I can feel myself going down hill. How do I stop myself?

LegacyUser · 08-11-2016 02:34PM #1

I'm 19, currently in my first year of college. Over the past number of weeks I can feel myself going downhill. I've got a lot of issues, not medically diagnosed issues but bad enough that my parents thought I should go to a counsellor. I am lacking confidence, I am self defeating and utterly dismissive. One on one I can bull**** confidence, especially with women. I just talk, I get told I sound very smart but I'm just trying to fill the awkward silences. One on one people think I'm extremely confident but thats not the case.
As of late, I feel like things are going bad, as if every situation has the worst ending. Like things are just not working out.

My issues are catching up on me, I am always the quietest person in the room, not intentionally I just freeze in social situations yet I don't like my own company.
I only went to one counselling session, he (who is basically a neighbour, and very involved in the community) was useless, he talked about his brilliant nephew who is now a neurosurgeon, which was more deflating than anything and then he said he thinks I could do with more appointments.

I want to fix this, I can't go through life like this, I can't keep knocking myself down before anyone else has the chance, but then again I can see every reason why I should be, if I have one positive characteristic its that I can bull****, I can formulate a solid argument but that in itself is my kryptonite.
How do i stop myself going further downhill?

Merkin · 08-11-2016 03:07PM

I've never been to a counsellor so I stand to be corrected but I thought the premise was based on talking to a stranger who has no knowledge of you or anything about you. Surely going to a neighbour goes against everything that counselling would hope to achieve?

LegacyUser · 08-11-2016 04:27PM

It's 100% confidential, that was one thing he stressed the entire time. He is a trained professional who happens to live nearby. He wasn't tell me of his nephew as a topic of conversation, i think he was trying to prove some point but I have no clue which one.

ongarboy · 08-11-2016 04:54PM

Couldn't agree more with above. OP, you should never see someone you know or who is even an acquaintance for therapy as it most likely will inhibit you from divulging what is really going on in your life or head. I can't understand how any qualified counsellor or therapist would facilitate such a meeting knowing there was such a potential for conflict of interest. The fact he would boast about a relative's achievements when you are feeling low and insecure would make me question his ability to practice! Unfortunately, there is a world of difference between counsellors who did a 13 week online course and a fully qualified, certified psychotherapist who spends years in training with 100s of hours supervised therapy under their belt. The fact that the industry is unregulated means that anyone can put a sign over their door and call themselves counsellors is also worrying. I recommend you seek out a qualified and certified therapist that you dont know and is a member of APPI or IAHIP.

Best of luck and don't beat yourself up about where you are or how you feel. We all have struggles in life and we often put on facades that suggest everything is fine when it's not. Please continue with therapy but I suggest with another therapist. Therapy, while hard work, should make you feel like you are doing something productive and that you are getting something out of it. It sometimes takes visits to more than one therapist to find one that you can properly gel with and feel comfortable sharing very private information with.

Bubosw · 08-11-2016 04:57PM

You should be able avail of the counselling support services in your college. The 'counsellor' you saw does not appear to be very professional talking about his own family!

daithi7 · 11-11-2016 02:54AM

If you haven't already, Take up a sport, and get fit.

Aerobic sports such as running, cycling and swimming are great for your general health, especially your mental health. Team sports are brilliant too. Enjoy!!

P.s. not trying to suggest this is the complete solution rather a good part of one though.

santana75 · 12-11-2016 11:13AM

Man you can imagine that theres something wrong with you and you can see the world in such a way as to support that view, but in truth your perception is based on false beliefs. The biggest favor you can do for yourself is to abandon the idea that there is something wrong with you that needs fixing. Let go of that notion completely and see what happens. I guarantee you your life will change. We're born happy thats our natural state. If you walk around thinking that you're fine and that there is no problem then you will feel at peace and relaxed. And when you are in that state interacting with people is easy and comes naturally. But if you walk around thinking you have all kinds of ailments and that you cant talk to people in groups etc, then you will shoot yourself in the foot. Its nothing to do with anything other than the fact that you believe something about yourself thats not true. Test it out. The course in miracles is based on this truth, that what we see is not actually how things really are and to abandon all views and ideas that dont serve you. So the question you need to ask yourself is, does how I see myself serve me well or does it make my life worse? It seems like how you see yourself right now is making you unhappy. So why not adopt a view that actually serves you well?

LegacyUser · 12-11-2016 12:22PM

I'm shocked that your neighbour agreed to see you. I have been to counselling and there is no way I would go near somebody who knew me or my family. That is so wrong and it makes me question this man's professionalism. One of the reasons people go to counselling is that they can talk to a person who does not know them or their family and therefore carries no baggage. Do not go near him again, regardless of what bull he tries to peddle.

I went for counselling a few years ago when I was going through a rough patch and I found it helpful. I didn't know the lady from Adam so I felt free to say whatever I wanted. I eventually opened up big time to her and said things out loud I had never said before. She did roleplay with me, made some observations about my behaviour that stopped me in my tracks and had a lot of sensible advice and suggestions. It was well worth doing and I’ve no regrets.

You said you're in college so I'm sure they offer a counselling service. If you don't find the counsellor much good, then take a look around and see who else is available. Have a look at what their qualifications are. I don't know if they've tightened up the regulations but at one stage it looked like anyone who did a FÁS course could set up as a counsellor.

c0deblu2th · 13-11-2016 09:32AM

From what you've written and I am no expert on mental health but it seems like your difficulties could be more to do with the big changes you're experiencing.

First year of college so most of the people you knew at school are not around now. You are also starting to mature and more aware of when it is appropriate to talk or not in company.

For what it's worth most people are okay one to one but are insecure in large groups.

It's very early stages in your college year so stop beating yourself up. You will find a group of people you will feel comfortable with.

I can feel myself going down hill. How do I stop myself?

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