There are ghost leprechauns living under the blades of grass in my back garden.

ReefBreak · 28-10-2016 12:42PM #1

It's true.

I found an old book down at the local landfill that said there are tiny ghost leprechaun's living under the blades of grass in my back garden. I can't prove it to be true, but you can't prove it to be false, which means it MUST be true.

Those ashes belonging to your deceased relatives? The book says these MUST be mixed with butter, smeared over your bodies, and you MUST dance naked in a field for 4 days. Failure to do this will result in eternal damnation in fairy-hell.

Also, the book says no abortions, contraception and stop masturbating now.

Patser · 28-10-2016 12:45PM

Did the book mention anything about what mushrooms not to eat?

Scorpion Sting · 28-10-2016 12:45PM

What the f**k did I just read?

Your Face · 28-10-2016 12:48PM

Far out.

SmartinMartin · 28-10-2016 12:50PM

They should throw the book at you.

ReefBreak · 28-10-2016 12:50PM

The book also says that the Big Leprechaun living in the sky had magical sex with a virgin frog in the garden, giving birth to his Son Leprechaun who died. But then he came back to life and flew up to the sky.

Also, he had some frog friends that ate some mushrooms the night before he died, which he magically turned into leprechaun skin.

The book says this, so it must be true.

ReefBreak · 28-10-2016 12:53PM

SmartinMartin wrote: »

They should throw the book at you.

How dare you. The book is sacred. Do not offend me or my religion.

corner of hells · 28-10-2016 12:53PM

ReefBreak wrote: »

The book also says that the Big Leprechaun living in the sky had magical sex with a virgin frog in the garden, giving birth to his Son Leprechaun who died. But then he came back to life and flew up to the sky.

Also, he had some frog friends that ate some mushrooms the night before he died, which he magically turned into leprechaun skin.

The book says this, so it must be true.

Is there anyone near you , who could give you a good kick up the hole ?

ReefBreak · 28-10-2016 12:55PM

corner of hells wrote: »

Is there anyone near you , who could give you a good kick up the hole ?

But it's an OLD book! How could it not be true? If you don't believe the book you WILL rot for eternity in fairy-hell.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1 · 28-10-2016 12:58PM

OP, if you want to disparage God/religion, the bible/Qur'an or whatever, just do so like any rational sane person. Of course that assumes a lot about you right now.

orubiru · 28-10-2016 12:58PM

corner of hells wrote: »

Is there anyone near you , who could give you a good kick up the hole ?

EXCUSE ME!?

This kind of Leprechaunophobia is unacceptable in 2016! Death to the unbelievers!!

SEPT 23 1989 · 28-10-2016 01:01PM

ReefBreak wrote: »

I found an old book down at the local landfill

moved to Stinge thread

ReefBreak · 28-10-2016 01:02PM

Konnor Noisy Racketeering wrote: »

OP, if you want to disparage God/religion, the bible/Qur'an or whatever, just do so like any rational sane person. Of course that assumes a lot about you right now.

Hey now, I never mentioned "God/religion, the bible/Qur'an". But c'mon? A magical God living in the sky? That's just ridiculous. I can't believe any sane person would believe that nonsense.

We know the world was created by leprechauns, because the Old Book said it. So it must be true.

Advbrd · 28-10-2016 01:05PM

That's all horsesh1t.
Leprechauns (pronounced Le-pru-shins) actually originated in a distant galaxy on the planet Leprus.
They created this world as an intergalactic experiment.
According to the book of Lepru, the great overlord Seamus will return when he deems us worthy to travel to the planet Leprus.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1 · 28-10-2016 01:06PM

ReefBreak wrote: »

Hey now, I never mentioned "God/religion, the bible/Qur'an". But c'mon? A magical God living in the sky? That's just ridiculous. I can't believe any sane person would believe that nonsense.
.

I did not say otherwise. I just said be honest about your intentions rather than acting like a 14 year old with all the 'old book' nonsense.

It's a very poor attempt at satire. Jonathan Swift, you are certainly not.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1 · 28-10-2016 01:10PM

Advbrd wrote: »

According to the book of Lepru, the great overlord Seamus will return when he deems us worthy to travel to the planet Leprus.

And we all know the great overlord of the Leprechauns is Darby, not Seamus. You need the updated version of the book.

ReefBreak · 28-10-2016 01:11PM

Advbrd wrote: »

That's all horsesh1t.
Leprechauns (pronounced Le-pru-shins) actually originated in a distant galaxy on the planet Leprus.
They created this world as an intergalactic experiment.
According to the book of Lepru, the great overlord Seamus will return when he deems us worthy to travel to the planet Leprus.

You make me sick. There is only one leprechaun religion, and you must be oppressed or killed for believing in a very very slightly different version of it.

orubiru · 28-10-2016 01:12PM

Advbrd wrote: »

That's all horsesh1t.
Leprechauns (pronounced Le-pru-shins) actually originated in a distant galaxy on the planet Leprus.
They created this world as an intergalactic experiment.
According to the book of Lepru, the great overlord Seamus will return when he deems us worthy to travel to the planet Leprus.

That's all great but what happens when we die?

I'm scared, gullible, stupid and I need answers!

PS. Is there any way I can victimise or oppress others in the name of Seamus?

ReefBreak · 28-10-2016 01:13PM

Konnor Noisy Racketeering wrote: »

I did not say otherwise. I just said be honest about your intentions rather than acting like a 14 year old with all the 'old book' nonsense.

It's a very poor attempt at satire. Jonathan Swift, you are certainly not.

The "old book" is not nonsense! It's true! I spent 7 years studying it in an old building in Kildare so I am qualified to tell everybody what it means.

ReefBreak · 28-10-2016 01:17PM

Konnor Noisy Racketeering wrote: »

And we all know the great overlord of the Leprechauns is Darby, not Seamus. You need the updated version of the book.

The Great Prophet Seamus Darby is indeed revered among the ghost leprechauns. It was He that brought the good word from above about the Son Leprachaun by his famous dance in the year 0. It now being year 34AD (After Darby), we bow every September to his memory.

Cherry Blossom · 28-10-2016 01:18PM

Some American tourists once came into my local looking for Le-pre-shuns. If it happens again I'll send them your way OP.

ohnonotgmail · 28-10-2016 01:19PM

Konnor Noisy Racketeering wrote: »

I did not say otherwise. I just said be honest about your intentions rather than acting like a 14 year old with all the 'old book' nonsense.

It's a very poor attempt at satire. Jonathan Swift, you are certainly not.

you are a master of understatement.

Advbrd · 28-10-2016 01:19PM

Konnor Noisy Racketeering wrote: »

And we all know the great overlord of the Leprechauns is Darby, not Seamus. You need the updated version of the book.

The fall of Darby during which he and his followers were cast out was long before the creation of earth (just over 6000 years ago). Since then they have found this planet, visited this country on a regular basis carrying out pretty crude pranks and appearing in some extremely poor movies particularly musicals. Seamus has been the unopposed leader since then.

Advbrd · 28-10-2016 01:35PM

orubiru wrote: »

That's all great but what happens when we die?

I'm scared, gullible, stupid and I need answers!

PS. Is there any way I can victimise or oppress others in the name of Seamus?

Ah don't worry about death.

There are a number of afterlife facilities on Mars and Venus which remove memories of the previous life and may insert false ideas or memories for the next life. The special type of memories created by traumatic events known as engrams are not removed and new ones may be created by afterlife traumas.
After visiting the afterlife facility, you are simply inserted into a new body. This will repeat until Seamus returns.

Arghus · 28-10-2016 01:41PM

Ironically, the solution to all this is to take even more drugs.

Advbrd · 28-10-2016 01:46PM

Arghus wrote: »

Ironically, the solution to all this is to take even more drugs.

Particularly certain types of mushrooms and toadstools recently vacated by forest dwelling Le-pru-shins.

Pat Mustard · 28-10-2016 02:00PM

ReefBreak wrote: »

The Great Prophet Seamus Darby is indeed revered among the ghost leprechauns. It was He that brought the good word from above about the Son Leprachaun by his famous dance in the year 0. It now being year 34AD (After Darby), we bow every September to his memory.

Seamus Darby: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Séamus_Darby

GAA footballing legend, lately turned Leprechaun.

How the mighty have fallen.

biko · 28-10-2016 02:01PM

I want to join this new cult.

SmartinMartin · 28-10-2016 02:34PM

biko wrote: »

I want to join this new cult.

I think you mixed up L with N there.

Beasty · 28-10-2016 02:36PM

Excuse me, but when did ghosts start to "live"?

ReefBreak · 28-10-2016 02:37PM

Beasty wrote: »

Excuse me, but when did ghosts start to "live"?

Well you know, they "live" among us. Stop asking so many questions.

There are ghost leprechauns living under the blades of grass in my back garden.

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