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Louise O Neill on rape culture.

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Comments

  • #632
    midlandsmissus
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,838 ✭✭✭midlandsmissus


    py2006 wrote: »
    Not necessarily, a drunken pinch on the ass (however unwanted and inappropriate) doesn't necessarily equate to the guy (OR GIRL) trying to be dominant or powerful.

    I mentioned a grab of the vagina. I know if it was me, walked up to a girl in a bar, grabbed her vagina and walked on, I would know it was her most intimate place, she wouldn't like it, but I insisted on doing it anyway to feel powerful. Sexual assault is always about power.


  • #633
    Walter H Price
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,839 ✭✭✭Walter H Price


    midlandsmissus wrote: »
    I mentioned a grab of the vagina. I know if it was me, walked up to a girl in a bar, grabbed her vagina and walked on, I would know it was her most intimate place, she wouldn't like it, but I insisted on doing it anyway to feel powerful. Sexual assault is always about power.

    who the fcuk gets anything out of grabbing a vagina that just seems a weird thing to do , honestly dont think i've ever seen any bloke with the girl or other wise grab her by the vagina like im not sure this happens tbh


  • #634
    midlandsmissus
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,838 ✭✭✭midlandsmissus


    Walter H Price wrote: »
    who the fcuk gets anything out of grabbing a vagina that just seems a weird thing to do , honestly dont think i've ever seen any bloke with the girl or other wise grab her by the vagina like im not sure this happens tbh

    Why do people seem so sure it doesn't happen because they don't see it. ? It happened to me, it happened to my boss, and another two girls I know, all different situations.
    Me in a nightclub
    Boss grabbed by the vagina in a hotel
    A friend had a hand stuck up her skirt walking down a street
    Another girl I met told me about when she was a teenager an old man lifted her school jumper and groped her boobs.
    A girl earlier on this thread said she was groped walking down the street.

    I get it: people don't like to hear about it as it's painful to hear about. It certainly does happen.


  • #635
    py2006
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,845 ✭✭✭py2006


    Walter H Price wrote: »
    who the fcuk gets anything out of grabbing a vagina that just seems a weird thing to do , honestly dont think i've ever seen any bloke with the girl or other wise grab her by the vagina like im not sure this happens tbh

    I am sure it does but most certainly not rampant.

    In my earlier days, as I said before, I was grabbed in the crotch by girls in nightclubs. I'd say it happened 3-4 times. It hurt too on one occasion. But ssshhh, don't tell Louise...

    EDIT: I worked briefly at the age of 15 as a loungeboy and had my ass pinched on more than one occasion.


  • #636
    mzungu
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,310 Mod ✭✭✭✭mzungu


    Walter H Price wrote: »
    who the fcuk gets anything out of grabbing a vagina that just seems a weird thing to do , honestly dont think i've ever seen any bloke with the girl or other wise grab her by the vagina like im not sure this happens tbh
    It does happen. Unfortunately, there are utter arseholes out there who do that sort of thing.


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  • #637
    Sonics2k
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,036 ✭✭✭Sonics2k


    Walter H Price wrote: »
    who the fcuk gets anything out of grabbing a vagina that just seems a weird thing to do , honestly dont think i've ever seen any bloke with the girl or other wise grab her by the vagina like im not sure this happens tbh

    It absolutely does happen, and to say otherwise is just laughable.

    I don't buy into the rape culture stuff, but honestly, comments like this are just frustratingly absurd.


  • #638
    Walter H Price
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,839 ✭✭✭Walter H Price


    py2006 wrote: »
    I am sure it does but most certainly not rampant.

    In my earlier days, as I said before, I was grabbed in the crotch by girls in nightclubs. I'd say it happened 3-4 times. It hurt too on one occasion. But ssshhh, don't tell Louise...

    EDIT: I worked briefly at the age of 15 as a loungeboy and had my ass pinched on more than one occasion.

    i get the grabed by the crotch thing though like that can be fairly erotic for a lad in certain circumstance but like does grabing a wonan by the vagina actualy achieve anything other then making you look like a total knob , would be fairly suprised if this was a common occurance at all


  • #639
    Zulu
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,967 ✭✭✭✭Zulu


    py2006 wrote: »
    EDIT: I worked briefly at the age of 15 as a loungeboy and had my ass pinched on more than one occasion.
    HA! I'm guessing Tomangoes Tuesday nights? (aka grab a granny night)


  • #640
    OldNotWIse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,468 ✭✭✭✭OldNotWIse


    Walter H Price wrote: »
    who the fcuk gets anything out of grabbing a vagina that just seems a weird thing to do , honestly dont think i've ever seen any bloke with the girl or other wise grab her by the vagina like im not sure this happens tbh

    Happened to me.


  • #641
    py2006
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,845 ✭✭✭py2006


    Walter H Price wrote: »
    i get the grabed by the crotch thing though like that can be fairly erotic for a lad in certain circumstance but like does grabing a wonan by the vagina actualy achieve anything other then making you look like a total knob , would be fairly suprised if this was a common occurance at all

    It can be if you are into the girl and things are getting heavy. However in my instance:

    a) It was unexpected from a stranger and hurt like hell.
    b) It was a random grab much to the hilarity of her and her friends
    c) It is actually humiliating and embarrassing


    What is annoying is that if I made a deal of it I would be been laughed at, disbelieved or told "yea right you wish"


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  • #642
    Walter H Price
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,839 ✭✭✭Walter H Price


    py2006 wrote: »
    It can be if you are into the girl and things are getting heavy. However in my instance:

    a) It was unexpected from a stranger and hurt like hell.
    b) It was a random grab much to the hilarity of her and her friends
    c) It is actually humiliating and embarrassing


    What is annoying is that if I made a deal of it I would be been laughed at, disbelieved or told "yea right you wish"

    totaly get its a pain in the hole sometimes perticularly if its some sloshed minger lookin to get a laugh out of her mates and tht does happen annoyingly frequently perticulary in temple bar were hen dos r involved ... but like i said dont think ive seen a lad grab a girl by the vagina ever , slap on the arse etc yes and its wholy inappropriate just never spotted a vagina grab myself


  • #643
    Zulu
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,967 ✭✭✭✭Zulu


    Walter H Price wrote: »
    ... just never spotted a vagina grab myself
    neither have I, but I'm inclined to believe it tbh.
    I've never seen a rape, murder, stabbing either thanks be to god, but they all happen.


  • #644
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 14,242 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    How do you even grab a vagina?


  • #645
    pumpkin4life
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,435 ✭✭✭pumpkin4life


    A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »
    How do you even grab a vagina?

    Ask Donald Trump. :D


  • #646
    EndaHonesty
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,531 ✭✭✭EndaHonesty


    A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »
    How do you even grab a vagina?

    have you ever been bowling?...


  • #647
    FortySeven
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,295 ✭✭✭FortySeven


    At every Scottish wedding there are drunk girls lifting guys kilts over their heads for a laugh. As we wear nothing under the kilt it is leaving nothing to the imagination. Happened to me and aftr working banqueting for 10 odd years I've seen it so often as to call it commonplace.

    I would go so far as to say this really is a cultural sexual assault. It's commonplace, country specific and involves even our cultural garb.

    Now go and find anyone complaining about it on the internet.


  • #648
    donegal.
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,635 ✭✭✭donegal.


    A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »
    How do you even grab a vagina?

    like a bowling ball ?


  • #649
    LLMMLL
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,593 ✭✭✭LLMMLL


    Mortpourvelo wrote: »

    It was another poster who said basically that a woman alone at night isn't the same as a man alone at night.

    I agree with your post.

    That's not what I meant at all.

    I meant a woman may FEEL differently about being alone on a street than a man would. Like I said I've been assaulted but since trees no suggestion in my day to day life that it will happen again I'm happy enough walking the streets on my own.

    All I'm sayin is that if you've left a club where some guy grabbed your ass and called you names when you didn't respond and this happens regularly you're going to be less comfortable.

    On Saturday night j was walking a dark street. There was a wlman alone walking in front of me. I coughed and sniffed and she looked around, started walking faster and hailed a taxi. I don't think she felt safe.


  • #650
    timmy880
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 306 ✭✭timmy880


    midlandsmissus wrote: »
    We are not saying all men are rapists, we are not saying all women are victims. We, men and women, I've seen alot of men discussing online, are saying it's healthy and positive to have discussions about consent going forward.

    We are not against each other, we're for each other!

    Excellent post and I think it's where we should all be looking to get to.

    Unfortunately there are extreme posts from both genders (both on this thread and on the journal articles) ranging from the lady who said "every single one of my friends have been sexually assaulted" and another lady saying that "men are whingers, they're all in this together" and also the guys "saying sexual assault never happens"

    Judging by the tone of their comments they don't want a discussion on consent at all. They want anger, blame and pointing the finger at the opposite sex, whatever stage the discussion is at. And there lies the problem.

    Whether we like it or not there are females out there who hate men and there are men out there who despise women and they've used such a sensitive topic like this one to attack each other.


  • #651
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 14,242 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    LLMMLL wrote: »
    That's not what I meant at all.
    I imagine you among the cups, the marmalade, the tea; settling a pillow by your head.


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  • #652
    LLMMLL
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,593 ✭✭✭LLMMLL


    A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »
    I imagine you among the cups, the marmalade, the tea; settling a pillow by your head.

    Eh thanks?


  • #653
    py2006
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,845 ✭✭✭py2006


    pumpkin4life wrote: »
    Ask Donald Trump. :D

    That's President Trump to you...

    :eek:


  • #654
    py2006
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,845 ✭✭✭py2006


    FortySeven wrote: »
    At every Scottish wedding there are drunk girls lifting guys kilts over their heads for a laugh. As we wear nothing under the kilt it is leaving nothing to the imagination. Happened to me and aftr working banqueting for 10 odd years I've seen it so often as to call it commonplace.

    I would go so far as to say this really is a cultural sexual assault. It's commonplace, country specific and involves even our cultural garb.

    Now go and find anyone complaining about it on the internet.

    Wasn't there a pub or restaurant here that tried one night to have male staff wear kilts but had to abandon it as women were lifting the kilts?

    May be it wasn't here, but I do remember reading it a few years ago.


  • #655
    midlandsmissus
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,838 ✭✭✭midlandsmissus


    timmy880 wrote: »
    Excellent post and I think it's where we should all be looking to get to.

    Unfortunately there are extreme posts from both genders (both on this thread and on the journal articles) ranging from the lady who said "every single one of my friends have been sexually assaulted" and another lady saying that "men are whingers, they're all in this together" and also the guys "saying sexual assault never happens"

    Judging by the tone of their comments they don't want a discussion on consent at all. They want anger, blame and pointing the finger at the opposite sex, whatever stage the discussion is at. And there lies the problem.

    Whether we like it or not there are females out there who hate men and there are men out there who despise women and they've used such a sensitive topic like this one to attack each other.

    It might be interesting to point out to you that I am the woman who you said made an excellent post above, and I am also the woman who you commented about saying a 'ridiculous' thing that all my friends have been sexually assaulted.

    It's true. Every one of them have come to me with a story. Ranging from a babysitter molesting them to a grandfather molesting them, to being grabbed on the street. Just when I think something hasnt happened to one of them, one of them will come out with a story. These are not friends in one small group. I have worked in different areas, and some of these are in different areas.


    I can't say it is not true, because it is true, women have commented on this thread about being groped/ assaulted.

    We are moving forward not backwards , and important discussions are being had for everyone.


  • #656
    Morpheus
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 2,687 Mod ✭✭✭✭Morpheus


    I worked in a bar collecting glasses many moons ago (late 90s) in my hometown

    I was crotch-grabbed / a$$ slapped by drunk girls

    Of all ages

    including (sadly) a 70 year old grandmother who'd had too much whiskey!


  • #657
    midlandsmissus
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,838 ✭✭✭midlandsmissus


    py2006 wrote: »
    It can be if you are into the girl and things are getting heavy. However in my instance:

    a) It was unexpected from a stranger and hurt like hell.
    b) It was a random grab much to the hilarity of her and her friends
    c) It is actually humiliating and embarrassing


    What is annoying is that if I made a deal of it I would be been laughed at, disbelieved or told "yea right you wish"
    I'm sorry that happened to you.


  • #658
    midlandsmissus
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,838 ✭✭✭midlandsmissus


    OldNotWIse wrote: »
    Happened to me.

    And I'm sorry it happened to you.


  • #659
    py2006
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,845 ✭✭✭py2006


    midlandsmissus wrote: »
    I'm sorry that happened to you.

    For the most part I didn't see it as a big deal and the only time it pops into my mind is when the likes of Louise O'Neill or Una Mulally or any 'modern' feminist talks of this subject matter.


  • #660
    OldNotWIse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,468 ✭✭✭✭OldNotWIse


    py2006 wrote: »
    For the most part I didn't see it as a big deal and the only time it pops into my mind is when the likes of Louise O'Neill or Una Mulally or any 'modern' feminist talks of this subject matter.

    You don't see it as a big deal that it happened to you or someone else?


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  • #661
    py2006
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,845 ✭✭✭py2006


    OldNotWIse wrote: »
    You don't see it as a big deal that it happened to you or someone else?

    I think you know what I meant.


This discussion has been closed.
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