Is marriage worth it ?

FortySeven · 24-06-2016 02:23PM

Pac1Man wrote: »

What!!?! This true? How much of a claim?

Down to a judge but ultimately can force the sale of your property to recoup any award.

_Kaiser_ · 24-06-2016 02:40PM

ChampagnePop wrote: »

Lol - no hint of sexism in that post at all!!!

To be fair to the guy, while I don't agree with much of what he's posted, your response here is more "you're sexist because I don't agree with your opinion"

He's as entitled to feel/say that (in his view) marriages aren't worth it, as you are to state your thoughts on the matter.

It's personal opinion and everyone has one - that doesn't automatically make it "wrong" or sexist

eviltwin wrote: »

I feel sorry for you that you view all marriages through the filter of your own experience.

Don't we all do that to some degree in fairness? And not just with relationships either.

FortySeven · 24-06-2016 02:42PM

Since the new regulations for same sex marriage came in there has been significant improvement in all rights for unmarried couples.

Look at it this way. Most weddings are about 25 grand. Marriage or relationship doesn't matter any more unless you're religious.

25 grand for a party? Utter madness.

Put it towards a deposit on a house. It will serve you better than a pretty dress gathering dust in a wardrobe.

Here's how wedding sales go in the hotel trade.

We can do a champagne reception?
Yes
We can have flower petals sprinkled on the floor.
Yes
We can have personalised(insert tacky gimmick)
Yes

And on and on. Groom starts looking nervous and asks cost. Groom cancels the flower petals. Bride deflates.

Compromise is reached.

I've sold the odd few weddings. You sell the bride the fairy story then you haggle with the groom on price. I'm sorry if that doesn't fit in with people's perceptions but that's how you sell a wedding. It's business.

Not all, there are exceptions but this idea of princess for a day is very ingrained in society. To me it is as tacky as curling girls hair and putting boys in suits for other religious ceremonies. It's just so last century.

eviltwin · 24-06-2016 02:42PM

_Kaiser_ wrote: »

Don't we all do that to some degree in fairness? And not just with relationships either.

I don't think we do to be honest. I think most of us can separate our own personal issues from the bigger picture.

FortySeven · 24-06-2016 02:45PM

eviltwin wrote: »

I don't think we do to be honest. I think most of us can separate our own personal issues from the bigger picture.

I don't have a personal issue thank you. I have personal experience. There is a difference.

ChampagnePop · 24-06-2016 02:45PM

_Kaiser_ wrote: »

To be fair to the guy, while I don't agree with much of what he's posted, your response here is more "you're sexist because I don't agree with your opinion"

He's as entitled to feel/say that (in his view) marriages aren't worth it, as you are to state your thoughts on the matter.

It's personal opinion and everyone has one - that doesn't automatically make it "wrong" or sexist

Don't we all do that to some degree in fairness? And not just with relationships either.

I said it was sexist because he said only one sex wanted weddings and only one sex benefits from marraige, that is a sexist opinon.

eviltwin · 24-06-2016 02:50PM

FortySeven wrote: »

I don't have a personal issue thank you. I have personal experience. There is a difference.

If you come out the other side full of bitterness and anger its an issue.

ChampagnePop · 24-06-2016 02:53PM

FortySeven wrote: »

I don't have a personal issue thank you. I have personal experience. There is a difference.

You're in such denial it's not even funny, your bitterness is in every post you write. I hope you come through the other side some day.

Hazydays123 · 24-06-2016 03:03PM

FortySeven wrote: »

Since the new regulations for same sex marriage came in there has been significant improvement in all rights for unmarried couples.

Look at it this way. Most weddings are about 25 grand. Marriage or relationship doesn't matter any more unless you're religious.

25 grand for a party? Utter madness.

Put it towards a deposit on a house. It will serve you better than a pretty dress gathering dust in a wardrobe.

Here's how wedding sales go in the hotel trade.

We can do a champagne reception?
Yes
We can have flower petals sprinkled on the floor.
Yes
We can have personalised(insert tacky gimmick)
Yes

And on and on. Groom starts looking nervous and asks cost. Groom cancels the flower petals. Bride deflates.

Compromise is reached.

I've sold the odd few weddings. You sell the bride the fairy story then you haggle with the groom on price. I'm sorry if that doesn't fit in with people's perceptions but that's how you sell a wedding. It's business.

Not all, there are exceptions but this idea of princess for a day is very ingrained in society. To me it is as tacky as curling girls hair and putting boys in suits for other religious ceremonies. It's just so last century.

My wedding cost a few hundred euro. We didn't do it because we wanted a party. We did it because we love and respect each other. Between tax credits and gifts we actually made a good bit of money which wasn't even our intention.

You've been burned really badly it seems but I don't know how you'll meet somebody new unless you offload the negativity and baggage.

Shint0 · 24-06-2016 03:24PM

ChampagnePop wrote: »

You're in such denial it's not even funny, your bitterness is in every post you write. I hope you come through the other side some day.

To be fair, the poster has just been through a very recent tumultuous and traumatic experience involving an international custody battle and also the ending of a long term relationship even if it was a rocky ending. So it's understandable if they might appear to others as cynical while it's still very raw and dealing with the aftermath. I'm sure they will come out the other side once the dust settles.

Pat Mustard · 24-06-2016 03:26PM

Hazydays123 wrote: »

Between tax credits and gifts we actually made a good bit of money

Tax credits? :pac:

FortySeven · 24-06-2016 03:27PM

Hazydays123 wrote: »

My wedding cost a few hundred euro. We didn't do it because we wanted a party. We did it because we love and respect each other. Between tax credits and gifts we actually made a good bit of money which wasn't even our intention.

You've been burned really badly it seems but I don't know how you'll meet somebody new unless you offload the negativity and baggage.

Like I said, not all.

25000 is the average cost of a wedding in Ireland. (Google it) Yours was cheap, think about the other extreme of that average. Utter madness.

My opinion of marriage is this.

Very simply, if you want to make a commitment for life, fine. Ban divorce.

Let's see how many are willing then?

It's all ridiculous to me otherwise. What's the point? Might as well just be together without all the pomp and ceremony.

Pat Mustard · 24-06-2016 03:31PM

FortySeven wrote: »

Very simply, if you want to make a commitment for life, fine. Ban divorce.

Let's see how many are willing then?

We tried that system already and it didn't work very well.

FortySeven · 24-06-2016 03:51PM

Pat Mustard wrote: »

We tried that system already and it didn't work very well.

I know, instead of just getting rid of the religious relic that is marriage we introduced a get out clause which makes a mockery of any binding contract or pledge.

Makes marriage a pointless exercise. Imo.

If you love someone, be with them. Don't waste money and effort chasing some illusion of security or permanence.

eviltwin · 24-06-2016 04:09PM

FortySeven wrote: »

Like I said, not all.

25000 is the average cost of a wedding in Ireland. (Google it) Yours was cheap, think about the other extreme of that average. Utter madness.

My opinion of marriage is this.

Very simply, if you want to make a commitment for life, fine. Ban divorce.

Let's see how many are willing then?

It's all ridiculous to me otherwise. What's the point? Might as well just be together without all the pomp and ceremony.

What does it matter what people choose to spend on their wedding...its their money.

Any why would you ban divorce

amen · 24-06-2016 04:22PM

"Is marriage worth it?" on the balance I would have to say yes. I was going out with my wife for 5 years before we got married and we have been married for 16 years so I've known her for 21 years.

She was my best friend before we got married and still is. Marriage is about a public commitment to each other and saying to society we are a couple and we stand together and we support each other through good times and bad.

It doesn't mean always saying that your spouse is correct but rather supporting them in their choices and in times of adversity being their for them and being honest with them when they ask for your opinion.

Marriage allows you to make legal decisions for your partner when they are very ill (thankfully I have only had to do this once and we had previoulsy discussed what to do it if one of us suddenly became very ill that required sudden and urgent medical treatment and how far that treatment should go)

Have all of these years been all love, roses and birds chirping the trees ? Of course not but everyone has their fights/arguments married or not but the marriage bond can help you work through those rough patches.

As for wedding costs we had a smallish wedding of approx 130 family and friends yet it only cost approx €4,000 including dresses, suit hire, music, food, band/dj etc. We were very relaxed on the day and had a lot of guests comment on the chilled out day and that it was the most relaxed wedding they had every been too. It was really a giant party with friends and family.
Still talked about as a great party 16 years later.

A bit of topic but I am very weary of couples (married or not) who say they never fight/have arguments. No one is perfect.

You have to recognise that is everyone (even yourself ) is imperfect and work with those flaws. I would say my wife makes me a better person and tempers my flaws. Of course she would still do that even if not married.

If I had the choice to get married again tomorrow knowing what I know now I would still get married.

Hazydays123 · 24-06-2016 04:37PM

Another thing that makes me happy we're married is the fact that if anything bad were to happen to either us (like something fatal), the other would automatically be the beneficiary of pensions, life insurance, property, etc.
I'd imagine a co-habiting partner would be entitled to very little as they're not legally a next of kin and even then it would involve lots of legal fees.

Pat Mustard · 24-06-2016 06:25PM

FortySeven wrote: »

I know, instead of just getting rid of the religious relic that is marriage we introduced a get out clause which makes a mockery of any binding contract or pledge.

Makes marriage a pointless exercise. Imo.

If you love someone, be with them. Don't waste money and effort chasing some illusion of security or permanence.

Marriages still ended before divorce. There was separation. What really changed with the the introduction of divorce was the right to remarry after a marriage breakdown, etc.

So marriage is no more or less pointless than previously.

FortySeven · 24-06-2016 09:34PM

Pat Mustard wrote: »

Marriages still ended before divorce. There was separation. What really changed with the the introduction of divorce was the right to remarry after a marriage breakdown, etc.

So marriage is no more or less pointless than previously.

I'm going to apologise at this point and bow out. I have never been for marriage but many posters here are right. I am bitter and angry and I am clearly full of vitriol and bile.

I didn't realise I had let myself get so far down the rabbit hole and I'm fecked if I'm going to allow my heart to rule my mind and continue making such a tit of myself publicly.

Taking some time off boards now. Sorry again.

Hazydays123 · 24-06-2016 09:42PM

FortySeven wrote: »

I'm going to apologise at this point and bow out. I have never been for marriage but many posters here are right. I am bitter and angry and I am clearly full of vitriol and bile.

I didn't realise I had let myself get so far down the rabbit hole and I'm fecked if I'm going to allow my heart to rule my mind and continue making such a tit of myself publicly.

Taking some time off boards now. Sorry again.

You're entitled to your opinion and I'm really sorry you've been through such a bad experience. Of course your view on relationships has been tainted by that. At least you have the ability to reflect and realize that you might be impartial at this point in time.
Don't deny yourself the future happiness that might be awaiting you. There's at least one decent person out there for every awful human being that you encounter.

Shenshen · 24-06-2016 10:14PM

FortySeven wrote: »

Since the new regulations for same sex marriage came in there has been significant improvement in all rights for unmarried couples.

Look at it this way. Most weddings are about 25 grand. Marriage or relationship doesn't matter any more unless you're religious.

25 grand for a party? Utter madness.

Put it towards a deposit on a house. It will serve you better than a pretty dress gathering dust in a wardrobe.

Here's how wedding sales go in the hotel trade.

We can do a champagne reception?
Yes
We can have flower petals sprinkled on the floor.
Yes
We can have personalised(insert tacky gimmick)
Yes

And on and on. Groom starts looking nervous and asks cost. Groom cancels the flower petals. Bride deflates.

Compromise is reached.

I've sold the odd few weddings. You sell the bride the fairy story then you haggle with the groom on price. I'm sorry if that doesn't fit in with people's perceptions but that's how you sell a wedding. It's business.

Not all, there are exceptions but this idea of princess for a day is very ingrained in society. To me it is as tacky as curling girls hair and putting boys in suits for other religious ceremonies. It's just so last century.

That does explain a few things - in our case, he actually wanted the bigger wedding (not by much, but still) and most of the hotels we spoke to kept trying to push that horrible tacky nonsense to me...
In the end, we went for a hotel that didn't try that nonsense

24-06-2016 10:20PM

I think I want to get married. Never had any interest when I was younger but as I get older I can see (for legal reasons!) why it makes sense. The idea of a wedding sounds like hell though. Hate attention and fuss. Would prefer to feck off to some random country and get married. Just the two of us and some witnesses.

Hazydays123 · 24-06-2016 10:23PM

Lia_lia wrote: »

I think I want to get married. Never had any interest when I was younger but as I get older I can see (for legal reasons!) why it makes sense. The idea of a wedding sounds like hell though. Hate attention and fuss. Would prefer to feck off to some random country and get married. Just the two of us and some witnesses.

Did this. You need thick skin to deal with the initial family reaction but it's so worth it.

seenitall · 24-06-2016 10:33PM

I think they are very much worth it, so long (and this is the tricky part) as you find the right person.

I didn't (find the right person), but I did get married. Oops - a mistake.

But you know what, even so, I am glad to have it all under my belt, so to speak, divorce included. The experience is what counts (which is a somewhat reckless maxim I seem to live my whole life by, but that's for another thread !).

Two Tone · 25-06-2016 01:02PM

_Kaiser_ wrote: »

To be fair to the guy, while I don't agree with much of what he's posted, your response here is more "you're sexist because I don't agree with your opinion"

Well the bit about how men should just find a woman they can sire children with (but make sure she is a madonna, not a whore like previous conquests) - no mention of love, respect, friendship, companionship, just "find a woman to impregnate"... you will I'm sure forgive people (and I have no doubt not just women) for finding that rather unpleasant a view towards women.

FortySeven · 25-06-2016 01:18PM

Two Tone wrote: »

Well the bit about how men should just find a woman they can sire children with (but make sure she is a madonna, not a whore like previous conquests) - no mention of love, respect, friendship, companionship, just "find a woman to impregnate"... you will I'm sure forgive people (and I have no doubt not just women) for finding that rather unpleasant a view towards women.

What's this Madonna stuff? I'm not even a fan of her music, let alone her sexual interests. She has not been a good mother judging from the legal case she currently has going.

Which is what I said. A good mother. No mention of her sexual history, no judgement.

I may be offensive to some women. I don't care. We can't please all the women all of the time.

If I rephrase the content less coarsely perhaps it will be more acceptable.

When you are looking to have children, procreate with someone who shows good mothering qualities, not just someone you enjoy having sex with.

Better? Still offended? It's the same content you so eloquently twisted.

If you feel threatened then lidls are selling pop up safe spaces. They're marketing them as tents but they are dual purpose.

25-06-2016 01:23PM

FortySeven wrote: »

What's this Madonna stuff? I'm not even a fan of her music, let alone her sexual interests. She has not been a good mother judging from the legal case she currently has going.

Which is what I said. A good mother. No mention of her sexual history, no judgement.

I may be offensive to some women. I don't care. We can't please all the women all of the time.

If I rephrase the content less coarsely perhaps it will be more acceptable.

When you are looking to have children, procreate with someone who shows good mothering qualities, not just someone you enjoy having sex with.

Better? Still offended?

If you feel threatened then lidls are selling pop up safe spaces. They're marketing them as tents but they are dual purpose.

Stop. You're better than this.

mikeym · 25-06-2016 01:43PM

I think the stumbling block for couples who are long term engaged is to come up with the funds for the wedding.

Weddings cost a lot of money depending on how many you invite.

I am happily married and if anything bad happened in the future I would not get married again.

I dont know how those Hollywood celebrities like Kim Kardashian get married 3 times.

FortySeven · 25-06-2016 01:44PM

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Stop. You're better than this.

Unfortunately, she isn't. She has taken what I said and twisted it to make out I called women whores. I have never done that.

I don't appreciate it. It's underhanded and uncalled for.

Also, making out that anyone mentioned percentages of breakups. Defending something that as far as I remember wasn't brought up. Those figures are correct by the way.

Questioning costs of weddings as if I made it up. Those figures come from various surveys done by women's magazines and are the average cost of weddings in 2015. It is what people DID pay. I didn't just pull them out of my arse.

I may have a few issues at the moment but I'm not going to sit back against such weak, poorly veiled victim seeking codswallop arguments.

As for the love, compassion, etc.

I just took it as a given that this didn't need a mention, this is a thread about marraige after all. Without that, the rest is irrelevant.

Two Tone · 25-06-2016 01:48PM

FortySeven wrote: »

Also, making out that anyone mentioned percentages of breakups. Defending something that as far as I remember wasn't brought up. Those figures are correct by the way.

Someone said women are more likely to initiate divorce proceedings - they followed this up with "I believe it is 70%". Not exactly robust.

Questioning costs of weddings as if I made it up. Those figures come from various surveys done by women's magazines and are the average cost of weddings in 2015. It is what people DID pay. I didn't just pull them out of my arse.

I don't think anyone disagreed with you? All people said was nobody actually HAS to spend that kind of money on a wedding.

I may have a few issues at the moment but I'm not going to sit back against such weak, poorly veiled victim seeking codswallop arguments.

Because you disagree with them? And you're the one who resorts to the "Go to your safe space" jargon?

Is marriage worth it ?

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