Have you ever been bitten by a swan

Donald Trump · 17-08-2016 06:24AM

Have I ever been bitten by a swan?

No, but I once told a donkey to fuck off.

Wait, actually I think I might have mixed up the joke/punchline

Rosie Rant · 17-08-2016 08:32AM

I was bitten while feeding a silly swan. I kept throwing the food on the ground right in front of her but she never saw it fall and kept looking at me for more. I held some out for her and she nipped my finger a little in her eagerness to get at the food.

It only hurt a little bit but her beak left this weird yellowy-orangey coating where she bit me. She just carried on eating when she finally spotted the food I dropped on the ground and didn't even apologise. Bitch.

Utdfan20titles · 17-08-2016 09:43AM

Shenshen wrote: »

I avoid big, white birds these days.

Stick to harlem nightclubs so

Kablamo! · 17-08-2016 09:56AM

Fell into one of the ponds in Stephens Green as a child and tried to grab a swan to use as a life buoy. Got a nasty nip from it.
Fell into a pond in Dublin Zoo shortly afterwards, and the same thing happened.
After that my mother wouldn't let my father bring me on any more unsupervised outings.

sbsquarepants · 17-08-2016 10:24AM

My son is 18 now, when he was a kid swans hated him with a passion.
I've literally lost count of the times he was chased by swans, hissed at, flapped at, pecked at etc.
Couldn't really bring him to feed the ducks like other toddlers cos the swans would go mental! Lasted till he was maybe 7 or 8 - very strange.
They're a little weary of him still, but the full on hatred has gone.

Irish Guitarist · 17-08-2016 11:22AM

I imagine the only people that get bitten by swans are idiots that harass them. I see children in the park feeding them bread, then they wonder why the swans are following them and start screaming at the top of their lungs and waving their arms around while the parents laugh rather than telling them to shut the fuck up. I've never seen anyone get bitten but these would be they type of morons that are most likely to.

I don't know how swans put up with the shit they do to be honest. I see kids running around screaming at them, teenagers throwing things at them and grabbing their bills, and worst of all idiots leaving fishing lines and hooks around to get caught in the swans throat. In return the swans get some mouldy bread.

yeppydeppy · 17-08-2016 11:59AM

Lukas Powerful Mortar wrote: »

I have been nipped by many swans while handling them. They can be aggressive when protecting their young and common sense would suggest giving them space when the cygnets are close by. Generally though, they are no danger.

What were you doing handling Swans?

_Godot_ · 17-08-2016 12:10PM

No but I got chased by a couple of geese though.

sbsquarepants · 17-08-2016 01:25PM

yeppydeppy wrote: »

What were you doing handling Swans?

They're hardly going to walk into the oven now are they!

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1 · 17-08-2016 02:22PM

yeppydeppy wrote: »

What were you doing handling Swans?

Part of my job in wildlife.

jackofalltrades · 17-08-2016 02:48PM

Haven't been bitten by a swan, I give them a bit of a wide berth like Geese.

Stigura wrote: »

Bitten by, let me see ..... Chimpanzee. Mole. Swan. Pit Bull. Hedgehog. Small, working terrier. I could probably go on.

Please do. That's quite a varied list.
How did you get bitten by a Chimpanzee? I presume you work in a zoo.

Akrasia · 17-08-2016 03:05PM

jackofalltrades wrote: »

Haven't been bitten by a swan, I give them a bit of a wide berth like Geese.
Please do. That's quite a varied list.
How did you get bitten by a Chimpanzee? I presume you work in a zoo.

He was wearing a chimpanzee costume to a costume party on a train, when he got mistaken for a real chimpanzee and put in with the cage of an actual chimpanzee that happened to also be on the train

The real chimpanzee thought he was sexy girl chimp and tried to get it on with him, but Stigura was having none of it.

Stigura · 17-08-2016 03:36PM

Stigura wrote: »

Bitten by, let me see ..... Chimpanzee. Mole. Swan. Pit Bull. Hedgehog. Small, working terrier. I could probably go on.

jackofalltrades wrote: »

Please do. That's quite a varied list.
How did you get bitten by a Chimpanzee? I presume you work in a zoo.

Visiting a zoo. This was back in the mists of time. When people had this weird and archaic notion of 'self responsibility'.

There was this big shed full of chimps. To one side was a door. And I noticed a small gap underneath it. So, like ye do, when ye an idiot, I stuck my finger under the gap.

And that's all she wrote. Bloody chimp, on the other side, clamped down on my offering and held fast. I stood there, feeling a bit of a fool. Couldn't move and was terrified that anyone might notice me. I mean, how embarrassing; Being found to have been stupid enough to try a stunt like that.

Luckily, el Chimpo decided my finger wasn't a banana after all and spat it out. I withdrew it, gratefully. Wrapped a hanky round it, to hide the blood. And got on with my day out.

No outrage. No demands for compensation. No body came and shot the chimp. Truth is, I simply never mentioned it from that day to this. We were like that, back then. Kim Kardashian hadn't even been born. And, I think, the world was a better place.

nelly17 · 17-08-2016 04:24PM

My Brother in law was bullied off his sandwich by one in Bushy Park in Rathfarnham years ago, came over all flapping and hissing and he dropped his sambo so the swan made off with it.

Utdfan20titles · 17-08-2016 05:25PM

Stigura wrote: »

Kim Kardashian hadn't even been born. And, I think, the world was a better place.

This on its own makes sence

Bio Mech · 17-08-2016 06:04PM

sbsquarepants wrote: »

My son is 18 now, when he was a kid swans hated him with a passion.
I've literally lost count of the times he was chased by swans, hissed at, flapped at, pecked at etc.
Couldn't really bring him to feed the ducks like other toddlers cos the swans would go mental! Lasted till he was maybe 7 or 8 - very strange.
They're a little weary of him still, but the full on hatred has gone.

Pretty sure your son is the antichrist. Ever seen the omen?

maudgonner · 17-08-2016 06:24PM

Bio Mech wrote: »

Pretty sure your son is the antichrist. Ever seen the omen?

Dammit, you beat me to it! I'll wet myself if his name is Damien...

sbsquarepants · 18-08-2016 12:19PM

Bio Mech wrote: »

Pretty sure your son is the antichrist. Ever seen the omen?

You know what the thought has crossed my mind!:D

I'm sure you'll think I'm making this up, but I swear I'm not. There was actually a time when he was about 7 years old or so, when a nun who lived across the road splashed him with holy water and he ran off screaming that it burned!
The poor nun seemed very concerned by the whole episode.

I'm going to come out and say it myself - all the signs are there:eek:

JoeyJJ · 18-08-2016 12:21PM

Brother teased one as a child and was bitten on the knee area.

Sir Osis of Liver. · 18-08-2016 01:39PM

Never bitten by a swan,but I had a pelican try to swallow my head in the zoo once.
Little bastard leaned over the railing as I was feeding his friend and attempted to put my whole head in his bill.If they still had fangs I was fcuked.

Oh,and I had a goose hunt me down and bite me on the arse as a kid aswell.Bastard.

strawdog · 18-08-2016 01:53PM

No bites but I've nearly had a very disgusting fall slipping on their droppings. I don't think you can even call them droppings. They're massive splats, and when the swans are in situ on the canal the path there becomes a minefield. I imagine that must pose a far bigger health and sanitation risk than any nips they might give.

Your Face · 18-08-2016 02:02PM

No, I tend to give them a wide berth.
I heard they bite people.

18-08-2016 03:17PM

mariaalice wrote: »

There is a cafe I like near a harbour and the harbour has a population of swans, people often feed them so they are use to people and often come up to people having I suppose associated people with food. I'm a bit wary of them while I am sure they wouldn't savage anyone they look like they might bit?

Google is trowing up contradictory information, so had anyone every been bitten by a swan.

No, but if I was I would smash the little príck's beak into the ground :mad::mad:

Boater123 · 18-08-2016 04:52PM

Beautiful sunny day, sitting at the bow of a canal boat reading a book. Left foot tucked under right leg, right foot dangling over the side near the water.

Swan comes over, I stay still to see what it would do and it starting "biting" on the tip of my white runner. After a few chomps it went off to come back again and gave it another go.

Must off been hungry to go near my feet on a sunny day!!

jeremyr62 · 18-08-2016 04:59PM

Yes. Loads of times. They don't hurt. They can't really apply enough force to break skin unless they only catch a small area of flesh. When it was deemed acceptable to feed them, you could have a bit of sport when offering them bread. Not suggesting anyone does this, but they are harmless in my experience. Lovely birds.

harry Bailey esq · 18-08-2016 05:03PM

mariaalice wrote: »

There is a cafe I like near a harbour and the harbour has a population of swans, people often feed them so they are use to people and often come up to people having I suppose associated people with food. I'm a bit wary of them while I am sure they wouldn't savage anyone they look like they might bit?

Google is trowing up contradictory information, so had anyone every been bitten by a swan.

I've been attacked by various seabirds.But never a swan.I was always told that a swan would break yer arm if you looked at him crooked,apparently the English Queen eats them.Thought of that sickens me,i think they are adorable lil f*ckers.

syklops · 18-08-2016 05:06PM

EndaIsMyDealer wrote:

Where do you buy swan meat?

Try your local Polish shop.

I got attacked by a swan when I was a toddler. Been nervous of them ever since.

darkpagandeath · 18-08-2016 05:13PM

wingbacknr5 · 18-08-2016 05:19PM

One of the best scenes from Curb Your Enthusiasm.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wZcP9ZpWJes

joesoap5 · 23-08-2016 12:17AM

harry Bailey esq wrote: »

I've been attacked by various seabirds.But never a swan.I was always told that a swan would break yer arm if you looked at him crooked,apparently the English Queen eats them.Thought of that sickens me,i think they are adorable lil f*ckers.

Aren't royalty the only ones who are allowed to eat Swan?
I remember a few years ago down in Galway city one of those tree huggers sleeping in a tent by the river cooked one of them and there was a big commotion about it.

I was never attacked by a Swan but I was once bitten by a monkey as a child.
The monkeys you can get your photo taken with, I think I went over to it to pick it up and it nipped my finger. I ended up in Temple Street.

Have you ever been bitten by a swan

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