Favourite simpsons episode and quote

Sauron

ok....the way this works is that people name ONE simpsons episode and one quote/ moment from that episode just for the laugh. so we remember the good old simpsons days. please don't repeat. for me its The Icthy and Scratchy Movie episode

Homer to Bart: son, I know how much you wanted to see that movie.. but let me tell u a story.. when I was young I wanted an electric footbal game but my parents wouldn't give it to me...so I held my breath until I passed out and hit my head..the doctor thought I might have brain damage.

Bart: dad, whats the point of this story?

Homer: I like stories:)

Dr. Dre

Otto drives schol bus into car wrecking yard, and a car pool is needed to bring kids to school. Homer drives first.

Homer: Quit jive talking me turkey. See, you got to sass it !
Homer: A turkey is a bad person!


Beer banned in Springfiled:
Wigam: Holy....
Police guy: Looks like an explosion of beer at the old simpson place.
Wigam: I'm proceeding on foot, call in back up: we need pretzels, repeat, pretzels.


{EDIT}: Oops, that's two espisodes - ahh, what ya gonna do.

orangerooster

Hmm thats hard anything from the last few series isnt really simpsons so cant be quoted as anywhere near funny so something from when it ws always always very funny.

Smithers:Should we dump it in the park?
Burns:No all those bald children are arrousing suspsion.

In the park smithers and burns are dumping nuclear waste.

Smithers:I think that tree is full sir.
Burns:thats ridiculous the last tree held nine drums!
Nondescript fbi styled cars pull up.
Agent:A few boyscouts stumbled on your little game of hide the oooozzze!

or

Smithers:I like the way Sn..rrub thinks.

Deffo my favourite episode.Burns is the best character in the simpsons.

MrBigglesworth

The one where Homer gets sick and Lisa, Bart and Selma go to Duffland:

Lisa: "And remember dad, no solids!"
Homer: (whiney)"But I like solids"

Karl Hungus

In the halloween episode with the teleporter. Homer grabs an axe...

"I'm gonna do something I should've done a long time ago... I'LL TEACH YOU TO MESS WITH MY MACHINE!!!"

Although...

Anything with Flanders is always pure gold!

"What's with the lead pipe? Planning on giving my noggin' a floggin'?"
"You killed the zombie Flanders!" "He was a what now?"
"Homer, I think we just ran over something." "I hope it was Flanders!"

I've a good friend called Flanders, and between singing Ultravox, it's always good to get in the quote "Life is just one crushing defeat after another untill you just wish Flanders was dead!"

Kappar

Someone says to Homer: "You're looking well"
Homer: "Well I have been eating more"

Woman to Mr. Plough A.K.A Homer: "Try not to scrape my asphalt"
Homer: "Kiss my asphalt"

Homer: "I love you Pepsi"
Pepi: "Pepi"
Homer: "Pepi"

The simpsons go into a real posh sky box and marge says: "Wow it's like moby's house on cribs" Lol

Tha's all i can think of now

Repli

Homer: At least everything worked out okay
Marge: Bart is dead!!!
Homer: Saying sorry won't bring him back
Marge: The gypsy said it would
Homer: She's not the boss of me

Mr E

2 favourite eps....

1. Simpsons get a pool, bart breaks his leg, sees Flanders 'burying' Maude from his bedroom window. Genius episode from start to finish.

2. One of the hallowe'en specials. Homer makes a time machine out of his toaster. Remembers advice Abe gave him on his wedding day ("If you ever go back in time...."). Classic stuff...

- Dave.

Sauron

or the hullaboluza episode..

"Billy Corgan, Smashing pumpkins"
"Homer simpson smiling politely"

"we envy you homer, all we have is our legions of fans, our millions of dollars, and our youth......WHOOHOO":D
classic

Bart: homer i'm doing a survey for my shool, what religon are u?
Homer : u know.... the one with all the well meaning ideas that don't work in real life...ehh Christianity

Bart:do u wear boxers or briefs
Homer: no

Jim

cheif wiggam and lou are standing on the peer.

wiggam is hammer in a sign "deportees this way", he falls through the peer and disppears from sight.

lou : " signs floatin awy cheif"

Caesar_Bojangle

I use this quote by Disco Stu when some minger is trying it on with me in a club

"Back away, not today. Disco lady"

Its from episode where marge broke her leg at the ski resort

oeNeo

My favourite episode is when their car is stolen and then found in New York. Homer doesn't want to go to New York because of what happened there when he was younger. Then he tells them what happened to him.. you have to see it tbh.

Tha Gopher

Fave episode is the one where Homer becomes sanitation commisioner.
"Guess how I solved the budget crisis?"
All the family think he is selling drugs
"Close,but your way off!"

Homer-"I came here to shake things up Patterson.Fight city hall,rattle a few cages(attacks parrot cage)
Patterson"Leave the bird alone!"
Homer-"Never!"

Lenny-"I dunno.Homer is a great nuclear safety inspector but Im just not sure if I trust him with my garbage"

Quimby-"Did I hear an,eh,briefcase opening?"
And also when the mayor informs Homer that his budget has been spent in a month.So he thinks he has a plan to save money....
Homer-"Dont worry.I think I have the solution"
Quimby-"You better.Those trash collectors wont work for free!"
Homer-"Doh!"

Homer sneaks into the U2 concert in stereotypical fashion,dressed as an Irish farmer
Roadie-"Who are you?"
Homer-"Patayto man"
Roadie-"Where the hell have you been??!?"

Homer-"Cos Ill be the most whack,tripped out sanitation commisioner EVER!Can ya dig it?(silennce)eh,can you?!"
He then does a dance in a last ditch effort to win the crowd.

Patterson when re-elected"Wow!You know,Im not much on speeches but it fells so good to......see you suffer in the mess you created I quit goodbye"
Moe"Hes right-he aint much on speeches"

Patterson"The american people have never tlerated incompetent and corrupt officials.You are going to crash and burn my bald fat headed friend"
Homer"See we`re still friends!Now how bout a cuddle?"

BEST EPISODE EVER!

Steve_o

1 quote i always found very funny was

Grandpa: I'm edgy, i got ants in my pants
Dr. Nick: Calm down Mr. Simpson you'll give yourself skin failure

Theres so many class episodes its hard to think of 1 that stands out!!

robbie1876

The one where Bart wins an elephant from the radio station and Homer tries to sell it to a sanctuary:

Homer: "Ok, here's your keys to the elephant"
Ranger: "Elephants don't have keys, Mr Simpson"
Homer: "Alright.....well I'll just....keep them!"

DeadBankClerk

"Shoplifiting is a victemless crime, just like punching someone in the dark"
- Nelson

p.pete

The one where Homer gets a new job

Scorpio: "Do you want cream with that?"

Makaveli

The Australian one

Angry Australian Dad (on phone): Why you're just some punk kid!
Bart: What are you gonna do? You're all the way over in Australia. Hey I think I hear a dingo eating your baby.


Bart (in cafe holding penknife, outback type chap walks up to him)
Outback guy: You call that a knife? This is a knife!
Bart: That's not a knife that's a spoon.
Outback guy: Oh, I see you've played knifey-spooney before.


Classic, especially with all the Australian accents.

irishgeo

Bart: April Fool

Its a classic.

daveg

The one where homers buys subliminal tapes to loose wieght. You plan them in your sleep. Homer buy's the wrong ones - he buy's "enhance your vocabulary".

Goes to the fridge for a beer... "mmm beer. My one weakness. My Achilees heel if you will".

Classic stuff. Too many to mention though.

woosaysdan

theres loads of them here

Dont Ban Me

Homer at the U2 concert:

*knock* *knock*

Bono: "who is it?"
Homer: "Potato Mann!"
Bono: "Where the hell have you been?!!"
(the accent made it!)

DapperGent

Bart, Lisa and Selma go to Duffland. Lisa trips out after drinking some strange water.

Handing pills over - "Give her this then this and then these"

"Thank you Doctor."

"Oh I'm not a Doctor."

Classic.

fisty

the one where homer get hooked on mary jane.

Otto: Remember when I dropped my keys and you thought the phone was ringin'?

Homer: Yeah... hehehehehe.... Out.

hussey

Police man : "Do you hold a grudge against montgumery burns"
Moe (who is hooked up to a lie detector) : "No"
LD :"ERRRRR"
Moe:"Alright, maybe I do, but I didn't shoot him"
LD:"Bing"
PM:"Ok, checks out, your free to go"
M:"Good, cause I've a hot date tonight"
LD :"ERRRRR"
M:"A date"
LD :"ERRRRR"
M:"Dinner with friends"
LD :"ERRRRR"
M:"Dinner alone"
LD :"ERRRRR"
M:"Wtaching TV alone"
LD :"ERRRRR"
M:"Alright, I'm gonna stay at home and oogle the girls in the victoria's secret catalog"
LD :"ERRRRR"
M:"Sereers catalog"
LD :"Bing"
M:"Will you un hook this already I don't deserver this shabby treatment"
LD :"ERRRRR"

Lennoxschips

I'll have to second whoever suggested the haloween episode when Homer makes a time machine out of his toaster. Brilliant stuff.

Epitaph

In the episode when Homer's accused of molesting the baby-sitter:

(someone): Grandpa, there's only 49 stars on that flag.

Grandpa: I'll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I recognise Missoura!!

Kappar

The one were homer's sick or something and is real weak and Dr. Hibert is poking him and homer's saying "stop...stop...remeber your himpotpmus oath." ha ha ha:D

^CwAzY^

Don't remember it exactly but something along these lines

Grandpa: Or make friends with a chinese man
Chinese man: We never allowed you to leave the home grandpa
Grandpa: Sure ya didn't ping pong
Chinese man: ......My name's Craig



and another


Grandpa: What's this now, homer bowled a 297?
Marge: Grandpa that was 2 years ago

Sauron

Homer-"Dont worry.I think I have the solution"
Quimby-"You better.Those trash collectors wont work for free!"
Homer-"Doh!"

classic


also this from the April fools episode

Bart: beer the the cheese!! but how to use it
Homer(opens cans and it sprays him a bit)oh its a good thing that beer wasn't shaken up any more or i'd have looked quite the fool...an april fool as it were..

bringitdown

Homer: "That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!"
Bart: "I don't think any of us expected him to say that. "

---

Child: It's the Krusty Burglar!
Homer: Ohmigod! He's stealing all the burglars! Why you little --
[jumps Krusty Burglar, starts pummeling him]
Emcee: Oh, Homer, it -- it's all -- it -- it's all j -- jus -- just an act!
Child: [crying] Stop! Stop, he's already dead.
[two men drag Homer off]
Emcee: Er, Krusty the Klown, everybody!
[a few children clap; the rest are too horrified]

Darragh2

Definitely the Duff Gardens one where Homer is in the car feeling very woozy at this stage and he says:

"Duff... Gardens................. Hurrah!!!

And then he faints and his face hits the steering wheel.

A classic, especially with the expression he had on his face when he said it!

milltown

Those mentioned so far are not without their merits but my all time favourite is when Homer buys a gun and joins the NRA.

Gunshop guy:I suppose you'll be wanting the accessory kit?
Homer: Yes
Gun guy: Bandolier?
Homer: Yep
Gun guy:Silencer?
Homer: Uh huh
Gun guy: Loudener? (holds up large funnel shaped attachment)
Homer: Oh baby
Gun guy: (with even bigger accessory) And this is for shooting down police helicopters
Homer: Oh I don't need anything like that....yet

So many classic scenes.

Homer tells Marge to close her eyes for his surprise, and opens them to find herself staring down the barrel of the gun.

Etc.

Bubba

you just copyed me you faget

Barry Aldwell

"See, this is the trigger, and this is the thing that you point at what you want to die"

So many moments.

bort

Lisa: dad what the hell is a muppet

Homer: Wellll its not quite a mop and its not quite a puppet but
maaan, so to answer your question, i dont know


and now its my signature!

MrJoeSoap

Heres a few funny ones from the episode where Homer gets a gun to protect his family:

---

MOE
Yeah, so last night I was closing up the bar, when some young punk comes in and tries to stick me up.

The crowd gasps.

SIDESHOW MEL
Whatever did you do, Moe?

MOE
Well, it coulda been a real ugly situation, but I managed to shoot him in the spine. (crowd applaud) Yeah, I guess the next place he robs better have a ramp! Ha ha!

---

Homer pulls out his gun.

HOMER
Freeze, bad guy!

Snake drops the knife and Mayor Quimby runs out.

QUIMBY
Vote Quimby!

SNAKE
Okay, man. Don't shoot, chill.

MARGE
Homer! You said you got rid of the gun! You lied to me - again!

HOMER
I know I said that. But what I secretly meant was--

SNAKE
(grabbing the gun) Yoink! Ho ho! Ha ha ha!

HOMER
The jokes on you, buddy. There's no bullets in that thing. (he hold up a box) Ha ha!

SNAKE
Yo! Give me the bullets!

HOMER
Okay, don't shoot!

---

Sorry its more than one quote but its just soooooo funny.

tman

from the radioactive man movie episode;

director - "up and atom!"
raineer wolfcastle - "up and at them!"

or homers conversation with the teamsters (can't remember how it goes)

homer - "why are you painting that horse"
teamsters - "cows don't look like cows on film so we paint horses to look like them"
h - "what do you do if you need to film a horse"
ts - "ah, we usually just sellotape a bunch of cats together"

i'm not sure if i just imagined that scene

Okie

I saw an episode the last day, that I hadn't seen before.Didn't catch the beginning of it, something about Grampa Simpson heading off after an old woman he had fallen in love with. He robbed Homer's car and drove to Branston (in Missouri I think)

So the rest of the family took the bus to go after him. Couple of hours later they wind up in Bronson where everybody (women and children included) look like Charles Bronson

When they realise their mistake, a mother and son walk past:

(Son Charles Bronson): Hey ma, how 'bout some cookies.
(Mother Charles Bronson): No dice.
(Son Charles Bronson): Oh, this ain't over.

I suppose you had to be there, but I laughed till I stopped.

Too many classic episodes to think of.

Pugwash

How come no one has mentioned ralph yet??

"Hi principal Skinner, Hi super nintendo Charlmers"

Or when the whole school catch Skinner+Ms.Crabbapple going at it in the closet:
"Principal Skinner and Ms.Crabbapple were making babies and I saw one of the babies and it looked at me"

oeNeo

The best episode has to be when their car is stolen and found in New York, parked in-between the Twin Towers. The funniest part was when Homer was remembering his visit to New York when he was younger.. ahh roffle.

weemcd

Tha Gopher!!!

you forgot the absolute best line in that whole epesode

sanatation comissioner " you told people i lure children into my gingerbread house"
Homer: "hhe yeah that was a lie"

i love the one were homer invents loadsa things, the make up gun

marge "no woman is going to want to be shot in the face"
homer theyll want what i tell them to want"

Bart "ladie is going to the police force"
Homer " he better learn to keep his mouth shut"

Dempsey

The Halloween Episode with the Evil Krusty Doll.


Homer: Marge! Marge! The doll is trying to kill me....and the toaster is laughing at me.


The entire St. Paddy's Day one.



The one where they are going to move the baseball team.

Mayor of Albequerque: Ring Dallas, see how much they want for the cowboys.....
Secretary: The Cowboys play football.
Mayor of Albequerque: They'll play what I tell em to play...

weemcd

homer puts a barrel on his head im the primeminister of irealnd!

Zombrex

The one where Moe is about to hire Smithers to distract Barney when the beer delievery comes

Delivery Man: "Where u want ... oh my god its you. No .. get away!! Arraggh!!!
Barney: Hahahaha!!

Classic

Or anyone with Moe and his illegal Panda smuggling or Whale smuggling

Moe: "Okay get them back to Sea World"


Homer: "Ever since you started therapy everything is about you Marge"
Marge: "I just finished my first season and I haven't opened my mouth"
Homer: "You see! You see! I just finished MY first season and I haven't opened MY mouth"


Sideshow Bob is smoking in a theatre causing the Simpsons family to cough and spluter.
Marge: "Some people are so rude"
Camera flashes to Homer nodding in agreement while smoking a huge cigar

Sideshow Bob: "Oh I'll stay way! I'll stay FAR AWAY!! ... wait ... thats not right ... say "stay away from my son again""
Marge: "No!"
Sideshow Bob: "grrrr"

Zaph

Not my favourite episode, but definitely my favourite quote. The episode is where the family play mixed doubles tennis against one another and are replaced one by one by Agassi, Sampras and the Williams sisters, and the Simpsons are left sitting on a bench watching the game:

Homer: "It's better to watch stuff than to do stuff."

Pigman II

So many good eps, so many great lines! Here's my own personal favorites ......




Lisa "You can't judge a place you've never been to."
Bart "Yeah, that's what they do in Russia!"

---

Electric Car : "Hello there, I'm an electric car. I can't go very fast, or very far. And if you drive me, people will think you're gay."

---

Marge: I'm not sure I approve of selling whisky to children
Buck: Those ads were aimed at children who were already heavy drinkers

---

Homer : Lousy minor setbacks, this world SUCKS

---

Homer : 'we like our cars fast and our banks closed'

---

Tv guy : 'Not hard to see why it's England's longest-running series, and today, we're showing all seven episodes.'

---

Homer : 'hey vinny how about a pizza? i gotta no job!'

---

Frenchman : ‘We French don't have to explain ourselves to the likes of you. **throws glass of wine in judges face** I await your reply!’

---

Bart : 'I think I read somewhere that cows like being killed'

---

Homer : 'You're forgetting, you've got the best bodyguard in the business! Now promise, or I'll let you fall to your death.'

---

Quimby : 'No, no, I truly do want to stay home with the ... [sighs] wife.'

---

Troy McClure - Here's an appealing fellow -- in fact, they're a-peeling him off the sidewalk.

---

Krusty : here's eastern europes favorite cartoon - 'worker & paracite'

---

Burns : why marge , look at all those flys buzzing round youre head! you're a mess woman!

---

Moe : one of you guys has to be a homer-sexual

---

Burns : that’s it baby! Work those anlkles

---

Skinner : Order, order! Do you kids wanna be like the real U.N., or do you just wanna squabble and waste time?

---

Cadet Leader: Company L? But they smell!
Commandant: Yes, we've all heard the chant.

---

Kent brockman : You've seen the movie, now meet a real-life Noah! Only this Noah has been accused of <killing> two of every animal!

---

Bart : i'd like to order a 3am wake-up call for every room but this one

---

Mr. Sparkle: Out of my way, all of you. This is no place for loafers! Join me or die! Can you do any less?

---

Lisa : Wow, even _I_ didn't know he was so committed to recycling. See? I told you Mr. Burns was changed. See?
Marge : Lisa, nobody likes a gloater, right, Homie?
Homer : Uh huh.
Marge : See?

---

Little Ned: Whee! I'm Dick Tracy! Take that Pruneface! Now I'm Pruneface, take that Dick Tracy! Now I'm Prune Tracy, take that Dick...

---

Ned: [omnious] And if you really tick me off, I'm gonna run you down with my car.

---

Skinner: I'll tell you something that's not so funny. Right now, Superintendant Chalmers is at home crying like a little girl.

---

Marge: The only thing I'm high on is love...love for my son and daughters. Yes, a little LSD is all I need.

---

Willy: "Bonjourrr", you cheese-eating surrender monkeys!

---

Milhouse: Step over this line and say that! I'll kick your butt! ...at Nintendo.

---

Milhouse: [contemptuous] Oh, they're _always_ eating candy in Shelbyville. They _love_ the sweet taste.

---

Otto: You know those guitars, that are like, double guitars, you know? ["Approved"]

---

Lisa: Uh huh. In fact, in Rand McNally, they wear hats on their feet and hamburgers eat people.

---

Skinner: Once...but by the time I got to the phone, my discovery had already been reported by Principal Kahoutek... I got back at him, though...him and that little _boy_ of his.

---

Skinner: Willy, go into the vent and get him.
Willy: What? Have you gone waxy in your peaster? I cannot fit in tha' wee vent, you croquet-playing mint muncher.
Skinner: Grease yourself up and go in, you...you guff-speaking work-slacker.
Willy: Ooh, good comeback.

---

Burns: It was I, you fools! The man you trusted wasn't Wavy Gravy at all!

---

Burns: Bart, I know you children see me as some sort of "booger man", but I'm really not such a bad dude.

---

DJ 3000: Those clowns in congress did it again. What ... a bunch ... of clowns.
Bill: [laughs] How does it keep up with the news like that?

---

Homer: No, Lisa. The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!

---

Troy: Right about now, you're probably saying, "Troy, I've seen _every_ `Simpsons' episode. You can't show me anything new." [menacing] Well, you got some attitude, Mister!

El Marco

The halloween episode with homer as king kong.

Smithers: Women and seamen don't mix sir

___________

Man: hey, where are we going?

Lenny: Ape Island

Man: What's there?

Karl: Apes

Lenny: I'd much prefere to go to candy apple island

Man: What's there?

Karl: Apes, but they're not as big

LoneGunM@n

My all time favourite episode would have to be The Simpsons Halloween Special with the Shinning .... especially where he's cahsing Marge up the stairs, catches a glimpse of the scary face he's pulling, screams and falls down the stairs ... that has me p1ssing myself everytime!!.

My favourite quote ... Look @ my sig

Shell

quote:

---

Homer-"Dont worry.I think I have the solution"
Quimby-"You better.Those trash collectors wont work for free!"
Homer-"Doh!"

---

SAME EPISODE:

Lisa: Is this one of those problems that can be solved by you just apologising?
Homer: I never apologise Lisa, I'm sorry but that's just the way i am


he he he

milltown

Homer is in Dr.Hibbert's office after taking a 3 man beating in Moe's.

Dr.H: You've got a unique condition called Homer Simpson Syndrome
Homer: Awww! Why me?
Dr.H: No,no, why in your case it's quite beneficial. Your brain is surrounded by a layer of fluid one eighth of an inch thicker than normal which acts as a shock absorber. Why I could hit you all day with this surgical two by four without ever knocking you out (unwraps 2 x 4 from "Sterile" wrapper). But I've got other appointments.

Burns at the Mayo clinic.

Dr: You are the unhealthiest man I have ever seen, you have everything! Including some diseases that have only just been discovered. In you!
Burns: I see. Are you sure you haven't just made thousands of mistakes?