He forgot about our date. Did I overreact?

Pawwed Rig

Heat_Wave wrote: »

If this is the case then he's definitely not interested OP. Be strong and don't text him. You want someone that wants to text you. This guy clearly isn't him.

More games is the answer then? Good grief.

OP you had 3 dates. You barely know the guy. Relax and enjoy meeting/dating before cranking up the presssure.

kippy

Koptain Liverpool wrote: »

Bloody hell.

Is this over-analytical nonsense really the way you all go on nowadays?

OP -
How about doing things the old fashioned way - give it another go, if it happens multiple times then he's probably not interested.

How the hell does anyone on boards now what the story with him is?

100 percent agree with this. This entire thread is worrying.

lawred2

These waiting by the phone for text messages stories are so lame. If you like someone and want to engage with them then why not send a text yourself.

Childish game playing.

sadie1502

For me personally it would be a deal breaker. I remember when I first started dating my boyfriend we were always looking forward to our dates. I'd never forget and neither would he. If he really was that interested he would have clarified if ye were meeting or not.

sbsquarepants

Heat_Wave wrote: »

If this is the case then he's definitely not interested OP. Be strong and don't text him. You want someone that wants to text you. This guy clearly isn't him.

Jesus Christ, what is wrong with people these days.

This be strong, don't text bollox applies only to her but not to him I presume? She needs to be strong, and he needs to be needy - is that your advice? What if he is "being strong" too. I 've rarely heard such rubbish.

NEITHER of them contacted the other - but blame can only flow one way, from the "strong" to the weak? This is absolute primadonna bullshít if ever I heard it.

Sometimes people forget things, you could very easily have reminded him, but you didn't. So all we know for certain is that you DID remember but done nothing about it. He may have, he may not have, we just don't know.

OP if you like the guy, make another date, shít happens sometimes, it's not like he stood you up at the altar!
If you aren't that interested, then don't, move on and forget about it. It doesn't matter in any way what anyone else thinks you should do, just think for yourself and do what you want to!

Heat_Wave

Jan Laco wrote: »

Be strong? By not texting? Are you for real? Is denying yourself opportunities in life is strength? The OP is interested enough to ask for advice about him but didn't text him...so your 'he didn't text isn't interested' theory does not equate. How do you know he isn't interested?

OP just said she initiates all contact. It shouldn't be a one way street in dating. He obviously is not that bothered (sorry OP). Also, the OP obviously cares enough to the point that she posted this thread, hence I said 'be strong' as in 'don't dwell on it'.

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

More games is the answer then? Good grief.

Who said anything about 'games'? I'm suggesting the OP move on with her life, zero mention of playing games.

osarusan

OP, you can decide that he's playing games, and couldn't just have forgotten your date even if he was sick, and therefore he isn't really interested, and you can end it.

Or you can decide that hey, he was sick, so let's just organise another date and see what happens. You like him and thought he liked you.

With the former, it's over, even though it sounds like you don't really want it to be, and you're not sure if he does either.

With the latter, you will have a chance to see how things fare in the future.

I know which I'd choose.

njs030

I think you need to relax a bit op. Your post about all the conflicting dating advice hurt my head so I can't imagine how yours feels!

Stop trying to play games and have strategies, dating is fun not war! We all like to be around people that make us feel good and happy (I say this a lot!) so concentrate on that not on who texts who more. Stop point scoring and enjoy it or there won't be anything to enjoy!

It's highly likely he was so sick he did forget, there's a nasty flu going around. The poor thing might need a bit of sympathy

MeatTwoVeg

Nobody's so sick they can't text.
I'd forget about him.

Magicmatilda

MeatTwoVeg wrote: »

Nobody's so sick they can't text.

Exactly and what sort of illness causes forgetfulness anyway, beyond amnesia. If he was in hospital and unconscious, fair enough, but neither a cold nor a stomach bug, nor even the flu would affect my memory and cause me to forget I had a date. Very strange. To be honest someone that forgetful would probably annoy me anyway, sure you could never be sure he would remember to be anywhere!

Nah, not for me.

Anyway I doubt he did forget, nor was he too sick to text, you just weren't a priority OP.

vandriver

Why is the default position on this forum to ditch him/her?

njs030

Magicmatilda wrote: »

Anyway I doubt he did forget, nor was he too sick to text, you just weren't a priority OP.

Who expects to be a priority after 3 dates!

Is it just me or is there some seriously high maintenance people on boards?

GuessWhoEh

overreaction wrote:

I left it in such a way that there may not be a 4th date. Did I overreact? I guess I can understand if someone is sick they may have their mind elsewhere, but I would have thought that after 4 days of no contact he might have thought to message me

I was in the same boat last year. Arranged to meet up with a guy and he never wrote. I done the same thing, didn't text him because in my head, he didn't text me. I can see why you were annoyed. I was as well. In the end, I didn't bother with him. My advice, just move along. Granted, he says he was sick. That's fair enough but there's no point in sticking around. If he didn't even contact you during his sickness with a slight warning of cancelation then you didn't accure to him in his mind.

bucketybuck

notjustsweet wrote: »

Who expects to be a priority after 3 dates!

There is priority, and then there is basic manners.

Its all a moot point anyway, as has already been said he did not forget about it, no chance whatsoever.

Plenty of debate about the implications and what should happen next but that fact might as well be accepted. He didn't forget.

arayess

Tigger99 wrote: »

High maintenance that she's annoyed he forgot a date? Lol.

Op I've had one or two guys forget dates. I soon learnt that if someone does want to meet you they don't forget dates or disappear for a few days. Any one I gave the benefit of the doubt to disappear a date or two later. The decent guys have manners. This guy obviously doesn't.

100%

OP I'm a guy and I'll tell you one thing no guy I've ever known has forgotten about a date he had with a girl he was in to.
unless he is a spa

I don't understand the people who are saying you over reacted...
he let you down and there is no escaping that.

If he was trying to impress you at the dating stage he failed badly.
If he wasn't trying to impress then he isn't worth it.

batmanrobin

bucketybuck wrote: »

There is priority, and then there is basic manners.

Its all a moot point anyway, as has already been said he did not forget about it, no chance whatsoever.

Plenty of debate about the implications and what should happen next but that fact might as well be accepted. He didn't forget.

Yes, I don't think anyone would expect to be a priority after 3 dates, but you'd expect to at least be on the person's mind. Not them obsessing about you, but just popping into their heads. Certainly enough to text.

If it's a case that she's the one doing all the initiating it doesn't look good. She shouldn't have to chase him. It should be a bit more mutual but it sounds lopsided.

OP, I was going on a first date with a guy before. Really liked him but in the week leading up to date I got really sick. Enough to miss work etc. I didn't forget to text him cancelling. In fact I made sure to rearrange there and then as I didn't want him to think I was blowing him off.

IMO, it seems to be the case that people don't forget about the things they really care about. Whether that's going on a date or hobbies or anything really. In general, when someone cares about something it's pretty evident in their actions.

That being said, it could be he's genuine. Why not try once more but proceed with caution? If you don't get much back from him, then maybe call it a day.

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.

woodchuck

FizzleSticks wrote: »

I was in a car accident laying on a trolley barely able to move and still managed to text the guy I was seeing to a cancel an upcoming date. And I wasn't even that into him. You don't just forget unless you just don't care, mix up the dates maybe but just completely forget to text you? Unlikely.

The key part is in bold; you guys had an actual plan. This pair just had a vague plan to meet up on Saturday, but nothing pinned down. As much of the onus is on the OP as the guy to text and come up with an actual plan.

bucketybuck

woodchuck wrote: »

The key part is in bold; you guys had an actual plan. This pair just had a vague plan to meet up on Saturday, but nothing pinned down. As much of the onus is on the OP as the guy to text and come up with an actual plan.

Did you read the OP?

So last week we made plans to go for food on Saturday. I left it in such a way that he would pick a place and time.

No, the onus is not the same for both of them, she did come up with a plan, the onus was completely on the guy to have some manners and actually respond to it.

woodchuck

bucketybuck wrote: »

Did you read the OP?



No, the onus is not the same for both of them, she did come up with a plan, the onus was completely on the guy to have some manners and actually respond to it.

Yes, I did:

overreaction wrote: »

So last week we made plans to go for food on Saturday. I left it in such a way that he would pick a place and time.

Sounds like a bit of game playing to be honest. There was nothing to stop the OP texting him to ask "so, what's the plan for Saturday?". Yes it was poor form on his part, but I don't think he's 100% to blame here. To be honest it just sounds like neither of them are that into each other.

bucketybuck

woodchuck wrote: »

Yes, I did:



Sounds like a bit of game playing to be honest. There was nothing to stop the OP texting him to ask "so, what's the plan for Saturday?". Yes it was poor form on his part, but I don't think he's 100% to blame here. To be honest it just sounds like neither of them are that into each other.

Or a perfectly natural thing to do when one person starts to realise she is doing all the running.

"Do you want to meet me on Saturday and grab something to eat?"
"Sure".
"Ok, let me know where you would like to go and I'll see you there".
"Ok, chat you later".

Thats not vague mutterings, its a concrete proposal and any decent person would know full well that there was an onus on them to respond to it. Even if they were just casual friends a response would be expected, so its doubly so from two people supposed to be dating. Its a real stretch here to put the blame on anybody but the guy who didn't have the decency to even contact the girl.

Sure the OP could have been a doormat and chased after the guy, but frankly I suspect its better that she didn't, now she knows just how little this guy respects her.

leggo

Nah, to be fair, that's mild game-playing above. You invite someone out to do something then tell THEM to make the plan for you?? At best you're trying too hard to come off aloof and kinda giving the impression you don't care that much, which can easily lead to confusion like this.

If you wanna make plans with someone just make plans. If you want to text someone then just text them. If you want to know where you stand then just ask. Don't leave things flakey or then you run the risk of them being left flakey. It's not difficult.