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family won't accept my partner

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Comments

  • #32
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,968 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    keelee wrote: »
    I can live with that I guess but it incenses me that my partner be subjected to it.

    I think, seeing as your partner will be directly affected by their behaviour, either on the day or afterwards when it becomes business as usual with them, that he should get a say in whether or not they get an invite.

    I can see the argument for being the bigger person, but when being the bigger person is affecting someone else then I think they should get the final say. It would sicken me to play happy families all for show for 1 day, knowing exactly the true feelings of everyone involved. It's a tricky situation, OP, and one where you're damned if you do, damned if you don't. So ultimately you should make the correct decision for you and your family (partner and baby).


    Edit:
    I missed this bit
    keelee wrote: »
    When we first got together things were a bit messy after about 6 months and we parted ways for a couple of weeks. I was upset and confided in my family. It's my fault really because it seems they took the information and ran with it. The knife was firmly inserted in his back at that point and they refuse to remove it all these years later.

    Absolutely this is where it is coming from. Families don't forgive and forget too easily. They are not part of your relationship. They don't know the daily small details that make your relationship good. And because they are not part of your relationship, they aren't as inclined to forgive. I think there probably is a case of you all being far too involved in each other's lives. Because of how your relationship started off, your father is probably unlikely to ever change his opinion of your partner. What's done is done now and you can't go back and change it. But you need to show your family that you are independent from them. And that includes financially.


  • #33
    tara73
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,401 ✭✭✭tara73


    keelee wrote: »

    Their behaviour is a protection thing (I think). When we first got together things were a bit messy after about 6 months and we parted ways for a couple of weeks. I was upset and confided in my family. It's my fault really because it seems they took the information and ran with it. The knife was firmly inserted in his back at that point and they refuse to remove it all these years later.

    do you mind telling us what happened? your fathers reaction to your partner is a very strong one, I have a feeling there's more to the story than just 'he's not good enough' in a sense 'he's not as wealthy as your father'. I think it's important to get the whole picture here. Your partner might have done something you decided to forgive him for but your father has a different opinion about it and can't oversee it.

    For example, if your partner cheated on you in the first 6 month you were together (I 'm not saying he did, just as an example!), and you decided to forgive him, I can kind of understand your father can't.

    You said yourself in an earlier post his reasons are protection, that deepens my guess your father has kind of a reason to resent your partner.


  • #34
    littelady
    Closed Accounts Posts: 340 ✭✭littelady


    Hi OP, I dont want to cause you upset but im going to come from a different angle,we all have friends who are married to pricks and we wonder why does the lovely spouse put up with it. Could your partner be a bit of a prick and you are oblivious to it all. To me your dad and your family would only have your best interests at heart maybe they find him to be a freeloader or maybe they dont like how he treated his first wife, whatever. I think you need to talk to your family and maybe you will find you had the blinkers on ...i do hope im wrong thou but my family would only want the best for me.


  • #35
    Wompa1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,300 ✭✭✭Wompa1


    Emme wrote: »
    Your first responsibility is to your child and your partner now. Their needs and happiness come first. You will never please your father and you can only do a certain amount for your mother because her loyalty will always remain with your father.

    Start as you mean to go with the christening and put your child and your partner first.

    THIS x 1000

    My dad is a narcissistic control freak. My wife doesn't like the way he treats me or the way he treats her. Trying to force her to go to certain places he suggests, watch certain shows and movies etc. and when she doesn't go for it he get all worked up and throws a hissy fit. He also parades us to his siblings.

    I want to move home to Ireland. I'll be moving pretty far away from them and I plan on avoiding most family occasions. Particularly those with extended family. I'm not getting into that small village mindset BS again that's for sure!


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