Children's Parties.

Musketeer4 · 24-10-2016 02:16PM

But....it's very cheeky and rude to come straight out and ask for money. Parents who engage in this are setting a very poor example for their children.

A gift is something that should not be asked for or expected. It should be gratefully accepted as gesture of kindness.

Anyone who does this are showing a lack of good judgement and they may actually be putting a lot of pressure on families who might be financially strained.

Winterlong · 24-10-2016 02:16PM

I would say about half the parties our 6 year old goes to have 'no presents please' on the invite. Which is fantastic!

meeeeh · 24-10-2016 02:19PM

Musketeer4 wrote: »

My mother and I often talk about how my sister gives in to neices (4 & 6) and has them to the point that saying no to anything results in thermonuclear conflagration. Mother says that giving in to things rewards, enables and fuels "demanding behaviour" and that she's caught up in a vicious cycle of giving in to prevent blowouts, that enables the behaviour, then it continues to escalate.
Sister is burned out.

Mother says the nieces are impossible to keep entertained because they've been in creche so much and its all down to overstimulation and that they simply don't know how to chill out and because they never learned how to. They have to be constantly stimulated and entertained. Mother says we were far far quieter and I in particular was always a dream and was happy to fooster about and entertain myself for a few hours at a time.

She says its all back to a guilt thing with both parents working and then they overindulge kids to compensate. The world is shagged.

I don't buy this at all. Working parents are blamed on whole pile of stuff because mammies were all at home 30 years ago and sure things were way better then. I have two, one needs to be constantly proded to do things and the other one will quite happily keep herself busy and burn the house down. Being in creche or not has very little to do with it.

Anyway I prefer parties in entertainment centres but last year the 8 year old one wanted it at home. He also requested no party games. It went ok, we were shattered after 20 kids ran riot around the house but I certainly didn't come across any bored ones. The downside is I was still finding popcorn in guest bedroom behind the mattress months after the party.

osarusan · 24-10-2016 02:22PM

Musketeer4 wrote: »

But....it's very cheeky and rude to come straight out and ask for money. Parents who engage in this are setting a very poor example for their children.

A gift is something that should not be asked for or expected. It should be gratefully accepted as gesture of kindness.

Anyone who does this are showing a lack of good judgement and they may actually be putting a lot of pressure on families who might be financially strained.

That's all very aspirational, but the default at the moment is that the majority of kids will bring a present/voucher, unless otherwise instructed.

So while it might come across as very direct or blunt or whatever, asking for €5 isn't some new level of greed, it's actually toning it down a bit, and is probably putting less strain on financially challenged families, who would otherwise have ended up spending more (they can always just decline anyway).

Grandeeod · 24-10-2016 02:23PM

Musketeer4 wrote: »

Wow. Just wow. Is this the stage things have gotten to?
It's crass enough when people put it on wedding invites that they just want money but now small children have started doing it too!

If I ever get an invite with an overt money request I'd make a point of giving feck all! It's the pits.

You are completely missing the point. Its known as the "€5 Party". The whole idea is to avoid the hassle of buying a gift that may be more or less expensive than another childs gift. It puts all kids attending the party on an equal footing. Its actually a very positive thing.

c68zapdsm5i1ru · 24-10-2016 02:23PM

osarusan wrote: »

But everybody who goes to the party would bring either a present or a voucher, and in either case it would cost more than €5.

That's not really the point though. You're sending your child a bad message, and not really teaching them to be grateful for any little thoughtful gift they get. It's that attitude that leads to people growing up and thinking it's okay to demand 'cash gifts only' on wedding invites.

Some people do have very little money and rely on being able to regift things, or buy brand new stuff in charity shops for next to nothing.

jakethepirate1 · 24-10-2016 02:24PM

Musketeer4 wrote: »

Wow. Just wow. Is this the stage things have gotten to?
It's crass enough when people put it on wedding invites that they just want money but now small children have started doing it too!

If I ever get an invite with an overt money request I'd make a point of giving feck all! It's the pits.

Boone Beautiful Radiotherapy wrote: »

To be honest, I don't really like the idea of asking guests to give money. I know they'd probably be spending at least a fiver anyway, but it still seems a bit utilitarian. I think children should learn to be grateful for whatever gifts they get, rather than seeing it as a way of making enough money to buy some expensive thing they're after.

But I realise I might be in the minority with this opinion, and it probably spares people a lot of hassle.

I understand how it can be seen as rude asking for money, but it was intended to cut the cost for the parents of the children attending the party. I don't think she worded it as if they must bring €5. More like, if the parents wished to give a present then €5 would be more than appreciated and that there was no need for anything more. The birthday boy knew nothing about it. For all he knew his friends came to his party and gave him €5. Out of this money he was able to buy something he really wanted.

If 20 kids in a class had a party each year it could mean huge saving for the parents. But wording on the invitation would be very important. Each to their own.

A family friend on the other hand doesn't let her son open his cards at the party but instead he has to give them to her. She counts up and takes note of what everyone has given. At his communion she was overheard complaining that they had gone to a lot of trouble for the party and that she was disgusted that some people had only given €20. She said hat friends should give €50 and family should give €100. The 8 year old bought an i-phone out of his Communion money!!

noaddedsugar · 24-10-2016 02:27PM

The mother of the birthday child shouldn't have rang the parents, I presume she did because I can't see a house full of 8 year olds having their own phones, my son is 9 and I think one of his friends has a phone. It certainly isn't the norm among his peer group. If I child came up to me at my kids birthday party and said they wanted to go home because they were bored I would have said don't be daft go play. It was her that was pandering to the children, not their parents, children whine about being bored sometimes it is just what they do. If by some chance a parent did ring me and asked me to collect my child because they were bored I would tell my child to cop on and go play with their friends. The only thing I would collect for is if my child was sick or genuinely upset for some reason.

My kids go to probably an equal number of at home parties vs play centre parties and enjoy them all, even if it is just footie in the back garden. This story sounds wildly exaggerated to me, unless your colleague lives somewhere where all children are ungrateful, parents are nuts and kids own phones, apart from their own child of course who I presume was impeccably behaved.

Walter H Price · 24-10-2016 02:34PM

my little cousin messages us occasionaly and asks if we'll take her to the zoo or somthing at a weekend because she's so sick of going to birthday parties and tbh i get it.

When i was a kid you went to maybe 5 or 6 a year (usualy your better mates from school , football or the road) but now the whole fking class gets invited so its nearly everyweeknd or second weekend that she has one on , with the same people she spends all day with in school monday-friday, i tell you now i wouldnt be arsed going hanging out in my work collegues houses for a couple of hours every second week ... go the christmas partys , BBQ's etc because theres only 3 or 4 events a year but i get how if it was every week and some weeks people you didnt even really get on with that you would get pretty fed up going.

I do feel kinda bad for the parent who had organised the party that kids looked to leave but at the same time just dont think the whole birdays thing is all that big a deal to kids as it used to be , too much of a good thing and all that.

LETHAL LADY · 24-10-2016 02:52PM

It must have been one almighty humdinger of a boring party if all the kids asked to go home.
In my many years of toing and froing to kids parties, wherever they've been held, this has never ever happened, quite the opposite in fact.
The kids are usually begging to stay for longer and it takes all kinds of persuasion to get them in the car.
No offence OP, but the story you've been told sounds like a complete exaggeration, unless there was only three children attending the party in the first place.

osarusan · 24-10-2016 03:09PM

Boone Beautiful Radiotherapy wrote: »

That's not really the point though. You're sending your child a bad message, and not really teaching them to be grateful for any little thoughtful gift they get. It's that attitude that leads to people growing up and thinking it's okay to demand 'cash gifts only' on wedding invites.

Well, let's just agree to disagree.

I don't think it sends a bad message at all to say that a parent will ask for an amount so no child feels embarrassed that their present wasn't as good/expensive as another one, and that amount will be smaller, so that it doesn't cost other families as much as usual. I don't agree at all that it leads to some kind of entitled attitude later in life.

I think it's a fairly sensible and pragmatic approach to birthday parties.

Musketeer4 · 24-10-2016 03:19PM

No, you are wrong in my opinion. I think what parents that to this are doing may contribute to a sense of entitlement and a materialistic outlook on life in time to come. I would be absolutely mortified to put something as forward and brazen as that on any party or wedding invite.

Also , and my mother would agree, I wouldn't be keen on this idea of giving 20+ kids the run of your house and having them in and out of this room and that. It;s just not the set of values and manners we were raised with. My mother helped look after a party at my sister's a month or so ago and upstairs was off limits. It's not even a thing of messing the place or damage or stuff going missing it's just a matter of privacy and manners. When I went to a friends house years ago I wouldn't dream of nosing around in guest bedrooms etc.

meeeeh · 24-10-2016 03:30PM

Musketeer4 wrote: »

No, you are wrong in my opinion. I think what parents that to this are doing may contribute to a sense of entitlement and a materialistic outlook on life in time to come. I would be absolutely mortified to put something as forward and brazen as that on any party or wedding invite.

Also , and my mother would agree, I wouldn't be keen on this idea of giving 20+ kids the run of your house and having them in and out of this room and that. It;s just not the set of values and manners we were raised with. My mother helped look after a party at my sister's a month or so ago and upstairs was off limits. It's not even a thing of messing the place or damage or stuff going missing it's just a matter of privacy and manners. When I went to a friends house years ago I wouldn't dream of nosing around in guest bedrooms etc.

There were rooms that were of limits and they stayed away from of them. Guest bedroom is not out of them. But I certainly don't expect a bunch of seven year olds sit still, sip tea and talk politely to each other.

I have a rule to buy gift for around 20 Euro. The gifts that were received are also around that amount. I don't keep track who gives gifts or doesn't give them, neither does my son (the other one is too young) but majority of us would be saving at least half if the request was 5 Euro.

Thos is typical thread about how horrible kids are today and how crass parents are when most are just trying to organize something kids will enjoy. And mostly kids do enjoy things without much adult intervention, bouncy castle or hired entertainment.

c68zapdsm5i1ru · 24-10-2016 03:44PM

noaddedsugar wrote: »

The mother of the birthday child shouldn't have rang the parents, I presume she did because I can't see a house full of 8 year olds having their own phones, my son is 9 and I think one of his friends has a phone. It certainly isn't the norm among his peer group. If I child came up to me at my kids birthday party and said they wanted to go home because they were bored I would have said don't be daft go play. It was her that was pandering to the children, not their parents, children whine about being bored sometimes it is just what they do. If by some chance a parent did ring me and asked me to collect my child because they were bored I would tell my child to cop on and go play with their friends. The only thing I would collect for is if my child was sick or genuinely upset for some reason.

My kids go to probably an equal number of at home parties vs play centre parties and enjoy them all, even if it is just footie in the back garden. This story sounds wildly exaggerated to me, unless your colleague lives somewhere where all children are ungrateful, parents are nuts and kids own phones, apart from their own child of course who I presume was impeccably behaved.

Well, obviously I wasn't there, but this colleague seemed genuinely shocked. Her daughter goes to parties regularly and she's never told a story like this before. I got the impression that the children used their own phones and the party girl's mother had no control over it.

As I said, though, I wasn't there.

BrokenArrows · 24-10-2016 03:50PM

Musketeer4 wrote: »

...

And of course i lay absolutely 110% of the blame squarely at the feet of parents. They are the ones facilitating, entertaining and even promoting this sort of thing.

...

Actually its mostly the fault of the schools. The schools encourage every kid to invite everyone in the class.

So basically every kid gets invited to 30 birthdays per year. Parents are basically forced to both host a party for everyone and also attend everyones party.

Kids are basically being protected to the point of insanity. God forbid a kid doesnt get invited to a party of a kid they are not friends with.

osarusan · 24-10-2016 03:51PM

BrokenArrows wrote: »

Actually its mostly the fault of the schools. The schools encourage every kid to invite everyone in the class.

Just my experience but I've never heard either of my children mention anything about the school encouraging them or anybody else like this.

c68zapdsm5i1ru · 24-10-2016 03:53PM

BrokenArrows wrote: »

Actually its mostly the fault of the schools. The schools encourage every kid to invite everyone in the class.

So basically every kid gets invited to 30 birthdays per year. Parents are basically forced to both host a party for everyone and also attend everyones party.

Kids are basically being protected to the point of insanity. God forbid a kid doesnt get invited to a party of a kid they are not friends with.

That's not true. They discourage inviting all of a class bar 2 or 3, and they don't agree to hand out invitations on behalf of the parents because it makes it too public as to which children are being invited and which aren't.

But they don't encourage asking the entire class to a party. A lot of teachers have children of their own and I'm sure the last thing they want to start is that kind of thing.

Winterlong · 24-10-2016 03:53PM

osarusan wrote: »

Just my experience but I've never heard either of my children mention anything about the school encouraging them or anybody else like this.

Same here. There is no way my 6 year son would be inviting yeuchy girls to his party.

diomed · 24-10-2016 03:59PM

Things have changed a little in the last 60 years.
We always spent an hour or two on Saturday morning polishing the parquet floors, vacuuming the carpets, peeling potatoes and other "activities".
If we were invited to a party it was a big thrill if we got jelly and cream, or buns.
I live beside a primary school. The east european children are going to take over this country in fifteen years, and good luck to them.

meeeeh · 24-10-2016 04:03PM

I always find that people who complain about how entitled kids are the most are those who have none. In fact they rarely even come across any.

Anatom · 24-10-2016 04:04PM

I've never seen the school get involved in anything to do with parties, except to tell parents not let their kids distribute invitations in the school grounds on the basis that some children will be upset if they didn't get one when one of their mates possibly did. At this stage its all done by text now from either my, or my wife's, 'phone to the parents of their usual crew.

On the €5 thing, I can understand that it can appear a bit crass if its done as overtly as that. However, in my daughter's group, one of the mothers decided a few years ago to take €10 off every one of the fellow invitees' parents and then organised a voucher to be bought with that money for the birthday girl. It was a great system. The child who's birthday it was got a decent voucher - usually around €80, depending on how many kids were invited - and the parents only had to fork over a tenner instead of the hassle and expense of buying something themselves. It has worked very well. I refuse to go buying presents anymore. My son was at a birthday party the other week and it took me about five minutes to get a voucher in Smyths. Job done!

I have never had anyone ring home looking to be taken away from a party either, thankfully, and I'm pretty sure I'd tell them to get on with it if one of them said they were bored. None of my kids or their friends have a 'phone, and they won't be getting one until secondary school.

c68zapdsm5i1ru · 24-10-2016 04:06PM

meeeeh wrote: »

I always find that people who complain about how entitled kids are the most are those who have none. In fact they rarely even come across any.

You're starting to sound very defensive.

ETA I really dislike this cheap argument that anyone who says a word against children obviously has no children themselves.
Do people have to be a politician to have a view on the behaviour of Ministers and TDS?
Or a hospital administrator to be entitled to have an opinion on waiting lists and people lying on trollies?
Or a dog owner if they want to voice an objection to dogs barking at night or jumping all over strangers in the park?

If children are behaving badly, or parents are encouraging and facilitating bad behaviour or rude attitudes, then anyone is entitled to comment. It's not some kind of secret/exclusive/ scenario that only parents of small children have any valid view on.

meeeeh · 24-10-2016 04:30PM

Boone Beautiful Radiotherapy wrote: »

You're starting to sound very defensive.

No just dismissive. So how many 8 year-olds do you know? And to how many kid's parties did you have to drop them to or collect them from.

c68zapdsm5i1ru · 24-10-2016 04:38PM

meeeeh wrote: »

No just dismissive. So how many 8 year-olds do you know? And to how many kid's parties did you have to drop them to or collect them from.

What exactly has that got to do with the points I've been making?

pickarooney · 24-10-2016 04:42PM

My son gets invited to these parties about twice a month but my daughter gets maybe one invite a year. Last year only one person showed up to her party. It breaks my heart to be honest and kind of wish most of them would stop inviting my son. It eats the weekend bringing them around the place and then buying some present they probably already have.

Musketeer4 · 24-10-2016 04:44PM

Everyone is just too materialistic nowadays. Parents, kids, single people.

c68zapdsm5i1ru · 24-10-2016 04:46PM

pickarooney wrote: »

My son gets invited to these parties about twice a month but my daughter gets maybe one invite a year. Last year only one person showed up to her party. It breaks my heart to be honest and kind of wish most of them would stop inviting my son. It eats the weekend bringing them around the place and then buying some present they probably already have.

That's awful. I hope your daughter wasn't too upset.

Likewise, I agree re the ferrying around to parties every weekend. The new fashion for having parties that start early and finish around lunchtime is quite welcome. It means you have the rest of the day to yourself, with the party done and dusted by about 1 o'clock.

c68zapdsm5i1ru · 24-10-2016 04:47PM

Musketeer4 wrote: »

Everyone is just too materialistic nowadays. Parents, kids, single people.

You have a point there. You'd think everyone would have learnt something after the spectacular crash a few years ago. But an awful lot seem to be just waiting in the wings for the go ahead to go mad again.

Musketeer4 · 24-10-2016 04:51PM

Dead right. Too much emphasis on stuff. I look at the amount of stuff my nieces have around the house. There are literally minor avalanche risks in various parts of the house with the amount of things they have. The vast bulk of it is never bothered with and might have accumulated through appeasement of melt downs or via gifts at birthdays.

When I was a kid we had much less stuff but we were always outside wrecking around the farm, messing playing hurling or football or hide and seek in the bales etc etc.

meeeeh · 24-10-2016 04:52PM

Boone Beautiful Radiotherapy wrote: »

What exactly has that got to do with the points I've been making?

Because they are exactly the points someone who doesn't know any eight year-olds would be making. They are generalizations that look nice written down.

Kids (including mine) are annoying, loud, spoiled and sometimes rude. I have yet to find one 8 year old that owns a mobile phone or one that requested to be collected early from party unless there is some sort of a fight among them. But at the same time not all of them will enjoy games, they will just entertain themselves with something else.

Children's Parties.

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