Quotes, expressions, etc.

paniniter

Here's a good way to get the posts up there with the mods.

we start a list of the best/funniest quotes/expressions/proverbs etc.

Try to number them so we know how many there are.

(let's try not to make it a simpsons thread though, we all know those ones already. but if you really feel like typing them in, why not start a new thread)

Here's a few to get started:

1. - Life is a sewer, what you get out of it depends on what you put in it.
2. - The best thing a father can do for his children is love their mother.
3. - "Let them eat cake" - Marie Antoinette
3.5 - Ignorance is bliss
4. - "Life's a journey, not a destination" - Steven Tyler
5. - Eat well and sleep deeply, for tommorrow comes and it's all yours
6. - Those who forget the lessons of history are doomed to repeat it
7. - "We will die on our feet rather than live on our knees" - (I forget)
8. - Eat well and sleep deeply, for tomorrow comes and it's all yours
9. - "The light at the end of the tunnel made you" - Steven Tyler
10. - May the best years of your past be the worst years of your future

Gerrymac

11. You've a face like a cow chewing a pissy nettle - Me

Mewzel

12. a day without sunshine is you know, -night
13. life gets better as you grow older (unless you're a banana)
14. hurray for earth!

taellad

15. "A lying tongue hates its victims, and a flattering mouth works ruin" book of proverbs

16. "Then I looked, and there was the Lamb, standing on Mount Zion. And with him were 144,000 who had his name and his father's name written on their foreheads." revelation

17. I Buried with my own hands five of my children in a single grave. . . No bells. No tears. This is the end of the world. survivor of the bubonic plague, 1347

18. I am tired with my own life and the lives of those after me, I am dying in my own death and the deaths of those after me - t.s. eliot

Mewzel

19. life is a sexually transmitted disease

Pigman II

20. I love you so much I want to smash your face in with a sledgehammer. - Barry Egan

Sandi

21. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

Mewzel

22. you grow on people- but then so does cancer

Damon_Kind

23. I'd crawl through broken glass just to suck the last dick that was in her - Bandit, on Angelina Jolie

Space Coyote

24. Its better to have a gun and not need it, than need a gun and not have it.

Clarence Whorley, True Romance

Kali

25 - if you'd dynamite for brains you couldn't blow your nose
26 - a friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature.

beretta

(these are all taken from actual essays handed in my college students)

27. "The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't."

28. "Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever."

29. "Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left York at 6:36 p.m. travelling at 55 mph, the other from Peterborough at 4:19p.m. at a speed of 35 mph."

30. "The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the full stop after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can."

31. "John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met."

32. "The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free cashpoint." (this is my favourite. pure genius!!)

o sleep

27 29 and 31 are sublime. i hope you gave these people high marks.

the fnj

32. This guy been working in a plant so long, he is a plant.- 8 mile.

kirn

34. the world needs what we can give it today

Space Coyote

35. "I would never do crack... I would never do a drug named after a part of my own ass, okay?" Denis Leary

Space Coyote

36. "A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree."
Spike Milligan

37. "Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife."
Groucho Marx

38. "You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone."
Al Capone

39. "Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"
G W Bush

40. "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
Dan Quayle

the fnj

41 I've seen beer commercials during war against drugs specials.

42 Saying we shouldn’t smoke pot is like saying that god made a mistake.

by Bill Hicks

Gerrymac

41. The Spanish Manager is pulling his captain off! - George Hamilton:D

karma kabbage

44)- oh life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong,
And i am Marie of Roumania
-dorethy parker

45)-You keep me from crazy 'cos crazy you are
-brando

46)-stones taught me to fly
love taught me to cry
so come on courage teach me to be shy
-damien rice

Tyrrial

47: eat "Shmit" and die

karma kabbage

48- it's fun to rhyme

karma kabbage

49- jack sprat could eat no fat, his wife could eat no lean and so between the two of them they licked the whole plate clean
- i know it's a nursery rhyme put it really has a good point

50- it's ok to be content with what you have, but not with what you are

51- when you are down, surround yourself with friends who are up

o sleep

52. everything was beautiful and nothing hurt - possible epitaph for billy pilgrim (and kurt vonnegut too)

butterflywings

as jovial as a hyena. on crack.

click here

Damn, what number am I..? Oh yeah,

52. "They f**k you up, yourmum and dad.
They may not mean to but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had,
And add some extra, just for you."
- Philip Larkin

53. " I regard you with an indifference closely bordering on aversion."
- Robert Louis Stevenson

54. "Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance."
- Jane Austen

----

"5. - Eat well and sleep deeply, for tommorrow comes and it's all yours
6. - Those who forget the lessons of history are doomed to repeat it
...
8. - Eat well and sleep deeply, for tomorrow comes and it's all yours"

He, he, has nobody seen the humour in Paniniter's list, or was that a deliberate repitition, and I'm just being silly??

Mewzel, your std quote was a classic my friend.

And Karma kabbage, another mourner of the loss of Brando.. sniffle.. They'll be missed...

Amz

If I were John and John were me then he'd be seven and i'd be three!

SprostonGreen

Help, I've been attacked by a coked up whore and a crazy ****ing dentist - Twelve Monkeys

Even a stopped clock, gives the right time twice a day - Withnail and I

Macseamusa

57 You're such a **** ass!

what's a **** ass?
Donnie Darko

58 I had to swerve many times before i hit him- actual insurance statments for claims.

59 i was driving safely when i was hit by a stationary truck coming the other way.
:rolleyes:

Macseamusa

60 Help i'm lost and i can't find my beer

61hold on loise this is the one where the fonz says eeyyy . The fonz 'eeeyyyy'

62 When i look at the people of africa, i envy them. I want to be that thin, but not with all the flies. Some super model

Kali

63 "this is real ****" "good **** right?" "no bad ****, this **** is ****.. anyone caught with this on the street will end up dead"

Space Coyote

64. "Someone threw a petrol bomb at Alex Higgins once and he drank it!"
Frank Carson

65. "Moving from Wales to Italy is like moving to a different country."
Ian Rush

66. "When Peter Beardsley appears on television, daleks hide behind the sofa."
Nick Hancock

paniniter

to click here: yeah, but the second time i spellt it wrong

65 - always proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

66. - When the people lead, the leaders will follow

67. - A friends eye is a good mirror

68. - Good advice is often annoying, bad advice never.

69. - He who asks is a fool for a minute, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.

70. - "The brightest flame burns quickest" - James Hetfield

71. - You have to sit through rain before you stand in front of a rainbow

72. - If God lived on earth, people would break his windows.

73. - "The world is more like it is now then it has ever been before."
- Dwight Eisenhower

74. - "I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them."
- George Bush, former U.S. President

75. - "If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight."
- George Gobel

76. - "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."
- Terry Venables

77.
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
To the plumber, any liquid in the glass is potential income.

78. - What if this wasn't a hypothetical question?

79. - Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

80. - If you want breakfast in bed.........sleep in the kitchen

EdBanger

90. Nothing was created in the Big Bang......Along with everything else.

karma kabbage

91. - you will recognise my boy the first sign of old age; it is when you first go out on the streets of london and realise for the first time how young the policemen look- sir seymour hicks

92. - all animals are equal but some are more equal than others - george orwell

93. - Ì'll love you my dear, i'll love you
til China and Africa meet,
and the river jumps over the mountain
and the salmon sing in the street
i'll love you til the ocean
is folded and hung up to dry
and the seven stars go squawking
like geese about the sky - w.h. auden

Tyrrial

94. <see Signature>

Macseamusa

95 sometimes its better to be excellent than intelligent

96 i made a new friend today!
yeh? real or imaginary?
imaginary
97 a penny earned....is not a lot
98 Question asked by Q mag to Craig David
'Who is the greatest living Englishman?'
Craig..' its got to be Churchill'
99 samuari pizza cats, class, samuari cats who work in a pizza place and getfired out of a big gun when trouble come around. what a brilliant idea for a show

karma kabbage

100. - razors pain you;
rivers are damp;
acids stain you;
and drugs give cramps.
guns are unlawful:
nooses give;
gas smell awful;
you might as well live - dorathy parker

startled_frog

Why stand when you can sit, why sit when you can lie down?

Macseamusa

more insurance claims
102 I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
103 An invisible car came out of nowhere, stuck my car and vanished.
104 I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.

105 The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run. So I ran over him.

106 I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.

karma kabbage

107 - don't take life OR death too seriously

108 - we are sometimes taken into troubled waters not to drown but to be cleansed

109 - the secret of success is doing something that you love

110 - what lies behind and before us small matters compared to what lies within us

Cherry

111 - Tragedy is where I cut my finger. Comedy is where you walk into an open sewer & die : Mel Brooks

112 - She had breasts like granite & a brain like cheese : Groucho Marx on Marilyn Monroe

113 - In America, anyone can become President. That's one of the risks you take - unknown

madeline

114. I am not a man <insert Transformer music and robot voice> I am a robot in disguise - Bo Selecta.

115 If at first you don't succeed don't try again 'cause you're obviously not good enough.

116 When god gave out chins you thought he said gin and went back for a double

117 She's got a face like a cobbler's thumb

118 'The Irish are the blacks of Europe. Dubliners are the Blacks of Ireland and Northsider's are the blacks of Dublin, so say it loud, I'm Black and I'm proud' - someone SAID this to me upon hearing I was indeed from da Northside!! I think it's from a film though, the Commitments maybe? I dunno.

119 ' A man is least himself when he talks in his own person, yet give him a mask and he'll tell you the truth' -0scar Wilde

120 ' I am bound upon a burning wheel of fire so that mine own eyes do scald like molten lead' - Shakespeare.

The last two got me through many's an English essay!!!:D

karma kabbage

121 - Ask if they want to dance, when (if) they say no, reply...i'm sorry you must have missunderstood. what i said was, you look FAT in those pants

122 - hi, you'll do

123 - let's go back to my place and do all the things i'm going to tell everyone we did anyway

124 - guess what?! i've got an eight inch tongue and can breathe through my ears

karma kabbage

125 - it isn't the mountain that wears you out, it's the grain of sand in your shoe

126 - yesterday i loved, today i suffer, tomorrow idie; but i still think fondly, today and tomorrow of yesterday - G.E.Lessing

127 - the lord prefers common looking people. that is why he makes so many of them - Abe lincoln (shame current presidents are not so worldly!!)

128 - the shades of night were falling fast,
as through an Alpine village passed
a youth, who bore, mid snow and ice,
a banner with a strange devise
Excelsior! - henry wadsworth longfellow

(though not a simpson quote i put it in for the true simpson fans, spot the connection?)

129 - if i have freedom in my love,
and in my soul am free;
angels alone, that sore above,
enjoy such liberty
- richard lovelace

the happy hobo

130. 'Anyone he publicly called friend would soon have a life expectancy normally associated with things that hover over trout streams at sunset' - Terry Pratchett

oompa loompa

I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
- Emily Dickinson

Macseamusa

132 A legendary and perhaps mythical Oxford phiosophy paper once asked: " Is this a question" The response "No, but this is an answer is supposed to have won a top first
133 In the begining there was nothing, which exploded
134 Stone circles were commmon enough everyhwhere in the mountains. Druids built them as weather computers ans since it was cheaper to build a new 33-MegaLith circle than upgrade an old slow one there were generally plenty of ancient ones around -Terry pratchett- Lords and ladies
135 The curtain goes up, the first pawn moves, the first shot is fired- but that's not the start. The play, the game, the war is just a little window on a ribbon of events that may extend back thousands of years. The point is, there's always something before. It's always a case of Now Rad On. - Terry Pratchett

jodie

136. the only way a women can ever reform a man is by boring him so completely that he loses all possible interest in life.

jodie

137. There is only one real tragedy in a womens life . The fact that her past is always her lover and her future inveriably her husband.

138. Men marry because they are tierd, women because they are curious, both are dissapointed.

139. Experience is the name every one gives to their mistakes.

140. To lose one parent .....may be regarded as a misfortune but to lose both looks like carelessness.

oompa loompa

141. When you come to the edge of all the light that you have, and must take a leap into the darkness beyond, believe that one of two things will happen: either you will be given something secure to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly.