I feel very sick

Hammer89 wrote: »

I ordered an Indian tonight and I feel sick to the point where I kind of want to die. I'm not a big Indian guy - unlike the fella from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Next - so this was the first time I've ordered it in a very, very long time.

This is a problem because, being unfamiliar with something, what do you order? It's like the home and away part of Question of Sport. Do you keep it simple and order a chicken curry, or do you go 'away' and order a Mutter Paneer and pray to Ganesh that you've made the right choice? Big decision, but I went home and away and ordered a Chicken Tikka Masala. I can't remember ever having it before so that's why it was slightly risque on my part.

I then ask myself, 'Do I want rice or chips with it?' and I decided on chips after about two seconds of deliberation. 'Sh*t. Will I need bread? I think I'll need bread as well,' I say to myself. I'd had nan bread before and it's lovely, so I order two of the f*cking things.

I'm looking quite forward to this now. I'm starving and it can't come soon enough. I also responded with an emphatic 'HOT!' after your man on the phone asked me if I wanted mild, medium or hot.

I'm so hungry that I'm sitting by the window, peering behind the curtain every few minutes like the local pervert. Every time I'd see the road illuminate from an oncoming car I'd get excited. Fast forward another 15 minutes or so and it's here. I'm pumped. I don't even wait for the change off your man. I slam the door in his face and bring the plastic bag full of Indian hotness into the kitchen and begin to dish it up.

"Holy smoke," I say to myself after surveying the contents of said bag. There was no problem with the order, but it became apparent that I had bit off more than I could chew with this order.

That is because it also came with boiled rice - this is my fault for not assuming as much - and the Nan breads are about as big as f*cking Paul Costello duvets. But I'm a trooper so I dish it out with the intention of eating it all. So naive.

I finished the Tikka Masala and rice alright, and one of the Nan Breads - I threw the other one over my car incase it rains tonight - but the other one and the chips are now in the bin because I can't handle it. I now feel very sick wondering whether I qualify for Euthanasia.

These are the pitfalls of venturing outside your comfort zone in regards to take-out food, my friends. Don't make the same mistake as me.

Hammer89 wrote: »

I'd scoop bits of rice and chicken into the bread and wrap it up, which probably explains why I feel poorly.