How come Tinder is so difficult?

The Talking Bread wrote: »

Lets not go down a poster v poster route here. If thats the way you want to debate the matter, I am out.

I needed to use the highlighted to clarify what I mean.
Advising someone is a lot friendlier and effective way than telling them.

Also noone is telling/advising women to wear makeup if they are insecure about ageing skin, wrinkles, freckles, achne. That is their proactive means of dealing with it.
Whereas the guys with the height issue were merely wallowing in self pity, begrudgery, no self esteem and stuck in a rut.

They were accepting their height is the issue of this and didnt see any way to mentally overcome this paronia. So no progress.

Whereas women who have insecurities about their skin choose the mainly harmless means of applying makeup to overcome their personal paronia. So they are finding means to overcome these insecurities in a social setting and hence for most of them building confidence and looking past these insecurities. So progress.
Makeup is a fashion accessory anyway also so it is not as if wearing it (in a well applied manner) will make their insecurities stand out.
Whilst a 5 foot 2 guy standing in the corner with no confidence is easy to spot.

A bit of advice, if you don’t want someone to go down the poster v poster route then maybe don’t repeatedly be pedantic about terms which are synonyms that you deem to be friendlier rather than actually dealing with the points made. See my responses to every other poster who isn’t displaying that posting style.

Those women aren’t overcoming their insecurities, they are just hiding behind make-up. Many women have an issue with not being able to go out in public without makeup and by your solution they are not fixing a single thing.

Even if there was a barely noticeable shoe that would make a shorter guy be taller I would always advocate it better that he try to feel comfortable in his own skin 24/7 rather than try to burdened by being incredibly insecure when he wasn’t able to wear the shoe (this coming from a guy who was extremely short when he was a teenager).

zulutango wrote: »

In any case, foreign women are far less likely to have these insecurity issues and far less likely to be into make-up, and there's plenty of them around.

I've work for a multinational and have spent several years in the States. A few times American women have asked me about the amount of makeup Irish women wear to work on a day to day basis in the office. America has a lot to answer for when it comes to the Kardashians etc but the level of makeup in an office setting is really noticeable.

The Talking Bread

I assume that you didn't see the mod warning several posts up, immediately before your previous post. The warning was not to post about makeup here.

Your post was about makeup. That post has now been deleted.

Your reply to this post has also been deleted.

Please don't discuss moderation on thread.

[Deleted User] wrote: »

It just seems that most women on here seem to say "oh *lots* of girls have no problem with a guys height .. but personally *I* would only be interested in taller men" .. if you had 33% coming on saying they were into tall men, %33 into average height men and %33 into short men I would have no issue with my height, obviously.. but when it's nearly zero % into short men even a short man with otherwise good attributes is going to feel defeated from the get go

Maybe I'm wrong but I got the impression you're 5ft6 or 7. There's no way nearly 100% of women have a problem with that height. Otherwise there's be 10s of thousands of men who were lifelong singles.

LLMMLL wrote: »

Maybe I'm wrong but I got the impression you're 5ft6 or 7. There's no way nearly 100% of women have a problem with that height. Otherwise there's be 10s of thousands of men who were lifelong singles.

Agreed. I know loads of guys around that height and they have no problems attracting, scoring, seducing, marrying etc.

I wonder is it that those who have a hang up about their height use it as a convenient excuse as to why they are not successful with dating rather than force themselves to admit that there are other bigger problems about them that are putting women off (such as bad attitude, chips on their shoulders, resentment, bitterness....all ugly traits whereas being small is no where near as offputting a trait if indeed a negative trait at all for some women.)

zulutango wrote: »

Well, they become even less real if they opt for the surgery ...

Breast augmentation is a sure sign of serious insecurity issues and is actually a turn off. Most women don't really understand that guys aren't as obsessed with breasts as they think they are (in the same way as women aren't as obsessed with big penises as men think they are).

You seem to have some kind of obsession with insecurity. It comes across as a bit... insecure.

Of course, I just don't know why you need to have the satisfaction of someone saying that they're insecure. Does putting on a nice pair of jeans instead of a burlap sack in the morning make me insecure? No, I just think the jeans look better.

My own experiences with Tinder have tended to approximately mirror most of the predominent opinions in this thread. Those being that the app would tend to favour women on a whole, as well as very handsome or photogenic men.

What or who is handsome or desirable is hugely different between locations however. I would consider myself to be generally in good shape, with a pretty good sense of style, if you will forgive the slight blowing of my own trumpet. Plus I'm not particularly short or anything. I do have a very generic Irish look though, a few freckles, soft, pale skin, light hair. Now when I use Tinder here in Dublin I get next to no matches. Or those that do match are girls with whom I shouldn't have matched...just I got into the bad habit of clicking yes on anyone that appeared to be of anything close to normal appearance.

So the only conclusion I can come to is that I'm not handsome or photogenic enough (most likely the former) to be in the top 20 percent of men on there and thus get overlooked. One could argue that my profile does not stand out sufficiently. Now whereas this "may" get me a few extra hits if I had a particularly witty one up there, I think in the long run I wouldn't see a huge difference. Women are nearly as visual as we are, especially in cases like these where they have nothing else to go on.

As a result of this, I very rarely use it in Ireland. Out of curiosity, I decided to try it out on my last few trips abroad. The constrast was truly staggering. Especially the further east or south I went. Essentially in some countries every girl I clicked yes to was a match. And then suddenly I was in the top 20 percent of desirable men...possibly even higher. Now my looks may be seen as being exotic away from Ireland, but I'd wager it's more to do with the greater socio-economic differences. Because I was seen to have more money and more possibilities, I was considered to be of a much higher status than back home. Which did slightly depress me. I used it when on holiday a few times and it was ridiculous how easy it was. The novelty actually wore off fairly quickly and it didn't even remain that amusing after a while. I'm not sure what was more shocking, the vast array of girls I had at my disposal when abroad, or the sheer lack of matches I experienced when I returned here. I gave it up for good anyway, as I don't think either of the extremes were particularly healthy.

So it's interesting how in Ireland, my appeal goes way down when online. Whereas I can do relatively OK in real life. I am far from a bona fide player, but I have enough self-confidence and amusing anecdotes to attract one or two cute girls every so often. Therefore I would advise those in my shoes to work on talking to people in every day situations, as online dating is only advantageous to a certain subsection of the population.

As an aside, I did find the Lara Loveless blog very interesting, as it put across all these issues (especially Tinder ones) from a female perspective. I suppose what I took mostly from her blog was that online dating was really a minefield. If the woman liked the Tinder match, often he would turn out to be a freak in real life, have lied about his height, or be extremely nervous (and therefore unappealing) upon meeting up. And that younger males were only out for one thing. So for attractive intelligent ladies like herself wanting a relationship, Tinder was not fruitful at all. One of the main conclusions that she came to was that many handsome or in-demand guys did not want anything serious until 30-40 at the earliest, as they had too many options to want to be exclusive. Which I would agree with in my own experiences. Many of my good-looking female friends in relationships are seeing guys that are not as conventionally attractive or popular as they are. She even said herself that men who are not that attractive should use other means to find dates, as Tinder would likely not work out for them.

So if you are a female in Ireland  looking for casual flings or a very handsome male, Tinder is almost certainly fantastic for you. If you do not fall into these two latter categories it may be best to steer clear.