Favourite Father Ted moments

^CwAzY^

Mine would have to be the part with Brendan Grace and he says to the 2 priests:
BG: "What are we watching"
Priest1 : "Its the sports day!!"
BG: "Lots of young men running around in their shorts, thats the kinda thing you like lookin at"
BG: "But i bet your picturin them without the shorts"
BG: "Sittin there, picturin that with a big smile on your face"
BG: "Ya dirty fecker"
Priest2: "Well I must say I think you are a very rude man"
BG: "If u ever say that to me again, I'll put your head through the wall"

LOL I love that episode

So whats yours

sam

"woooooo.. bye girls! (pair of ****)"

daveirl

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conZ

"small ... - ... far away"

daveirl

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Mossy Monk

when Graham Norton was doing Riverdance in the caravan

pickarooney

I can't think of the words "Kicking Bishop Brennan Up The Arse" without falling over laughing.

PiE

I can't remember the exact episode, but it was something about a prize sheep or pig being kidkanpped I think... Anyway they're all in the tent thing where the prizes were to be handed out then the kidknapper is revealed, the crowd gasps in shock and you just hear one guy, very low in the background noise...

"F*ckin' hell!"

Rofl tbh

smuckers

The BG moment is superb but the one thats escaped everyones attention is season 1 when the nuns are there with Ted and Ted tells Dougal that Old Jim is dying
Dougal: is he dying? won't like that:D

Acidflash

My favourite episode has to be the one where the holy stone is being upgraded and the three bishops arrive to perform the ceremony.Ted has to teach jack to say 'that would be an ecuminical (sp?) matter'. priceless episode

Repli

Haha mine would have to be "Get the fup out of here, this is our fuppin spot"

EL_Diablo

The one with Richard Wilson. Ted goes over to him
"I DON'T BELIEVE IT!!"
Wilson beats the crap out of him and as he walks off Dougal goes "So what did he say"

kamobe

THe stolen whistle when Ted had the whistle but was hiding it in his pocket

"A little to the left there Ted...." lol

The Gopher

God so many its hard to narrow down.......

Father Noel singing Bohemian Rhapsody in the cave
Fr Ted accidently ordering Pat Mustard to use contreceptives
"Well,I mean,well when you put it like that..........JUST FECK OFF!"

Just the way Dougal says"Ted,Im going mad"on both occasions when they are stuck somewhere with Father Noel.Thats the thing about the show-something not particularly funny is made hilarious by the tone it is said with.For example"We`re all going to heaven lads wayyyyyyy"and"Ted i can see up your trousers"
More Dougal classics
"And it has a retractable fifth leg,in case one of the others isnt working.And big burning eyes and a massive head and Mrs Doyle told me it has four arses"
"I think I know what your saying Ted,but where will we get the guns?"
(reading the paper)"You wont believe it!Clint Eastwood has been arrested for a crime he didnt commit and he............oh wait no,its only a film"
"So,hows the son?(to Bishop"Len"Brennan)
Brennan-Dont call me Len.Im a bishop.
Dougal.Oh.Well done.
"Careful now"

The episodes with Tom the psycho were a laugh.Anybody from Ireland knows of somebody like Tom-a friendly guy but an unstable psycho nonetheless.
"I could run them over in me van"
And when he robs the post office
"Ah dont worry father.Its my money-I just didnt want to fill out the forms"

Mrs Doyle
"Can you imagine it father?Your husband there with his lad in his hand wanting to degrade you.Go on father,I want you to get a good-mental-image!"(Ted is eating a sausage at the time IIRC)

Another tone of voice classic
Brendan Grace to dougal-So,your the brains of the operation?
Dougal-Eh,no that would be Ted.

Ted-Fr Billy would you like to buy a ticket for the raffle?
Billy-No.Gambling ruined my father and got me in trouble in the past.ill stay away.
Ted-Ah come on.Its a raffle.Its only a bit of fun.
Billy-Alright.Ill have 500.

Dougal-Sorry Ted.I was holding the ticket upside down.

Ted-I didnt know i was going to Los Angeles to umpire drive by shooting tournaments.
"£200?Im not trying to buy cocaine!"
"Dick Byrne will never let me off this bet.He wants revenge because he lost a bet with me once and had to say Bollocks very loudly infront of President Robinson"
And the long story about the boy with horses needing a whistle,which was later dismissed with
"Ah nothing,I was just going mad there"
And a few hours after Ted reassures Dougal that their Eurovision attempt is only a bit of fun the pessure builds on Ted.
"Just play the ****ing note"
Dougal"The first one?"
"No not the ****ing first one!We already played the ****ing first one!How the **** can we still be on the first ****ing note?What the **** **** **** **** ****............Just play the ****ing note!"

One of the best comedies ever.And as Im downloading a large file on Kazaa I had all the time in the world to remember this stuff.

Repli

Lol gopher you just reminded me with that raffle guy..

Ted: "and now stand for our national anthem"
(Cue: #ghost town by the specials)
LOOOOOL

smuckers

Tom:I'm just borrowing some money I didn't bother filling out the forms.

Dougal: hows the son?
Brennan: what?
Ted: the son of god hows everything in the world of religion
Brenna: the world of religion what he hell are u talking about Crilley?

the scene in The Raffle ep when Dugal and Ted and inspecting how bad the car is

Dougal: its not bad Ted hahahahahahahaha

smuckers

The scene in the raffle with the 3 guys in black were bloody weirdos.

irishgeo

Ted: You let dougal do a funeral.

Pan to utter disaster scene.

Love it.

The richard wilson bit as well.

sixpack's little hat

Ted's hitler moustache lol

ferdi

the sprider baby - "it has the body of a spider,...but the mind of a baby."

bishop brennen gets kicked up the arse and after hours of being in complete shock finally cops on and runs up to teds house with his cape flying out 6 feet on either side -"CRILLY!!!"

there are sooooo many others, that show was absolute pure brilliance and will never be equaled.

pickarooney

Fr. Todd Unctious : Here we are now, all the lads!

Samson

Two spring to mind:

Mrs. Doyle: Would you like some cake Father?
Father Ted: No, I'm fine for cake, Mrs. Doyle.
Mrs. Doyle: Are you sure Father? There's cocaine in it.

The other one was Ted in the bath, when the priest who was staying with them (can't remember his name, the painfully dull guy) appeared and said he needed to use the toilet, Ted says go ahead, turns away expecting the guy to have a piss, instead he sits down and has a rather noisey shit.
Oh how I laughed.

Caesar_Bojangle

Originally posted by PiE
I can't remember the exact episode, but it was something about a prize sheep or pig being kidkanpped I think... Anyway they're all in the tent thing where the prizes were to be handed out then the kidknapper is revealed, the crowd gasps in shock and you just hear one guy, very low in the background noise...

"F*ckin' hell!"

Rofl tbh

"twas Fargo Boyle" crowd gasps "f*cking hell".

Great minds think alike, PiE

culabula

One of the finest, overlooked and most surrealistic moments has to be when Dougal wants to watch 'Aliens' in the presence of the three bishops and when Ted derides him, casually offers the immortal and priceless line 'Ah Ted, bishops love sci-fi'.

I get sick laughing every time......


Éamonn

artvandelay

"Are those my feet ?"

rubadub

fr jack dreaming of the wet t-shirt contest. grabs the mike and says "more water" in the dirtiest funniest voice.

also the milkman whos riding all the customers talking to mrs doyle about his big tool

DMC

"Those wimmin were in the nip!!!!"

"NUNS! NUNS! REVERSE! REVERSE!!!!"

Dougal (to his pet rabbit): Come on, Sampras.
Ted: What did you call him?
Dougal: Sampras, like Pete Sampras.
Ted: Why?
Dougal: Well, you know, rabbits, tennis, you know that whole connection there.

Tazz T

Dougal walks into a garda station:
'You wouldn't have a lasagne on ye. I'm starving.'

Gard: 'No sir. This is a garda station.'

Dougal: 'Ah right. I'll just have a bag of chips and a can of fanta then.'

MAC_E

The eurovision dream of my lovely horse.

Bard

Too numerous to mention.

Ted fans should check out: http://www.redbrick.dcu.ie/~icecream/stuff/faq/tedfaq0.54.html

"A child has become lost in the tunnel of goats"

Tom

When Ted was trying to get rid of the rabbits he brought them to Tom -

Ted: You know the phrase 'to take care of something'? Well, I realise now that you meant that in a sort of Al Pacino way. Whereas I was thinking more along the lines of Julie Andrews.


Class....

simon_partridge

The one with the over 75s football was pretty funny, where Mrs Doyle drinks her beer using a book as a reference, and the penalty which 'sends the keeper the wrong way'.

simon_partridge

.

Tusky

they are all great i like the one where theres a spec of dust on the window and he looks like hitler as he makes hand signals !

Bard

Ah I guess I can choose a favourite...

From the very first episode...


Ted> "Dougal, you've still got a bit of shaving foam on your face there..."

Dougal> "Huh? Where?"

Ted> "Oh just there. There's a bit there too. Oh, and there."

Dougal> "Huh?"

Ted> "... and there. In fact, Dougal, it's all over your face!"

Dougal (looks in mirror)> "Jayzuz how did that get there? I didn't even shave this mornin'!"

(yet again it's in the way he says it...!)


I knew, the first time I saw that, that if it was setting the tone for the rest of the series, this show was going to be something special - ... and that it was.

Poor old Dermot - died before his time... we may never see his like again.

RainyDay

Bish Len Brennan: I'm going to Rome for An Audience with the Pope

Dougal: I love those shows - Did you see the one with Elton John?

Hobart

The scene in the Bedroom where they are trying to think of the lyrics for My Lovely Horse and everything is calm. Cut to a scene 10 hours later where the room is full of smoke and Ted is telling Dougal to shut the F**K up. CLASS

Also the scene where Ted cannot sleep and he decides to go downstairs at 4 in the Morning to try to relax. He enters the front room switches on the light and is greeted with Mrs Doyle 6 inches fomr his face saying "Tea Father"?. Classic scene.

DMC

Thought of another one...
from New Jack City....
Fr. Fintan Stack is drilling and listening to jungle music, when approached by Mrs. Doyle, who holds up some cards saying....

WOULD YOU LIKE A CUP OF TEA,

AH GO ON
GO ON
GO ON
GO ON etc.

Brilliant.

flangeman

'The Chinese, sure they are great fella's altogether'

3'rd series, great episodes.

John2002

For me it has to the guy shouting at Ted to "fup off"

da_deadman

"well i think that your a very rude man."
Fr. Stack:"if you ever say that to me again, I'll put your head through that wall"

And again in that episode when Ted and Dougal go to rescue jack and shine the torch at all the different priests:
Feck
Arse
Girls
Drink
I really shouldn't be here

blastman

Mrs. Doyle at the Annual Priest's Over-75's 5-a-side match, watching the match with a book in her hand called "Football for Women":

Mrs. Doyle: Go on.....(checks book)....my son!!


Naming the rabbit (paraphrasing):
Dougal: Why don't we call him Father Jack Hackett?
Ted: No, that would lead to confusion because that's Father Jack's name.
Dougal: Ah Ted, can we not call Father Jack something else?
Ted (exasperated): Fine, what will we call him?? I know, Flipper! Flipper the priest!!
Jack (looks up from his chair): YES??

Lpfsox

Mrs Doyle: Pat was just wondering if he could put his massive tool in my box.

Mary: (to John) You've a face like a pair o' tits!
John: At least that's one pair between us!

Ted: Dougal, do we have any incense?
Dougal: (uncertainly) There was.. a spider in the bath the other night....

It's nice to have a nun around. Gives the place a bit of glamour

Jack: Feck! Nuns! Reverse! Reverse!

Dougal: Sorry Ted. I was concentrating too hard on looking holy.

Eoin McLove: Go away! I don't want to catch menopause!

Jack: A PAIR OF FECKIN WIMMIN'S KNICKERS!!

plastic membrane

Dougal: God Ted, Jesus was great, wasnt he ?
Ted: Ah, he was fantastic..

woosaysdan

the bit where dougal is talking to one of the bishops about faith not exactly right but
bishop: so father do you ever have any doubts?
dougal: well do you know that bit about where god sent his only son down to earth to save us
bishop: yes
dougal: well thats what i dont understand,

or

dougal: ok ted ya bollox
ted: dougal have you been reading them roddy doyle books again
dougal: i have ted ya bollox

or

the one with father stone was class, she has a one way connection:D

Space Coyote

Oh holy jebus, i've been cracking up reading all the posts

Father Jack when he sees all the rabbits: " hairy Japanese ba$tard$ !"

Mrs Doyle: " And what do you say to a nice cup of tea ?"
Jack: " Feck off cup !"

And the holiday one when they're trying to remember whats so special about the day.
Dougal: "Was it the day the ice-age ended"
Ted: No, you cant be that specific about when the ice-age ended."
Dougal checks the diary, "Galway liberated from Indians, Marathon becomes Snickers ... ah ha ice-age ends."

Genius

flangeman

I met the man himself(Graham Linehan) at a comedy gig(Bill Bailey) in a pub in Soho about 2 months ago. I just about recognised him, got a few pints into me and went up to say 'well'.

Now I have to say.

He has got to be one of the most downright nicest people you could ever meet, funny(as you might imagine), approachable and as real as they come. Stood talking for about five minutes and then got a picture with himself and my gf.



And I tell ya what, you should have seen his woman, she was only beautiful!!

Fair fecks to him

Regards, Flange

yossarin

tom the psycho: i killed a man father. i shot him
ted: (not listening) yeah, yeah..thats nice tom

pigeonbutler

I saw this thread and had to add a few more memorable quotes:

"Dougal: God, you'd have to be mad to listen to Dana.
Ted: Fr. Bigley listens to Dana. And he's not mad.
Dougal: Well, why is he in that home so?
Ted: He's in the home because....because of those fires. But that's nothing to do with Dana!"

Dougal: Ted, what'd happen if we put on the kettle with no water in it?
Ted: I'd imagine it'd explode and you'd end up picking chunks of metal out of your face for the next six months and be left with big puffy fish lips bigger than the rest of your face.
Dougal:Like Fr. Bigley?
Ted: Exactly Like Fr Bigley.
Dougal: Maybe that's what happened him?
Ted points at Dougal in agreement.

John: Are you going to stand there all day you fat ould bitch?
Mary: Don't talk to me like that you big pile of ****e.
<John barges past mary>
Mary: you ignorant prick!
John: You watch that mouth of yours!
Mary<Holding Knife>: I'll watch nothing. I'LL STICK THIS UP YOUR ARSE!
<Ted walks in>
John & Mary: Ahh. Father.

ixoy

Originally posted by Caesar_Bojangle
"twas Fargo Boyle" crowd gasps "f*cking hell".

Great minds think alike, PiE

My fave moment also. Everytime I see it - bloody hilarious

embee

I cant remember who it was that Dougal was talking about, but it makes me curl up in stitches every time I think about it....

"Jesus, Ted, who is he like... Hitler or one of those mad fellas"

also...

Dougal : Im very cynical, as you know Ted.

Dougal : Dont worry about me Ted - the lights are on but no ones home.