best man duties.

donegal. · 21-07-2016 04:36PM #1

hi all i need some help.
i've just been asked to be my brothers best man.

i haven't been to a wedding since i was a kid and i've no idea what a best man actually does. (other than the speech and organising a stag).

could someone tell me exactly what i'll have to do , in detail.

they live quite a distance away so i'll not be able to help in organising the wedding.

thanks.

miamee · 21-07-2016 05:20PM

You will need to organise the stag as you said, be on hand when the groom needs you both before and on the day of the wedding.
Speech at the wedding plus introducing everyone else's speech.
Taking care of cards given on the wedding day and keeping them somewhere safe for the bride and groom.
Possibly paying some people on the day (e.g. the band)

There may be a few other things, just be as helpful as you can and offer to help where you can with the organising, collecting things, turning up for suit fittings, etc.

stampydmonkey · 23-07-2016 05:40PM

^exactly that^

You can't do much extra...maybe help ferrying people and bits and bobs around the day before and morning of the wedding.

I'd recommend starting the speech early. Keep it simple, 1 or 2 relevant funny stories about groom and something about the couple. Then sit back relax and enjoy a job well done.

Best of luck with it

Icaras · 24-07-2016 05:50PM

Other than the speech, stag and holding the rings during the ceremony nothing out of the ordinary for a family member. just be as supportive as you can. On the day there is usually someone running the show (wedding planner or MC) who will let you know whats happening, where and when.
Everyone knows its a big roles and not overly easy so dont worry if some things go wrong.

donegal. · 25-07-2016 10:55AM

ok the stags organised.
that only leaves the speech.
theres a 12 year age gap. When he was 6 i left for uni, then worked abroad for a long time. By the time i moved back to ireland he was a abroad . Even now he and his kids live at the other side of the country. I have NO funny stories , no interesting anecdotes. Idon't know what i'm going to talk about to fill up a few minutes .
and to make it worse the father of the bride is a natural ,he could talk for ireland. He'll give a mammoth speech before handing the mike to me

GBX · 25-07-2016 10:57AM

donegal. wrote: »

ok the stags organised.
that only leaves the speech.
theres a 12 year age gap. When he was 6 i left for uni, then worked abroad for a long time. By the time i moved back to ireland he was a abroad . Even now he and his kids live at the other side of the country. I have NO funny stories , no interesting anecdotes. Idon't know what i'm going to talk about to fill up a few minutes .

Tap up his mates. Surely they have some info you could throw into the speech?

donegal. · 25-07-2016 10:59AM

GBX wrote: »

Tap up his mates. Surely they have some info you could throw into the speech?

i tried that when organising the stag and got nothing

miamee · 25-07-2016 11:10AM

You might get a few stories while on the stag over a couple of pints with them

baby and crumble · 25-07-2016 11:42AM

TBH OP, I know nobody who actually likes speeches. Especially if the Father of the Bride goes off on one, people will be praying for the speeches to be over. Just read any messages that have come in, compliment the bridemaids, tell the Bride she's beautiful and you're delighted to have her as a sister-in-law, and propose a simple toast. Job done.

GingerLily · 25-07-2016 05:01PM

I love speeches, I'm sentimental but I love a good speech. It doesn't have to be long, just make sure you express your happiness for the bride and groom along with all the standard thank-yous !!

_Brian · 25-07-2016 05:07PM

Ask your brother what you can help with, ask what he doesn't want in your speech, maybe listen to him.

Stag obviously.

I was best man for my brother last year, we had a right blast, few night out with his friends leading up to it.

Also help afterwards returning suits etc.

But best ask what you can do and be available to help when needed.

Citygirl1 · 31-07-2016 09:36PM

Mentioned above, but do keep in mind that as best man you will probably be handed a few or a lot of cards (mostly with cash). The best man is often the go-to person for presents. So, do have a plan for where these will be securely stored. I only say this because at my brother's wedding, his best man was kept busy running up and down the stairs with cards! He stored them in the safe in the bridal suite (my brother gave him the key). Some people also gave cards to my Mum, who put them in her lockable suitcase.

Also, if they are having a "first dance", don't forget to dance with the bridesmaid!!

Dien · 07-08-2016 01:15AM

Have done the best man gig for my own brother recently, so a few pointers that may help:

1. It's perfectly normal and probably likely that your bro will be quite nervous the morning of the wedding. You'll be travelling to the ceremony with him and be standing beside him in the church. Have some small chit chat/witty banter planned in advance to ease his nerves! Assure him he'll do fine etc...

2. Organise with the groomsmen what ye are going to do with the wedding gifts. You'll have a lot on your plate so don't forget they are there to help out too. Ditto with sorting out the suits etc.

3. The speech is as big or small a deal as you make it. I'm a quiet enough guy and hate public speaking, but I didn't build it up to be a big monster in my head and got through it just fine. If one of the dads goes on for ages then all the better for you, keep it short and sweet. Don't try and be funny if the material isn't there. Sounds cheesy but speak from the heart and all will be well.

4. Enjoy the day/weekend! It will be over in a flash and you'll be wondering what all the fuss was about in the days afterwards.

Best of luck!

pullandbang · 07-08-2016 11:16AM

donegal. wrote: »

i haven't been to a wedding since i was a kid and i've no idea what a best man actually does. (other than the speech and organising a stag).

could someone tell me exactly what i'll have to do , in detail.

You'll also be called on by the photographer to help out gathering various family members together for family photos. Oh, and don't lose the rings......:eek:

December2012 · 07-08-2016 11:21AM

If you've no funny stories, then stick to sweet ones. That he has turned into a great young man, picked a wonderful bride (put in soft jokes about punching above his weight, or crappy diy etc) and that you're very proud of him. You may even get inspired by something on the day, eg if your parents have a great marriage you can refer to that, that he had chosen and been chosen excellently.

exaisle · 07-08-2016 12:10PM

Just on the best man speech....I used to be in a wedding band and have heard more best man speeches than I'd care to admit...

The best ones are short and from the heart. Don't try and pretend to be something you're not.

Best advice when you're on your feet would be....take a deep breath before you start and
SPEAK......CLEARLY......AND......SLOWLY!

Being nervous makes us speed up....and speeches sometimes end up being blabberingmultisyllabictrainwrecks....

Keep the microphone close to your mouth, but not too close. You should be conscious of being able to hear your own voice over the PA but it shouldn't be too loud. Just barely able to hear yourself is about right.

So....take your time. Have a glass of water handy and if you think you're running into difficulty, take a swig. That'll give you time to compose your thoughts/find your place on the page.

Best of luck!

best man duties.

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