How come Tinder is so difficult?

Blacktie. · 04-12-2016 11:49AM

So much victim mentality in this. Yes dating is hard. Yes you'll have to make an effort. That's life people.

s15r330 · 04-12-2016 11:57AM

Blacktie. wrote: »

So much victim mentality in this. Yes dating is hard. Yes you'll have to make an effort. That's life people.

Exactly, same as anything, you reap what you sow.
I was on it last year, met a heap of girls, some weekends I could meet 2 or 3 girls, I wasn't looking for long term and neither were they.
I thought it was great!

digitalninja · 04-12-2016 12:30PM

because you're a pillock.

Wibbs · 04-12-2016 01:00PM

What the hell digitalninja? Dial that kinda crap right back please.

Sonics2k · 04-12-2016 01:09PM

The folks over at r/incels and r/niceguys would absolutely adore this thread.

digitalninja · 04-12-2016 01:10PM

Wibbs wrote: »

What the hell digitalninja? Dial that kinda crap right back please.

Is this not the internet? I'm sorry I thought this was the internet.

Wibbs · 04-12-2016 01:50PM

digitalninja wrote: »

Is this not the internet? I'm sorry I thought this was the internet.

It's not reddit or the comments section of Youtube. You're long enough in the tooth around here to know the rue is attack the post, not the poster. Any more debate and you'll be taking a break.

danko82 · 04-12-2016 02:29PM

Arevaci wrote: »

But personally I find this effort too much and too cynical that I try to limit my efforts to a Friday night out where my chances of success are about 30 times higher than behind a iphone.

I decided to do exactly the same..looking for a good wing.

Dr Crayfish · 04-12-2016 03:52PM

Would all this online dating stuff not work better if only women could send the first message?

bucketybuck · 04-12-2016 03:58PM

Dr Crayfish wrote: »

Would all this online dating stuff not work better if only women could send the first message?

80% of men would never get a message.

Dr Crayfish · 04-12-2016 03:59PM

bucketybuck wrote: »

80% of men would never get a message.

But at least they wouldn't be wasting their time sending tonnes of messages that don't get replied to no? And women wouldn't have to filter through 100s of messages every day.

bucketybuck · 04-12-2016 04:02PM

Dr Crayfish wrote: »

But at least they wouldn't be wasting their time sending tonnes of messages that don't get replied to no? And women wouldn't have to filter through 100s of messages every day.

You asked would online dating not work better, but in that scenario for the majority of men online dating would not work at all.

I'm sure there are men that are just wasting their time no matter what, but there must be plenty of examples where a guys messages are responded to and they do meet somebody they would not have otherwise.

LLMMLL · 04-12-2016 04:19PM

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I could talk all day about this stuff, it seems so very obviously worse to me than things were in the past.. for the vast majority concerned at least.

But your vision of the past sounds equally as joyless as your vision of the present:

"Oh I kinda like you but there's not many options and I'm grateful if anyone will go near me so lets just put up with each other"

Honestly both your visions are plain wrong. Has all the hallmarks of someone whose friends are an all male group that doesn't hang aroud with many women.

I work in a university and I see most of the students are in mixed groups and a lot of the relationships feature a less good looking guy and a better looking girl. I suppose when this happens with people in their late 20s/30s and you know nothing about how they got together it's easy to assume she "settled" but it happens at all ages. Most people just meet naturally and get on with someone and get with them.

Of course there a subset of awkward guys who go on Tinder and end up having their views warped and start threads like this but that's not representative to how the rest of society operates.

Surreptitious · 04-12-2016 04:37PM

Dr Crayfish wrote: »

Would all this online dating stuff not work better if only women could send the first message?

I have done and have been ignored 9 times out of ten.

Dr Crayfish · 04-12-2016 04:43PM

Surreptitious wrote: »

I have done and have been ignored 9 times out of ten.

Would you consider yourself good looking?

professore · 04-12-2016 05:28PM

Surreptitious wrote: »

I don't like it. It's like they're dragging you through the mud. I'm pretty straight forward it's not like they have to come up with this wicked plan or anything. It reeks of dissent and it sickens me. I don't see how playing on your weaknesses is going to help you get laid anyway.

Good for you. I hope you tell them they are ugly asses and walk away. Apparently it works with neurotic types, they can't stand a guy who respects them, sleep with one of these types and then complain that all men are bastards. Hard to believe but there you go.

professore · 04-12-2016 05:31PM

leggo wrote: »

I mean...thanks, I guess, for thinking I'm one of the beautiful people but I'm really not. You kinda lambasted me then in your last paragraph made a near-identical list to the one I gave myself. My point was 'dating isn't hard if you become someone people want to be around'. A lot of guys struggle because they make random excuses like "all women lie and they only want dumb, good-looking guys"...which is just an excuse for people not to try. But why would people want to be with guys who are bitter and angry about their lot in life, spouting crap like that that just isn't true?

How do you tell all that from a Tinder profile?

Surreptitious · 04-12-2016 05:50PM

Dr Crayfish wrote: »

Would you consider yourself good looking?

One minute here. You said why can't more women send messages then you question me on my looks. Not that it's any of your business there is nothing wrong with my looks. And what about you, I suppose you're drop dead gorgeous yourself.

BabyE · 04-12-2016 06:00PM

LLMMLL wrote: »

But your vision of the past sounds equally as joyless as your vision of the present:

"Oh I kinda like you but there's not many options and I'm grateful if anyone will go near me so lets just put up with each other"

Honestly both your visions are plain wrong. Has all the hallmarks of someone whose friends are an all male group that doesn't hang aroud with many women.

I work in a university and I see most of the students are in mixed groups and a lot of the relationships feature a less good looking guy and a better looking girl. I suppose when this happens with people in their late 20s/30s and you know nothing about how they got together it's easy to assume she "settled" but it happens at all ages. Most people just meet naturally and get on with someone and get with them.

Of course there a subset of awkward guys who go on Tinder and end up having their views warped and start threads like this but that's not representative to how the rest of society operates.

I guarentee you are overrating the girls and underatinfing the lads. This girl settling for a guy lesss attractive only happens if he guy has high social status, I.e played rugby in senior cup for clongowes

Dr Crayfish · 04-12-2016 06:07PM

Surreptitious wrote: »

One minute here. You said why can't more women send messages then you question me on my looks. Not that it's any of your business there is nothing wrong with my looks. And what about you, I suppose you're drop dead gorgeous yourself.

I didn't say why can't more women send messages, I said would it be better if only women could send messages first. I'm not bad looking I suppose, so I was able to get dates from POF when I used it but it's not really for me I would prefer for something to happen organically at this stage.

leggo · 04-12-2016 06:22PM

professore wrote: »

How do you tell all that from a Tinder profile?

Well for a start you can see if someone eats well, dresses well, grooms themselves well and takes pride in their appearance. Sure there are people born with great genes, 6'5", built like a tank with jawlines of steel, but the earth's female population aren't solely reserved for these people either. Quite a significant amount don't like the Instagram types taking post-workout and meal pics, giving personal training advice and so on. And it's not that difficult to look good in a few pictures if it's something that means a lot to you.

The rest is personality and up to yourself. And, in that regard, there's no advantage or disadvantage based on looks. It's hard for anyone, no matter what you look like, to find a connection and relationship with someone. The only rub of the green 'good-looking' people have in terms of Tinder would be they'd probably get quick hook-ups easier. And if people want that but choose to spend their time eating crap, playing video games or doing other stuff not conducive to achieving that goal, then they're making a conscious decision to not have those hook-ups, whether they like it or not.

It's like a job, a hobby, anything: if you put effort in (and that means prioritising it over other things in life you enjoy), you'll get results. If you don't, you won't. Not putting effort in and complaining about not getting results, sitting back and coming up with reasons for lack of success and blaming society for your own individual issue, is just plain laziness and whining. Sorry but it's true.

PurvesGrundy · 04-12-2016 07:07PM

I get plenty of matches on Tinder, but have never dated anyone from it. I'm lucky in most cases to even get a conversation from them.

I maintain the perception also that Tinder is something to kill time for a lot of people. Women may hit 'like' on your profile, but have no real intention of meeting or forming a relationship.

professore · 04-12-2016 07:14PM

leggo wrote: »

Well for a start you can see if someone eats well, dresses well, grooms themselves well and takes pride in their appearance. Sure there are people born with great genes, 6'5", built like a tank with jawlines of steel, but the earth's female population aren't solely reserved for these people either. Quite a significant amount don't like the Instagram types taking post-workout and meal pics, giving personal training advice and so on. And it's not that difficult to look good in a few pictures if it's something that means a lot to you.

The rest is personality and up to yourself. And, in that regard, there's no advantage or disadvantage based on looks. It's hard for anyone, no matter what you look like, to find a connection and relationship with someone. The only rub of the green 'good-looking' people have in terms of Tinder would be they'd probably get quick hook-ups easier. And if people want that but choose to spend their time eating crap, playing video games or doing other stuff not conducive to achieving that goal, then they're making a conscious decision to not have those hook-ups, whether they like it or not.

It's like a job, a hobby, anything: if you put effort in (and that means prioritising it over other things in life you enjoy), you'll get results. If you don't, you won't. Not putting effort in and complaining about not getting results, sitting back and coming up with reasons for lack of success and blaming society for your own individual issue, is just plain laziness and whining. Sorry but it's true.

I agree if you sit round all day stuffing your face and playing video games you're not going to be scoring on tinder. I think though it's much easier for women to do something about this than it is for men. Women have an arsenal of makeup, hair products etc they can use to hide their flaws and maximise their beauty. Men not so much. Sure they can work out and whatever but if they're not relatively good looking they are snookered.

By the way, I'm an old fart married with adult kids - so I'm not trying to make excuses for myself here or anything, just talking as a neutral observer.

eeguy · 04-12-2016 07:15PM

professore wrote: »

How do you tell all that from a Tinder profile?

It's all about the pictures. Put pictures of you doing hobbies, or being out and about or with your friends. Interesting pictures makes you seem like an interesting person.

Have you ever had a look at some lads Tinder profiles? It's mostly a bad selfie and a few pics of them out on the beer with the lads.

Throw in a pic of the car and maybe one of Conor McGregor

and you've covered 70% of men on Tinder.

You're selling yourself. You wouldn't put up sh*t pictures if you're trying to sell your house, why would you do it on Tinder?

professore wrote: »

I agree if you sit round all day stuffing your face and playing video games you're not going to be scoring on tinder. I think though it's much easier for women to do something about this than it is for men. Women have an arsenal of makeup, hair products etc they can use to hide their flaws and maximise their beauty. Men not so much. Sure they can work out and whatever but if they're not relatively good looking they are snookered.

I think it's better to look really interesting through pictures than just good looking.

Amazing if you can do both though

leggo · 04-12-2016 08:18PM

professore wrote: »

By the way, I'm an old fart married with adult kids - so I'm not trying to make excuses for myself here or anything, just talking as a neutral observer.

Yeah sorry, I got that based on your initial reply to me, when I said 'you' I didn't mean you specifically!

And I don't think the argument about women with make-up etc is still relevant in 2016. I'll often get slagged when people see my bathroom with the amount of moisturisers etc in there! If you're a man and want to take care of your looks it can be done and it's not even a thing anymore, everyone is doing it. So if you're not, again that's a conscious choice and your matches/success in general will reflect that.

LLMMLL · 04-12-2016 08:20PM

BabyE wrote: »

I guarentee you are overrating the girls and underatinfing the lads. This girl settling for a guy lesss attractive only happens if he guy has high social status, I.e played rugby in senior cup for clongowes

Nah in really not. Friend of mine is an ok looking guy. Personality is friendly, easy going, into computers gaming sci fi, not into exercise at all, body actually looks a bit weird. Very unlucky on tinder. Gets on grand with women as friends but not much luck in that department apart from the odd kiss from a semi friend. He's no major status from playing sports or a good job or a dominant personality. He's now going out with an absolute stunner. They were just moving in the same social circle and she took a liking to him.

I think some people get super hung up on evolution and how men only like physically attractive women and women only like fit or wealthy men. If they're faced with anything contradictory they just won't accept it.

I guarantee you none of these girls think they are settling. This particular girl is mid 20s so it's not like she has to settle yet anyway.

Wibbs · 04-12-2016 08:44PM

LLMMLL wrote: »

I think some people get super hung up on evolution and how men only like physically attractive women and women only like fit or wealthy men. If they're faced with anything contradictory they just won't accept it.

There's some truth to that alright, though IMH and in my experience obvious disparities in looks are more the outliers and when they occur a bit of cursory digging usually turns up a balance in other areas. IE the guy if the less physically attractive he is bringing something else to the party. In the reverse case it's often something along the lines of the guy dropping the ball in other areas. EG one chap I knew years ago, good looking man, tall and athletic. He got lots of interest from women. Initially, but he had the conversational skills of a house brick, so few pursued beyond the short term and physical. All his long termers were best described, if unkindly, as plain. I can certainly say that in my experience down the years when for example guys have told me they're shocked and consider themselves very lucky as their girlfriend is "out of their league", I don't see much of a disparity going on. As I say in my experience, YMMV.

lawred2 · 04-12-2016 08:47PM

BabyE wrote: »

Anyone have success off it, why do standards seem to be through the roof nowadays. You got to have the good facial looks, the immaculate hair, amazing body, height, charisma and all the trappings of high status and wealth and then maybe, just maybe you might snag yourself a ticket using the rebound card.
What is it? Are we seeing a breathing out of the average male? Is a men only as good as his worse attribute to a women? So you might have a ripped well maintained body but by god if you are below 6 foot or that face isn't as symmetrical as it ought to be then you may as well sign out of the dating game.

Maybe stop using tinder.

Alpha_zero · 04-12-2016 09:05PM

Tinder is for hook ups not for relationships. If you meet someone in person and you get past a few drinks you are getting laid.

Lukeskyrunner · 04-12-2016 09:10PM

I know a guy that's done very well off tinder in Dublin , so well that he said hes had to stop it for a while because he said he was starting to see women as sex objects and was just feeling down right dirty about the whole thing

How come Tinder is so difficult?

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