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No meal choice on menu

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    #62
    oppenheimer1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,733 ✭✭✭oppenheimer1


    GingerLily wrote: »
    You would take money out of the wedding gift because the couple getting married couldn't afford the luxury of an option?

    If the couples family pay for the wedding and that allows them to provide a fillet steak and lobster options do you slip more money into the envelope?

    It may seem somewhat crass and i wouldn't think like this myself, but there are plenty of people out there who view the wedding gift as a defacto entry ticket for a "dinner dance". Considering that the standard gift these days seems to be 100 per person, most would expect to be well fed, with food they like, and entertained for that.

    From a guest experience, the most important thing is the food and the music, everything else will be forgotten about.


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    #63
    dee_mc
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,246 ✭✭✭dee_mc


    I think your menu sounds lovely.
    Yes it would be nice to have more than one choice for starter and main, but if you can't stretch to it, you can't stretch to it.
    From a practical point of view re food allergies and finnicky eaters, maybe have a word to your caterers about how the salmon starter is served (plenty of salad with the fish on the side, so people can avoid it if they wish, and plenty of bread on the table so that nobody goes hungry if they don't eat the rest of the starter!) and a gluten-free stuffing in the chicken, or at least a few portions of chicken set aside without the stuffing for coeliacs or those who choose to avoid gluten.
    Ideally you would provide loads of options to try to keep everyone happy but realistically you'll never suit everyone so just do your best and have a wonderful day!


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    #64
    testaccount123
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,023 ✭✭✭testaccount123


    Seriously, vegetable soup and chicken are not a suitable menu for people coming to a wedding, especially when they are giving you 200 euro per couple.

    I'd be looking at changing your caterer tbh.


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    #65
    rawn
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,093 ✭✭✭rawn


    testaccount123 wrote:
    Seriously, vegetable soup and chicken are not a suitable menu for people coming to a wedding, especially when they are giving you 200 euro per couple.


    How do you know that's what they're giving out?

    I didn't realise that guests were paying for their food, and not giving it as a gift to the couple.


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    #66
    intheclouds
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,175 ✭✭✭intheclouds


    testaccount123 wrote: »
    Seriously, vegetable soup and chicken are not a suitable menu for people coming to a wedding, especially when they are giving you 200 euro per couple.

    How do you know how much the guests are giving per couple?


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    #67
    oppenheimer1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,733 ✭✭✭oppenheimer1


    intheclouds wrote: »
    How do you know how much the guests are giving per couple?

    I know it's off topic, but isn't 100 euro per person the standard wedding gift these days, if you attend the dinner? People give less generally if they only attend the afters so isn't it implicit that you cover your plate as it were


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    #68
    rawn
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,093 ✭✭✭rawn


    oppenheimer1 wrote:
    I know it's off topic, but isn't 100 euro per person the standard wedding gift these days, if you attend the dinner? People give less generally if they only attend the afters so isn't it implicit that you cover your plate as it were


    I would assume it would depend on the couple's finances... my partner and i gave 100e at the last wedding we were at as it was all we could afford at the time. In fact it was more than we could afford :P


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    #69
    GingerLily
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,766 ✭✭✭GingerLily


    oppenheimer1 wrote: »
    intheclouds wrote: »
    How do you know how much the guests are giving per couple?

    I know it's off topic, but isn't 100 euro per person the standard wedding gift these days, if you attend the dinner? People give less generally if they only attend the afters so isn't it implicit that you cover your plate as it were

    It is off topic and I have no problem giving 75e pp or a gift of similar value. I have a lot of close friends so would naturally be as generous as I could afford but I hate this cash expectation, why does everything have to be a about money?

    And you don't have to give anything for an afters invite - so the comparison doesn't hold at all.


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    #70
    intheclouds
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,175 ✭✭✭intheclouds


    oppenheimer1 wrote: »
    I know it's off topic, but isn't 100 euro per person the standard wedding gift these days, if you attend the dinner? People give less generally if they only attend the afters so isn't it implicit that you cover your plate as it were

    Personally I dont have a "standard", it depends on a few things, how well I know the couple, how my finances are at the time, how much it is costing me to attend, on some occasions I may be providing a gift (as opposed to money) that may bear no relation to any "standard".

    Actually I would have thought 100 euro per person is very high - although I may still have my "recession" hat on.


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    #71
    _kookie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 63 ✭✭_kookie


    I went to a wedding last year that had vegetable soup and chicken as the only options.
    I hate chicken.
    When we got there we were starving.
    Wolfed down the soup and loads of bread.
    After dinner though myself and a few others who had been talking at the wedding about the food decided to head off to McDonalds. At least there might be something on the menu you could eat there.
    8 of of piled on down to McDonalds and what do you know. When we walked in we saw a whole lot of other people from the wedding.
    After we all got back to the wedding about 11pm that story spread like wild fire.
    That wedding is forever known now as the McDonalds wedding :)


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    #72
    witchgirl26
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,497 ✭✭✭witchgirl26


    testaccount123 wrote: »
    Seriously, vegetable soup and chicken are not a suitable menu for people coming to a wedding, especially when they are giving you 200 euro per couple.

    I'd be looking at changing your caterer tbh.

    Why isn't it? Surely the whole point of the wedding is celebrating the joining of two people not a meal. I agree in having a nice meal but I wouldn't be disparaging about someone's choices for their own wedding. Maybe the bride & groom like soup & chicken? I know if I get married there'll be something like that as I'll want it to be something I want to eat. You're not going to a restaurant for a meal out.
    oppenheimer1 wrote: »
    I know it's off topic, but isn't 100 euro per person the standard wedding gift these days, if you attend the dinner? People give less generally if they only attend the afters so isn't it implicit that you cover your plate as it were

    I think it depends on your closeness to the couple as to how much you give. Also financial circumstances. In the UK (after having been to a couple of weddings there), unless you are siblings to the bride/groom you don't give more than £100 in total. I don't base my gift on anything except my relationship with the couple.


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    #73
    meeeeh
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,612 ✭✭✭✭meeeeh


    I think some replys here reflect a lot more negatively on some 'guests' than on the couple. Frankly the attitude that choice of meals (not even taste) and entertainment has to be worthy of a gift is crass and vulgar. And it very much reflects the quantity before quality mentality.

    Personally I think it's lovely if bride and groom are helping to pay for the tickets of people they really want to attend the wedding. And if trade off for that is that couple of people will have to push a bit of smoked salmon on the side then so be it.


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    #74
    testaccount123
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,023 ✭✭✭testaccount123


    rawn wrote: »
    I would assume it would depend on the couple's finances... my partner and i gave 100e at the last wedding we were at as it was all we could afford at the time. In fact it was more than we could afford :P

    Of course it depends on the couple's finances, that doesn't change the fact that 100 quid each is the norm.

    Guest incur a lot of cost coming to a wedding, ladling a few cents worth of vegetable soup into a bowl is a bit of an insult tbh, I'm amazed people are advising the OP to do it


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    #75
    pwurple
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,132 ✭✭✭✭pwurple


    .red. wrote: »
    I'm married almost 10 years and only 3/4 months ago someone mentioned how good our meal was, they reckoned they didn't have a wedding meal as nice as ours since lol.
    We didn't have a choice. We got married between Christmas and new years and were gonna have a choice for just the main but couldn't decide on what to have. We knew our guests well as we cut the list to bits and ended up with less than 80. Nobody there that we "had to" invite, just people we wanted to invite.
    We decided on beef early and were gonna have something else but didn't want fish, we knew it wouldn't be eaten, after that turkey/ham would have been scandalous as it was so close to Christmas and people would have been sick of it. The venue told us not to have lamb as it wasn unusual to have 2 red meats. After that it was chicken or pork. The chicken was ruled out as it was too close to turkey and the pork wasn't fancied by either of us. So in the end by a process of elimination we had one main, roast sirloin. It was cooked to perfection and a lot of people commented on it afterwards.
    We had one veggie going and the venue said they'd have 6 dishes ready just in case which I think 3 of them were used. Can't remember exactly what it was but it was a white fish with a lemon sauce of some sort. We asked the veggie what it was like afterwards and she said it was beautiful.
    Our dinner ended up as, veg soup, chicken vol au vent, roast sirloin and profiteroles.
    Nice and simple but very well done.
    If anyone had an issue with not having a choice they didn't tell us and we didn't hear anything about it from anyone else.
    Personally if your starter was served up to me I wouldn't eat it, I really don't like salmon and a lot of people would be the same.
    If you decide not to have the choice go for a simple crowd pleaser, it'll keep everyone happy and might even save a few bob.
    All the best with what you decide on and have a great day.

    Am I reading that right? Your vegetarian option was fish?

    10 years ago pre-dates the current gluten free fad too, the OP will have a bit more to deal with on a menu these days.


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    #76
    JeffKenna
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,840 ✭✭✭JeffKenna


    testaccount123 wrote: »
    Of course it depends on the couple's finances, that doesn't change the fact that 100 quid each is the norm.

    Guest incur a lot of cost coming to a wedding, ladling a few cents worth of vegetable soup into a bowl is a bit of an insult tbh, I'm amazed people are advising the OP to do it

    I have to agree with this. If I had 200 euro in the card but had not given it to the best man I'd seriously be considering taking 50 back out.


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    #77
    intheclouds
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,175 ✭✭✭intheclouds


    testaccount123 wrote: »
    Of course it depends on the couple's finances, that doesn't change the fact that 100 quid each is the norm.

    The "norm"? For who? Its not my norm, and judging by the envelopes I received for my own wedding it wasnt anyone elses norm either!


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    #78
    GingerLily
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,766 ✭✭✭GingerLily


    JeffKenna wrote: »
    testaccount123 wrote: »
    Of course it depends on the couple's finances, that doesn't change the fact that 100 quid each is the norm.

    Guest incur a lot of cost coming to a wedding, ladling a few cents worth of vegetable soup into a bowl is a bit of an insult tbh, I'm amazed people are advising the OP to do it

    I have to agree with this. If I had 200 euro in the card but had not given it to the best man I'd seriously be considering taking 50 back out.

    If I found out a guest did that I'd return the lot to them!


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    #79
    testaccount123
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,023 ✭✭✭testaccount123


    intheclouds wrote: »
    The "norm"? For who? Its not my norm, and judging by the envelopes I received for my own wedding it wasnt anyone elses norm either!

    http://weddingjournalonline.com/how-much-do-the-irish-spend-on-wedding-gifts/

    http://m.independent.ie/life/the-dos-and-donts-of-wedding-etiquette-31217194.html

    First two links on Google.


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    #80
    intheclouds
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,175 ✭✭✭intheclouds


    testaccount123 wrote: »
    http://weddingjournalonline.com/how-much-do-the-irish-spend-on-wedding-gifts/

    http://m.independent.ie/life/the-dos-and-donts-of-wedding-etiquette-31217194.html

    First two links on Google.

    Would you get up the yard!!

    I take my "norm" from my experience, my finances and my relationship to the couple in question - not from the first 2 links in google - seriously?


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    #81
    recipesforme
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 138 ✭✭recipesforme


    OP here. I have to say firstly thanks for all the replies and secondly that I'm really quite shocked at some of them.
    I never would expect people to be "buying" and evening of food and entertainment. We're not inviting people to pay for the wedding. We've saved long and hard to pay for it ourselves and we're not expecting to pay it off with cash gifts.
    Most of our family and friends are coming from overseas, so the very fact that they are making the journey is present enough for us.
    Describing our choice of menu as "poor" and "manky" I think is really quite nasty and I can only say that I feel very fortunate that I know the poeple coming to our wedding are not that horrible and will be there to celebrate our marriage and wish us well, not judge us on the choice of starter.

    I agree that salmon won't suit everyone so it's back to the drawing board with that. We were really only trying to give people something a little different from the usual wedding fare. A lot of thought did go into it and it certainly wasn't the cheapest option either.
    At that, if anyone felt like taking back any gift they wanted to give us based on what they ate at the meal, I would be more than happy for them to do that. Like I said, we're not inviting paople to pay for our decision, we're inviting people because they're special to us and we want them there.
    Obviously, if a guest is viewing someone's wedding day as an event where they must be fed and entertained to their liking because "they're paying for it", then chances are no matter what they'll never be happy.


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    #82
    testaccount123
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,023 ✭✭✭testaccount123


    intheclouds wrote: »
    Would you get up the yard!!

    I take my "norm" from my experience, my finances and my relationship to the couple in question - not from the first 2 links in google - seriously?
    Alright so, good luck. The norm is 100 quid though.


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    #83
    intheclouds
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,175 ✭✭✭intheclouds


    testaccount123 wrote: »
    Alright so, good luck. The norm is 100 quid though.

    LOL - for you maybe. Not for me.


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    #84
    testaccount123
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,023 ✭✭✭testaccount123


    testaccount123 wrote: »
    Alright so, good luck. The norm is 100 quid though.

    Not sure you really grasp what the term 'norm' means.

    Op, people giving you advice not to skimp on the meal costs are trying to do you a favour, not insult you.


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    #85
    witchgirl26
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,497 ✭✭✭witchgirl26


    testaccount123 wrote: »
    Of course it depends on the couple's finances, that doesn't change the fact that 100 quid each is the norm.

    Guest incur a lot of cost coming to a wedding, ladling a few cents worth of vegetable soup into a bowl is a bit of an insult tbh, I'm amazed people are advising the OP to do it

    In fairness to the OP, they've mentioned how they are helping pay for flights for family to attend so really no one should be giving out about the costs of attending that wedding. I don't know many couples who would do that.

    How is it an insult? Honestly I don't understand that. I hate soup with a vengeance but never once have I looked down at someone serving it at their wedding because I don't eat it.
    testaccount123 wrote: »
    http://weddingjournalonline.com/how-much-do-the-irish-spend-on-wedding-gifts/

    http://m.independent.ie/life/the-dos-and-donts-of-wedding-etiquette-31217194.html

    First two links on Google.

    The first link there shows that 40% give €100-€150 with 32% giving €150-€200. That was a survey conducted by one brand. And the second link discuss an estimate made by one website. Not exactly hard facts or extensive.

    Again I think that there is no real norm anymore since the recession. I don't advertise how much I give as a present as it's nobody's business and completely depends on who is getting married. Never anything to do with the food, venue etc. Only exception is a wedding abroad - I might reduce the amount a little there but not necessarily.


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    #86
    Cakerbaker
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 850 ✭✭✭Cakerbaker


    Personally I'd rather no choice and a lovely meal rather than a choice and something average / bad! One thing to consider is a starter that will also suit a vegetarian so they can eat all courses. Veg soup might be an option if it means the budget can stretch to a second main, otherwise I'd personally consider something like a goats cheese tart or something similar, though im sure there are others who wouldn't like that either!


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    #87
    JeffKenna
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,840 ✭✭✭JeffKenna


    recipesforme wrote: »
    At that, if anyone felt like taking back any gift they wanted to give us based on what they ate at the meal, I would be more than happy for them to do that. Like I said, we're not inviting paople to pay for our decision, we're inviting people because they're special to us and we want them there.
    Obviously, if a guest is viewing someone's wedding day as an event where they must be fed and entertained to their liking because "they're paying for it", then chances are no matter what they'll never be happy.

    I'm not sure why you bothered posting here if you are just looking to get insulted with the answers. If I went to the expense to go to a wedding, take a day off work perhaps, pay for accommodation and a present on top of that then I would be a bit put out that I wasn't respected enough to be given a choice of meal but instead have a bowl of soup plopped in front of me.


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    #88
    mahamageehad
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,673 ✭✭✭mahamageehad


    recipesforme wrote: »
    OP here. I have to say firstly thanks for all the replies and secondly that I'm really quite shocked at some of them.
    I never would expect people to be "buying" and evening of food and entertainment. We're not inviting people to pay for the wedding. We've saved long and hard to pay for it ourselves and we're not expecting to pay it off with cash gifts.
    Most of our family and friends are coming from overseas, so the very fact that they are making the journey is present enough for us.
    Describing our choice of menu as "poor" and "manky" I think is really quite nasty and I can only say that I feel very fortunate that I know the poeple coming to our wedding are not that horrible and will be there to celebrate our marriage and wish us well, not judge us on the choice of starter.

    I agree that salmon won't suit everyone so it's back to the drawing board with that. We were really only trying to give people something a little different from the usual wedding fare. A lot of thought did go into it and it certainly wasn't the cheapest option either.
    At that, if anyone felt like taking back any gift they wanted to give us based on what they ate at the meal, I would be more than happy for them to do that. Like I said, we're not inviting paople to pay for our decision, we're inviting people because they're special to us and we want them there.
    Obviously, if a guest is viewing someone's wedding day as an event where they must be fed and entertained to their liking because "they're paying for it", then chances are no matter what they'll never be happy.

    OP, I agree you'll never keep everyone happy, and I also agree that the replies were harsh, particularly the people who would be insulted by soup and the "manky fish" comment. While having a choice would be better, if you can't afford it, you can't afford it. Veggies will defo know to ask for an option.

    I was at a wedding last year that was also catered. We were about 120 people. It was a 3 course meal, all small courses with absolutely no choice. We had smoked salmon for starters and I didn't see anyone complain. There were big bowls of salad and bread on the tables and you could have that instead if you didn't like salmon. Main was veal, defo an iffy choice as some people won't eat it for ethical reasons. I thought that was much riskier than the salmon. There was a cheese cart dessert buffet with lots of crackers and fruit for everyone. I thought the food was completely out of this world! It's not for everyone, but you will know your crowd better than anyone here.


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    #89
    recipesforme
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 138 ✭✭recipesforme


    JeffKenna wrote: »
    I'm not sure why you bothered posting here if you are just looking to get insulted with the answers. If I went to the expense to go to a wedding, take a day off work perhaps, pay for accommodation and a present on top of that then I would be a bit put out that I wasn't respected enough to be given a choice of meal but instead have a bowl of soup plopped in front of me.

    Funnily, I wasn't looking to get insulted.

    We're not asking for a gift/time off work. We're asking for people's presence of a Saturday.
    If we did choose to serve a bowl of soup then it certainly wouldn't be out of lack of respect for our guests but more in an effort to please everyone.
    And on that note, it also certainly wouldn't be plopped in front of people either :)


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    #90
    pc7
    Moderators, Entertainment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 14,700 Mod ✭✭✭✭pc7


    recipesforme wrote: »

    We're not asking for a gift/time off work. We're asking for people's presence of a Saturday.

    Lots of people work Saturday so they have to take a day off too, as I said earlier you won't please everyone.


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    #91
    intheclouds
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,175 ✭✭✭intheclouds


    testaccount123 wrote: »
    Not sure you really grasp what the term 'norm' means.

    Op, people giving you advice not to skimp on the meal costs are trying to do you a favour, not insult you.

    Actually I think its you who doesnt understand what a norm is.

    Lets just say - its not what one newspaper says it is.


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