One liners post here :P Puns also welcome

ozt9vdujny3srf · 21-12-2002 04:01PM #1

What do you call a northsider in a suit?

Guilty

Runfree · 21-12-2002 04:23PM

what do you call a fly inside a blondes head????

A space invader!!!

Gordon · 21-12-2002 04:25PM

What do you call a Reliant Robin with a football inside it?

A whistle!

Runfree · 21-12-2002 05:13PM

What is small & brown and carries a suitcase???

A handle!!

Cake Fiend · 21-12-2002 06:07PM

Originally posted by TruckledUncivil
What do you call a northsider in a suit?

Guilty

Originally 'the accused' I believe, but let's face it, he's guaranteed to be guilty

Sangre · 21-12-2002 07:33PM

Whats pink and hard?

A pig with a flick knife

tman · 21-12-2002 07:55PM

Originally posted by Sangre
Whats pink and hard?

A pig with a flick knife

beat me to it:mad:

a dyslexic guy walks into a bra

-RaY- · 22-12-2002 03:49AM

*An irish man , english man , and scots man walks into a bar*

BAR MAN : is this a joke ?

DamienH · 22-12-2002 10:26AM

A slice of toast, a bowl of cereal and a glass of orangejuice walk into a bar

BARMAN: We don't serve breakfast round here

Gordon · 22-12-2002 11:32AM

A blind man walks into a bakery - he thought it was a bar.

Sangre · 22-12-2002 02:06PM

Originally posted by Gordon
A blind man walks into a bakery - he thought it was a bar.

Hang your head in shame

What has two legs and bleeds?

Half a dog

Johnny Gomez · 22-12-2002 07:39PM

Sorry if this offends but here goes.
What do you call a nacker with a watch?
A Time Traveller:D

ozt9vdujny3srf · 22-12-2002 10:34PM

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Becuase he was dead

Why did 2nd the monkey fall out of the tree?

Becuase he though it was a game

Why did the tree fall down?

Becuase it though it was a monkey

Sorry

Lump · 22-12-2002 11:58PM

OMFG, ha ha ha, I'm in bits here, that last one was great. Well Done.

John

p.s. that was my longest reply to a post on humour ever. Be proud.

Runfree · 23-12-2002 08:40AM

Whats pink and fluffy???

Pink Fluff.

Whats blue and fluffy???

Pink fluff holdings its breath.

Srry guys.

ozt9vdujny3srf · 23-12-2002 01:10PM

Originally posted by Lump

p.s. that was my longest reply to a post on humour ever. Be proud.

i am, Lumpeh, I am

ozt9vdujny3srf · 24-12-2002 01:40AM

Horse walks into a bar and the barman says "Why the long face?"

Blonde walks into a bar and says "ouch"

2Blondes walk into a bar, you'd think one of them would have seen it

Once again apologies

Pugsley · 24-12-2002 02:56AM

Originally posted by Runfree
Whats pink and fluffy???

Pink Fluff.

Whats blue and fluffy???

Pink fluff holdings its breath.

Whats green and fluffy?
sick pink fluff

What white and fluffy?
Dead pink fluff

Whats purple and fluffy?
Pink fluff still holdings its breath

Whats orange and fluffy?
Pink fluff with fake tan.

Runfree · 26-12-2002 11:55AM

haha

Pugwash · 26-12-2002 09:43PM

what do you call an intelligent blonde?

a golden retreiver

s0l · 28-12-2002 01:15AM

Hear about the magic tractor? It went down the road and turned into a field.

what does a strawberry and a cherry have in common?
They both can't drive tractors

TinCool · 30-12-2002 05:14PM

What's red and invisible ?
No Tomotoes.

What's green and eats rocks ?
A green rock eater.

What's white and fluffy ?
A cloud.

What do you call a sheep without any legs ?
Easy.

What's brown and sticky ?
A stick.

What's green has six legs, falls out of a tree and kills you ?
A Snooker table.

honeymonster · 30-12-2002 11:16PM

Why do prostitutes wear knickers?

To keep their ankles warm

What did spok see when he looked the toilet?

Captains Log

How do you circumcise a knacker?

Kick his sister in the jaw

Neil3030 · 30-12-2002 11:43PM

Originally posted by honeymonster

What did spok see when he looked the toilet?

Captains Log

LMAO

A baby walks into a bar and sez:

"Shít I'm in the wrong joke"

honeymonster · 14-04-2003 03:45PM

Why do teachers make the best lovers?

Because they will keep on making you do it until you get it right.

Is this true? cause I gots some well fit teachers at me skool

He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches.
- George Bernard Shaw

Dublin University contains the dream of Ireland - rich and thick.
- Samuel Beckett

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde

Scruff · 14-04-2003 04:02PM

Why did the little gril fall off the swing?

Because she had no arms.

Tyrrial · 14-04-2003 04:37PM

what do you call a dog with no back legs and stainless steel balls

sparky!

[Iramus] · 14-04-2003 07:31PM

Why don't blind people go skydiving?
Because it scares the hell out of the dog.

a jumplead walks into a bar. the bartender says "ill serve you but dont start enything"
...sorry.:ninja:

Sangre · 14-04-2003 08:41PM

I swear to God Im a genius at these jokes..... (my own)

I think my book is sick, it might have Texticular cancer.

While im humping my girl in the ear she suddenly stops me,
'Wait! I hear someone coming'

Cant think of anymore atm...

Zukustious · 14-04-2003 09:18PM

What seperates us from the animals?

The Liffey

Laughed my ass off when I heard it.

Sangre · 14-04-2003 09:25PM

You my friend, are what the Spanish call 'el terriblé'

Sangre · 14-04-2003 09:29PM

A Polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'll have a gin...............................and tonic."

The bartender asks, "What's with the big pause?"

The bear says, "I dunno, I've always had them

Rnger · 14-04-2003 09:35PM

There are many versions of this joke. I prefer the little Timmy ones however.

Why did timmy fall down the stairs?
Cuz he has no legs

What did timmy get for christmas?
Cancer

Why did timmy fall of the swing?
Cuz he has no arms

Why did no1 help timmy up?
Cuz no1 loves timmy

Cruel I know

de5p0i1er · 14-04-2003 09:44PM

Whats small red sits in a corner and keeps getting smaller,

A baby with a knife.

Jabbathegut · 18-04-2003 04:08PM

What is Helen Keller's favourite colour?
Corduroy

Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
So she can moan with the other.

2 baby seals walked into a club...

That'll do 4now

KdjaCL · 18-04-2003 04:37PM

To continue the monkey saga:

Whats white and sits in a tree?

A fridge

Whats white and blue and sits in a tree?

A fridge with a denim jacket on

What did tarzan say when he seen a thousand elephants charging towards him ?

"oh look theres a thousand elephants charging towards me"

Best Joke Ever

What do you call a 3 legged Donkey ?

A Wonkey.

kdjac

Drazhar · 18-04-2003 06:23PM

what did Helen Keller do when she fell down the well??

Screamed her hands off

What does Helen Keller's mother do to punish her??

rearrange the furniture

What did the rapist do to helen keller??

broke her fingers so she couldnt tell anyone

(oh careful:eek: )

Ste.phen · 18-04-2003 06:28PM

Originally posted by Pugsley
Whats green and fluffy?
sick pink fluff

What white and fluffy?
Dead pink fluff

Whats purple and fluffy?
Pink fluff still holdings its breath

Whats orange and fluffy?
Pink fluff with fake tan.

Whats black and fluffy?
EVIL pink fluff.

Sorry, thats all i got that doesnt involve dead babies...

frood4t2 · 18-04-2003 07:58PM

Why do witches not wear panties?
Better grip on the broom.

Those Helen Keller jokes are evil! lol

ozt9vdujny3srf · 18-04-2003 08:29PM

A fish swims into a wall and says "dam"

Capt'n Midnight · 18-04-2003 10:18PM

What's Tarzan's favorite car ? Mazda 323

What did Tarzan say say when he saw a herd of a thousand elephants all wearing sunglasses stampeding towards him ?
Nothing - he didn't recognise them !

What did Tarzan do when he saw a herd of a thousand elephants stampeding towards him down the middle of O'Connell street ?
He calmy stepped into a phone box - made a trunk call and reversed the charge.

Capt'n Midnight · 18-04-2003 10:22PM

Boom Boom !

Thanks for reminding me about part two of the joke
(or the only part for those who have never heard of Basil Brush*)

Two elephants and a symbol fall off a cliff

"boom boom tscchhh"

ozt9vdujny3srf · 18-04-2003 11:19PM

Originally posted by Capt'n Midnight
Boom Boom !

pfff the joke is

Two elephants and a symbol fall off a cliff

"boom boom tscchhh"

doesn't make sense otherwise :P

Capt'n Midnight · 19-04-2003 12:59PM

Tut-and-come-ie.

Bad Joke.
What's brown and sits in front of a piano ?
Bethoovens piano stool.

Worse Joke.
What's brown and sits in front of a piano ?
Bethoovens stool.

cujimmy · 19-04-2003 01:34PM

whats brown and sticky?

A stick

Sarky · 19-04-2003 02:42PM

(When suggesting that someone has a low IQ)

"If you had another brain cell you'd bark."

(When suggesting that she might be little promiscuous)

"Like throwing a sausage up O'Connel street."