He forgot about our date. Did I overreact?

LegacyUser · 17-10-2016 10:17PM #1

I've gone on 3 dates with a guy I met on Tinder. They all went well and he seems to like me, and I like him.

So last week we made plans to go for food on Saturday. I left it in such a way that he would pick a place and time.

A few days went by and I hadn't heard from him which I thought was a bad sign. As the hours passed on Saturday, I still didn't hear from him. So by the time it got too late to go for food, I messaged him asking what happened. I guess this was a bit immature as I could have messaged him earlier and it all could have been figured out.

He said to me he had totally forgotten about our date because he was sick for 2 days. I got pretty annoyed because we had made plans and 4 days had gone by and he hadn't even thought of messaging me.

I let him know that I felt he was leading me on which he denies and wants to reschedule. When he messages me it he always tells me he likes me and wants to go on more dates, but his actions say otherwise so I'm really confused!

I left it in such a way that there may not be a 4th date. Did I overreact? I guess I can understand if someone is sick they may have their mind elsewhere, but I would have thought that after 4 days of no contact he might have thought to message me

Heat_Wave · 17-10-2016 11:42PM

He could easily have sent you a text. I'd move on if I were you. Red flags after three dates is not a good sign.

leggo · 18-10-2016 03:49AM

I wouldn't even start getting ready for a date until I had a place and time nailed down. If it was a vague plan and nothing was followed up on, I'd either text myself or leave it depending on how much I was interested. But it sounds like you guys had little more than "let's do lunch" plans. I'd give it another go if I were you, but make a mental note and if there's any more incidents like this your instincts will have been correct.

Magown3 · 18-10-2016 04:31AM

Why is it his fault 4 days went by without contact?
Is your phone only able to receive messages or something?

He was sick during those days and YOU never contacted HIM to see how he was.... There's 2 sides to every story.

Honestly though, neither of you are interested in the other if that length of time went by with no contact

Tilly · 18-10-2016 04:36AM

Why didn't you message him?

racso1975 · 18-10-2016 08:55AM

Stop with the game op. If you like somebody text if not then don't. If the chap was sick he was sick. Given ye both like each other do as leggo says and try again. Maybe also take a bit of proactive ownership over your dating/relationship life.

SB_Part2 · 18-10-2016 08:58AM

If he was that interested he wouldn't have forgotten.

I'd move on.

HandsomeDan · 18-10-2016 08:59AM

Dump him. He obviously doesn't care about you.

Meauldsegosha · 18-10-2016 09:18AM

Yes I do think your overreacted.

overreaction wrote: »

So by the time it got too late to go for food, I messaged him asking what happened. I guess this was a bit immature as I could have messaged him earlier and it all could have been figured out.

This wasn't a bit immature, it was very immature and game playing. You had loose plans to meet on Saturday, you could have contacted him a lot earlier in the day to firm up the arrangements. By leaving it too late you were looking for an excuse to text him and have a go at him.

Did you text him during the four days of no contact? If not, why not? It shouldn't always be up to the man to initiate contact. If he was sick, give him a break, you arrange the next date and see how it goes.

tomwaterford · 18-10-2016 09:21AM

Maybe he did genuinely forget.....it's easy happen like even without being sick

padd b1975 · 18-10-2016 09:24AM

Not really a deal breaker as there's a certain amount of fault on both sides.

One thing I would try to do is cut back on the text contact.
Phone each other, you'll learn a lot more much faster about each other by doing this.

panda100 · 18-10-2016 09:48AM

tomwaterford wrote:

Maybe he did genuinely forget.....it's easy happen like even without being sick

While I think the op should have texted much earlier than she did, i don't believe that anyone could genuinely 'forget' to meet someone that they have just started seeing. If you like someone you want to see them and don't get memory lapses about meeting them, unless his sickness was some type of concussion!

Op, I have never forgotten to meet someone I'm genuinely interested in, I would move on from this guy if I was you.

Bandana boy · 18-10-2016 09:59AM

This is really such a small issue , Dude explained himself , take him at his word and carry on.
If this becomes a trend then act on it but in the interim being so high maintenance could easily be a flag for him .

Tigger99 · 18-10-2016 12:31PM

High maintenance that she's annoyed he forgot a date? Lol.

Op I've had one or two guys forget dates. I soon learnt that if someone does want to meet you they don't forget dates or disappear for a few days. Any one I gave the benefit of the doubt to disappear a date or two later. The decent guys have manners. This guy obviously doesn't.

Bandana boy · 18-10-2016 12:34PM

Tigger99 wrote: »

High maintenance that she's annoyed he forgot a date? Lol.

Op I've had one or two guys forget dates. I soon learnt that if someone does want to meet you they don't forget dates or disappear for a few days. Any one I gave the benefit of the doubt to disappear a date or two later. The decent guys have manners. This guy obviously doesn't.

High maintenance that she accused him of lying and leading her on , when he just explained he was sick.

Might not be high maintenance to you but 3 dates in i would run a mile from that response ,no issue with her being annoyed or disappointed.

Also Men are usually just a little slow or preoccupied when they make a mistake and rarely some ulterior motive or master-plan to destroy you.

woodchuck · 18-10-2016 12:36PM

I'd give him the benefit of the doubt... ONCE. To be fair, he was sick... that's a pretty legitimate excuse. And it's not as if he stood you up, he just didn't follow up with you to tie down a plan.

And as others have said, why didn't YOU contact HIM in 4 days? There's a bit of a pair of you in it if you ask me

bucketybuck · 18-10-2016 12:59PM

I'm a guy, and you simply don't forget about a girl you have just had 3 dates with. Being sick is no excuse either, how sick was he that he couldn't send a simple text?

Let's be honest, he remembered you all right, he just didn't really want to go out right then so decided to play dumb. It doesn't mean he doesn't like you, but it does indicate just how much he does like you, I guarantee that if he was really into you he would have been in touch.

Short version, he didn't forget, he just didn't contact you.

Xterminator · 18-10-2016 01:34PM

OP i think you are overreacting.

Let him make it up to you- problem solved. If it happens again, dump him. simples.

SteM · 18-10-2016 01:40PM

Do him a favour and dump him OP. Also, the next time you meet a bloke you like try to be a bit more mature about things. People have other things happening in their lives, you can't be the sole thing someone concentrates on 24/7.

Smile111 · 18-10-2016 02:11PM

Sorry OP, He didn't just forget about your date. He just wasn't interested enough.

I had a date with a guy one eve and he was able to ring me the morning of it to explain to me he was sick and would not be able to make the date in the evening.

Being sick is not an excuse not to be able to use your phone.

Forget him OP, He actually did you a favour.

woodchuck · 18-10-2016 02:51PM

Smile111 wrote: »

Being sick is not an excuse not to be able to use your phone.

What excuse did the OP have for not using HER phone for 4 days??

SteM · 18-10-2016 02:54PM

woodchuck wrote: »

What excuse did the OP have for not using HER phone for 4 days??

Games, simple as.

The Wolverine · 18-10-2016 03:52PM

This could be very simple

1. Hes not bothered

Or

2. Maybe he wasn't sure if you were too into him so hoped you'd either text him first some day or maybe suggest a place, I would go with this one for now and see but if he does it again you'll know it's number 1

Good luck

Koptain Liverpool · 18-10-2016 04:51PM

Bloody hell.

Is this over-analytical nonsense really the way you all go on nowadays?

OP -
How about doing things the old fashioned way - give it another go, if it happens multiple times then he's probably not interested.

How the hell does anyone on boards now what the story with him is?

LegacyUser · 18-10-2016 07:35PM

Magown3 wrote: »

Why is it his fault 4 days went by without contact?
Is your phone only able to receive messages or something?

He was sick during those days and YOU never contacted HIM to see how he was.... There's 2 sides to every story.

Honestly though, neither of you are interested in the other if that length of time went by with no contact

I guess I didn't message him because I seemed to be doing a lot of the initiating contact. I was waiting for him to take the lead. That could be seen as me playing games, but I wanted to get an idea of how interested he was in me. It may have been a bit childish, but in my silly mind it seemed like the right thing to do at the time.

bucketybuck wrote: »

I'm a guy, and you simply don't forget about a girl you have just had 3 dates with. Being sick is no excuse either, how sick was he that he couldn't send a simple text?

Let's be honest, he remembered you all right, he just didn't really want to go out right then so decided to play dumb. It doesn't mean he doesn't like you, but it does indicate just how much he does like you, I guarantee that if he was really into you he would have been in touch.

Short version, he didn't forget, he just didn't contact you.

I can understand that. I suppose that's not the worst thing. I'm sure most relationships don't begin with both parties being head over heels for each other and it takes time to build that desire. Is it so bad that one side is more interested than the other?

I may have been overly dramatic in my reaction, but it just makes me feel like I'm wasting my time with him if he's not that bothered about messaging me or arranging another date. I get caught up in my thoughts and now I may have thrown away the first potential relationship in a long while.

It's just that I see so much dating "advice" I never know what to do. If I don't text him first, I'm playing games. If I text him first, I'm at his beck and call. If I tell him this upset me, I'm too emotional. If I don't, I'm letting him walk all over me. Everyone seems to have different views!

leggo · 18-10-2016 10:22PM

Well don't go with broad dating advice then. Decide for yourself: do you believe he's not that into you or that he genuinely forgot? Do you want to see him again? Do you feel he's not pulling his weight already in terms of making contact etc? You're the one in the situation, we're all just guessing and giving our own thoughts based on the info you've given us, you actually know this person and are in a much better position to judge for yourself

There's something to be said for a lot of the points you made, even if they seem contradictory in a list, but the problem comes when you start to devise a strategy around basic human interaction and think yourself into oblivion. It's not that complicated, just go with how you really feel, don't be afraid to lose someone or settle for less to keep someone interested (if you're unhappy early on that's unlikely to get better), and have fun rather than stressing yourself out. When you're only dating, if it's not fun, it's generally not worth it.

Heat_Wave · 19-10-2016 05:57AM

overreaction wrote: »

I guess I didn't message him because I seemed to be doing a lot of the initiating contact. I was waiting for him to take the lead.

If this is the case then he's definitely not interested OP. Be strong and don't text him. You want someone that wants to text you. This guy clearly isn't him.

Jan Laco · 19-10-2016 06:20AM

Heat_Wave wrote: »

If this is the case then he's definitely not interested OP. Be strong and don't text him. You want someone that wants to text you. This guy clearly isn't him.

Be strong? By not texting? Are you for real? Is denying yourself opportunities in life is strength? The OP is interested enough to ask for advice about him but didn't text him...so your 'he didn't text isn't interested' theory does not equate. How do you know he isn't interested?

There was no plans in place op and the guy was sick. It's not going to hurt for you to try a little harder just to see. Sometimes you have to reach out yourself as things aren't always handed out on a plate.

LegacyUser · 19-10-2016 06:23AM

I started seeing a guy about a year ago. I was pretty cautious because of how much I'd been hurt before.

I didn't initiate much of the early dates because to be honest I was scared of how much I liked him.

He could have assumed that I wasn't interested, and if he hadn't pushed me sometimes I probably wouldn't have followed up. If at any point he had sent me a text a while after it was too late to do anything giving me hassle I would have been gone like a shot.

The reality is we are now a year into the best relatio ship either of us has ever had and we're very much in love.

My point is that him not initiating contact all the time could be for many reasons, it may not be that he wasn't interested but in the same way that you were trying to gauge his interest he was trying to gauge yours. 4 days does seem a bit long without contact but rather than send a snotty text I would have just left it all together or text him and let him suggest the date again.

Sending those kind of texts in the early days would be enough for me not to continue with any sort of attempt at a relationship because I would see it as a sign of things to come.

marklazarcovic · 19-10-2016 06:26AM

Maybe he was not sick but it was a convenient way to cover for a different issue he wasn't comfortable discussing with you,obviously one serious enough to distract him fully.

Or not.

vandriver · 19-10-2016 07:42AM

How about....loose plans for Saturday...guy gets sick and booking a restaurant is the last thing on his mind.....gets better.....he's left it too late to book anywhere.....thinks 'this will look like I don't care'...goes for the fallback 'I was sick and forgot'..... Doesn't get away with it.

People make mistakes.Ring him.Talk to him.

He forgot about our date. Did I overreact?

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