I hate my job so much and I want to give up but I don't know how. Feel I need an excu

LegacyUser · 16-08-2016 11:12AM #1

I've been working as a childminder for a neighbour for a number of years. I don't own my own home so I don't childmind there. I go into my neighbours house.

I've been working for a number of years. At first hours and pay was great. Something like Monday to Friday 8 am to 6 or 6.30pm. An odd time being called for at weekends.

The recession came and things changed a bit. They claimed they took many hits to their income but kept up their work. They couldn't afford to pay me the sum I was getting. The middle child was starting school so they chopped my hours down and had me starting afternoons til evening time. 6 or 6.30pm wasn't steady any more either with many evenings staying late.

Fast forward a few years and it's gone above and beyond what I ever signed up to do.

They went onto to have more babies and my hours were increased but my wage never came up to match. I was and still am doing days where I'm starting at 8.30am and I don't even have a finishing time any more. I could finish any time of the evening or night. Very rarely is it before or at 7pm. There were nights where I was still there at 9pm and 10pm and 11pm.

I could go into countless examples and stories of how these parents are just not coming home to me. Other times the mother might come home but I don't know who she thinks she is but she goes around behaving as if she's some sort of a famous footballers wife who can't do anything except for showering and doing her hair and makeup and can't even lift a finger without her husband or me at her side. I'll be there looking after her kids, putting them to bed, making their school lunches, etc because she's too busy resting after a hard day or beautifying herself. Her husband would generally be working late and I'd have to wait for him to come home to be allowed away free. There's some nights and that's near 10 or 11 o'clock. She wants me to mind the kinds, have the house clean, meals cooked, the laundry done and all for the grand sum of 220euro a week. Not much more than what the dole is.

Other times they might want to go out together for a meal and want me to stay on and if I try and refuse wanting to go home after a long day myself, she sulks.

It's just extortion really at this stage. Trying to get as much out of me for as little as possible.

These people are also calling upon me more and more for weekends because of weddings and functions and all sort of muck. She's taken to telling me bare faced lies at this stage to get me to do extra at weekends. Like she'd book me for a Saturday evening saying she won't be long and she will be back for such a such time. Of course the day would come around and I don't know what she means by evening but her definition must be noon. She'd have me booked for an evening and when the day comes around it's more like noon or 1pm she wants me at. Then she can't be bothered coming home when she says she would.

2016 was the pits altogether. Getting me to work a weekend, and then the following weekend, and then the next on top of full working weeks. There's been many long stints like this and stuck right in the middle of one now. My next day of will be in September.

I'm sick of working for her and working like this. From Morning til night 5,6,7 days a week. Many times even staying nights while they go to weddings across the country. I don't have a life any more because I'm not allowed. I'm neglecting so much within my own home like laundry piles up for weeks. The sickening part is I'm required to do hers.

I could go into many stories of the woman I work for being a ****.

They have the money to upgrade their cars every year, for house improvements even though their out is in a good shape, functions, breaks away and holidays. I'm doing the work of a nanny without getting paid as such.

Something happened last year where the two of them wanted to go away on a European break for the Halloween school holidays. She asked me could I come up on Sunday and stay and they will be back in Wednesday night. I was sickens with was being asked of me but I thought a little bit of extra money would go down very well before the Christmas. Of course that weekend came along and it was really Saturday she meant and not Sunday. When it came to paying me, they didn't pay me anything extra. I was in work from Saturday til Wednesday night and got nothing.

I have an aunt who came to visit 4 times each on a Sunday within the past two years and each time I wasn't at home because I was in work. You'd swear Sunday was in my original contract and it was like any other working day. Things have gone above and beyond what I ever signed up to in the original contract all them years ago.

I want to give up. I feel I'm in a difficult situation really. Because I've been here for so long, this will be out of the ordinary for me. I feel like I need a good and valid excuse to leave working here but I don't know what. I thought about faking an illness but that won't work. So that's what I need help with here. I need ideas to leave, excuses, something.

The children I mind are a pleasure and joy to mind but I don't like working never ending days and never ending weeks.

(Couldn't be bothered going in today after their latest stunt)

BreadnBuddha · 16-08-2016 08:48PM

You don't need an excuse to leave. They've given you every reason to give up and let them raise their own children.

If they're taking holidays, travelling to weddings, changing their cars and everything else that no doubt comes along with it, they're taking the piss if they're not paying you and working you into the ground.

They're taking you for a mug, but you're the one letting them. You need to lay it all out for them, tell them how many hours and what times you're available to work and where you draw the line.

You're a door mat and you only have yourself to blame, because you allow it to continue. Their kids are their kids, not yours, so put any feeling of guilt that may surface to one side and do the right thing for you. They won't.

Do not work on weekends. Do not stay overnight. Ever. Double the hourly rate for overtime, those hours you're left literally holding the bloody baby. Get them to provide you with a list of approved baby-sitters you can call if they're going to be late coming home, so you can leave and get on with your own life while they act the maggot with theirs.

You're enabling them. You have to stop it. Lay it out for them, don't make ANY excuses. You have every reason in the world to quit, but if you don't want to do that, YOU have to set the boundaries and enforce them.

And that contracted hours stuff? Pfft. That went out the window years ago from what you say.

super_furry · 16-08-2016 09:17PM

Don't want to sound harsh but you're being walked all over, taken advantage of and being made a mug of and it's not going to stop until you stop it.

vandriver · 17-08-2016 06:31AM

Is this some cash in hand nixer type arrangement,or a proper job through the books?
At minimum wage,you should be on over 500 a week.
Do you get your 20 days paid holidays?
Bank holidays off?
http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/employment/employment_rights_and_conditions/leave_and_holidays/annual_leave_public_holidays.html

Breaks?
Rest periods?
http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/employment/employment_rights_and_conditions/hours_of_work/rest_periods_and_breaks.html

Do you realise that an average of 48 hrs a week is all you should be working?
http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/employment/employment_rights_and_conditions/hours_of_work/working_week.html

Having read the links I've posted,can you not see how utterly taken advantage of you are?

Read this,also.
http://www.mrci.ie/press-centre/au-pair-awarded-almost-e10k-by-irish-employment-courts-in-landmark-decision/

shopper2011 · 17-08-2016 06:50AM

Walk out that door and get a life together.

sounds like you have a kind nature and are being completely taken advantage of.
Send a message that you are not available tomorrow morning and will let them know when you are.

Walk out that door.

Car99 · 17-08-2016 07:18AM

They don't pay you anywhere near minimum wage , you are an employee of theirs they have obligations to you legally , seek legal advice .

livedadream · 17-08-2016 08:12AM

firstly stop judging the women for having her hair done and thinking shes a footballers wife that has nothing to do with the issue. you thinking shes a bitch has nothing to do with business.

The issue is you are not being paid correctly.

Arrange a meeting with Both of them and explain that when you started you were earning .... and doing this many hours.

that due to cutbacks and increases in your expences you will be charging x amount per hour. or per day which consists of so many hours eg: one day is 7/8 hours at x amount.

That you are will to work so many hours a week with flexibility in regards to weekends.

That you require notice in regards to times they wish for you to cover nights, sleep overs and/or their holidays.

Explain that as you as self employed you need to have a record of all hours works and would ask them to sign a timesheet or something each month (this will stop them adding hours etc)

If you have a contract like you said, stick to the grounds of it, if not quit.

Be firm but fair when you speak to them.

If they are unreasonable, quit tell them that you are unable to work the hours they want for the money they are paying but that you would be happy to work out your notice and refer them to someone else who may be interested.

Stheno · 17-08-2016 08:16AM

OP also, are your correct taxes being paid?

SouthernBelle · 17-08-2016 08:21AM

livedadream wrote: »

firstly stop judging the women for having her hair done and thinking shes a footballers wife that has nothing to do with the issue. you thinking shes a bitch has nothing to do with business.

The issue is you are not being paid correctly.

Arrange a meeting with Both of them and explain that when you started you were earning .... and doing this many hours.

that due to cutbacks and increases in your expences you will be charging x amount per hour. or per day which consists of so many hours eg: one day is 7/8 hours at x amount.

That you are will to work so many hours a week with flexibility in regards to weekends.

That you require notice in regards to times they wish for you to cover nights, sleep overs and/or their holidays.

Explain that as you as self employed you need to have a record of all hours works and would ask them to sign a timesheet or something each month (this will stop them adding hours etc)

If you have a contract like you said, stick to the grounds of it, if not quit.

Be firm but fair when you speak to them.

If they are unreasonable, quit tell them that you are unable to work the hours they want for the money they are paying but that you would be happy to work out your notice and refer them to someone else who may be interested.

And remember - they need you A LOT more than you need them!!

vandriver · 17-08-2016 10:10AM

livedadream wrote: »

firstly stop judging the women for having her hair done and thinking shes a footballers wife that has nothing to do with the issue. you thinking shes a bitch has nothing to do with business.

The issue is you are not being paid correctly.

Arrange a meeting with Both of them and explain that when you started you were earning .... and doing this many hours.

that due to cutbacks and increases in your expences you will be charging x amount per hour. or per day which consists of so many hours eg: one day is 7/8 hours at x amount.

That you are will to work so many hours a week with flexibility in regards to weekends.

That you require notice in regards to times they wish for you to cover nights, sleep overs and/or their holidays.

Explain that as you as self employed you need to have a record of all hours works and would ask them to sign a timesheet or something each month (this will stop them adding hours etc)

If you have a contract like you said, stick to the grounds of it, if not quit.

Be firm but fair when you speak to them.

If they are unreasonable, quit tell them that you are unable to work the hours they want for the money they are paying but that you would be happy to work out your notice and refer them to someone else who may be interested.

She's not self employed and to let herself be categorised as such would be extremely disadvantageous in terms of all I have listed above.

livedadream · 17-08-2016 10:19AM

vandriver wrote: »

She's not self employed and to let herself be categorised as such would be extremely disadvantageous in terms of all I have listed above.

where does it say that she is a PAYE worker?

she hasnt said if she is or isnt, the only official thing she mentioned was a contract but that doesnt go into detail.

most childminders are self employed.

the onus is on her to pay tax and declare her income.

one can assume that if they are paying her and treating her the way described above that she is an off the books worker.

to which the parents of the kids will say oh we just pay her as a baby sitter, shes self employed. she doesnt issue a receipt or vat statement so its nothing to do with us.

she will then be in the worlds biggest **** storm with revenue.

Stheno · 17-08-2016 10:21AM

livedadream wrote: »

where does it say that she is a PAYE worker?

she hasnt said if she is or isnt, the only official thing she mentioned was a contract but that doesnt go into detail.

most childminders are self employed.

the onus is on her to pay tax and declare her income.

one can assume that if they are paying her and treating her the way described above that she is an off the books worker.

to which the parents of the kids will say oh we just pay her as a baby sitter, shes self employed. she doesnt issue a receipt or vat statement so its nothing to do with us.

she will then be in the worlds biggest **** storm with revenue.

Childminders who work in the home of the children they mind are classed as paye workers and her employers should be paying her taxes and employers prsi

livedadream · 17-08-2016 10:30AM

Stheno wrote: »

Childminders who work in the home of the children they mind are classed as paye workers and her employers should be paying her taxes and employers prsi

should be, doesnt mean they are though, like i said, its super easy for the employer to say shes just a baby sitter.

it blurs the lines, id love to have a look at the contract she mentioned because that would be a huge crux in the case.

she also operates while the parents are there, making lunches, putting them to bed, very easy again for them to say oh shes a neighbour she helps out...

he wants me to mind the kinds, have the house clean, meals cooked, the laundry done

it sounds more like an au pair job/nanny role than anything. cleaning and doing laundry is not part of a childminders role.

it blurs the line, she needs to sit them down and talk to them.

the point about working in the home is noted but the obligation is still on the employee in regards to revenue and her tax.

Diziet · 17-08-2016 10:44AM

OP, what is to stop you finding another job?

Dial Hard · 17-08-2016 10:48AM

livedadream wrote:

it blurs the lines, id love to have a look at the contract she mentioned because that would be a huge crux in the case.

I'd put money on there being no actual contract in place, that the OP was referring to the original agreement (most likely verbal) that was made about her hours.

retro:electro · 17-08-2016 01:45PM

When she didn't pay you extra after you working overtime why didn't you speak up and say something? Yes op they are walking all over you, but you're not exactly making it hard for them.
Just say you won't be coming back to work because you've decided to pursue other interests. Don't indulge them whatsoever.

Letree · 17-08-2016 02:28PM

That's too far fetched for me to believe. Working those hours for 220 a week. If its true then you are allowing these people to make a mug of you.

I could believe the likes of that happens to grandparents who are minding their children's children. Much harder to walk away from that sometimes. But its abuse whatever way you look at it.

beauf · 17-08-2016 10:29PM

Leave and get a job that means you are unable to go back to child minding. Otherwise you will drift back to it.

groovyg · 18-08-2016 02:09PM

It sounds like this is a cash in hand job. Do you have qualifications in childcare that you could apply for a job in a creche?

BabySlam · 30-08-2016 05:53AM

You have not been assertive enough about what was owed to you in the past. You cannot present them with a bill for those past jobs.

Your real problem is failing to communicate. If you dont address it, you will forever repeat the pattern of feeling taken advantage of and suppressing your feelings until you are full of anger about it.

Of course they are delighted to have an almost free childminder. You would be too!

Teach yourself to be more assertive, to believe in your value, to speak up for yourself. Do you admire anybody who has these skills and could you model yourself on them - "fake it til you make it". Quitting is simply avoidance behaviour - you are choosing "flight" over "fight". Have you a friend you could talk this over with? It seems you have literally found it impossible to speak up. This is at the heart of your problem. Work on this.

TerrorFirmer · 30-08-2016 07:21AM

This is so absurd and far fetched I'm not sure if I can even consider it real. Why would anyone work 12 hours a day for up to 7 days a week for 220 euro? Unless you are already claiming some sort of social welfare payment and are working for cash? It doesn't make any sense at all.

Not having a go at the OP but if they've let this happen they really have themselves to blame. You've pretty much allowed yourself to become an actual slave, in this day and age. If this is real, I'd personally be sitting down and telling them you won't be working again until you've agreed an actual structured payment and work hours plan. Be it paid a massively increased fixed wage for fixed hours, or you agree to work these maniac hours on a per-hour pay rate based at least on minimum wage.

Even if they paid you minimum wage at the rate you're apparently working now you'd be due around three times what you're currently receiving.

They don't have many options because there simply aren't people out there will work remotely near those hours or demands for that kind of money.

irishmoss · 30-08-2016 12:10PM

livedadream wrote: »

firstly stop judging the women for having her hair done and thinking shes a footballers wife that has nothing to do with the issue. you thinking shes a bitch has nothing to do with business.

The issue is you are not being paid correctly.>>>

The issue is this woman is being ABUSED. Why do you feel the need to put this woman down further by your comments above? She wrote this on the 16th September and her next day off is September? That's way more than a pay issue. This woman needs support, her confidence has been eroded by these shameful people and she is being emotionally abused and being manipulated by them.

To the original OP there is group set up by the migrant rights centre of Ireland called The Domestic Workers Action Group (DWAG) not sure if you are a migrant but even if you are not please call them, you need to talk to someone about this. Details below.
Migrant Rights Centre Ireland, 37 Dame Street, Dublin 2 (opposite the Central Bank – see map below)
Phone: 01 889 7570
Email: info@mrci.ie

irishmoss · 30-08-2016 12:21PM

TerrorFirmer wrote: »

This is so absurd and far fetched I'm not sure if I can even consider it real. Why would anyone work 12 hours a day for up to 7 days a week for 220 euro? Unless you are already claiming some sort of social welfare payment and are working for cash? It doesn't make any sense at all.

Not having a go at the OP but if they've let this happen they really have themselves to blame. You've pretty much allowed yourself to become an actual slave, in this day and age. If this is real, >>>

Do people that are bullied have themselves to blame? There is a bigger picture here, she really needs support and I don't think at this stage she has the courage or confidence to sit down with these people. I've posted a link for migrant workers but I'm sure there must some women's help groups out there who could help her.

livedadream · 30-08-2016 01:29PM

it would be really helpful if people were to learn to quote correctly, its these:

it makes for easier reading.

Irish moss, her employer getting her hair cut and wanting to look like a footballers wife has nothing to do with her employment contract, the same as if she is being ''abused'' it again has nothing to do with her abusers hair style.

read the rest of my post, ive informed her where to get help and how to approach the employer.

shes not being abused, she being taken advantage off, two entirely different things. no one here is disputing she is in a bad situation.

I hate my job so much and I want to give up but I don't know how. Feel I need an excu

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