Marrying your first girlfriend HELP

tp129933

I've been with my girlfriend for 4 years, and we're both in our mid-twenties.

She was the first person I gone out with, and slept with, but she's had sex with her two previous boyfriends.

What do people think about only having sex with only one person in their life?

I'd probably find the decision easier if she hadn't slept with anyone before me, but that's just not the case. I can't change the past. However much I'd like to!

I'm positive that any type of 'cheating' or going on a 'break' would destroy the relationship for me.

I keep imagining her having sex with the previous two boyfriends. I can't help it and I can't explain it. It tears me up thinking about it.

I really need people's opinion on this. Ultimately you only live once, but I'm very confident that this girl could make me happy for the rest of my life.

TP

scojones

if you don't want to be with anyone else then there's your answer. It doesn't matter how many people you've been with, as long as your happy with this one. She's been with 2 before, so what? She's with you now right? You must be doing something right romeo.

viking

Well said sjones...

tp129933

I suppose I'm trying to find out if I'm missing out in life, if I only have one partner.

scojones

Not at all. If you love her, then, her being your only partner should be better than if you were with 50+ people. She's the only one you've been with so that should make your relationship stronger.She's the one you love. You're not missing out on anything. Lots of people i know regret being with people they didn't love. You're lucky. Trust me.

spoofer

no matter what you do, you will probably think you are missing out.
Have an affair.. lose the gf... missing what could have been..
Stay with gf.. missing what you could have had.
Remember that maybe's and could have been's is never clearly defined.
Make your choice and enjoy it. Don't look back. For any reason. It will only bring you heartache.

Beruthiel

she slept with two blokes - so what???
now if she had slept with 202 then you might ask questions, but two?
stop making problems where there are none, get over it and enjoy the fact that they were of no interest to her, after all, is it not you that she is with??

The_Bullman

I recomend going to amsterdam and trying out a few hookers.

And since you are paying for it you technically aren't cheating.

WhiteWashMan

if oyu have a fullfilling and enjoyable and loving sex life, then you have nothing to worry about.
if you feel that you are missing out on something, then i suggest you discuss it with your girlfriend. she is most likely to understand. and it may open up new avenues for sexual exploration.
although be careful to make her understand you are not bored of your sex life! just make sure that she understands that you cant help wondering sometimes what its like to be with other people or whatever.

if she loves you, and no doubt she does, then you might have a look at your love life and spice it up, becuase to be hoenst most people start wondering these things when things get a bit tired and boring inthe bedroom. they start to fantasize about other people, situations, role plays etc. so do it. role play, fantasize, change the situation, just do it WITH your partner.

as for sleeping with other people, well, its over rated. once youa re with someone that you love who you can have a loving relationship and can enjoy sex with, then the skies the limit, and if you both trust each other, you can pretty much fullfill any fantasy you want without hurting each other.

no need for cheating. just communication
dont be shy!

scojones

WWM being serious for once. /me *blinks* and falls over.

tp129933

In fact I have discussed this with her. She's been very understanding about it. She brought up the idea of me going on holidays alone to 'sow my oats' but in the end, we thought it could possibly do more harm than good.

Our sex life is fine, in fact I know that we've done an awful lot more intersting things that her previous two boyfriends put together.

Truthfully, putting this bluntly, two strangers have "gotten their hole" with my girlfriend, and I wonder how people can forget this! I wish I could!

TP

P.S. How do you 100% know that you've met the right girl, when you havn't met the wrong one?

Kell

Right- this is going to sound soppy cos it is-

You've met the right girl when-

1) whenever you think of her it makes you smile
2) thinking about her makes you calm when tense
3) nothing is nicer than spending the night wrapped around her
4) you're not generally prone to thinking negatively about her
5) when you fight you stick to the point and dont get into a mud slinging match of trying to make out who is the bastard or the bitch
6) when nothing she asks you to do is a hassle
7) you cant think of being with anyone else
8) you would say no to a threesome with Anna Kournikova and Salma Hayek (joke. No one I know would refuse this. Gay, straight or other)

As for this "she slept with two other guys" shíte, grow up man. That would have crossed my mind when I was eighteen but certainly not in my mid twenties. I think everyone gets a bit squirmish when they think of how many time their partner has had their lights banged out. Just dont think about it. Maybe it's the fact that you got into the sex thing I would say reasonably late?? and therefore have been affected by this bit of news a bit harder than say your average 18 year old?

2? My GF has never made the mistake of asking me how many I have slept with and I think I would be pre-emptively divorced if she did. Dont make an issue of it as it can only hurt the relationship if you cant get beyond it

logic1

Seems to me you're fairly jealous and might be a little insecure.

You're gonna have to get over this b4 your relationships get's anywhere man.

Maybe you don't like the way you look or are uncomfortable with your current position in life. Anything bad your feeling about yourself can be reflected onto the other relationships you have in your life and have a negative effect on those.

.logic.

Samson

Originally posted by The_Bullman
I recomend going to amsterdam and trying out a few hookers.

And since you are paying for it you technically aren't cheating.

I was just about to suggest that.
I suspect after the experience, you would feel a lot better about your current relationship.

So she had sex with someone before she met you, big deal.

You hardly think she should have been waiting until you came along to start living her life do you?

Tazz T

So say you go with someone else and it ruins your relationship, what's your chances of finding another perfect partner - who's a virgin.

The Corinthian

Originally posted by tp129933
What do people think about only having sex with only one person in their life?

It goes against nature!!! :rolleyes:

Seriously, I would look for some time out and sow some wild oats if I were you. You're already regretting not being with anyone else in your life and you're not even married to this girl, ffs.

Unfortunately you're in a no-win situation. Stay with her and you may well resent her in the long run. Leave her and you may never find anyone like her again when you're ready to finally settle down.

Victor

Originally posted by tp129933
What do people think about only having sex with only one person in their life?

There is no real problem with this.

Originally posted by tp129933
going on a 'break' would destroy the relationship for me.
...
but I'm very confident that this girl could make me happy for the rest of my life.

This sounds like you are over-dependant on her. Have ye spent any time apart? I think it might be needed.

Originally posted by tp129933
I keep imagining her having sex with the previous two boyfriends. I can't help it and I can't explain it. It tears me up thinking about it.

It happens many people, possibly affects men more than women. There is nothing 'wrong' with feeling uncomfortable with it, but don't obsessive over it, it's in the past and she's with you now.

Typedef

Originally posted by tp129933
What do people think about only having sex with only one person in their life?

That's a bit of a tough one.

On the one hand... it's good to experience different lovers, on the other hand, too much experience with too many people, makes relationships with women, cheap frivolous experiences.

However.... I don't think there is anything 'wrong' with only every having one lover.... it is not ususal in this day and age... but then again... divorce is at an all time high... so if you want a long term relationship with this woman... I don't see why you should feel insecure about only every having slept with her... especially if you are thinking of marrying her.

No... I think the whole 'having sex with only one person' is a non-issue to be honest and is 'nothing' to be ashamed, embarressed or insecure about..... maybe even the exact opposite.

darthmise

Originally posted by Beruthiel

stop making problems where there are none

Best piece of advice i've read.


Christ all mighty! You're talking about marrying this girl when there's a chance something as ridiculous as this little 'problem' of yours might affect your relationship?!? God help ye if a real problem, comes along.

If you feel like you're missing out then do something about it and get it out of your system.
If its a case of she's slept with more people than you have, then grow up and ffs don't get married.

Which is it as a matter of intrest?

HJ Simpson

Dude,
If you really love her it doesnt matter a **** how many people either of you have or haven't been with.
If you shag someone else thats all its going to be "A SHAG"
not that I have anything against this but its the love thing that makes what you have with each other. (EXCUSE ME WHILE I CHECK MY PANTS FOR BALLS!!)

Seriously man its no big deal. Just think do you really want to be with someone else. It will be a big downer in you relationship.

As for going to Amsderdam yeah go get lots of hash stay away from hookers god knows what you would catch. Bring your girlfriend. Take a trip down the red light district and check out the windows.
Love the One your with!!!

Typedef

If you shag someone else thats all its going to be "A SHAG"

May as well **** as do that.

Less emotional hassel, danger of stds etc.

</bluntness>

tp129933

Originally posted by darthmise

If you feel like you're missing out then do something about it and get it out of your system.
If its a case of she's slept with more people than you have, then grow up and ffs don't get married.

Which is it as a matter of intrest?

This issue has been on my mind for at least two years, and I'm still 50/50 on it. I couldn't cheat on her, she doesn't deserve it. When you say she's slept with more people then me. I think there is a big difference between 202 and 200 instead of 2 and 0.

I appreciate all the advice that has been given by everyone, especially Beruthiel's. Please keep it coming.

tp

daveirl

This post has been deleted.

thedrowner

Originally posted by tp129933
.
What do people think about only having sex with only one person in their life?

i dont really think anything about it. if the first person you sleep with just happenes to be the person you spend the rest of your life with, then thats just the way things worked out for you, but it worked out differently for her, so try not to make an issue of it, or learn to come to terms with it, if you dont want to be with anyone else.

DriftingRain

Don't think about her past. Think of her future with you...More than likely if you cheat on her you will never fully have her trust again...esp. if you do it with a hooker. I think your loking to hard into this. Be happy you have someone that loves you and forget the crap about the past...Look ahead in life...looking behind will only ruin things! Good Luck to ya...

Kell

Originally posted by daveirl
you'll be hard pressed to find a virgin.

True, but I am wondering where the hell that came from.
Dave?? Anyways, virgins make lousy lovers first time round, until after their broken then they're firecrackers that cant get enough if you break 'em right.

The Corinthian

Originally posted by Kell
Anyways, virgins make lousy lovers first time round, until after their broken then they're firecrackers that cant get enough if you break 'em right.

And if trained correctly, willing, quite naturally, to perform acts that one would hesitate to request from a professional...

Balfa

salma hayek's a dog

Kell

Originally posted by Balfa
salma hayek's a dog

HEATHEN! GET YE HENCE TO ENDLESS NIGHT.

Typedef

Originally posted by The Corinthian
And if trained correctly, willing, quite naturally, to perform acts that one would hesitate to request from a professional...

Les liasons dangereux

DriftingRain

LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL!!!
Sometimes you guys just kill me!