Is it rude to give joint gifts?

Slime Princess · 07-12-2016 9:11am #1

Just wanted a few opinions on whether or not it is rude to give gifts jointly from a couple.

My husband and I married early this year but have been together a long time (12+ years before we married) and have been giving joint gifts for a good few years now. Sometimes for Christmas, sometimes birthdays and usually for close friends, family members only.

It was recently mentioned to me that we shouldn't be doing this as this is seen as being very rude. We should be giving present as one from each, especially to family members and shouldn't be so "stingy".

I'd like to add that its not a case of one of us just signing a card on present the other has bought, we usually we pool what we would have spent separately towards being able to get a better gift and put a good amount of thought into whats being bought between us. This year however we've had to scale back as a new home and new baby mean that we aren't as able to spend as much as previous years.

I thought we'd had our Present/Santa shopping done at this stage but now I'm panicking about whether I need go out and get a whole other set of presents and how to afford it!

:(

Peregrinus · 07-12-2016 9:16am

This is a common practice, and I have never heard that it is rude.

It would never occur to me, for example, that my wife and I should give our daughter separate presents at Christmas. As far as I know, it has never occurred to our daughter that we should do so either.

the_pen_turner · 07-12-2016 9:18am

Ah here. If never heard of separate presents.

whoopsadoodles · 07-12-2016 9:19am

Of course not. It's the norm.

How can it even be rude to give a gift at all?!

Don't worry, you're doing nothing wrong.

I'd hazard a guess that the person is single and disappointed they're buying two gifts and getting one in return. Unfortunately that's the way it works out sometimes.

allym · 07-12-2016 9:21am

So this person thinks you should each be getting a present for every parent, parent in law and sibling (assuming you buy presents for these people)?
I'm sure some people work that way, but any couples I know give joint presents.

Also if you're spending the same amount of money on one present as you would on two separate presents, I don't see how that's stingy?

I'd keep going with your plan and try not to let it bother you! ðŸ˜Š

Wile E. Coyote · 07-12-2016 9:21am

It's common practice for couples to buy joint presents. Whats rude is to pull someone up on it and call them stingy.

Colser · 07-12-2016 9:21am

That's ridiculous..ignore who ever told you that and continue as normal.

Toots · 07-12-2016 9:24am

Whoever said that has some cheek IMO. It's not at all unusual for couples to give joint gifts, on the contrary I'd think it was a bit odd if any of the couples I knew gave me a separate gift from each of them.

theteal · 07-12-2016 9:27am

Who even says such a thing?

Somebody who's getting fcuk all from me anymore

missvicky · 07-12-2016 9:29am

Not rude at all. We have been doing the joint gift and always recieve a joint gift. Who ever said that you is being ridiculous.

DavyD_83 · 07-12-2016 9:30am

Definitely don't worry about buying another set of presents!
Sounds like the person raising the issue is the rude and unreasonable one.
We'd definitely go the joint present route for family members on both sides, although we probably do tend to just sign the card for each others really. I think my wife would usually try give my mum something small, and is usually give something like a bottle of port when we call to my in laws.
On the other side, we're completely happy to get joint present, for the house or whatever. At this point I'm not sure I'd even mind if we got nothing,
Christmas is now all about my daughters.

dbagman · 07-12-2016 9:36am

Well there's a few pound saved on one present and a shorter Christmas card list. Should count themselves lucky to get anyting all.

07-12-2016 9:38am

This post has been deleted.

idnkph · 07-12-2016 9:59am

What kind of a horrible person says that? I wouldn't be giving them anything for saying that's rude. They are the rude ones for suggesting it.
Maybe it was said as a joke?

beechwood55 · 07-12-2016 10:02am

How about not just getting into the present buying circuit? We agreed with all siblings on both sides a number of years ago to cut out the present buying for all and sundry and just do a Kris Kingle present - one couple buy for another couple, limit of €40. When nieces and nephews started to arrive we agreed - again mutually - that only godparents would buy for godchildren.
It's worked very well over the years.

[Deleted User] · 07-12-2016 10:06am

Slime Princess wrote: »

.................

It was recently mentioned to me that we shouldn't be doing this as this is seen as being very rude. .............

I'd be giving that person a combined gift of SFA going forward.

seamus · 07-12-2016 10:08am

I would find it incredibly odd to get a present from both partners in a marriage or a long-term relationship. I'd immediately assume one didn't know the other had already got the gift.

It sounds like whoever told you this was "rude" is just chancing their arm for a second pressie.

freshpopcorn · 07-12-2016 7:07pm

I'd show your friend this thread and explain to them their totally wrong. I don't think think I've ever heard of a married couple giving separate presents for Christmas/events!

Is it rude to give joint gifts?

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