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It's Bloomsday

  • 16-06-2016 04:49PM
    #1
    smash
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34,808 ✭✭✭✭


    So it's time to commemorate and celebrate the life of James Joyce. In his honour we should quote our favourite bit of Joyce literature. I'm in two minds about what my favourite is, but I've narrowed it to either:

    "It allows me to burst into tears of pity and love at some slight word, to tremble with love for you at the sounding of some chord or cadence of music or to lie heads and tails with you feeling your fingers fondling and tickling my ballocks or stuck up in me behind and your hot lips sucking off my cock while my head is wedged in between your fat thighs, my hands clutching the round cushions of your bum and my tongue licking ravenously up your rank red c*nt."

    or

    "At every f*ck I gave you your shameless tongue came bursting out through your lips and if a gave you a bigger stronger f*ck than usual, fat dirty farts came spluttering out of your backside. You had an arse full of farts that night, darling, and I f*cked them out of you, big fat fellows, long windy ones, quick little merry cracks and a lot of tiny little naughty farties ending in a long gush from your hole."


«1

Comments

  • #2
    vicwatson
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 28,417 ✭✭✭✭vicwatson


    It's also Thursday, so what?


  • #3
    whiskeyman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,564 ✭✭✭✭whiskeyman


    Ulysses, Ulysses,
    soaring through all the galaxies,
    in search of Earth,
    flying in to the night.

    Ulysses, Ulysses,
    fighting evil and tyranny,
    with all his power,
    and withall of his might.

    Ulysses, no-one else can do the things you do.
    Ulysses, like a bolt of thunder from the blue.
    Ulysses, always fighting all the evil forces bringing peace and justice to all.


  • #4
    beach_walker
    Users Awaiting Email Confirmation Posts: 976 ✭✭✭beach_walker


    "...bitches ain't sh!t but hoes and tricks..."

    It's in Ulysses, towards the back.


  • #5
    Snake Pliisken
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 237 ✭✭Snake Pliisken


    Funny that his dirty notes to his lady l are still better reading than most of the ****e being published now.


  • #6
    scream
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 430 ✭✭scream


    Snake Pliisken wrote: »
    Funny that his dirty notes to his lady l are still better reading than most of the ****e being published now.

    It certainly sounds better than 50 Shades of Gray.:D


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  • #7
    the groutch
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,096 ✭✭✭✭the groutch


    can't beat a bit of Joyce

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XbAK6TIjvp4


  • #8
    ytpe2r5bxkn0c1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 32,688 ✭✭✭✭ytpe2r5bxkn0c1


    “bababadalgharaghtakamminarronnkonnbronntonnerronntuonnthunntrovarrhounawnskawntoohoohoordenenthurnuk!”
    ― James Joyce, Finnegans Wake


    Or

    “They lived and laughed and loved and left.”


  • #9
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    smash wrote: »
    So it's time to commemorate and celebrate the life of James Joyce. In his honour we should quote our favourite bit of Joyce literature. I'm in two minds about what my favourite is, but I've narrowed it to either:

    "It allows me to burst into tears of pity and love at some slight word, to tremble with love for you at the sounding of some chord or cadence of music or to lie heads and tails with you feeling your fingers fondling and tickling my ballocks or stuck up in me behind and your hot lips sucking off my cock while my head is wedged in between your fat thighs, my hands clutching the round cushions of your bum and my tongue licking ravenously up your rank red c*nt."

    or

    "At every f*ck I gave you your shameless tongue came bursting out through your lips and if a gave you a bigger stronger f*ck than usual, fat dirty farts came spluttering out of your backside. You had an arse full of farts that night, darling, and I f*cked them out of you, big fat fellows, long windy ones, quick little merry cracks and a lot of tiny little naughty farties ending in a long gush from your hole."

    What the f uck?
    Are they actual quotes?!


  • #10
    LightsStillOn
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 798 ✭✭✭LightsStillOn


    I could put a deep philosophical quote here. But I'll follow the trend and take another beautifully written section from one of his love letters

    "I am happy now, because my little whore tells me she wants me to roger her arseways and wants me to **** her mouth and wants to unbutton me and pull out my mickey and suck it off like a teat. More and dirtier than this she wants to do, my little naked ****er, my naughty wriggling little frigger, my sweet dirty little farter."


  • #11
    smash
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34,808 ✭✭✭✭smash


    LexieOnRale wrote: »
    What the f uck?
    Are they actual quotes?!

    Look up James Joyce love letters. They're the depths of depravity!


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  • #12
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    "Like a hog riding a sow glorying in the very stink and sweat that rises from your arse".

    A little brown stain on the seat of your white drawers :eek:

    I'm no prude but I'm shocked and appauled. 1909. Jesus.


  • #13
    KERSPLAT!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 31,152 ✭✭✭✭KERSPLAT!


    Haha :D good man Seamus!


  • #14
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    I actually think this lad was the original scatman


  • #15
    super_furry
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 27,387 ✭✭✭✭super_furry


    Man I wish I had a sweet dirty little farter.


  • #16
    My name is URL
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,626 ✭✭✭✭My name is URL


    LexieOnRale wrote: »
    "Like a hog riding a sow glorying in the very stink and sweat that rises from your arse".

    A little brown stain on the seat of your white drawers :eek:

    I'm no prude but I'm shocked and appauled. 1909. Jesus.

    It's pretty well written dirty talk, in fairness


  • #17
    foggy_lad
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,373 ✭✭✭✭foggy_lad


    Is this bloomsday a boarding school thing? is there anyone else who has never read any of Joyces books or other stuff?


  • #18
    Bored_lad
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 919 ✭✭✭Bored_lad


    LexieOnRale wrote: »
    What the f uck?
    Are they actual quotes?!

    Ya they're from his love letters. You should be able find them with a quick Google search.


  • #19
    Bored_lad
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 919 ✭✭✭Bored_lad


    My name is URL wrote: »
    It's pretty well written dirty talk, in fairness

    Oh ya it's excellent stuff "It must be a fearfully lecherous thing to see a girl with her clothes up frigging furiously at her ****, to see her pretty white drawers pulled open behind and her bum sticking out and a fat brown thing stuck half-way out of her hole." Haha


  • #20
    LightsStillOn
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 798 ✭✭✭LightsStillOn


    You'd be fairly sickened all the same if you wrote some of the best pieces of literature of all time, and it's your sex letters that you get remembered for a hundred years later :pac:


  • #21
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    You'd be scarlet if you were Nora and had your skidmarkked underwear a C smelly bum written about and published


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  • #22
    smash
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34,808 ✭✭✭✭smash


    LexieOnRale wrote: »
    You'd be scarlet if you were Nora and had your skidmarkked underwear a C smelly bum written about and published

    I wonder if her great grandchildren have brought the letters in for show and tell?


  • #23
    My name is URL
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,626 ✭✭✭✭My name is URL


    LightsStillOn wrote: »
    You'd be fairly sickened all the same if you wrote some of the best pieces of literature of all time, and it's your sex letters that you get remembered for a hundred years later :pac:

    It does make you wonder about the value of privacy

    On the other hand, the fart letters are easier to read than Ulysses


  • #24
    hellyeah
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 465 ✭✭hellyeah


    nearly caused a pile-up on the n11 today driving there 1910 model t or whatever at about
    15 mile per hour waving at people etc.In there period costume. Get a life.


  • #25
    gramar
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,045 ✭✭✭✭gramar


    Snake Pliisken wrote: »
    Funny that his dirty notes to his lady l are still better reading than most of the ****e being published now.

    She sounds like no lady.


  • #26
    The King of Moo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,207 ✭✭✭The King of Moo


    One by one they were all becoming shades. Better pass boldly into that other world, in the full glory of some passion, than fade and wither dismally with age. He thought of how she who lay beside him had locked in her heart for so many years that image of her lover’s eyes when he had told her that he did not wish to live.


  • #27
    Robsweezie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,434 ✭✭✭Robsweezie


    im a bit shocked to be honest - I didn't think people spoke like that back then. im no prude, and I know it originated somewhere, just shocked and amused.


  • #28
    MadsL
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,299 ✭✭✭✭MadsL


    Robsweezie wrote: »
    im a bit shocked to be honest - I didn't think people spoke like that back then. im no prude, and I know it originated somewhere, just shocked and amused.

    Best not read Shakespeare then...here's a nice "yore ma" joke.

    CHIRON
    Thou hast undone our mother.
    AARON
    Villain, I have done thy mother.


  • #29
    Sleepy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 25,000 ✭✭✭✭Sleepy


    Surprised at that. Tried reading "A Portrait of an Artist as a Young Man" years ago and gave up a quarter of the way through, it was utter drivel.

    Boards.ie need your help to survive, subscribe here



  • #30
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 14,242 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Robsweezie wrote: »
    im a bit shocked to be honest - I didn't think people spoke like that back then. im no prude, and I know it originated somewhere, just shocked and amused.

    Background: Absalom is at Alison's window, looking for a goodnight kiss. Alison is in bed with another man, and decides to play a joke on Absalom. She says she is about to kiss him...

    This Absolon wyped his lips ful dry.
    Dark was the nyght as pitch, or as coal
    And at the wyndow, out she putte her hole,
    and Absolon, he [couldn't see a thing]
    But with his mouth he kiste her naked arse
    Full savorly, before he were aware of this.
    Aback he stirred and thoughte it was amiss,
    For well he knew a womman hath no beard,
    He felte a thing all rough and long and hard,
    And seyde, "Fy! Alas! what have done?"
    from 'The Miller's Tale', by Chaucer, written approx. 1387


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  • #31
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    God his spelling is dire


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