016 06:16PM

wakka12 wrote: »

I know people always say oh we'll stay in touch after breaking up but clearly it doesn't work that way for most and both just go their separate ways. I don't know why i started thinking about this today but it just got me a bit down, thinking about how much Id hate if my current partner wasnt in my life anymore even if we went through a bad breakup. So id like to remain friends with them after if it was possible because I care a lot about them no matter what we would ever go through in future.
Has that ever happened for any of you?

Well OP if you ever break up, you'd be surprised how quickly it is before the thought of them becomes like thinking of a complete stranger. The last thing I ever wanted was having them in my life or knowing anything about them after a break up!

martinedwards · 25-12-2016 07:30PM

After 25 years of marriage, I'm friends with a couple of exes but we were a circle of friends and my Mrs was closer friends with them than I was before the relationships so to be honest its more her than me!

Grayson · 25-12-2016 07:37PM

Friends with a few of them, some I drifted away from, and the rest I pretend never existed.

Icaras · 25-12-2016 07:39PM

With one only but it has its difficulties

donegaLroad · 25-12-2016 07:45PM

Yes.. but on Facebook, and although we have been having a laugh on FB, we haven't met in years.

hairyprincess · 25-12-2016 08:07PM

I'm friends with my most recent ex. We were together for four years, he was a huge part of mine and my kids life, I'd hate to lose contact with him.
My ex husband however is a different story. I can't bare to look at him.
I guess it depends on the relationship and the break up.

notsoyoungwan · 25-12-2016 08:38PM

I'm good friends with an ex of mine. We were together for 5 years and the relationship just ran out of steam/fizzled out, there was no drama or acrimony. It's 13 years since we broke up and we are still very good friends. We did fall into bed together once in that 13 years but tbh that was due to drunken horniness rather than any desire to rekindle things on either side.He lives across the Atlantic now so we don't see each other often but we talk about three times a year and message every few weeks or so, but each time it's just like we last spoke the previous day. We talk about everything and anything, from the mundane to the very personal. He's one of my closest friends and I don't anticipate that ever changing.

B.A._Baracus · 25-12-2016 09:18PM

My opinion on the subject is that sure some people can be friends. Most can't or won't. Can't blame those either.

Filmer Paradise · 26-12-2016 03:36AM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I think if you loved them it's impossible to stay friends

Very true.

You just can't do it!

m'lady · 26-12-2016 03:58AM

No.. in my experience I wouldn't want them as a friend going by how they treated me as a 'girlfriend'. I think it's best to keep the past, in the past!

dbagman · 26-12-2016 04:59AM

Myth

notsoyoungwan · 26-12-2016 06:58AM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I think if you loved them it's impossible to stay friends

Filmer Paradise wrote: »

Very true.

You just can't do it!

Not at all true, in my experience.

Theonegun · 26-12-2016 08:08AM

wakka12 wrote: »

I know people always say oh we'll stay in touch after breaking up but clearly it doesn't work that way for most and both just go their separate ways. I don't know why i started thinking about this today but it just got me a bit down, thinking about how much Id hate if my current partner wasnt in my life anymore even if we went through a bad breakup. So id like to remain friends with them after if it was possible because I care a lot about them no matter what we would ever go through in future.
Has that ever happened for any of you?

Yes i have ya need to forgive, life Is too short and hate is a strong thing ta cwrry around.

amtc · 26-12-2016 08:24AM

Yes and no

Still good friends with my ex from 1994...or so I thought. It was only a few weeks many years ago. However his wife, whilst appearing welcoming, isn't. I really don't blame her as at their eldest"so christening I was mortified to be only non family member.

Anyway about two years ago we went to a birthday party of a mutual friend both on our own. I went home early enough but he stayed over. Now I would be better friends with both. He bought her a gift. it happened my birthday is day after but I never heard a thing after that party no gift. Rang, emailed, wrote. To this day no contact.

I do miss him but all I can figure out is that his wife gave him an ultimatum. Funny thing is I wasn't even there.

The first year I texted him for his birthday and sent a card, last year I didn't.

I wouldn't even consider him an ex. Nearly a brother. I have met his entire family and he dug up my parents garden. So it really has to be this incident

pickarooney · 26-12-2016 09:25AM

I think it's important to try when there are kids involved and/or you still live together and share a twenty year debt on a property and have no means of affording separate accommodation. It's damn hard though.

Mr. CooL ICE · 26-12-2016 09:26AM

I'm on good terms with all but one ex, whom can just fcuk off (tried turning my friends against me after breakup, etc).

Another ex was someone who I was friends with before being together. After a few months, we just accepted that it wasn't working and we shouldn't have gotten together at all. Agreed to end it and the next time we met up in a group of friends, was as if it never happened. At least it was for me, anyway.

Winterlong · 26-12-2016 09:30AM

I am not close friends with any ex'es but would be in sporadic touch with a few of them. No euphemism intended.
Depends on the people really, and geography/circumstances.

The flying mouse · 26-12-2016 09:41AM

It would be nice If this could happen, but usually there is one partner hurt more than another, So sometimes its better for all concerned to cut all contact & let each other move on to the best of there ability.

Ten of Swords · 26-12-2016 05:31PM

wakka12 wrote: »

I know people always say oh we'll stay in touch after breaking up but clearly it doesn't work that way for most and both just go their separate ways. I don't know why i started thinking about this today but it just got me a bit down, thinking about how much Id hate if my current partner wasnt in my life anymore even if we went through a bad breakup. So id like to remain friends with them after if it was possible because I care a lot about them no matter what we would ever go through in future.
Has that ever happened for any of you?

No, I've only ever seen that end badly. It is only ever a short term measure and unless you're both in the same place emotionally it will never really work out because one of you will be extremely resentful when the other person finally moves on and gets involved with someone else, and if seeing your ex with someone else doesn't bother you then I'd question how much you loved them in the first place.

As time moves on and things change this is probably a different story and you would wish them only the best and you would like to see them happy in life but in the immediate and short term aftermath of your relationship ending I don't think it's possible or healthy.

Owryan · 26-12-2016 05:37PM

Friends with my ex, but we have a couple of kids so it's not really by choice. Far easier to co parent from a position of friendship than if the relationship is frosty or worse. We had Christmas in mine this year and I don't think that would be possible if we were not able to be friends.

I wouldn't be sharing much personal stuff with her but she tells me (too much IMO) about her personal life.

con___manx1 · 26-12-2016 05:55PM

Was with one ex for 3 years we lived in Oz together for most of the relationship. We are from different parts of the country. We had a bad argument on the phone one day when we were back in ireland and never seen her again. It took along time to get over it. I still regret not going to see her at lest to say goodbye. That's was 4 years ago now

leggo · 26-12-2016 05:57PM

Friendly, yes with a few, but not 'hang out and text regularly' friends with any. I wouldn't do that to a future partner and it's not healthy for the involved parties IMO. Once you cross that barrier of feelings it's impossible to get back completely in-sync to have a healthy, long-lasting friendship. Of course there are exceptions, but that's the rule of thumb I find.

woodchuck · 26-12-2016 05:58PM

I never have and don't think I could. I know someone who has stayed good friends with an ex for a number of years now, so I guess it is doable! It's just not for me. I prefer to draw a line under things and move into the future without dragging the past along with me.

Can/Have you ever stayed friends with an ex after breaking up?

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