family guy

loismustdie

if you know what family guy is say something about it because no humour form should be without a mention of it - what do you think>

Ivan

The old classic :

Damn you, damn the broccoli and damn the wright brothers!

Ivan

...and no sprinkles!

For every sprinkle I find, I shall KILL you!

Wolf

You cut my milk!

Sir milk is a liquid and cannot be cut

(SLAP)

Frezze it then cut it dammit and if you every question me again you find yourself looking for work!

You fetch me the eveing standard!

You take these eggs away!

You two fight to the death!

(dun dun dun d d d d dun dun dundun star Trek style)

disco_rob_funk

Yes, I rather like this god fellow. He's very theatrical, you know, a pestilence here, a plague there...Omnipotence! Gotta get me some of that, hmmm?

[Iramus]

oh i have got plenty!
Brian: Why dont you buy a car from a car dealer
peter: I once knew a guy who bought a car from a car dealer and ten years later......Bam!....herpes

Some Wierd Guy in the Store: WOW! Lois Griffin! I love you act... Nice melons
Peter: Hey buddy watch it
Lois: Peter I'm holding melons(she's holding two watermelons)
Guy:And her hooters aint bad either
Peter:Now hang on a second there
Lois:Peter! I'm holding hooters (owls)
Guy: Your wifes hot

Peter: Uhh.. mayor West?
Mayor Adam West: How do you know my language?

Stewie:
Ah, the breakfast thing. Yes, it wasn't about the eggs really, frankly I like the yolks, I..I don't..I have no problem, it's, there's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me and it's not so much that I want to kill her. It's just that I want her not to be alive anymore. I sometimes wonder if all women are this difficult, and then I think to myself, by god wouldn't it be marvellous if I turned out to be a homosexual.

[ir]:ninja:

hells angels

WHAT THE FÚCK??????????

woolymammoth

Peter: wait a second, Rosie, I've just poured this glass of warm yellow liquid on the counter and you're telling me that Bounty can pick it up in 5 seconds?

Rosie: What is this?

Peter: 4 seconds...

Rosie: is that?

Peter: 3 seconds..

Rosie: it smells like..

Peter: CLEAN MY PEE!!

Ivan

Stewie:

If you were any slower, you wouldn't need an egg timer, you'd need an egg calendar!

Oh yes... I went there

Strange looking ghost children : Come play with us stewie, forever and ever and ever.

Stewie: Yes, all work and no play makes stewie a dull boy...

(Pulls out a rocket launcher and blows up the ghost children)

As for you, kind sage. I only hope my heart felt thanks will keep you warm as you spend the next ten years IN FROZEN CARBONITE!!

And now you contemptible harpy, I shall end your oppressive reign of matriarichal tyranny

...I want to get the hell out of here!!

Oh, I'm sorry, we're fresh out of that.

Hello Mother, care to partake in one of your, oh so exhilarating games of peekaboo?

Forecast for tomorrow, a few sprinkles of geious with a chance of doom!

Hello Mother, care to partake in one of your, oh so exhilarating games of peekaboo?

Stewie Rocks.

Kone

Ahh, the breakfast thing. It wasn't even about the eggs really. Frankly, I like the yolks, I do, I have no problem.

Its just that there's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me. Its not so much that I want to "kill" her, i want her to not be alive anymore.

I sometimes wonder if all women are this difficult. And then I think to myself, my God, wouldn't it be marvelous if I turned out to be a homosexual?

Tyrrial

Stewie: look i'm writing obsenities on the was

<view of wall>

"poppycock"

Wolf

BLACK TO THE FUTURE

Don1

(Stewie)
My mission becomes clear.................the brocoli must die !!!



(Peter)
Oh you're a bad little car....... oh what's that,......you want me inside you?





"It's Peter-time" -da da da da, da da, da da.....(MC Hammer dance routine)



Milk milk lemonade, round the corner fudge is made!






(Death)
Did you make this cocao with crap? Cos seriously, it tastes like crap!






Aaaaah no. Heh I caught Flo-Jo, I'll catch you!

Ivan

"The clitoris: nature's rubix cube."

--"Ok, I brought you here to tell you that I'm really a woman."
--"Oh my God, you're a woman?"
--"Well, actually . . . I'm a horse."
--"Oh my God, you're a horse?"
--"No . . . I'm really a broom."
--"Oh my God, you're a broom?"
--"So, how do you feel?"
--"To be honest, Diane, I'm surprised."

Wolf

"Sometimes its alright to swear"

(Flash Back)

"I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and notthing but the truth....... ..... ...... y..... ya b.astard"


Also

"Hahahaha that was joke chewing gum now your addicted to Heroine"

"HAHAHHAHhhahah Im soo so cold"

Ivan

"Dear MacGuyver . . . Here's a rubber band, a paper clip, and a drinking straw . . . free my dog."

Peter: "I've always been a great driver . . ."
Brian: "Umm . . . Peter, remember your experience in the desert . . ."
[Camera cuts to the desert, and a roadrunner stops at an intersection and goes, "Meep, meep." Then, a car hits it. The camera cuts inside of the car that hit the roadrunner.]
Peter: "Oh crap, is that ostrich alright?"
Coyote: "Yeah, keep driving."
Peter: "Are you sure?"
Coyote: "Yeah, keep going . . ."

"Holy crip, he's a crapple."

"There's this game where you put in a dollar and the machine gives you four quarters . . . I win every time."

"Dad, what would you say if I told you that I didn't want to be in the Scouts anymore?"

"I would say, 'Come again,' and then laugh because I said 'come.'"

Don1

I have the winner. Best quote ever:



"Heh heh,..........aaa'riiiight!!!!!"

Agree?




Or maybe:


Brian normal:"Moneh, moooneh" high pitched "Mooooneh"
you have to hear that un though really for ti to take effect!

Wolf

"YOU! cyborg, I demand you release your secects to me at one!"

loismustdie

it was the evil monkey that ives in my closet

loismustdie

oh, very good fatman, we follow you to the gates of eternity and this is where you bring us?
it's over man, we're through

loismustdie

oh yeah, just like there was no nuclear holocaust? he shoots, he scores!

loismustdie

chris: run ET run
et; ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

loismustdie

you, get me the wall street journal,
you two, fight to the death

loismustdie

well lois, if i'm a child, that makes you a paedophile, and i'm not going to stay here and be lectured by a paedophile

loismustdie

lois: at my slumber parties we used to practice french kissing
chris: alright mom
lois: chris come out here right now
chris: i can't
lois: well finish up and then come out

loismustdie

lois: that is not the man i married
bryan: so technically you're available?

loismustdie

who's leg do you have to hump to ge a dry martini around here

loismustdie

if i talked real loud i could make you look like the bad guy too

loismustdie

......................... chicken sold me a bad coupon

loismustdie

death: i'll see you soon, is he joking?

loismustdie

death; i did some movies in college i'm not proud of

GuanYin

Stewie : ...and I know a little something about bad ideas....
<cut to Stewie and famous american sports star at a bar>

Stewie (drunk & slurring): I tell ya Juice....sheeez cheaten on ya..

"Juice": Oh god... (runs out door)

Tusky

1:Do you want some gum ?
2:sure
1:haha that was joke gum - nwo your addicted to heroine !
2: hahaha.....soooo cold

it was mentioned b4 but thats it in full

and lois stop the ****ing spam jesus...

Don1

tusky, don't you mean "Jebus"!!!!!!!

Panda

That part just before the actual show starts, where they sometimes take the pi$$ out of a tv show.
I forget the show and the characters but:

Dad:Jimmy seems to be a little down and out, i think ill make him a sandwich.
Daughter:Oh dad, you think that a sandwich is the solution to everything.(while laughing)

dad runs over and starts hitting his daughter and the mother runs in,

Mother: Hey, HEY, six is enough!

milltown

Sign over the bar in Peter's basement: "Ye Olde Pube"

Tom and Diane on TV covering the parade:
Diane: It's a beautiful day for the parade Tom, are you as excited as I am?
Tom: Are you kidding me? I've got wood!
Tom: And attached to that piece of wood is a piece of paper listing the entries.

Tom on the news when they thought nobody was watching:
"I just plain don't like black people"

loismustdie

lois' snobby aunt: but i was wrong
peter: yeah, and now you're dead - round one to peter

loismustdie

Originally posted by [Iramus]
oh i have got plenty!
Brian: Why dont you buy a car from a car dealer
peter: I once knew a guy who bought a car from a car dealer and ten years later......Bam!....herpes

Some Wierd Guy in the Store: WOW! Lois Griffin! I love you act... Nice melons
Peter: Hey buddy watch it
Lois: Peter I'm holding melons(she's holding two watermelons)
Guy:And her hooters aint bad either
Peter:Now hang on a second there
Lois:Peter! I'm holding hooters (owls)
Guy: Your wifes hot

Peter: Uhh.. mayor West?
Mayor Adam West: How do you know my language?

Stewie:
Ah, the breakfast thing. Yes, it wasn't about the eggs really, frankly I like the yolks, I..I don't..I have no problem, it's, there's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me and it's not so much that I want to kill her. It's just that I want her not to be alive anymore. I sometimes wonder if all women are this difficult, and then I think to myself, by god wouldn't it be marvellous if I turned out to be a homosexual.

[ir]:ninja:

would you have gotton those quotes straight from the internet

Squall

Peter: "Well, I didnt fart till i was 30"
(Flash to Hippy Peter on a beanbag, he farts)
Peter: "What the hell was that!"

(2 guys in the bar in Peters basement looking at a drawing of stewies)
"Awww look its a horsie."

"No your holding it upside down its the flux capacitor for a time machine"

Stewie: "Damn, give that back"


Peters boss after the penis from the Venus dimilo flies in his window

"I shall call you edwardo"


Ahhhh so many classics

loismustdie

chris: guess what word i'm thinking and it's not pussy
meg: is it pussy?
chris: get out of my head........................

loismustdie

peter: lois it doesn't matter if your family don't like me?
lois: that's right because all that matters is that i love you
peter: no because all your ancestors are pimps and whores

loismustdie

we like being alive, we like being alive, we like being a, we like being a, we like being alive
i guess it's their time

Wolf

Originally posted by Squall
(2 guys in the bar in Peters basement looking at a drawing of stewies)
"Awww look its a horsie."

"No your holding it upside down its the flux capacitor for a time machine"

Stewie: "Damn, give that back"

then goes "Damn you all youll rue the day!"

"Well go on start ruing!"

Drazhar

Quagmire walks into a toilet, to find a cheerleader tied up

"Oh YEAH, dear diary......"

Spacedog

Originally posted by sykeirl
Stewie : ...and I know a little something about bad ideas....
<cut to Stewie and famous american sports star at a bar>

Stewie (drunk & slurring): I tell ya Juice....sheeez cheaten on ya..

"Juice": Oh god... (runs out door)

Yeah that rocked, especially since "Juice" is OJ Simpson

Wolf

Quagmire walks into his bedroom and the girl in his bed says "Hey bady I have a question for you?"

Quagmire say" No, Iv got a question for you, what the Hell are you still doing here!"


ROFL!!!!

banbutcher

stewie: I tell you woman sone day your up-ens will come

GuanYin

Originally posted by Spacedog
Yeah that rocked, especially since "Juice" is OJ Simpson

Well duh!

aidan_dunne

Strained look on Stewie's face: "Now I've gone and soiled myself. Are you happy now?"

Stewie being bathed: "Take pictures so I'll have something to bring to court, you wretched filthy pervert!"

Stewie to Death: "Hello, I'm Stewie, big fan!"

"I say, am I to spend the entire day wallowing around in my own feces? Come on woman, change my diaper. Chop, chop!"

"I require a window seat and a Happy Meal. And no pickles! God help you if I find pickles!"

Stewie gets some of the best lines, doesn't he?

Dempsey

Originally posted by Ivan
The old classic :

Damn you, damn the broccoli and damn the wright brothers!

** Confusion Mode **

Wasnt it homer that said that?

TomTom

Sorry there dempseyt, it was definatly stewie.
Think it was "I Never Met the Dead Man"