Is it strange to not be interested in casual sex?

LegacyUser · 08-12-2016 10:51AM #1

In some ways I feel like I've missed out a lot by never engaging in casual sex. I'm talking about one night stands or even meeting up with girls from dating sites etc. I really like sex but I feel like I have to know the person and trust them and feel comfortable with them before we actually do it, which is probably partly down to my shy, reserved nature. I remember once going back to a girl's house I only knew from online. We kissed and all but then I decided I didn't want sex, even though it was evident she did.

I have a girlfriend at the moment (long-distance) and it's working out ok. I just think too much sometimes I guess. At 26, I've only ever had sex with three women, all of whom I knew before doing the deed. Is it strange for a guy to take this viewpoint? I know most of my small group of friends if they were single, would be the type to, well, "stick it in anything".

For me the thought of doing it in that situation is uncomfortable. But as mentioned, it leads to a lot less sex and even avoidance of sex if I'm single and not interested in a relationship. I suppose I just feel I might look back later in life and be like, "damn, why didn't I just have more sex!"

ibarelycare · 08-12-2016 11:11AM

No, it's not strange or unusual. There are plenty of people who feel the same, men and women. I was wondering why this was an issue for you now since you're in a relationship, until I read your last line. Who knows what we'll regret later in life? I think you should just live in the now. Are you having doubts about your relationship?

jus_tin4 · 08-12-2016 01:13PM

randomguy26 wrote: »

In some ways I feel like I've missed out a lot by never engaging in casual sex. I'm talking about one night stands or even meeting up with girls from dating sites etc. I really like sex but I feel like I have to know the person and trust them and feel comfortable with them before we actually do it, which is probably partly down to my shy, reserved nature. I remember once going back to a girl's house I only knew from online. We kissed and all but then I decided I didn't want sex, even though it was evident she did.

I have a girlfriend at the moment (long-distance) and it's working out ok. I just think too much sometimes I guess. At 26, I've only ever had sex with three women, all of whom I knew before doing the deed. Is it strange for a guy to take this viewpoint? I know most of my small group of friends if they were single, would be the type to, well, "stick it in anything".

For me the thought of doing it in that situation is uncomfortable. But as mentioned, it leads to a lot less sex and even avoidance of sex if I'm single and not interested in a relationship. I suppose I just feel I might look back later in life and be like, "damn, why didn't I just have more sex!"

I could have wrote this word for word. It just our make up I guess! I am a bit awkward initially in those situations so id imagine its probably part why i have never done the one night stand. I have thought about it of course(currently single) but if the opportunity even presents itself i just feel uncomfortable. Just the way we are I guess! But its no bad thing either!

Calypso Realm · 08-12-2016 07:31PM

randomguy26 wrote: »

I feel like I have to know the person and trust them and feel comfortable with them before we actually do it
QUOTE]

And me. I'm female and have never been into casual sex. I indeed even when in a relationship I like to take my time! I know lots of others, both male and female, who are exactly the same.

Stick with whatever works for YOU!

Rainman16 · 08-12-2016 07:40PM

I guess you could be Asexual, In that you don't want to fck anybody male or female, or maybe you do want to fck, but nobody will fck you. You could just have zero game with all other human beings

Calypso Realm · 08-12-2016 07:55PM

Rainman16 wrote: »

I guess you could be Asexual, In that you don't want to fck anybody male or female, or maybe you do want to fck, but nobody will fck you. You could just have zero game with all other human beings

OP couldn't possibly be asexual since he's admitted he really likes sex! He's just selective about who he has it with! Asexuals don't like sex ( with anyone) full stop.

CIARAN_BOYLE · 08-12-2016 08:09PM

Is sex a meaningful thing between people in relationships or is it a casual social physical activity like playing 5 a side soccer.

Personally I believe the former but I know that many people in our society are moving towards the latter.

I'm well aware that this probably will be a major topic of social dicourse in society going forward.

A court in England recently caused huge controversy by saying that he was giving a higher sentence for rape because the victim believed sex was important and therefore was more effected by the crime.

Anyway for me personally sex is an important thing and I wouldn't rate it as casual.

ibarelycare · 08-12-2016 10:02PM

CIARAN_BOYLE wrote: »

Is sex a meaningful thing between people in relationships or is it a casual social physical activity like playing 5 a side soccer.

These aren't necessarily mutually exclusive. If someone is single and not looking for a relationship but still wants to fulfill their needs by having casual sex, good for them. It doesn't mean when they're in a relationship that it's not a meaningful thing between them and their partner.

leggo · 08-12-2016 10:44PM

OP your choices are just that and don't feel pressure from society to conform just because sex is being enjoyed more freely today. If you genuinely don't want to have sex with strangers, that's a perfectly valid feeling to have.

However I'd also encourage you to do some soul-searching and get to the root of these feelings, only because you said the one thing going through my head as I read your OP. You will get to a time in your life where casual sex isn't as easily obtainable anymore. Now if it's something you've genuinely no interest in, that won't matter to you one bit. But that begs the question...why post here at all if that's the case?

I'm a firm believer that people have to get certain stuff out of their system on their own before they settle down and essentially give a large chunk of their lives to a family. Now that can be career-based, travel, or indeed sex. You need to know who you are and what you want out of life before you can find someone to compliment that and make it work.

However, I'm also a firm believer that each person has their own individual path to go on and shouldn't do things just because they feel they have to. So do your own thing and don't worry about what's strange or what anyone else is doing. Your life is your blank canvass to draw on, so draw what you like.

To answer your question anyway: no, it's not the least bit strange. There are plenty of people who feel the same way.

frostyjacks · 09-12-2016 01:20AM

No, it's not strange to have no interest in casual sex. It's quite normal. Sex is best when the man and woman love each other and are faithful to one another. Without love, it's an empty, soulless experience. You're also much less likely to catch a venereal disease by not sleeping around.

Conor Bourke · 09-12-2016 01:32AM

frostyjacks wrote: »

No, it's not strange to have no interest in casual sex. It's quite normal. Sex is best when the man and woman love each other and are faithful to one another. Without love, it's an empty, soulless experience. You're also much less likely to catch a venereal disease by not sleeping around.

What about when two men love each other? Or two women?

OP, are there external forces making you feel bad about your attitudes re: sex? Those friends you mentioned, are they slagging you or encouraging you to "get some"? Has someone made a disparaging remark about your LDR? Peop,e might not share your point of view but once you're happy and secure in the choices you've made, nobody else's views matter.

deco nate · 09-12-2016 01:43AM

Cornelius Crow wrote: »

What about when two men love each other? Or two women?

OP, are there external forces making you feel bad about your attitudes re: sex? Those friends you mentioned, are they slagging you or encouraging you to "get some"? Has someone made a disparaging remark about your LDR? Peop,e might not share your point of view but once you're happy and secure in the choices you've made, nobody else's views matter.

I Think you are being a pedantic Pete with that quote.

Op, it's all about how you feel. a lot of people are not up for " one nighters" nothing wrong with needing to feel something more than just an urge to have sex. I'd say more people feel this way than care to let on.
Don't worry about it.

In fact it's more of something to be proud of.

ibarelycare · 09-12-2016 09:08AM

frostyjacks wrote: »

No, it's not strange to have no interest in casual sex. It's quite normal. Sex is best when the man and woman love each other and are faithful to one another. Without love, it's an empty, soulless experience. You're also much less likely to catch a venereal disease by not sleeping around.

This isn't true. Casual sex can be great if you connect with the other person. I've had better sex with some "flings" than I've had in some relationships :pac:

batmanrobin · 09-12-2016 10:17AM

deco nate wrote: »

In fact it's more of something to be proud of.

Why should the OP feel proud about not being into casual sex? It hardly makes him a better or more virtuous person than someone who does like casual sex.

OP, go with what feels right for you. You don't like it and there's nothing wrong with that. Likewise if you did like it there'd be nothing wrong with that.

frostyjacks · 09-12-2016 11:55AM

batmanrobin wrote: »

Why should the OP feel proud about not being into casual sex? It hardly makes him a better or more virtuous person than someone who does like casual sex.

OP, go with what feels right for you. You don't like it and there's nothing wrong with that. Likewise if you did like it there'd be nothing wrong with that.

Virtue is defined as "behaviour showing high moral standards". So in fact, yes, someone who refrains from casual sex is more virtuous than someone who engages in it.

ibarelycare · 09-12-2016 12:02PM

frostyjacks wrote: »

Virtue is defined as "behaviour showing high moral standards". So in fact, yes, someone who refrains from casual sex is more virtuous than someone who engages in it.

Who's to say that someone who engages in casual sex has lower moral standards than someone who doesn't? Someone fulfilling one of their most basic needs, even when not in a relationship, does not make them a less moralistic person. As long as they don't hurt anyone in their pursuits, what's the problem?

batmanrobin · 09-12-2016 01:39PM

frostyjacks wrote: »

Virtue is defined as "behaviour showing high moral standards". So in fact, yes, someone who refrains from casual sex is more virtuous than someone who engages in it.

Casual sex does not equal low moral standards. You can engage in casual sex and have incredibly high moral standards.

I've always been amazed at people's attitudes towards one of our most basic evolutionary drives. Sex is incredible and wonderful. Make sure you use protection and the person you're having sex with is legal age and consenting and there's nothing wrong with it.

Some people need an emotional connection. Others don't. Neither is wrong.

Is it strange to not be interested in casual sex?

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