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HOW MUCH/WHAT DO I GIVE AS A WEDDING PRESENT (2015/16 RELOAD) READ POST #1 FIRST

  • 17-10-2015 5:10am
    #1
    Toots
    Administrators, Business & Finance Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 16,905 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭


    Hi folks!

    I thought it might be a good idea to re-do this thread once per year to keep the answers as current as possible. Particularly as jobs markets/economy etc can hugely influence how much/what people give as a gift.

    The previous thread (now locked) and poll results can be seen by clicking HERE.

    In light of a few issues raised on the last thread, this year's options have changed slightly, to include an option for weddings abroad.

    Same thread rules as last year apply:
    Toots wrote: »
    So here's the deal with this thread:

    Vote on the poll and/or comment on the thread with what/how much you give on average. That's it, no opinions on what should or shouldn't be given, what is the "norm", what's stingey or what's over the top.


    Here's an example of the type of answer that's ok:

    "If going as a couple we give €100, but if it's a close family member we give €200. When we got married, the average cash gift we got was about €150."



    Here's an example of the type of answers that are not ok and will get you either infracted, or banned from the forum:



    "I always give at least €250 when I go to a wedding. If it was a sibling or close family member, I'd give €500. IMO this is the absolute least that anyone should give. People who give less than this are just scabby and shouldn't bother coming to the wedding at all if they can't afford to bring a decent present. Everyone should cover their plate and then extra so the bride and groom aren't in debt after the big day."
    or

    "I usually give an argos value range toaster or else €20 in a card. I'm not going to line their pockets just because they're throwing an overpriced party. They should just be grateful I'm there at all, I hate weddings. If they think they can cover the cost of the wedding with gifts they've got another think coming. Greedy feckers."


    We'd ask that posters give this a go and adhere to the above, this way it will be much easier for people looking for advice to work out what the average gift is, and then use that as a jumping off point to decide what they want to give. It can be very hard for a poster to get a straight answer when they've got to wade through 5 pages of arguing to try and find figures.

    If anyone has any questions, just drop myself or Iguana a PM

    Thanks guys!

    What's the average wedding gift that you give? (please select all that apply to you) 466 votes

    Friend/extended family - €50
    0% 0 votes
    Friend/extended family - €100
    2% 10 votes
    Friend/extended family - €150 to €200
    12% 59 votes
    Friend/extended family - more than €200
    13% 61 votes
    Friend/extended family - other gift ie: glasses, photo frame, etc
    1% 7 votes
    Friend/extended family - other gift + cash
    1% 8 votes
    Immediate/close family/friend - €50
    1% 9 votes
    Immediate/close family/friend - €100
    0% 3 votes
    Immediate/close family/friend - €150 to €200
    3% 14 votes
    Immediate/close family/friend - more than €200
    9% 46 votes
    Immediate/close family/friend - other gift ie: glasses, photo frame, etc
    10% 47 votes
    Immediate/close family/friend - other gift + cash
    0% 3 votes
    Afters only - gave card only
    1% 8 votes
    Afters only - cash or other gift up to €50
    3% 15 votes
    Afters only - cash or other gift up to €100
    10% 47 votes
    Wedding abroad - did not give gift
    1% 6 votes
    Wedding abroad - €50 to €100
    2% 11 votes
    Wedding abroad - €150 to €200
    5% 24 votes
    Wedding abroad - more than €200
    3% 14 votes
    Wedding abroad - other gift ie: glasses, photo frame, etc
    0% 3 votes
    Did not attend - gave cash
    2% 12 votes
    Did not attend - gave other gift ie: glasses, photo frame, etc
    1% 8 votes
    Did not attend - gave card only
    3% 14 votes
    I paid for part of the wedding ie: car, DJ, flowers, cake, etc
    7% 34 votes
    I helped out with the wedding ie: made the cake, did the flowers, loaned my car, etc
    0% 3 votes


Comments

  • #2
    roseagra
    Registered Users Posts: 125 ✭✭roseagra


    Any thoughts on attending a wedding when unemployed? I also have a +1 for OH but don't want to put expense on him. I know my friend would be happy with anything but I also want to make sure that we aren't 'costing' them for being there. What is the average meal cost for weddings these days? (I'm sure it can vary). My plan will always be to treat them when I'm earning again. rgds


  • #3
    messynessie
    Registered Users Posts: 126 ✭✭messynessie


    I would still say only give what you can afford. For my wedding I don't have an expectation of what people have to give, OH has a story about how disgusted he is that a relative only gave €40 in a card, in my opinion that's still fine but I would have appreciated a €20 present more as a bit more thought goes into it. I do hate the idea that someone would be worrying about whether their gift is good enough though and I think any friend would. You could give a gift where the monetary value isn't as obvious if that would make you feel more comfortable?
    I've recently bought a beautiful personalized piece with the bride and grooms names and the date written in ogham on copper mounted in a frame. The couple absolutely loved it and it only cost €30.

    For us usually we would give 100-200 depending on what we can afford when attending the full wedding, this could be cash or a combination of cash and present or all present depending on the couple.
    For an evening it would be a present or 50 in a card but usually a present worth less than 50.
    If we can't go we will send a card and perhaps a small gift if the couple are close.
    This is based on both of us working full time with 1 small one, we were more generous when she wasn't here and less generous when I wasn't working.


  • #4
    XxMCRxBabyxX
    Moderators, Education Moderators Posts: 7,439 Mod ✭✭✭✭XxMCRxBabyxX


    Just wondering what people would think is reasonable for an uncle to give when the wedding is abroad and is expensive to get to and stay in? I know that family are expected to give more but my family aren't exactly flush with cash at the moment and this wedding is already costing us an absolute fortune. I was thinking that if my boyfriend and I went in with my parents we could make the amount look a bit bigger but we're not loaded either. Would €150/€200 from the four of us be alright?


  • #5
    Faith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,654 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    For a wedding abroad, I'd give a very small gift. It costs so much to attend that it's certainly a case of your presence being the gift.


  • #6
    Toots
    Administrators, Business & Finance Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 16,905 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Toots


    XxMCRxBabyxX wrote: »
    Just wondering what people would think is reasonable for an uncle to give when the wedding is abroad and is expensive to get to and stay in? I know that family are expected to give more but my family aren't exactly flush with cash at the moment and this wedding is already costing us an absolute fortune. I was thinking that if my boyfriend and I went in with my parents we could make the amount look a bit bigger but we're not loaded either. Would €150/€200 from the four of us be alright?

    That's a very generous gift for a wedding abroad. I agree with Faith, when you've got to travel long distance to attend a wedding it's really more of a token gift to hand on the day, your presence is your present.


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  • #7
    donegal.
    Registered Users Posts: 4,635 ✭✭✭donegal.


    whats an appropriate amount for a bridesmaid or bestman/groomsman to give?


  • #8
    Toots
    Administrators, Business & Finance Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 16,905 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Toots


    Being a bridesmaid or groomsman doesn't mean you've to give more/less than you'd usually give. When I've done bridesmaid we just gave the present we'd normally have given, same when I got married myself.


  • #9
    Conor Bourke
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 17,423 ✭✭✭✭Conor Bourke


    Havent been solo at a wedding in ages now. It's that of a close friend. Would €100 be the usual amount?


  • #10
    mcgiggles
    Registered Users Posts: 1,224 ✭✭✭mcgiggles


    Cornelius Crow wrote: »
    Havent been solo at a wedding in ages now. It's that of a close friend. Would 100 be the usual amount?

    I haven't been solo to a wedding myself in years, but I would think myself that's a reasonable amount to give!


  • #11
    GingerLily
    Registered Users Posts: 4,767 ✭✭✭GingerLily


    That's more than enough, generous in my opinion


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  • #12
    Addle
    Registered Users Posts: 4,812 ✭✭✭Addle


    What about second weddings?
    Do different 'expectations' apply?


  • #13
    GingerLily
    Registered Users Posts: 4,767 ✭✭✭GingerLily


    Second weddings are half the usual rate, so 50 in this case, unless it's a first wedding for one of the couple, then it's 75

    I joke obviously!!


  • #14
    mcgiggles
    Registered Users Posts: 1,224 ✭✭✭mcgiggles


    hahaha GingerLily I started reading and was like ???? :P:P:D


  • #15
    Jellybaby1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,108 ✭✭✭Jellybaby1


    If you receive an invite to an evening reception and don't go, would you still buy a present?


  • #16
    GingerLily
    Registered Users Posts: 4,767 ✭✭✭GingerLily


    Jellybaby1 wrote: »
    If you receive an invite to an evening reception and don't go, would you still buy a present?

    There's no obligation to give a gift for an evening invite, it's totally up to you.

    I wouldn't give a gift anywhere near as generous to an evening invite as to a fill day wedding personally. What do you want to give them? If the answer is nothing then there's your answer!!!


  • #17
    Jellybaby1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,108 ✭✭✭Jellybaby1


    Thank you for replying. Just didn't know about the etiquette or what might be expected. I'm thinking of giving something small now but no idea what.


  • #18
    quickbeam
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 16,287 Mod ✭✭✭✭quickbeam


    Two questions. Firstly, if you voted, say €100 for a friend / extended family, would that be per guest? IE, if a couple are attending, or a single person bringing a +1, is the amount doubled?

    Secondly, how's the best way to give such an amount? Is writing a cheque okay? If so, does it be addressed to both of the couple, or just the one on who's side you're on? Or would a voucher, something ubiquitous like a One-For-All, be a better option?

    Thanks.


  • #19
    donegal.
    Registered Users Posts: 4,635 ✭✭✭donegal.


    €100 total, cash, with a card, to the best man, at reception.


  • #20
    itsme2015
    Registered Users Posts: 16 ✭itsme2015


    quickbeam wrote: »
    Two questions. Firstly, if you voted, say €100 for a friend / extended family, would that be per guest? IE, if a couple are attending, or a single person bringing a +1, is the amount doubled?

    Secondly, how's the best way to give such an amount? Is writing a cheque okay? If so, does it be addressed to both of the couple, or just the one on who's side you're on? Or would a voucher, something ubiquitous like a One-For-All, be a better option?

    Thanks.

    If you're writing a cheque, better off writing it out to one of them. If they don't have a joint account they might have issues lodging it if you write it out to both


  • #21
    quickbeam
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 16,287 Mod ✭✭✭✭quickbeam


    Thanks, I gave cash as donegal. suggested.


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  • #22
    Atlantic Dawn
    Registered Users Posts: 81,073 ✭✭✭✭Atlantic Dawn
    M


    quickbeam wrote: »
    Secondly, how's the best way to give such an amount? Is writing a cheque okay? If so, does it be addressed to both of the couple, or just the one on who's side you're on? Or would a voucher, something ubiquitous like a One-For-All, be a better option?

    Thanks.

    Cash is best, anything else has issues and terms and conditions.


  • #23
    jos28
    Registered Users Posts: 7,189 ✭✭✭jos28


    It was so much easier back in the olden days when I got married. We were all starting out, setting up home and were delighted to get presents. The usual thing was to find out what the couple needed and buy that item.Dinnerware, pots/pans, electrical goods etc. Sometimes friends clubbed together to buy larger items such as fridges, washing machines....
    I know that's no longer feasible and cash is king but it feels so impersonal.
    I always have this image of the newly married couple up in the bridal suite counting large amounts of cash and figuring out if they broke even or made a profit.


  • #24
    Lucena
    Registered Users Posts: 1,304 ✭✭✭Lucena


    I'm coming from abroad for my brother's wedding at the end of next year, bringing my other half. So I'll obviously have all the following expenses:

    Flights
    Possibly car rental
    Wedding clothes (neither of us have anything suitable at the moment)
    Hotel room
    Other misc expenses that I haven't thought of yet!

    So overall, looking at at least a grand.

    I was thinking that our presence would be sufficient, with maybe a small personal gift (along the lines of the Ogham stone mentioned earlier).

    Would that be enough, or would cash still be expected?


  • #25
    Toots
    Administrators, Business & Finance Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 16,905 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Toots


    In those circumstances I'd say a small personal gift would be plenty.


  • #26
    mcgiggles
    Registered Users Posts: 1,224 ✭✭✭mcgiggles


    When I was living in Canada I came home for my sisters wedding and like that it cost a bomb for everything, I put a few bob in a card but it was nothing like what I would have given to her if I had been living at home. It might have been 100euro or something between the 2 of us... I can't remember how much it was exactly as we bought them currency for their honeymoon.. My sister understood! We'll have people coming over from Canada to our wedding and I'm actually thinking of putting on their invite some thing along the lines of the "your presence is our present" kinda spiel.. They are taking time off work/ away from family to travel across the world to come to our wedding it'll cost enough without having to worry about more money.. If they got us a card I'd be delighted with it!
    Sorry didn't really answer your question there... I think a small personal gift would be fine, I'd have no issues with that if I was the person getting married :)


  • #27
    bee06
    Registered Users Posts: 4,514 ✭✭✭bee06


    jos28 wrote: »
    It was so much easier back in the olden days when I got married. We were all starting out, setting up home and were delighted to get presents. The usual thing was to find out what the couple needed and buy that item.Dinnerware, pots/pans, electrical goods etc. Sometimes friends clubbed together to buy larger items such as fridges, washing machines....
    I know that's no longer feasible and cash is king but it feels so impersonal.
    I always have this image of the newly married couple up in the bridal suite counting large amounts of cash and figuring out if they broke even or made a profit.

    My parents have about 6 dinner sets they got at their wedding which have been used about 4 times in 35 years along with electrical gifts that were never used. To be honest, they would have had more use for the cash spent on those gifts back then as well.


  • #28
    jos28
    Registered Users Posts: 7,189 ✭✭✭jos28


    bee06 wrote: »
    My parents have about 6 dinner sets they got at their wedding which have been used about 4 times in 35 years along with electrical gifts that were never used. To be honest, they would have had more use for the cash spent on those gifts back then as well.

    I know you're right bee, it makes much more sense to give cash and not end up with 6 toasters :D. I still can't help thinking that money is so impersonal.I like buying presents, I like researching what the person would like and putting a bit of effort in, not just for weddings. I suppose it might be helped if the bride and groom let you know what they spent your cash on. We got a lovely thank you card from a wedding we attended last year with a photo of their lovely new fireplace - they put our money towards it and it was a lovely gesture.


This discussion has been closed.
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