Scary Stalker!! HELP

Wolf

Ok. I have a real problem.

To start off with im not the kind of person easily spooked, but this time I am getting a bit scared.

It started a short while ago when I started my new job. This girl in work got chatting with me and she seemed quite nice. So we get on well and I walk her up the road to her car and she comes into my flat and we watch a few vids and thats and no problem. While the TV is still on she curls up next to me. Next thing I know we are kissing and end up sleeping together. The next morning we get up and everything is cool. I tell her that tbh I dont want to go out with her ( I know this sounds bad but I dont normally do this and I was been honest, senciere and as gentel as possible). She says that cool and we are still friends.That was the secnario. Untill.......

Over the past 5 days shes has phoned me a few times every day. She texts me, asks me where im going all the time, is allways over at my desk in work, phones me when im on my way in and meets me outside for a smoke. Asks can she come round all the time and tries to get me to go and play pool with her.

I was talking to one of the other guys who works here and he told me that she is seeing a phycoligist and that she did this with another guy in the office as well.

Im not the type of person to tell someone to **** off in the first place but im worried that she might be a bit unstable and I dont want to really hurt her. I should also point out that I have had girls before that got it into there head that I was the one and only but this time it feels different it feels honestly scarey......im beginning to panic a bit

What the hell do I do ??????

Placebo

man , i think she got a bit personal since you slept with her , so let it fade . OR SHE CAN BE A PHSYCO but i doubt that .

I'd agree with that, keep your conversations and contact as "mater of fact" and short as is possible under the circumstances.
If it doesn't fade, or it gets very much worse, a trip to see her psychologist to explain whats going on might be necessary, if you can find out who that is.
they will know more about her, and what action to take that might prevent her doing anything drastic, bearing in mind that she may well be suicidal/depressed or summat.
mm

Lex_Diamonds

Pot. Rabbit.

Hells_Fury

Tell her upfront that she's making you uncomfortable and that you would appreciate it if she would back off ......of course say it a bit more diplomatically than that

McGinty

Hi Uk Wolf

The girl you mention has two problems 1) Letting go
2) Not understanding the concept of no. I am currently having the same problem as you, although I didn't shag the man who is hounding me, mind you I am rather glad I didn't.

I know how you feel, however your in a difficult situation in that you work with her. First of all, be straight, say that you don't want any more personal contact, you have to be cruel to be kind. No lies, no bull**** but the truth. She will say you are horrible and nasty etc, but this is a neccesary evil, as I have had to do the same and the guy in question thinks I am the bitch from hell. These people though lack a true and geniune respect for you and themselves. It is their problem and if you pretend to be nice you will make yourself miserable and end up hating them anyway, plus you may become irrationale.

If you can give no attention what;s so ever. For me I have blocked this guys e-mails, I don't answer his calls, and although he turned up at my door last weekend, I just shut the door in his face. You have to be tough and you have to consistent, say she all hard. It is a hard thing to do, and a cruel thing but sometimes being honest can be cruel, and you will do this girl a favour, as she will then have to look at herself and her attitude, at the moment she is trying to seek all her phsycological needs through you and that is dangerous and unfair to you.

Good luck, pm me if you seek further advice or a shoulder to moan on.

DMT

You could use some reverse psychology:
Get a bit psycho on her.
Start acting wierd around her. Very wierd. Freak her out.

• Tell her how much you like bunnys. Bunnys are your friends.
• If she wants you to play pool, tell her you have a thing about not bending over tables (it turns you on, or maybe it scares you).
• Mid conversation, mid sentence, just freeze for a few seconds, then continue talking as if nothing happened.
• Tell her from know on you'd like her to call you "Flumpy".
• Refer to the night you slept with her as "our mating session".
• Tell about your "fascination" with camels.
• Get the shakes every time she comes over to your desk.

She won't be long leaving you alone, although it might be a good idea to do this when no one else is around - that way if she tells anyone, they'll put it down to her psychological problems.

This is a serious post. I have successfully used these types of tactics in the past, with positive results

cartman

make sure you dont make her feel bad or unwanted..
you know bad things may happen....


suicide:(

DeadBankClerk

Is she ugly?

ballooba

Originally posted by DeadBankClerk
Is she ugly?

How come no one else asked that?

Wolf

Right first off no she isnt ugly, but then again shes no beauty Queen either.

The other thing is I know I shouldnt have slept with her in the first place but it kinda happened

Alot of this advice is really good thanks very much and the rabbit in a pot thing was on my mind But seriously while I know I have to a bit though I also know that I have to be careful I could end up hurting her badly and that could be the reason she is seeing someone ie due to depression or something.

Anyway over the past few days it has gotten better I went and played pool with her but then keep it very matter of fact the next day as in just a work friend and she has backed off. I think she is cooling her heels a bit. It looks like it should be ok. But thanks for all the advice

hussey

Over what time period did this happen??

as in when you started talking to her from when she got jiggy with mr biggy

azezil

I've had 3 or 4 women do this too me, one in particular got really freaky eventually i just told her to fuck off. Well i was a bit more harsh than that and it turned nasty but we're ok now

Just tell her outright that you're not interested!

Kell

The only person that I had stalking me was a complete freak. I arrived home one night and there was the album cover from the RHCP Blood Sugar album with "Twisting and turning your feelings are burning you're breaking the girl" written all over it. I flipped.

I seriouly challenged her over it and told her to cop onto life. I hadn't even slept with her though she had told friends that we had been away for a weekend etc. Have it out with her and in no uncertain terms make it clear you want her to fúck off.

As an aside, why should you be concerned over her mental health? She is damaging yours so why should your state of mind take a back seat to hers? Fúck her. If she goes off the rails it's not your fault.

K-

Wolf

Ok first off she was a bit over the top but not too much soo even before she meet Mr biggy.

Also Kell iv been through quite alot in my life and my mental stability is quite sound by this stage so as a result I dont mind too much other poeple dumping on my because I can usually take it and others cant

Beruthiel

She says that cool and we are still friends.That was the secnario. Untill.......

if you've already had a talk with her and she is still 'stalking' you, then I would say she has not heard a thing you've said - don't incourage her too much or she will think she is still in with a chance. I wouldn't go hanging out with her for the next few weeks or so, give her time to see it's not gonna happen. She sounds like the type of girl that figures that if you've had sex with her, you must like her, otherwise why would you do it?

bombidol

mess with her head a bit, tell her you love her then dont talk to her in any form for 2 weeks, then tell her you want to marry her, then emigrate. :ninja:

Kell

Originally posted by [-UK-]Wolf
Also Kell iv been through quite alot in my life and my mental stability is quite sound by this stage so as a result I dont mind too much other poeple dumping on my because I can usually take it and others cant

I didn't mean to imply you couldn't handle it, but by your own admission you are a tad freaked by it. Hence my point.

Why should you be freaked out or endure this crap from her if part of your reasoning is "she's not alright upstairs"?

K-

Wolf

Originally posted by bombidol
mess with her head a bit, tell her you love her then dont talk to her in any form for 2 weeks, then tell her you want to marry her, then emigrate. :ninja:

You werido.

Also in reply to Bruthiel your probably right. But about sleeping with her I do kinda like her or at least did untill she got quiet scary.

Wolf

Originally posted by Kell
I didn't mean to imply you couldn't handle it, but by your own admission you are a tad freaked by it. Hence my point.

Why should you be freaked out or endure this crap from her if part of your reasoning is "she's not alright upstairs"?

K-

All I meant was that I can handle a little bit of oddness but what if she cant handle rejection. Its not a big ask to say I should put up with her a bit as long as she doesnt do something crazy

DannyD

as Easy E says:
I find 'em **** 'em and flee you know
but before I d.o'
yo, I take a ho' to the hotel
to the motel
to the holiday inn
yo, if that bitch start ****in' up
I'll just **** her friend .

That's all the advice you need.West out.

Victor

Perhaps she is lonely and in need of company. Perhaps sit her down and agree an arrangement as to when she can and can't contact you. Any relationship should have time off.

Wolf

Originally posted by Victor
Perhaps she is lonely and in need of company. Perhaps sit her down and agree an arrangement as to when she can and can't contact you. Any relationship should have time off.

This is what im trying to get maybe she just needs a friend is all? and how can I be her friend without been too keen.

Although I should point out that she seems to have lots of friends and isnt sort of suitors.....so why me ?

Kell

Originally posted by [-UK-]Wolf
Although I should point out that she seems to have lots of friends and isnt sort of suitors.....so why me ?

Could be your astonishing looks, wit, charm and charisma? Maybe you are the missing piece of a puzzle and that contact with you is fulfilling her in some way (no pun meant).

Maybe approach it from the tack of asking her what she is hoping to achieve from spending so much time around you or why it is she wants to spend oodles of time with you. At least it takes the guess work out of what she is at.

K-

Wolf

Originally posted by Kell
Could be your astonishing looks, wit, charm and charisma?

Possibley, possibley.........






but I dout it

Nah she hasnt phoned me yet today I think perhaps after the intial firestorm if you like she has calmed down a bit. As long as I keep my distance and tread carefully I think I can stay of top of it ( no pun intended )
ta

John2002

Originally posted by DMT
You could use some reverse psychology:
Get a bit psycho on her.
Start acting wierd around her. Very wierd. Freak her out.

• Tell her how much you like bunnys. Bunnys are your friends.
• If she wants you to play pool, tell her you have a thing about not bending over tables (it turns you on, or maybe it scares you).
• Mid conversation, mid sentence, just freeze for a few seconds, then continue talking as if nothing happened.
• Tell her from know on you'd like her to call you "Flumpy".
• Refer to the night you slept with her as "our mating session".
• Tell about your "fascination" with camels.
• Get the shakes every time she comes over to your desk.

She won't be long leaving you alone, although it might be a good idea to do this when no one else is around - that way if she tells anyone, they'll put it down to her psychological problems.

This is a serious post. I have successfully used these types of tactics in the past, with positive results

LOL DMT, some good ones there!

A few years ago I was being "stalked" by a girl. She called me and I unwittingly forgot to hang up the phone properly. My friend was with me and I started slating her, to him, about the stalking and a bunch of other stuff, not knowing that she could here all this. She called me back a few minutes later and f*cked me out of it. I felt like such a b*stard because I was also a good friend of hers. Needless to say the stalking ended and it took a while but we are on speaking terms again.

UK Wolf, I wouldn't recommend doing something like that! Don't know what I'd do really but I suppose confronting her in a nice way, is the only option. Although I had tried that numerous times with the above mentioned girl and she didn't seem to get the message. A shock to her system like that seemed to work.

Silent Grape

em, no, whoever said a trip to see her psychologist might be in order, what the hell? thats a complete breach of privacy.

my mum rang my therapist to see how i was doing and i was completely gutted, and still am.

lets leave the 'shes seeing a psychologist so she must be crazy' thing out of it for a while. as i said, im seeing a psychologist and not stalking anybody, as are hundreds of others.

granted she sounds a tad insecure, but mate, u brought it on urself by sleeping with the poor wee thing. (though im sure u know that by now)

i agree with whoever said to keep things matter of fact. sit her down, have a brief factual conversation (ie, 'I do not like you. Go away') and that way keeping her dignity and respecting her.
stop talking to others about her! it sounds far too much like gossiping to me!

Silent Grape

as Easy E says:

excuse me? how could anyone be so retarded?

The Corinthian

It’s evident that she’s a classic bunnyboiler. I would also suspect that you’ve given in to this lady’s charms on more than one occasion (which has further complicated matters). Go on, admit it, it was more than once...

Unfortunately, the reality is this: There is No Way of Ending It on Good Terms with a Bunnyboiler. She is fixated and obsessed with you to some degree or other - what little excuse of a smear of self-esteem she may have, has a picture of you next to it’s entry in the dictionary of her mind’s eye.

Your primary concern is to protect yourself. Keep note of all her approaches and of any text messages - the more abusive the better frankly. Never forget, if this all does turn nasty, she may decide to go for a sexual harassment case; and modern society being what it is, she can get away with unfounded accusations (at least in the short term) quite easily.

Once you have enough evidence, the best way of getting rid of her is to get a girlfriend. Even a pretend one - will bring matters to the fore without you looking like a complete bastard for dumping her. Once this happens, be careful as things will get nasty. Just keep on collecting that evidence.

Depending upon her level of sanity, things will either die down or get worse (regardless of how nice you’ve been about it). At which point you may have to consider making a complaint against her in work, changing jobs or moving to south America.

Gordon

UK Wolf (I dont have the energy to type your name exactly sorry) it sounds like you actually have a deep seated lust for this woman. If only she wasn't stalking you then you'd really fancy her. I bet she'll cool completely off as opposed to simply cooling off as she is now, when she completely cools you'll fancy her again.

I put a pint bet on it.

Jaicster

1 if shes good lookin get your log in...


2, if shes unwanted

A friend of mine expeirenced something similar, this girl would go round telling ppl they were together, and were going to the debs together and so on.
She wrote their names on her bag and constant ph and txt msg and so on.

The only thing that stopped hers was multipul public humiliations,
My friend went mental at her a couple of times in front of "every one" declaring he had nothing to do with the crazy bitch.
She moved on, but he had to be really nasty to her. As she was friends with the "good lookin" girls he had to be carful.

THis sounds the same as u as she works with u could get messy.
of course u know u should never go near any one u work with any way.

er get to everyone in work first and tell them shes a crazy

Pigman II

But joking aside like DMT states I reccomend going a bit 'postal' on her and playing her at her own game. After all she's probabaly only so 'in your face' to the degree she is because you are acting so standoffish and reasonable with her.

First thing I'd reccomend to you to stop shaving and grooming for 1 week. Women dislike it immensely. Then act a little nuts around her but DON'T MAKE IT LOOK like your trying to act nuts, just keep it low key and reserved. Then start spouting lots of left wing dogma such as how youthanasia should be legalised or how people should be forced to kill their own food the way you choose to do.

When she tries to change the topic of conversation or (even worse) argues with your comments just stare blankly at her for a second and go back to work without saying a word. Women love confrontation so arguing your faux-cases only encourage her presence.

But whatever you do don't get genuinely annoyed or irritated in her presence as she will take this as some form of latent attraction.

Basically ward her off thru your projected image of self-superiority, imbalance and disinterest in anything she has to say to you.

annabegins

Ok chill out all males and stop picking on the poor girl.

Maybe it's the guy that has the problem. He has obviously made his bed and laid in it and doesn't want to suffer the consequences.

There are a lot of what ifs left out here.
WHAT IF

annabegins

.....
What if this girl is a bubble that floats free?
What if she's as happy as can be?

What if a friend sees her friendship all wrong?
What if a friend isn't really so strong?

What if her dreams are of a love so true?
What if this dream does not include you?

What if she's special but you'll never know?
What if her heart continues to grow?

What if the psych is a channel for her pain?
What if she cries just cause it rains?

What if anger is a word she does not understand?
What if this girl never lifts her hand?

What if the world had more like her?
What if everyone was like her?

What if there's something you just can't see?

But most of all......
What if this girl was me?


SO I'VE LEFT YOU SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT.....

Victor

Troll?

Originally posted by annabegins
But most of all......
What if this girl was me?

Or stalker?

Sangre

Originally posted by Gordon
UK Wolf (I dont have the energy to type your name exactly sorry)

But you could write that

Whatever floats your boat Gordon......

Winters

Humm... Sex Buddy?

eh... leave me her phone number and address and ill sort this out. To be honest i see this happen all over the soaps on TV but they usually end in a death or some big ass car chase .. for some reason i can doubt this happening to you. Isint this kinda like the thread about the guy in UCD that followed people around? Anywhy, you really should just go to her and tell her that you dont want to see her anymore or something. Man the idea i had just went out of my head.. ill edit this once i remember.

DeadBankClerk

Originally posted by annabegins
What if this girl is a bubble that floats free?
What if she's as happy as can be?

...


But most of all......
What if this girl was me?

Wolf, i'm sorry, but it seems that your freak has found her way onto the interweb

Gordon

Originally posted by Sangre
But you could write that

Whatever floats your boat Gordon......

Heh! Those pesky commas and curvy brackets... bah, foiled for the third time!

annabegins is there something we should know?

Pigman II

Originally posted by annabegins
SO I'VE LEFT YOU SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT.....

Yeah but....

What if this girl thinks a lay is a lover?
What if you should judge a book by its cover?

What if an office romance is a non-starter?
What if to humour this girl is to martyr?

What if her plans are just fueled by illusions?
What if advances are merely intrusions?

What if I tell her 'lets just be friends'?
What if wrath starts when delusion ends?

What if she's nuts and likes to boil rabbits?
What if harassment's the least of her habits?

What if some night in my home she does creep?
What if she butchers me up whilst I sleep?

What if all this is unlikely and gory?
What if I just don't like her? (end of story)

What if 'back off' is a valid suggstion?
What if a poem never answers lifes questions?

smiles

Hmmm....

you shagged her, you can't blame a girl for wanting to get into some sort of relationship.

It always pays if _BOTH_ parties know when it's just a shag.

<< Fio >>

annabegins

:rolleyes:
There's nothing you should know about me.......I'm just a little insignificant person.

Nice play on my words though Pigman II. Impressive, a bit twisted and to be honest, F***ed up but at least you put the effort in.

Wolf

Yup that would be her all right ^.

Anyway, turns out that maybe I was a bit wrong tho there is more to this story and it alot more more complecated. Also iv been severly chastised

Ah well.

Kell

Well slap my thigh and call me pinky. I would hate to be in your position now Wolf.

My thoughts are with you. LOL

RicardoSmith

Originally posted by [-UK-]Wolf
Yup that would be her all right ^.

Anyway, turns out that maybe I was a bit wrong tho there is more to this story and it alot more more complecated. Also iv been severly chastised

Ah well.

Oh dear.

I hate threads that just leave you hanging though. Will we hear anymore about this sad and sorry tale?

annabegins

"My mouth fell open
Hoping that the truth
Would not be true
Refuse the news

I¹m feeling sick now
What the **** am I
Supposed to do
Just loose and loose?"

I'm not telling....it's all abig secret.

Wolf

Im very hungover and I dont really want to type too much. Also im a bit of an odd ball

Jak

Originally posted by smiles
you shagged her, you can't blame a girl for wanting to get into some sort of relationship.

It always pays if _BOTH_ parties know when it's just a shag.

<< Fio >>

Yah that is usually a killer line ...

"Just so you know, I never want to see you again, and if possible could you leave without waking me up .... now where was I ... oh yeah .. 'You're the most beautiful girl I've ever met, you're so special, let me make love to you ...'"

annabegins

Yeah but what about when the girl asks the guy for a stright forward evaluation of whats going on before she does anything and he lies through his teeth. Then she's made look like a fool the next day when he doesn't call her?

Women don't have to lie to get laid..........men just lie about getting laid

lordsippa

Ouch. Poor wolfie.

But anna person... you've got my sympathy but bear in mind that guys never have a clue bout what's going on. Take pity on the poor man. And stop with the speaking in verse. Please.

annabegins

My last post was not a dig at Wolf. I was just saying. We are friends.
Actually I was referring to the last 3/4 guys I've met.