Sexism you have personally experienced or have heard of? READ POST 1

Eric Cartman · 10-10-2016 08:36PM

JRant wrote: »

Or he could be the victim of emotional and financial abuse. He admits he gave up work and has no financial input. That can be a scary place to be if you're completely dependent on a spouse. Then when her ladyship rocks in and tells him she kissed another dude and wants extra wavin on the side he might feel like he has no option but to go along with it.

Either way it's a sad existence for anyone to have to live through. Your wan in the article comes across as a right piece of work.

Didn't think about it like that.
If you wrote an article "my husband came home one day and told me, a poor housewife, completely dependent on him, that he wanted to go off with other women while I sit in and watch the kids, Im ok with it….I suppose..." I can imagine it would cause a fair bit of outrage

Letree · 10-10-2016 08:37PM

py2006 wrote: »

Lost for words, check it out

Poor pandering guy is being taken for a fool

Can you imagine Mohammad from Pakistan in the same set up

JRant · 10-10-2016 09:34PM

Eric Cartman wrote: »

Didn't think about it like that.
If you wrote an article "my husband came home one day and told me, a poor housewife, completely dependent on him, that he wanted to go off with other women while I sit in and watch the kids, Im ok with it….I suppose..." I can imagine it would cause a fair bit of outrage

Exactly right and there would be support networks in place to help her get out of such a situation.

Nobody deserves that type of treatment in my book.

That author strikes me as someone who has no sense of worth and is being controlled. I mean deep down he can't believe the tripe he has written.

deaddonkey15 · 10-10-2016 09:36PM

Just watching First Dates and the little interlude between dates was an animated clip of a lady walking over to a man sitting at a table and slapping him in the face before walking away. This was after both the male and female of the preceding date said that they had a nice time but don't see a relationship happening.

Calhoun · 10-10-2016 09:43PM

JRant wrote: »

Or he could be the victim of emotional and financial abuse. He admits he gave up work and has no financial input. That can be a scary place to be if you're completely dependent on a spouse. Then when her ladyship rocks in and tells him she kissed another dude and wants extra wavin on the side he might feel like he has no option but to go along with it.

Either way it's a sad existence for anyone to have to live through. Your wan in the article comes across as a right piece of work.

True enough but not everyone in a tightly controlled relationship is writing articles about happy they are about it and champion feminism.

Of course it is a sad existence I dont mean to be insensitive to the guy in the article its just this type or article i see as trying to normalize crap like this as if its ok.

Pawwed Rig · 10-10-2016 10:09PM

Calhoun wrote: »

Of course it is a sad existence I dont mean to be insensitive to the guy in the article its just this type or article i see as trying to normalize crap like this as if its ok.

Some people get a kick out of being dominated and humiliated. I am guessing this guy is one of them. Nothing wrong with that imo.

kunst nugget · 10-10-2016 10:53PM

maybe

py2006 wrote: »

Lost for words, check it out

As I write this, my children are asleep in their room, Loretta Lynn is on the stereo, and my wife is out on a date with a man named Paulo. It s her second date this week; her fourth this month so far. If it goes like the others, she ll come home in the middle of the night, crawl into bed beside me, and tell me all about how she and Paulo had sex. I won t explode with anger or seethe with resentment. I ll tell her it s a hot story and I m glad she had fun. It s hot because she s excited, and I m glad because I m a feminist.

When my wife told me she wanted to open our marriage and take other lovers, she wasn t rejecting me, she was embracing herself. When I understood that, I finally became a feminist.

Poor pandering guy is being taken for a fool

When my wife showed me that video of all those naked guys around her in a circle cumming on her face, I realised then that I truly supported pay parity.

Outlaw Pete · 10-10-2016 11:06PM

That guy reminds me of comments Esther Vilar made in her book The Manipulated Man which she wrote it back in 1971. I read an English translation of it in pdf a few years ago and it's quite shocking how much of today's society she predicted as far back as that. It seems to be that more and more men are becoming like that guy. He is very much just one of the few vocal ones but I have without question heard other men saying quite similar things. To say they put women on a pedestal would be a massive understatement. I get the impression they have nothing but disdain for their own sex, maybe even are disgusted by it at some level.

I was at a dinner party of sorts last Christmas and someone mentioned Fathers4Justice and one guy there immediately went into a rant about how they are all just losers, sad bastards, assholes, no wonder they're not allowed near their kids etc etc but what I couldn't help notice is that when he was saying that stuff he was glancing around at each women in turn looking for approval. It was absolutely being said to garner some attention. Well, he got a little from me, but not the kind he was expecting I suspect. On one hand I feel sorry for guys like that but on the other, I despise them. They sicken me because they are all too willing to walk on other men for their own end, figuratively speaking. Although, perhaps to speak literally would be more apt.

GLaDOS · 10-10-2016 11:07PM

py2006 wrote: »

Lost for words, check it out

Poor pandering guy is being taken for a fool

For once the term "cuck" is actually appropriate

mzungu · 10-10-2016 11:19PM

py2006 wrote: »

Lost for words, check it out

Poor pandering guy is being taken for a fool

It is clear from that article that the only winner is that Paulo chap!

Then again, if that guy is happy then so be it. But I imagine that would be a living hell to most.

gizmo555 · 11-10-2016 07:46AM

mzungu wrote: »

Then again, if that guy is happy then so be it.

Different strokes, etc. But when he says "I'm glad because I'm a feminist" he just sounds delusional. What has this to do with feminism?

Plus, on a purely practical level, who could really be "glad" to be the spouse & sexual partner of someone you know to be as promiscuous (or as he euphemistically puts it, "profligate") as his wife? As they say, when you sleep with someone you sleep with all their previous partners. He must have huge confidence in her safe sex practices . . .

Iseedeadpixels · 11-10-2016 08:22AM

dogcat wrote: »

I know I'm in the minority but as long as the woman wouldn't mind it when the man did it, I would have no issue with it.

Same here, I wouldn't be into any form of a open relationship but my friend is and both her and the hubby can do as they please.

kunst nugget · 11-10-2016 08:24AM

maybe

gizmo555 wrote: »

Different strokes, etc. But when he says "I'm glad because I'm a feminist" he just sounds delusional. What has this to do with feminism?

I think it's the 'I'm happy with it because I'm a a feminist' justification for being a complete doormat that is the worst part of it all. He's essentially in an emotionally abusive relationship where he is being completely emasculated and he's trying to convince the world he's cool with it because he's a modern man.

um7y1h83ge06nx · 11-10-2016 08:26AM

I agree, if they both want an open relationship and are taking advantage of the fact then fair enough. However it's dressing up all this as feminism that grates.

I can't view the link here but is he meeting other people or just her?

kunst nugget · 11-10-2016 08:30AM

maybe

Darren Incalculable AcrossL wrote: »

I agree, if they both want an open relationship and are taking advantage of the fact then fair enough. However it's dressing up all this as feminism that grates.

I can't view the link here but is he meeting other people or just her?

It does work both ways and, yes, I too enjoy sexual carte blanche. I just don’t use mine as much as my wife uses hers. What’s important is equality of opportunity, not outcome.

How does it feel? It feels great ... mostly.

It sounds like she's totally sold on the idea and he isn't but he's using the article to frame it as 'I'm doing it because I respect women so much, aren't I great!?!?'

kunst nugget · 11-10-2016 08:36AM

maybe

Iseedeadpixels wrote: »

Same here, I wouldn't be into any form of a open relationship but my friend is and both her and the hubby can do as they please.

The cynic in me would think that there's always going to be one person less happy with that arrangement than the other but they make a pragmatic decision to go along with it. Great if you can make it work but I think an open relationship like that is going to end up being corrosive.

I think it's the justification that he's happy with it purely because he's a feminist that makes the whole thing slightly pathetic.

py2006 · 11-10-2016 08:57AM

I'd say she is the feminist and has brainwashed him into thinking she can do what she likes. If he objects he is a mysoginist etc etc

Notice he doesn't have any notions of being with other women himself.

Her reaction would be interesting if he did.

Wibbs · 11-10-2016 09:01AM

maybe

Outlaw Pete wrote: »

It seems to be that more and more men are becoming like that guy. He is very much just one of the few vocal ones but I have without question heard other men saying quite similar things. To say they put women on a pedestal would be a massive understatement.

Ditto.

I get the impression they have nothing but disdain for their own sex, maybe even are disgusted by it at some level.

I suspect OP that the disdain is for themselves first and then their gender comes along for the ride. No pun.

On one hand I feel sorry for guys like that but on the other, I despise them.

Double ditto. I feel disgust in the marrow for the types. The joke is women do too. They can spot they're doing it for their attention and are being dishonest about their sexual intentions. Every guy I've ever known like this either had zero female sexual relationships and if they had the women involved soon disposed them for the doormat factor. Call me old fashioned or no, but his belief that he's "still a man" doesn't sit with me.

Darren Incalculable AcrossL wrote: »

I can't view the link here but is he meeting other people or just her?

I would suspect she has said it's "open" knowing that he won't have much luck on his side. In any event him getting the odd ride wouldn't throw her that much. What would is if he started an emotional affair with another women. That's what she values him for, not his willy. She gets a stable doormat and emotional support from him while getting her sexual needs elsewhere with men who really rotate her tyres but wouldn't work in a long term scenario, precisely because the traits that turn her on would a) not give her that emotional support and b) if they started to would quickly turn her off them.

It is said that men can often have a madonna/whore complex, but I have found that kind of duality in a slightly different form can be just as prevalent in women. The bad boy/nice guy, the suburban/urban. For individuals of both genders with the extreme end of that worldview it's pretty much impossible to find both in one partner, hence one reason for affairs and "open relationships". The latter a more mutually agreed acknowledgement of this duality.

What does a guy like him get out of this? There are no pics but I would bet she's better looking than him, so he feels "lucky", or he's had zero other women in his life sexually and healthily so again feels "lucky". He may also just have a very low sex drive so that aspect doesn't matter so much to him and is happy he doesn't have to perform.

The guys she's off rutting with? I have some experience of being that "other" guy and my observations of the main men involved informs my previous opinions of them. As the other guy basically you get all the fun and none of the mundanity or emotional dramas of everyday relationships. They're always on form and "up for it", drama if present is of the romantic kind and sex is new and fresh. Like an extended holiday romance with extra subterfuge. And there's an end point. Win win for all save for the weak sap at home, though as I say they're often "happy" with the arrangement.

Pawwed Rig · 11-10-2016 09:30AM

py2006 wrote: »

Notice he doesn't have any notions of being with other women himself.

He said in the article that he gets other women but not as many as her. Ironically he uses the 'equality of opportunity rather than equality of outcome' argument that our quota loving home grown feminists would be horrified with.

DEFTLEFTHAND · 11-10-2016 11:30AM

Wow I doubt that woman holds much respect for her husband. (open marriage article)

And why would she or anyone else, a truly pathetic man.

DEFTLEFTHAND · 11-10-2016 12:20PM

kunst nugget wrote: »

I think it's the 'I'm happy with it because I'm a a feminist' justification for being a complete doormat that is the worst part of it all. He's essentially in an emotionally abusive relationship where he is being completely emasculated and he's trying to convince the world he's cool with it because he's a modern man.

He has to be one of the saddest bastards I've ever read about.

He actually turns my stomach. He's the lion in the pride who is not allowed to mate, lest he spread his weakness to the next generation.

Calhoun · 11-10-2016 04:31PM

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

He has to be one of the saddest bastards I've ever read about.

He actually turns my stomach. He's the lion in the pride who is not allowed to mate, lest he spread his weakness to the next generation.

Id say he would want to have a paternity test as from the sounds of it they might not be his kids.

iptba · 11-10-2016 06:01PM

Calhoun wrote: »

Id say he would want to have a paternity test as from the sounds of it they might not be his kids.

Though in many countries the law says the husband has the responsibilities of being a father whatever a paternity test shows (as far as I know).

Calhoun · 11-10-2016 06:09PM

iptba wrote: »

Though in many countries the law says the husband has the responsibilities of being a father whatever a paternity test shows (as far as I know).

Not my point and he is in the states so i dont think that would be the case.

iptba · 11-10-2016 06:13PM

I should have added that it is useful to know the paternity of one's supposed children, whatever one's legal responsibilities.

JRant · 11-10-2016 10:29PM

iptba wrote: »

I should have added that it is useful to know the paternity of one's supposed children, whatever one's legal responsibilities.

Surely if the child is not yours then there is no moral or legal responsibility to pay. If it happened to me then they would have a better chance of getting blood out of a stone than a single penny out of me.

Elliott S · 12-10-2016 08:29AM

Eric Cartman wrote: »

The amount of comments saying "ahh shes not here to defend herself" , there have been many cases of lads being cleared of rape charges and still being tarred with the brush for life , abd if you even dared say "sure lets get the wife beaters side of the story first" you'd be jumped on. Its sick really.

It's very wrong when people are still tarred after being cleared of allegations.

But that doesn't make if right for someone to be judged for something they can never be found guilty of. I always reserve judgement when allegations of abuse come out.

When Amber Heard accused Johnny Depp of abuse this summer, there were three camps. The one who believed her unreservedly and vilified Depp, the one which reserved judgement until more details emerged and the one that vilified her. To my mind, only one of those reactions is the right one and it's the second one. And these allegations were against someone who could defend himself. Even when Heard gave her whole settlement from Depp away, she was still hugely vilified by many.

Why would you be OK with Caroline Aherne being tarred when she can't defend herself? Surely, nobody should be tarred because of unproven accusations, male or female. Unless of course, there is a huge volume of compelling evidence, like with Savile. We only have one side of the story re: Aherne and there can be no opposing side given. Jimmy Savile is NOT a reason to now disregard innocent until proven guilty. That is an exceptional case - there is just so much compelling testimony against him from so many people. It's is very different to two people in a marriage.

Oh, and it's absolutely not true that allegations against a man of abuse will always be believed. Often they'll dismissed as "Sure, he's a sound fella, he'd never do that", especially if he has standing in the community. It's another of those "If the genders were reversed, it'd be so different" clichés that often doesn't stand up to scrutiny.

If you want fair treatment of men when it comes to abuse allegations then you should also want them for women.

NI24 · 12-10-2016 09:14AM

Elliott S wrote: »

Unless of course, there is a huge volume of compelling evidence, like with Savile. We only have one side of the story re: Aherne and there can be no opposing side given. Jimmy Savile is NOT a reason to now disregard innocent until proven guilty. That is an exceptional case - there is just so much compelling testimony against him from so many people. It's is very different to two people in a marriage.

Perhaps but perhaps not. If he was abused as he says he was then surely there were friends or family who knew about it or a record of cops being called to the house (regardless of charges being filed) or a history of violence on her part or other boyfriends coming forward and telling their story.

Look at the Cosby case. As much as I can remember, he wasn't convicted prior to the scandal that broke a while ago, but there were records of women accusing him, and several witnesses have come forward since then claiming that everybody knew about his misdeeds (doesn't say much about everybody, but whatever).

Maguined · 12-10-2016 09:16AM

Calhoun wrote: »

Id say he would want to have a paternity test as from the sounds of it they might not be his kids.

I read a reddit thread the other week about a married couple in the states. They were in an open marriage and each had multiple partners however the husband started the thread as he was unsure how to deal with his current situation. When he came back from a work trip his wife confessed she was pregnant and it was probably from one of her boyfriends as they had sex without protection while the husband was away on his work trip.

The husband was upset as though they agreed to an open relationship they both agreed to the condition of using protection. They had only recently started to talk about having children and they had already said they would only want children conceived from them both so now this has thrown the spanner into the works. The husband is upset and has told her he would not want to raise another mans child but he will not actually say he wants an abortion and the wife is saying she is unsure if she wants to carry the child or have an abortion so wants to know what the husband wants to do.

It was a very depressing thread to read because despite the fact the husband does not want the child he refuses to admit that to his wife as he doesn't want to be controlling and feels it is her decision while she feels the same and both basically do not want to make an actual decision so it is easier to try and leave the responsibility to the other. Many posters to the thread had brought up the fact that depending upon what state he was living in even if they had a paternity test performed he would still be responsible for the child if the child is born into a marriage so if he did not want to raise the child if she chose to keep it he would have to initiate separation before birth so he would not be responsible to support the child that is not his.

He had not reached any decision the last time I read it so I really need to dive back in and see what the outcome was.

https://m.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/53ga1b/me_31m_with_my_wife_32f_poly_couple_we_were/?limit=500&utm_source=mweb_redirect&compact=true

silverharp · 12-10-2016 09:28AM

Maguined wrote: »

I read a reddit thread the other week about a married couple in the states. They were in an open marriage and each had multiple partners however the husband started the thread as he was unsure how to deal with his current situation. When he came back from a work trip his wife confessed she was pregnant and it was probably from one of her boyfriends as they had sex without protection while the husband was away on his work trip.

The husband was upset as though they agreed to an open relationship they both agreed to the condition of using protection. They had only recently started to talk about having children and they had already said they would only want children conceived from them both so now this has thrown the spanner into the works. The husband is upset and has told her he would not want to raise another mans child but he will not actually say he wants an abortion and the wife is saying she is unsure if she wants to carry the child or have an abortion so wants to know what the husband wants to do.

It was a very depressing thread to read because despite the fact the husband does not want the child he refuses to admit that to his wife as he doesn't want to be controlling and feels it is her decision while she feels the same and both basically do not want to make an actual decision so it is easier to try and leave the responsibility to the other. Many posters to the thread had brought up the fact that depending upon what state he was living in even if they had a paternity test performed he would still be responsible for the child if the child is born into a marriage so if he did not want to raise the child if she chose to keep it he would have to initiate separation before birth so he would not be responsible to support the child that is not his.

He had not reached any decision the last time I read it so I really need to dive back in and see what the outcome was.

https://m.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/53ga1b/me_31m_with_my_wife_32f_poly_couple_we_were/?limit=500&utm_source=mweb_redirect&compact=true

jaysus , take away social conventions and behaviour becomes more animalistic. I didn't read the tread but ether consciously or sub consciously the wife was looking out for better genes or possibly looking for an opportunity to trade up. I hope he learned his lesson

Sexism you have personally experienced or have heard of? *READ POST 1*

Comments

Sexism you have personally experienced or have heard of? READ POST 1